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My girlfriend confesses about kissing another guy a year before...

roadrunner78

By roadrunner78,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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roadrunner78

roadrunner78

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i am now 3 years in a relationship...we have had one of the best relationships...both of us love each other deeply. But today when i made a joke that i will cheat on her on my next trip to Switzerland she suddenly confessed about kissing a guy. He is not just any guy but another very close friend of mine, sm1 who i really look upto as my mentor. She said she was doing an internship with him and therefore spent a long time with him...she said she was also missing me and therefore one time at his place studying they kissed. She does not say who started the kiss on anything, that it was a very long tome ago (a year) she dies not really remember exactly...she was feeling very guilty and started crying...promising that she will never do anything like that again...i am devastated...we had the perfect relationship!...i dont know what to do now...should i forgive her or leave her....plz help me...i am in need of genuine advice.

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Chi townD

Chi townD

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She was alone at his place and the only thing they did was kiss? right....

 

The one thing you'll learn about cheater's is that they never tell the truth without concrete proof. They'll only tell you the bear minimum to lessen the blow.

 

I think you need to think long and hard on this my friend. I believe you are not getting the whole story here.

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Bryanp

Bryanp

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I think you need to reread Chi Town D and what he said. My guess it was only the tip of the iceberg. They never tell you the whole truth at the beginning. So if your girlfriend is missing you and alone with a man she works for then it is acceptable for her to mess around with another guy? This does not make sense. You did not cheat but she did. What does that tell you. I am sorry but she sounds very untrustworthy.

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roadrunner78

roadrunner78

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hey...thanx a lot guyz for your advice...i did ask her again what really happened...i talked to her properly and with love and care whether anything more had happened...i also asked her who started the kiss...she confessed under pressure that it was the guy (my friend) who kissed her first...she did return the kiss but she hated it and ended it quickly when she came to her senses...but she did say that after those long working hours in the internship she was attracted to him for that particular period...she keeps crying and begging for forgiveness, that it happened a year ago and she loves me only no1 else, that she cannot live without me...what must i do now?..i love her dearly...but how do i make sure it will not happen again...we were planning th get engaged next year!...

Has she told me everything or do you guys think there is more to this incident?...plz advice.

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Bryanp

Bryanp

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It sounds like she is in damage control. I am sorry but something does not seem right about this story. Since this so called friend was a mentor of yours why not call him up and discuss it with him. Just call him and tell him that she confessed to you about everything that happened and see if you can trick him into telling you what really happened.

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PerpetualMotion

PerpetualMotion

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So, at first, it was just a kiss and she didn't remember who started it. Now she remembers who started it, plus she confesses that she was attracted to him. If it was him who started the kiss, why didn't she say that before? Because she didn't remember? Yeah right...

 

I agree that it sounds like she is in damage control.

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purplepanda

purplepanda

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Everyone deserves a second chance...if the same thing happened to you, what would you want her to do?

 

if it was just a kiss, then okay. she knows she crossed the line. She waited forever, yes.

 

If you haven't been a cheater yourself, a cheater AND in love that is, then you don't really know what crosses your mind. You want to forget it happened. You don't want to lose them. Sometimes if it's meaningless, people wait FOREVER, then bring it up and it only ends up hurting the relationship.

 

there are two sides to view... it's your choice. Do you feel in your heart that she loves you? It was that one time, and only a kiss? Do you know you can trust she won't do it again? Then okay.

As for your "friend"... don't let them be around each other, that's all I have to say.

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Memphis Raines

Memphis Raines

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i am now 3 years in a relationship...we have had one of the best relationships...both of us love each other deeply. But today when i made a joke that i will cheat on her on my next trip to Switzerland she suddenly confessed about kissing a guy.

 

first of all, why the hell would you joke about something like that??

 

secondly, they did more than kiss.

 

should i forgive her or leave her

 

forgive her? I wouldn't. But even if I forgave, I'd still leave her. you'll never be able to trust her now.

 

ditch her and have fun in Switzerland!!

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Treetops1969

Treetops1969

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sorry but all the previous posters sound like jealous ditched guys to me!

 

She confessed, she apologised, she said she loves you. It was a long time ago. I'm guessing she has no contact with the guy now. I'm guessing your relationship is different and perhaps more committed than it was in previous years. It sounds to me like she made a mistake and has regretted it ever since.

 

Its up to you to decide whether you can trust her now, considering how much pain she is with this now why would she do it again?

 

Only you will know in your heart. Give yourself some time perhaps to think about it and reflect before you make any decisions.

 

Best of luck

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Darren Taylor

Darren Taylor

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sorry but all the previous posters sound like jealous ditched guys to me!

 

She confessed, she apologised, she said she loves you. It was a long time ago. I'm guessing she has no contact with the guy now. I'm guessing your relationship is different and perhaps more committed than it was in previous years. It sounds to me like she made a mistake and has regretted it ever since.

 

Its up to you to decide whether you can trust her now, considering how much pain she is with this now why would she do it again?

 

Only you will know in your heart. Give yourself some time perhaps to think about it and reflect before you make any decisions.

 

Best of luck

 

 

:laugh: It was no mistake. She made a conscious decision, and yes there was more than kissing. She f*cked him. And I question the integrity of all the female posters that are defending her.

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Memphis Raines

Memphis Raines

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sorry but all the previous posters sound like jealous ditched guys to me!

 

why? because we simply won't put up with betrayal?

 

 

She confessed, she apologised, she said she loves you.

 

oh well, in that case. as long as she said so:rolleyes:

 

 

It was a long time ago.

 

it was a year

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John Michael Kane

John Michael Kane

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sorry but all the previous posters sound like jealous ditched guys to me!

