Can we talk about A sex????

[bentnotbroken]

The immaturity. Damn shame folks get off on sick behavior.

 

 

I think HN is agreeing with you JMK.

[2sure]

We all did, he just doesnt realize it because we didnt say it graphically.

[John Michael Kane]

We all did, he just doesnt realize it because we didnt say it graphically.

 

Nah not really. That's all you ranting off about it.

[John Michael Kane]

No it's a literary cliche--"stolen moments" sounds like a line of Harlequin Romances pertaining to cheating women.

 

No originality here at all.

 

Yea true.

[herenow]

Yea true.

 

Please try to understand the context of "stolen moments". It was used literally. As in moments stolen from his wife.

 

Listen honey, we are agreeing with you, we are just being a bit more subtle. I'm at a loss for why you are trying to insult us. Or, maybe I just don't get it.

[John Michael Kane]

Please try to understand the context of "stolen moments". It was used literally. As in moments stolen from his wife.

 

I know the term but it's corny. Only deception and lies.

 

Listen honey, we are agreeing with you, we are just being a bit more subtle. I'm at a loss for why you are trying to insult us. Or, maybe I just don't get it.

 

Yea you probably aren't getting it because I don't even know where did I "insult" you.

[Spark1111]

For many, the stolen moments, the anticipation, the taboo, the secrecy are all a huge part of the affair "high."

 

When exposed to the light of day, or living together day in and day out, a lot of affairs go pssssssssst.

 

Maybe because it is no longer secret? Taboo? Free to have each other any time at all?

 

Interesting thread!

[2sure]

So I'm dying to ask other OW (please, please, I'm not really interested in reading your opinion if you just want to bash/belittle/judge/criticize etc.) about A sex.

 

Cabin

 

Thats the subject of the thread. It cant be said slower, its a written format.

[herenow]

I know the term but it's corny. Only deception and lies.

 

 

 

Yea you probably aren't getting it because I don't even know where did I "insult" you.

 

What is this all about?

 

Quote from you - "Nah not really. That's all you ranting off about it."

 

Never mind, this is a tj, so I'm done. You all have fun now.

[BB07]

Now I must be one of the only ones whose AP was not that great in bed:p

 

I built it up so much in my mind. We were so emotionally entwined. Gawd we could talk endlessly. He kissed like a dream, oral sex was great, but the intercourse...NOT. I do not think he was very experienced so it was a huge disappointment for me. My H is WAY better than my XAP in bed.

 

Nope..........you are not the only one. Xmm was not all that in the sack, I've had much better elsewhere. A little on the dull side, and with all the build up, (years before we consummated it (no sex our first go round), all the teasing, all the talk, all the build up, it was a disappointment. I remember thinking ummmmm and I thought this was going to be the best sex of my life, it was not. It wasn't terrible, but it didn't curl my toes either.

[crazycatlady]

The emotions and the forbiddenness were part of the appeal, and the fact that sex was completely different from what he and I normally did. It was actually more what I sometimes wanted him to do and that he didn't give me which upset me some....because he was giving it to someone else. But...I also realized he couldn't get from her the things I could give him...and those things were extremely important to him sexually. H and I have truly amazing sex. And truly amazing sex just doesn't happen one sidedly.

 

However, he has spoken about the hiddenness being part of the appeal of her, the danger being appealing....and a huge turn on even if sex wasn't all that and a bowl of grits.

[26pointblue]

Yep, the sex was the best ever. Didn't mean he was getting divorced to be with me like he kept saying he would. So basically, all that great sex & some spare change was enough to get me a bus ticket.

 

I think it's pretty well known that affair sex is usually hottttt. [if not, why have an affair? Yeah I know there are emotional affairs & the two usually go hand in hand, but still, why risk all of that for someone you don't even have good sex with?!]

[Anna101]

Well, we are now 'out' of the affair and a normal couple, and we STILL have mind blowing sex. Sometimes it's just chemistry.

[BB07]

Well, we are now 'out' of the affair and a normal couple, and we STILL have mind blowing sex. Sometimes it's just chemistry.

 

 

I'm not knocking the importance of chemistry but chemistry can only take it so far. Just sayin'.............

[fooled once]

So I'm dying to ask other OW (please, please, I'm not really interested in reading your opinion if you just want to bash/belittle/judge/criticize etc.) about A sex.

