loverboy1984 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Some of you may already know my story. Basically my ex of 6yrs broke up with me 2 months ago because I made her chose after she asked for space. She still loves me and I love her too. I was devastated but feeling alot better now. Anyways she was close to my family and lived with us for a bit. Everyone thought we would end up together. So as part of NC i have deleted her on FB but shes still friends with my family and relatives and I hear she comments back and forth with them casually. Also on Mothers day she texted my mom. I dont know if this means anything but I know that If I was the one who broke up with her it would look wierd if I kept in touch with her family. Does this mean anything? Link to post Share on other sites
Still Searching Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I don't have an answer as to the meaning behind it, but my ex is doing the same crap. Sent my mom a Mother's Day card with a sappy message. Not even my mom thinks she really wrote it for her. She wrote it to make herself feel better, and to possibly keep some sort of "connection" with me. Your case may be different. If everyone was close, as you say, she probably genuinely misses them. Even if that's the case, it still is a bit selfish, in my mind, as it still messes with your head (if it didn't, you wouldn't have posted, right?) Like you said, it would be weird of me to keep in contact with my ex's family, and so I don't. As much as I miss them, I accept that they, along with their daughter, are no longer a part of my life, by her choice. Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverboy1984 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 thanks for your reply. I want my ex back and I never really found out why we broke up so when I see shes acting like nothing happened it confuses me. I know she doesnt want to burn bridges, and my family has done nothing but good things for her and she respects them, but all that was part of the package which included me. I dont want to end up a friend, whose family is friendly with her. No I dont think there should be any grudges but to me its all or nothing. I just think she hasnt accepted the break up and is taking a break because thats what she wanted and I pushed her to break up. I think I will know the real answer in a couple weeks when we are both done with school and not busy and cant talk. For now Im in NC 2 months strong and working at my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Still Searching Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I'm in agreement with your attitude. I don't want that scenario played out in my life either. My family has been nothing but good to her in every way, and I don't blame her for missing them, but like you said, it's all or nothing. I'm part of that family. Good on you for sticking to NC. I stuck to it for 3 weeks with minimal problems, and felt I was truly moving on, until she reached out. Foolishly I engaged in conversation for about a week, and it set me back, despite the thought that I was too far removed and it wouldn't affect me anymore. Keep working on YOU, like you mentioned. I've been doing the same, and although lonely at times, am happy with things, and thankful for everything/everyone around me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverboy1984 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 Hang in there I remember when I was at the stage your at and it was really tough I have had many relapses since but today happen to be the best day for me. I was in the best mood ever. So they are right when they say it gets better. As far as my situation goes, I love her and everyone around me does to, but Thats a part of a life we shared. I cannot discount myself for anyone. She can come back to this and she has to work to mend the damages caused but It will be worth it for her and us. I have a feeling my situation will work out. Im not counting on it by I think these are all good signs. And if not then I have alot to offer someone who can genuinely appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
WiselyNaive Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 same thing happened with me..i think back to my previous relationship...& how i used to like all the statuses and picture my exes siblings posted on fb anytime i saw them id be overly nice i rarely saw his mom but when i did i was overly nice and excited as was she lol....but i did it cause i wanted my ex and he did not want me ...idk why in my head i thought being nice to them would make a difference i guess i thought they would go back to my ex and say hey why did u guys break up she is so nice..lol now looking back on it , it was so foolish and probably made no difference...i never went out of my way to text any1 tho but i never had their numbers so i don't know if i would have...i try not to get to close to families of exes...the most i did besides the fb stuff was send a happy birthday greeting through my ex himself when we were on talking terms..i never went so far as to contact them alternatively but as i said i dont get close to families...but the times i did reach out my intentions were those my recent ex texted my mother both easter & mothers day though we havent spoken in 2 months..it bothers me alot..idk his reasoning...he tried to be close to her when we dated but it never really happened so idk if his reasons r the same as mine were , or if he is just tryna bug me..my mom has never initiated contact with my ex except for one time when she was mad at something he did and spoke to him about it...has ur family ever initiated contact with urs? b4 or after the breakup?... there was a large