Breezy Trousers Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 My anecdotal evidence from the polyamorous community is that some persons (more women than men that I have heard of) who are interested in a sexual relationship with a MM (or MW) become disinterestedwhen it is revealed that the love interest actually is in an open marriage and thus available. For some persons sex is a taboo act, or - it would seem - much more exciting when it is a taboo act in any case. Fascinating! Relevant to this conversation, too. Polyamorous people also came up with the term "New Relationship Energy," which has been a helpful concept for me: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_relationship_energy Link to post Share on other sites
crazycatlady Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Fascinating! Relevant to this conversation, too. Polyamorous people also came up with the term "New Relationship Energy," which has been a helpful concept for me: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_relationship_energy Good article on the concept. Link to post Share on other sites
thissecretgirl Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 The point I'm trying to make is that these would be love interests didn't know that it was an open marriage. They wanted an affair. They were NOT interested when they discovered it could all be had ethically. It has nothing to do with polyamory. Polyamory just brings this particular preference to light. But its based on people in a Polyamory community. It would have everything to do with it from my perspective. I had an affair, it doesnt mean I am polyamorous; far from it. I wouldnt want to be in a Polyamorous relationship for many reasons and none of them to do with the fact it legitimises or makes it 'ethical'. I think if there was a study that was across more 'mainstream' type relationships the preference that you refer to being bought to light, might have more merit. To me Polyamory would have everything to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkInTheLimo Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 It is always much more fun to drive a brand new car than a very old car. We usually desire with more intensity what is not easily available. That has nothing to do with it. With some people the sex is simply better, whether you are married with them or not. It's about sexual compatibility. If it is not there, it will be difficult to remain faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 The point I'm trying to make is that these would be love interests didn't know that it was an open marriage. They wanted an affair. They were NOT interested when they discovered it could all be had ethically. It has nothing to do with polyamory. Polyamory just brings this particular preference to light. Very true. Some people actually get off on the lying and deception. They are not happy unless they are screwing somebody else over. It's like little kids who got off on doing something they weren't supposed to do. People should have outgrown this mentality by the time they were old enough to drink. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 The point I'm trying to make is that these would be love interests didn't know that it was an open marriage. They wanted an affair. They were NOT interested when they discovered it could all be had ethically. It has nothing to do with polyamory. Polyamory just brings this particular preference to light. But its based on people in a Polyamory community. It would have everything to do with it from my perspective. I had an affair, it doesnt mean I am polyamorous; far from it. I wouldnt want to be in a Polyamorous relationship for many reasons and none of them to do with the fact it legitimises or makes it 'ethical'. I think if there was a study that was across more 'mainstream' type relationships the preference that you refer to being bought to light, might have more merit. To me Polyamory would have everything to do with it. TSG, I think you are missing the point that holding-on is making, or at least what I take from the post. She is right, it wasn't about polyamory at all. It was about the mindset of the people wanting the affair. Had absolutely nothing to do with being polyamorous being the cause of cheating as it seems that you have taken it as. Some people want nothing to do with a relationship with a poly person because they need the thrill of "ownership" of "taking" someone from another. They wouldn't get that if the person was in an open marriage. They wouldn't get the angry phone call because everything is out in the open and on the level. Holding-On is right, that mindset has nothing to do with polyamory but everything to do with the twisted mindset of some would-be OPs. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts