Against My Better Judgement

[Heart On]

A responsible one too but I'm sure you won't think so. See, sometimes things like this can become an opportunity. I want to know from other OW if they have ever seized the opportunity and how it worked out for them. See, he's talked before about getting an apt here. This could be that opportunity if presented right.

 

This sounds alot like a hidden agenda and an opportunity to

manipulate him into something that you want.The plot thickens.

 

 

Sorry to point this out, but this is not true. Not in my state or to my knowledge anyway- if I'm wrong, please point out the law that allows for this, I would be very enlightened.

 

http://cornellsun.com/node/42043

 

 

BUT I'm pretty sure that if his W

wanted to sue me, my love would

step in on my behalf.

 

If that was true,he'd have already

divorced her to be with you full time.

 

He certainly has you mentally locked in.

How I remember the 'daze'.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Are you??

Yes, I am an adult!! A responsible one too but I'm sure you won't think so. See, sometimes things like this can become an opportunity. I want to know from other OW if they have ever seized the opportunity and how it worked out for them. See, he's talked before about getting an apt here. This could be that opportunity if presented right.

 

You do express yourself like a young teen; that's why I asked.

 

See, now you're presenting this situation from a completely different angle than you did in your OP. See, you started out by asking whether other mistresses got financial aid from the married guys they were "doing." That's a lot different than "seizing an opportunity" (made possible by your own misbehavior at work) do do ... what? Manipulate him into supporting you financially?

 

See?

[whichwayisup]

I noticed you never answered any of my questions, why are you scared to tell him the truth of why you *might* be fired? You also said he'd be angry at you too. Are you afraid to tell him incase he judges you, and maybe distances himself from you?

 

I'm not sure if you can ask the guy for money and not tell him why. Why start hiding stuff from him now since you seem pretty straight forward.

 

OWoman gave you awesome advice, btw.

[daisy love]

I noticed you never answered any of my questions, why are you scared to tell him the truth of why you *might* be fired? You also said he'd be angry at you too. Are you afraid to tell him incase he judges you, and maybe distances himself from you?

 

I'm not sure if you can ask the guy for money and not tell him why. Why start hiding stuff from him now since you seem pretty straight forward.

 

OWoman gave you awesome advice, btw.

I answered that I didn't feel comfortable answering here. Please respect that.

[whichwayisup]

I answered that I didn't feel comfortable answering here. Please respect that.

 

I didn't see that response, I must have missed that part of your reply.

[daisy love]

You do express yourself like a young teen; that's why I asked.

 

See, now you're presenting this situation from a completely different angle than you did in your OP. See, you started out by asking whether other mistresses got financial aid from the married guys they were "doing." That's a lot different than "seizing an opportunity" (made possible by your own misbehavior at work) do do ... what? Manipulate him into supporting you financially?

 

See?

I have a bit of ADD. When I get overwhelmed, I get a bit flusttered to. Plus, I don't have time to sit in front of a computer and post all day. I have to post when I have a break. Lucky I don't post in txtspk!!

 

It was pointed out to me that the incident at work might be a blessing in disguise. I want to take advantage if it is. I'd be silly not to!!

[daisy love]

I didn't see that response, I must have missed that part of your reply.

Ok. No hard feelings.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

 

It was pointed out to me that the incident at work might be a blessing in disguise. I want to take advantage if it is. I'd be silly not to!!

 

I believe that was meant in the sense that since you "hate" your job, now you will be forced to move on ... not that now your affair partner will be forced to get you an apartment. But if he will, go for it. I think that married guys should "keep" their mistresses financially. Being financially responsible for two households, or more, might be good for them.

 

You have a credit card from him - can't you just get a cash advance from that?

[Garrgoil]

Against my better judgement

 

"Better" than what, exactly?

[Got it]

I agree, I would have to be in dire straits to take money from him especially if the termination was tied to my behavior.

 

Having two write ups in a three month time period is a big deal. It is. I am not sure what sites you were looking at but I suspect it was more than personal email. So termination would err on what type of sites it was, if it was pornography type sites than you are more likely to be let go.

 

If I was you I would go fall my supervisor's good graces, apologize, and proactively address any and all issues and solutions on how you are going to implement change and maybe you will save your job.

 

It was never MM's role to financially support me. It was my responsibility to do so.

[whichwayisup]

I hope you can answer this.

 

Reverse the situation..For whatever reason, your MM loses his job. He asks you for money (either borrow or since you two are "lovers", just give it to him, no expectation of paying you back?) Or, would you wonder why ..Be reserved, curious as to where the money is going to go? To his wife? Go to his kids?

[Carrot2000]

He's wealthy, right? Hell yeah, I'd ask for money! If he loves you as much as he says he does, it won't be a problem for him. Just tell him you unexpectedly lost your job and could use his help until you find something else. Unemployment is so high right now that he probably won't even ask why you're out of work.

[Carrot2000]

Is this really an answer?

 

It isn't just "his" money to give away.

 

And if the OP is irresponsible, then this is the best way to teach responsibility at the lowest common denominator.

 

He will know if he bails her out once, he's going to bail her out again...and again...

 

People having the means doesn't equal entitlement...

 

MM isn't entitled to cheat, but he's doing it and has been for 5 years. Daisy feels she's in a relationship, and people in a relationship help each other out, right?

 

Daisy's having an affair with a married man; the situation is already at the lowest common denominator. All values concerning the sanctity of marriage have already gone out of the window, so not asking for money is not going to give Daisy some kind of redemption.

 

MM is already spending his family's resources on her anyway.

[whichwayisup]

Hi!

I get what you are saying. BUT I'm pretty sure that if his W wanted to sue me, my love would step in on my behalf.

 

I missed this one.

 

Are you 100% absolutely sure he would protect you, side with you if his wife decided to sue you? I'm not being a smartass, really I'm not. Because if you really do believe that and have no doubts, sadly your world is going to fall apart if he doesn't live up to your expectations of him.

[daisy love]

I hope you can answer this.

 

Reverse the situation..For whatever reason, your MM loses his job. He asks you for money (either borrow or since you two are "lovers", just give it to him, no expectation of paying you back?) Or, would you wonder why ..Be reserved, curious as to where the money is going to go? To his wife? Go to his kids?

If I had the means, of course I would give it to him.

[daisy love]

Is this really an answer?

 

It isn't just "his" money to give away.

 

And if the OP is irresponsible, then this is the best way to teach responsibility at the lowest common denominator.

 

He will know if he bails her out once, he's going to bail her out again...and again...

 

People having the means doesn't equal entitlement...

I resent your accusation. Two slip ups during one stressful quarter do not make me irresponsible as a person. Your assumption that he will have to bail me out is silly. As I said before, he gives me gifts, but not once in out relationship have I asked him for money. If I need help now, it will be of his free will.

[daisy love]

I missed this one.

 

Are you 100% absolutely sure he would protect you, side with you if his wife decided to sue you? I'm not being a smartass, really I'm not. Because if you really do believe that and have no doubts, sadly your world is going to fall apart if he doesn't live up to your expectations of him.

I'm not sure where you are coming from on this. Anything she would sue me for would be paid by him as part of the D settlement.

[bentnotbroken]

I'm not sure where you are coming from on this. Anything she would sue me for would be paid by him as part of the D settlement.

 

 

Can anybody guess the next step in this drama?

[Mme. Chaucer]

See, sometimes things like this can become an opportunity. I want to know from other OW if they have ever seized the opportunity and how it worked out for them. See, he's talked before about getting an apt here. This could be that opportunity if presented right.

 

Please elucidate how you construe potentially losing your job as an "opportunity" with this married man.

 

An "opportunity" to have his full financial support, so you don't have to work anymore? Are you interested in becoming a fully "kept" woman?

 

Honestly, I don't understand how this can be seen as any kind of "opportunity" with regards to your affair, though I can see it as an opportunity to get the kick in the rear you evidently need to get rid of a job you hate and perhaps to find one that is more suitable, and where you will be willing to follow the rules in order to keep it. But that's just about you - nothing to do with your affair with a married guy.

[Hazyhead]

Are you??