 

In my A, I am having the WILDEST time in bed. I really REALLY cannot believe how good it is. I have been with my H for ten years and it has NEVER, not even in our first infatuation-stage of love been this sensual, and sexy, and perfect, and rhythmic, and out of this world.

 

Now I know people say you can't base on a relationship on sex, but in some ways, you can.

 

I've been having crappy sex for ten years -- barely having it -- believing that I just didn't have a very strong sex drive. Into my life walks AP, and suddenly we're having earth-shattering sex. If it gets any better, I could die from it. Seriously.

 

So back to the judging of relationships based on sex. My H and I don't have great sex because we don't have a lot in common, we think about the world in polar opposite ways, we are driven differently, and we don't like the same things... AT ALL. My AP and I have great sex because we have the same work ethic, we have the same interest in hobbies and culture, and we are at the same 'level' socially, professionally, mentally, etc.

 

I think my crap sex life at home is a microcosm of the greater failing relationship and I think my stellar sex life in the A is a microcosm of the many other dimensions of compatibility between AP and I. Sex comes so naturally to us that, other when we are actually making love, it isn't the largest part of our relationship at all. We have many many other things to do and talk about and enjoy... sex's just the cherry on top.

 

So I want to know what you think and what your experiences have been.

I want to have sex like this for the rest of my life!!

 

Cabin

 

So why get married? If the sex isn't good (and you knew this prior to marriage I am guessing) and you don't have the same interests, etc., why marry? I don't get this.

 

Affair sex is always intense, Cabin. That's why affairs are so addictive and that's why there are serial cheaters. They want that high again! They come to see that the AP can be interchangeable because it's usually the situation that creates the high intensity. It's like crack.

 

Nothing new under the sun, really. Very well known fact. Long discussed in these threads.... Intensity doesn't always mean love, though. And that intensity doesn't last -- good sex may -- with time. Never. As a mature woman, I'm sure you already know that.

 

Totally agree Breezy!

 

I

Now I know why it was so intense,but at the time,I couldn't think!!

It wasn't just that it was someone different or more into me or just not my H or better, it was that it was unavailable in the unhealthy sense and it pushed all of my insecurity buttons.Not to mention the best sex can sometimes be the worst for you.

 

There is no comparing LTR sex with Affair sex. It's just not a fair comparrison.And in the end,there is no going back once you have felt it so you might as well divorce now and see what he choose to do once you have.Mine stayed with his wife.I wound up divorced and alone because I was fool enough to think it was real and worth sacrificing over.

 

Yep.It stems more from love/sex addiction than much else.

 

But while it's happening...nothing else matters.NOTHING.

 

Great Heart! I totally agree.

 

IF you are married and having lousy sex you are 50% to blame for the lousy sex.

 

If your spouse is not interested in having great sex is because you turn him or her off.

 

New feels better than old.

 

Novelty is better.

 

It is easy to have great affair sex. It is much harder to have great marriage sex. The ones that have great marriage sex are the better lovers because having great affair sex is a given and not necessarily a great feat.

 

The incredible resistance to have affair sex makes it more rewarding that offering no resistance when both parties are free.

 

Excellent post!

 

Thing is...sex , especially for women, is part of the bonding process. The bonding, the emotions we feel for our partner often generate from the intimacy of sex. As great as affair sex is...it is a mistake often made to think that our feelings for the partner are as great or unique as the sex.

 

Agree 2sure!

 

Yep, the sex was the best ever. Didn't mean he was getting divorced to be with me like he kept saying he would. So basically, all that great sex & some spare change was enough to get me a bus ticket.

 

I think it's pretty well known that affair sex is usually hottttt. [if not, why have an affair? Yeah I know there are emotional affairs & the two usually go hand in hand, but still, why risk all of that for someone you don't even have good sex with?!]

 

26, you nailed it! Just because you have great kinky sex doesn't mean you have a relationship. Just means you had your needs met.

 

And great sex doesn't equal divorce

[thissecretgirl]

Someone else's trash is your treasure.

 

I dont understand this statement. Maybe you could expand?

 

IF you are married and having lousy sex you are 50% to blame for the lousy sex.

 

If your spouse is not interested in having great sex is because you turn him or her off.

 

I dont agree with this at all. Some people have different sexual desires and drives. Just because one party doesnt want sex doesnt automatically mean that the other person is 50% to blame, nor does it always mean they find you a turn off. Im sure many BS here would say that they dont turn their partners off

 

New feels better than old.

 

Novelty is better.