difference in how i treated "families" in those 2 relationships tho although i didnt reach out that much to my first exes mother its because i really had no means too but i was fond of the little time i did reach out to her...the first ex was my first love with whom i was in in love, the second ex i loved but not the same..but i am very hurt its over...but i never tried to be too close to his mother..i was very insensitive to the mom thing i spent more time with her than my first loves mom...she cooked for me we spoke she was nice , she had me over...you could say i had alot more reason to be closer to her but i didnt bother idk y..infact we broke up on her birthday never wished her a happy birthday...and i didnt even think about wishing her a happy mothers day infact it only crossed my mind as i was writing this...i dont really know what was so different..as to why i dont care to say anything to his mom...but i feel this is NC...there is no need for it...although i am starting to feel guilty about how insensitive i might appear to his mother at this point..yikes..and the fact that i havent said a word to his mom has nothing to do with him..i still love him and part of me wants him but a larger part knows he did me really bad and i dont need him..i never really connected the two in this relationship..mom&son that is..maybe because i cared less i hope my examples help at all..lol this post gave me some insight myself...maybe texting his mother may have just been a nice thing to do to show that im not as bad as i jus realized i might look...maybe if i had her number n had this epiphany yesterday i might have texted....out of "respect"...this post may have just confused you..sorry. lol Link to post Share on other sites
ramathorne Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 My GF of 3 yrs dumped me 6 weeks ago. I'm still in contact with her family. In my situation I am still in contact with ex's family. I am very good friends with her brothers, and we are still able to act the same around each other. Great guys, great friends. Her mother and father actually emailed me saying that they do not want to fall out of contact with me, and that I will always have a special spot in their hearts. I emailed her mother on mother's day because It's not weird for me or for her. I saw her mother today as well and she was ecstatic to see me. She hasn't made much attempt to stay in contact with my family. She knows better. They are all pissed off at her for the way she ended it with me, and for the way she is acting now. And my family doesn't hold grudges. I think that the dumpee is more apt to keep in touch with the family than the dumper. It would be awkward I think for the dumper to stay in touch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loverboy1984 Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 Thank you both for your stories.... well I was tempted to say happy mothers day to her family but thought it would be awkward and it would put them in a weird position so I didnt. Keep in mind I was dumped yet she is still in contact. Im hoping shes trying to keep the door open for herself because she was basically part of my family and I feel like she wants to come back to that and needs time to grow a bit, which is why she wanted a break which I didnt allow. My family has always told her she is welcome even if shes not with me, yet they were hurt when she broke up with me. They saw me break down, and they saw me in my darkest moment. I lost so much weight and hair after this, also because Im in grad school and have an important exam that my life depends on coming up. I just hope that all this is a good sign. I never got closure or a reason to why this happened. I think in a couple weeks at 2.5 months NC I can resolve it. Link to post Share on other sites
nana841121 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 This is an individual thing. no standard answer to the motivation behind her behaviors. Link to post Share on other sites
vsmini Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 After my ex dumped me I sent a Christmas card to his family which we had exchanged in the past....since I thought I was close with them I thought I would send them a Christmas card - not as a way of getting attention but just a nice gesture. After not getting one in return or getting a thank you email from the mom or dad (which I always got after every card I've ever sent) I realized that they didn't want me coming into their lives at all. Who knows - maybe he told them I dumped and cheated on him so they think I'm the jerk. I got the hint and never tried to communicate with them. It's not worth it and I don't want to creep them out. Link to post Share on other sites
nana841121 Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 After my ex dumped me I sent a Christmas card to his family which we had exchanged in the past....since I thought I was close with them I thought I would send them a Christmas card - not as a way of getting attention but just a nice gesture. After not getting one in return or getting a thank you email from the mom or dad (which I always got after every card I've ever sent) I realized that they didn't want me coming into their lives at all. Who knows - maybe he told them I dumped and cheated on him so they think I'm the jerk. I got the hint and never tried to communicate with them. It's not worth it and I don't want to creep them out. i think what you did is a good gesture showing your honesty and courtesy. we can't control others'thought about us. so we can only do whatever is right according to our own judgement. and i am at your side. Link to post Share on other sites
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