Yes, I am an adult!! A responsible one too but I'm sure you won't think so. See, sometimes things like this can become an opportunity. I want to know from other OW if they have ever seized the opportunity and how it worked out for them. See, he's talked before about getting an apt here. This could be that opportunity if presented right.

 

Ah, I'm with you now. Perfect chance for you to be seemingly down-and-out and in he canters on his white steed ready to elbow his wife off the back and hoist you into her place? Interesting theory.

 

Even though my head is screaming for you to take care of yourself, I think you actually want to lose your job so that you can play the damsel.

[Lucky_One]

You have said before that he despises his wife for her inability to handle money. And you apparently have zero savings and zero assets to fall back on, if you were to lose your job or become sick.

 

I personally would NEVER ask my MM for money, especially in this case. You are proving to him that you are no better than his fat, ugly, money-grubbing wife (as you have described her).

 

But your verbage on this issue is actually a bit clearer now - with the "opportunity" of him getting an apartment so you could live there rent-free, and your earlier assertion that he is hiding marital assets from his wife so that he could "provide for all of you" when he divorces.

 

Daisy, this is not a blessing in disguise to have someone support you; it may be a kick in the pants to go get a job you like. But having to rely on someone else for your living expenses? No way. Polish up your resume, and start looking for a job. Doing ANYTHING (legal).

[herenow]

What I don't understand is why he isn't aware of what is going on in your life already. Why didn't you share your work issues with him when you got the first reprimand?

 

You say you are his primary love and you are both 100% invested in your relationship. If I was having issues at work, the first person I would talk to would be my H.

 

If you are both in love, and plan to be together, why is this even an issue? Why aren't you sharing these things with him in the first place?

[2sure]

It is always a wonder to me that OW have any issue at all about asking for help of any kind including financial from a MM that they are having a long term primary type affair with.

 

If he is your main relationship....wouldnt you help your partner with anything they needed? OW sacrifice and accommodate a lot in their relationships with MM.

 

MM , since he has the restrictions as far as time, answering to someone , etc...should sacrifice and accommodate OW in the ways he CAN. Often the best way to show he cares is to help you out financially. This he does and would do for any woman that he cares about...especially when he is so invested and your relationship with him is his primary concern.

 

Even an independent OW should definitely accept gifts and assistance only because like I said..often that is the best and most discreet tangible way he has available to actively show he cares and makes you a priority.

 

But, it does seem like whenever an OW accepts any gift of real value or of the financial nature she is seen as "paid" or a prostitute. Thats just so ridiculous.

[herenow]

It is always a wonder to me that OW have any issue at all about asking for help of any kind including financial from a MM that they are having a long term primary type affair with.

 

 

My point is: If they are as close, in love and committed as she says they are, why isn't he aware of the problem already? Why the need to ask for assistance in how to talk to a man who supposedly loves and cares about her so much? Shouldn't he already know what is happening in her life? Shouldn't he already be helping her get through this rough patch, even if just emotionally?

[Rose1977]

Daisy, if he has offered you his credit card to use for spa days I think he would help you if you were to lose your job. As for how to ask him, I think honesty is the only way to go about it. Tell him the truth about what happened with your job and tell him that you need some help until you find a new job. That's really all you can do.

 

I do know what it's like to be with a man with money. My ex-H was an attorney, and my current BF has a high -profile job with a financial institution. One thing I have learned is how important it is to still be able to provide for yourself. You NEVER know what will happen. Even though I am a BGF, one of the people you don't want advice from, you and I are kind of in the same boat. You live with uncertainty that your MM will leave, and I live never being 100% certain that my BF won't cheat again. I live a lifestyle right now that I could NEVER afford on my own. The most important thing I learned from my divorce and being cheated on was that we as women need to be financially independent. After Dday, I set myself up to be financially independent so that if he cheated again I could afford to leave him and get my own apartment.

 

If you need help, it seems you have no one else to ask but your MM, so you should just lay it on the line and ask him. It's scary to be without money. I've been there. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is get some savings built up so that you can be self-sufficient and never find yourself in this position again. Maybe you can get a second job on the weekends waitressing or something. That is a quick way to make extra cash that you can put in the bank.