Against My Better Judgement

[daisy love]

Against my better judgement I am going to ask my question of fellow OW and hope people can be nice.

 

I got into some trouble with my supervisor at work because I was using the computer to surf unauthorized sites. I am very very scared that I might get fired or asked to resign. I can't get into TMI, but if I lose my job I will be in big trouble financially!!

 

My friends and family can't help out if the worse happens. I'm too embarrassed to ask them to. Have any OW asked their AP for financial help? I know he will help me if I ask, but I'm a little scared and embarrassed. What should I do??

 

If you have constructive advise, please help.

[whichwayisup]

I doubt you'll lose your job since this is the first time you've been called out on this.

 

Don't ask your MM for money, that just isn't right..It's taking money away from his wife and family. Borrow from your parents, siblings, a friend. Though hopefully it won't come to that. Again, I doubt you're going to lose your job since this is the first time. It'll be a warning.

 

If anything, start immediately putting feelers out there for another job, just incase..

[daisy love]

This is as constructive as it gets:

 

Stay off unauthorized sites at work and do your job.

 

If you violate your employers use of technology guidelines, you deserve to be fired.

 

Be smart and do your websurfing where it belongs: at home.

That is not what I asked.

[Irishlove]

My MM wants me to ask him for help financially if I need it. Go ahead and ask.

[daisy love]

I doubt you'll lose your job since this is the first time you've been called out on this.

 

Don't ask your MM for money, that just isn't right..It's taking money away from his wife and family. Borrow from your parents, siblings, a friend. Though hopefully it won't come to that. Again, I doubt you're going to lose your job since this is the first time. It'll be a warning.

 

If anything, start immediately putting feelers out there for another job, just incase..

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've been written up this quarter. I won't go into it here. Everyone surfs the net here!! I think this supervisor was looking for a way to get rid of me. Your right about the feelers. I hate this crap job anyway. I'm really scared to tell my love tho. He'll be super pissed that I got caught.

[daisy love]

My MM wants me to ask him for help financially if I need it. Go ahead and ask.

Would you tell him why? I know he will be mad at me if I tell.

[whichwayisup]

Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've been written up this quarter. I won't go into it here. Everyone surfs the net here!! I think this supervisor was looking for a way to get rid of me. Your right about the feelers. I hate this crap job anyway. I'm really scared to tell my love tho. He'll be super pissed that I got caught.

 

Why scared? And honestly, so what if he gets pissed off? You made a mistake and unfortunately, the consquences are high..You might lose your job.

 

I say this with respect, but since you were written up before and still chose to surf unautherized sites, you did bring this on yourself. Fact that others do it too, isn't the case here, they weren't caught, you were. If the supervisor has issues with you, wants to get rid of you, it isn't just for surfing the net.. There has to be another reason. If it IS personal, then involve your HR department.

 

But, since you hate the job anyway, then leaving is a good thing, right? It could be a blessing in disguise.

 

Would you tell him why? I know he will be mad at me if I tell.

 

Are you mad at yourself?

And yes you should tell him why. Why lie?

[jwi71]

Against my better judgement I am going to ask my question of fellow OW and hope people can be nice.

 

Why do you need advice ONLY from OW about WORK?

Are posters who are not OW not able to give WORK advice?

 

I seriously doubt that an OW gives extra-special WORK advice.

 

I got into some trouble with my supervisor at work because I was using the computer to surf unauthorized sites. I am very very scared that I might get fired or asked to resign. I can't get into TMI, but if I lose my job I will be in big trouble financially!!

 

Then don't surf unauthorized sites. Your company has decided that those sites are verboten and surfing them at work comes with consequences.

 

Time to face those consequences.

 

My friends and family can't help out if the worse happens. I'm too embarrassed to ask them to. Have any OW asked their AP for financial help? I know he will help me if I ask, but I'm a little scared and embarrassed. What should I do??

 

He can easily afford it so ask him. The only question I have is WILL he? For him to support his mistress while married opens him to even more legal jeopardy. I can promise you lawyers are REALLY good at sniffing out this sort of thing, they see it all the time. And yes, his W will hire the BEST lawyer her H can afford.

 

In sum, don't break company policy and ask your MM to support you. Last word of caution, for him to support you means you are even MORE dependent upon him.

[RRM]

Yes, you could ask him, but I would seriously ask friends first. If you are too embarassed to tell your friends about your work problems, what kinds of friends are they?

 

I would definitely update my resume and try and get out of there ASAP. I got let go and it sucks. I haven't worked in two years. Thankfully I have support from my boyfriend and my family.

 

Good luck and I'm sorry that you are at such a crappy job. I know how it feels because that's how my last job was and a major reason why I got let go in the first place.

[OWoman]

Daisy, this probably isn't what you want to hear... but part of being a functional adult is accepting the consequences of your actions, and not trying to make them someone else's problem. Asking your BF or anyone else to bail you out of what amounts to your own reckless risk-taking (continuing with banned practices when you're already on a warning for that same behaviour) is not demonstrating that you're prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions. IMO, it would be a major red flag to your BF - if he can't trust you not to take stupid chances in the work environment, how could he trust you not to take stupid chances in any other environment - such as with your R? And if you lie to him, you will only make it so much worse by tossing dishonesty into the mix.

 

In your position, I would speak to my union rep and ask them to pull out all the stops to allow you to keep your job until you can find something else. Dismissal will not enhance your prospects of employment, and won't be a good thing to have on your employment record when there are so many other people out of work through no fault of their own. If that fails, be honest - with friends, family and prospective future employers. Tell them you took a foolish chance and have learned from your mistake - and show them that! No one will want to risk helping out - either by lending money, or by employing you - if there is a chance that you haven't learned from your mistake and that you will engage in future recklessness. You need to show them that you've moved on.

 

Good luck!

[daisy love]

I wasn't written up for that the first time. It was something else I don't feel comfortable disclosing here. Everyone uses the net here. I was the dumb one that got caught. I let my guard down against this supervisor and she found something to bust me for. I have always been a great employee. It's just these two slip ups this quarter.

 

I don't have a union rep, but my supervisor's supervisor likes me. Maybe he'll give me a break this time. I won't have to tell my love what I did then. *fingers crossed*

 

If I get canned, how should I ask him for help? A temporary loan maybe? If I mention that I'm short on cash, he'll give me what I need. I just feel a little weird about it.

[bentnotbroken]

I wasn't written up for that the first time. It was something else I don't feel comfortable disclosing here. Everyone uses the net here. I was the dumb one that got caught. I let my guard down against this supervisor and she found something to bust me for. I have always been a great employee. It's just these two slip ups this quarter.

 

I don't have a union rep, but my supervisor's supervisor likes me. Maybe he'll give me a break this time. I won't have to tell my love what I did then. *fingers crossed*

 

If I get canned, how should I ask him for help? A temporary loan maybe? If I mention that I'm short on cash, he'll give me what I need. I just feel a little weird about it.

 

 

There should be no reason for you to feel weird. I mean soul mates who connect on so many levels should be able to say whatever they need to maintain a healthy relationship. Actually, he should be able to sense what you need...you two are that close right? Unemployment in this economy can be a pain. Owoman gave you excellent advice.

[Heart On]

Why lie to someone you love?

 

Why be afraid of someone you love?

 

Why be so afraid of judgement,unless you know you are in the wrong?

 

Why go against your better judgement in any situation?

 

You don't seem to appreciate truth or consequences much.

 

Is this site authorized or do you never post here when you are at work?

 

If this man loves you so much,I am sure he wouldn't mind supporting you behind his wifes back.After all,he has amazing sex with you behind her back,why would this be worse?

[lovinmylife]

first of all, hello I have been following your story, but felt the need to respond. I would be careful about asking the AP for money. If the wife finds out, in some states, if not all, the wife can come sue you for her half of the money he has given you, especially if she doesnt already know he is cheating. No matter what he tells you about his marriage. Just sayin.

[Spark1111]

Daisy, will he be upset because he is now exposed?

 

Were you contacting him all day long? Logging in to personal email to correspond with him?

 

Companies do take a dim view of surfing sites you shouldn't be on.

 

They take a dimmer view if they discover countless emails or phone calls to maintain a relationship, dimmer if it is with a committed partner.