 

Let's not get on you about how you sound.:rolleyes::p:laugh:

 

She confessed, she apologised, she said she loves you. It was a long time ago. I'm guessing she has no contact with the guy now. I'm guessing your relationship is different and perhaps more committed than it was in previous years. It sounds to me like she made a mistake and has regretted it ever since.

 

Its up to you to decide whether you can trust her now, considering how much pain she is with this now why would she do it again?

 

Only you will know in your heart. Give yourself some time perhaps to think about it and reflect before you make any decisions.

 

Best of luck

 

^^^^^

 

OP this type of advice will get you in trouble. Dump the broad and lose the "friend" after you sock him in the face one good time.

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John Michael Kane

John Michael Kane

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Everyone deserves a second chance...if the same thing happened to you, what would you want her to do?

 

Everyone doesn't deserve a second chance in certain situations nor is he obligated to give her one.

 

if it was just a kiss, then okay. she knows she crossed the line. She waited forever, yes.

 

What do you mean it was just a kiss? That doesn't mean she didn't cheat and from what OP said she's been lying to him about the details, like all cheaters do. And what do you mean about her waiting forever?:confused:

 

If you haven't been a cheater yourself, a cheater AND in love that is, then you don't really know what crosses your mind.

 

No cheater can cheat and be in love. You must be reading too many Zane novels.

 

You want to forget it happened. You don't want to lose them. Sometimes if it's meaningless, people wait FOREVER, then bring it up and it only ends up hurting the relationship.

 

Right....:cool:

 

there are two sides to view... it's your choice. Do you feel in your heart that she loves you? It was that one time, and only a kiss? Do you know you can trust she won't do it again? Then okay.

 

Sorry your dubbed down view of a cheater is too small and childish at best. Someone who cheats shows they don't love their partner and if they continue lying to them about details that's even worse.

 

As for your "friend"... don't let them be around each other, that's all I have to say.

 

He needs to get rid of both of them.

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PerpetualMotion

PerpetualMotion

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sorry but all the previous posters sound like jealous ditched guys to me!

Yeah, that can be the only explanation. :rolleyes:

 

She confessed, she apologised, she said she loves you. It was a long time ago. I'm guessing she has no contact with the guy now. I'm guessing your relationship is different and perhaps more committed than it was in previous years. It sounds to me like she made a mistake and has regretted it ever since.

 

Its up to you to decide whether you can trust her now, considering how much pain she is with this now why would she do it again?

 

Only you will know in your heart. Give yourself some time perhaps to think about it and reflect before you make any decisions.

 

Best of luck

First of all, that's a lot of guessing, don't you think?

 

Anyway, I would actually agree with you if it wasn't for the fact that she was reluctant in telling who kissed first. At first, she couldn't remember, but after the OP insisted on this, she finally answered that it was the guy who made the first move. Let's just say that her reluctance makes me reluctant in believing that she's told the entire truth. But that's just my opinion.

 

I didn't say if OP should dump her or not in my previous post and I'm not going to do it now. I am of the opinion, however, that for the OP to make an informed decision, he deserves to know what actually happened.

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jnj express

jnj express

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What you do about the future of your relationship is up to you

 

You don't really know what happened for sure, cept that she disrespected you by 1st being alone with him, and 2nd kissing or more with him

 

Your trust is gone, and may take a long time to return, if ever---so do you wanna, now be in a relationship, where you are always looking over your shoulder

 

She has looked you in the eyes for a full year and said everything was good---therefore she has lied to you by OMMISSION, for a full year---what else is she lying about

 

No matter what---DO NOT GET ENGAGED TO THIS WOMAN

 

Take plenty of time, read all you can about how to deal with situations like this, and go from there

 

You have to know one thing---you will never be able to control what she does, you should have been able to trust her, now you can't---BUT ---you also don't wanna be her parole officer the rest of your life either

 

Take your time and decide what YOU want---this isn't about her---it's your future you are deciding

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DatingFundas

DatingFundas

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If you really believe her and trust her dat she wont do d same thing again and also shez really sorry then sometimes in life u ve to let go off somethings......trust me and trsut her as well.....adios.....:)

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Treetops1969

Treetops1969

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To be honest I became interested in this post because I am in a similar position to this poster myself. (I've posted in the long distance section).

 

My BF has confessed to kissing his ex when he bumped into her again just under a year ago and has said that they almost 'went for it' but one of the kids walked in (not sure when this happened). He told her all along that he loved me.

 

He has been full of remorse since I confronted him and has now told her that he doesnt want to see her again (difficult because they have a child together and she will not allow him to see the child without her) and that he doesnt love her he loves me.

 

He lives 300 miles away and was planning to move to be with me over the summer. He has another son who lives with him and he was going to uproot him to come live with him close to me and build a family with us (I have 2 sons).

 

I swing between 'once a cheat always a cheat' and he's made a mistake and is sorry and is begging forgiveness and I love him and he loves me. So I can empathise with this guy. Its confusing!

 

But sincerely looking on from the outside your girlfriend sounds very very sorry and wants only you. She has made a mistake, its up to you how you punish her or let her know that cheating cant be tolerated if you decide to stay with her. And equally up to you if you decide that you cant trust her again and cant let the deceit go.

 

As for me Im not sure what I'm going to to do yet. Its especially confusing as there are children involved in my case.

 

Good luck and keep us posted!

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Memphis Raines

Memphis Raines

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I swing between 'once a cheat always a cheat' and he's made a mistake and is sorry and is begging forgiveness and I love him and he loves me. So I can empathise with this guy. Its confusing!

 

ok, so you have thoughts of once a cheat always a cheat, but then insult those who won't put up with betrayal? ok:confused:

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