[mitchell]

Perhaps you should sell the locket he gave you for some cash to survive on until you find another job.

 

Don't ask him for money. You would be taking money from his wife and children. That just wouldn't be right.

 

If you ask him for money, he will bring it to you, leave it on your dresser and then have sex with you. When he leaves, you'll feel like a cheap whore.

[Hazyhead]

Daisy, I don't think you should ask him for money. I don't even think you should take it if he offers. Regardless of the money being taken from his wife it just doesn't feel, to me, like the best thing for you. It's your job; your income; your livelihood; your responsibility. A matter of self-respect.

 

If you're in a job you don't like, do something about it! Take control.

[daisy love]

I wasn't asking SHOULD I ask him for help. I was asking HOW to ask him. Those who have asked their lover for help, what did you say?

 

He's so good to me and gives me gifts all the time. He tells me he likes to take care of me and make me happy. We're both givers!! This would be the first time for me asking. Maybe I'll just mention something and let him offer??

[daisy love]

first of all, hello I have been following your story, but felt the need to respond. I would be careful about asking the AP for money. If the wife finds out, in some states, if not all, the wife can come sue you for her half of the money he has given you, especially if she doesnt already know he is cheating. No matter what he tells you about his marriage. Just sayin.

Hi!

I get what you are saying. BUT I'm pretty sure that if his W wanted to sue me, my love would step in on my behalf.

[Silly_Girl]

Sorry Daisy. I've been financially independent since I was 18, and wouldn't expect anyone to bail me out, so I can't offer advice as to the how.

 

I am a little perplexed because you seem concerned about broaching it but make it sound as though it wouldn't be an issue. If you're close, and determined to ask, just come right out and ask!

[Heart On]

I wasn't asking SHOULD I ask him for help. I was asking HOW to ask him.

He's so good to me and gives me gifts all the time. He tells me he likes to take care of me and make me happy. We're both givers!! This would be the first time for me asking. Maybe I'll just mention something and let him offer??

 

Sounds like you already lost your job.

Tell him what happened and ask him for it.

You can look past alot for him,why wouldn't

he do the same for you?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Daisy, are you an adult?

[daisy love]

Sorry Daisy. I've been financially independent since I was 18, and wouldn't expect anyone to bail me out, so I can't offer advice as to the how.

 

I am a little perplexed because you seem concerned about broaching it but make it sound as though it wouldn't be an issue. If you're close, and determined to ask, just come right out and ask!

Oh! I really don't think it would be an issue!

You see sometimes men like to think it's their idea.

[daisy love]

Daisy, are you an adult?

Are you??

Yes, I am an adult!! A responsible one too but I'm sure you won't think so. See, sometimes things like this can become an opportunity. I want to know from other OW if they have ever seized the opportunity and how it worked out for them. See, he's talked before about getting an apt here. This could be that opportunity if presented right.

[26pointblue]

first of all, hello I have been following your story, but felt the need to respond. I would be careful about asking the AP for money. If the wife finds out, in some states, if not all, the wife can come sue you for her half of the money he has given you, especially if she doesnt already know he is cheating. No matter what he tells you about his marriage. Just sayin.

 

Sorry to point this out, but this is not true. Not in my state or to my knowledge anyway- if I'm wrong, please point out the law that allows for this, I would be very enlightened.

 

I do agree it is wrong to take money that is supposed to be used to support his legal wife & children [if any children]. While he is still married to her [without a separation agreement], that money belongs to him & her, not him & you. I'm not saying it's illegal but I feel it is immoral for him to support you while he is married, unless he is super rich & can afford it. So as not to be a hyprocrite, I'll say that my xMM paid for pretty much everything we did- drinks for me & my friends, dinners, vacations, sometimes massages or spa treatments for me & my friends even when he wasn't there, etc. But he could easily afford to do it & he was not 'supporting' me as in paying my bills. So I would say it depends on how financially well off he is but it wouldn't be right for his wife or kids to go without because he is paying your bills. Also I don't think you should depend on him to support your livelihood . . . go out & find a new job ASAP so taht you don't have to be in this position. Good luck.