 

Again, I dont agree. I think some of the most satisfying sex can be with long term partners. When I was with my first long term partner of 8 years we had fantastic sex all the way through. I was married for 6 years and we didnt have great sex. I've had new partners where the sex has been nothing more than mediocre. Its too much of a generalisation.

 

The best steak we ever had was the steak we had two days ago. If we had a similar steak 10 years ago we do not remember how good it was.

 

again maybe its just me but I would remember how fantastic it was

 

Folks in affairs do their best while having sex. When having sex at home they do not try as hard.

 

It is easy to have great affair sex. It is much harder to have great marriage sex. The ones that have great marriage sex are the better lovers because having great affair sex is a given and not necessarily a great feat.

 

The incredible resistance to have affair sex makes it more rewarding that offering no resistance when both parties are free.

 

speaking as a BS and OW, I dont really agree with the majority of that.

[wheelwright]

So I'm dying to ask other OW (please, please, I'm not really interested in reading your opinion if you just want to bash/belittle/judge/criticize etc.) about A sex.

 

Cabin

 

I agree very much.

 

And experienced the same. And still think I am lucky, cos not everyone does.

[kis]

Can we talk about sex?? Hellz yea, count me in!

Um really tho, I think it has to do with chemistry, not necessarily the A dynamic.

I'm glad your getting lots of chemistry!!!

 

 

I think it has to do with the chemistry too. After all it is the uncontrollable chemistry that draws people in. Sometimes it just hits you so hard.

 

Cabin just wondering how you plan to have this kind of sex the rest of your life?

[Flgirl44]

there's also the fact that you never know if this will be the last time, so you're making the most of it... might well have an effect, with a long term partner you get into a more take it for granted, maybe even take it or leave it attitude.

 

 

I agree with this. I was having the most amazing sex with my SO at the same time he was banging that other chick. I asked him why he thought it was so good (once everything was outed) and he said "because I thought these were the last times we were going to touch" Once he stopped taking me for granted, his appreciation of me showed on his face and I responded accordingly apparently. So ya I think attitude has much to do with the mind blowing effect everyone is talking about in this thread.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

All respondents are women, and then we go over to the Marriage forum and men continually complaining about lack of sex.

 

Also I remember reading on LS where most women claimed their spouse's AP was not as good looking.... Why do I think here the women will say their AP's are better looking????

 

And you wonder why we are so petrified reading LS......

 

Again every respondent is female and the men are the one's upset in this thread by the reaction.... Should we split OW/OM to OW where 90% of the posts would be??

 

So just to get this right. There is a great divide, men at home complaining about sexless marriages on the Marriage section and the fact most say their spouse's are not into it (though everything works i.e. orgasm when they do it), and here OW's go on and on about how great their OM is...... Is it simply women maybe moreso then men love the danger of the affair????

 

Really sad imo......

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Why do you think anything these women are saying on this particular topic is objectively reliable?

 

It's all subjective perception. The reason that they believe that affair sex is "the best" is simply because they want to believe it.

 

Just like they believe that their affair partners "love" them because they want to believe it.

 

And how women seem to convince themselves how terrible their spouses and home life is.....

 

And you wonder why this website for cheating spouse's is so successful..... Men with sexless marriages at home and women wanting affairs.

[TinaniT]

Our "affair" sex was no different than our dating sex was no different from our "married" sex.

 

We are very satisfied because we are well connected on that arena, as we are on many more important levels.

[Cabin]

Why do you think anything these women are saying on this particular topic is objectively reliable?

 

It's all subjective perception. The reason that they believe that affair sex is "the best" is simply because they want to believe it.

 

Just like they believe that their affair partners "love" them because they want to believe it.

 

This condescending chauvinistic tone would send me running and screaming away from your bed... that's for sure.

[Cabin]

And you wonder why this website for cheating spouse's is so successful..... Men with sexless marriages at home and women wanting affairs.

 

Have you ever considered this to be a chicken/egg dichotomy? Husbands offering nothing for their wives emotionally, mentally and/or physically so women go find it elsewhere...

 

And recent A stats place male #s around 60% and female #s around 40% so it's just women who need to find it elsewhere.

[xxoo]

Have you ever considered this to be a chicken/egg dichotomy? Husbands offering nothing for their wives emotionally, mentally and/or physically so women go find it elsewhere...

 

Back to the chicken and egg, then, because these husbands offering nothing to their wives (no-sex marriages) seem to be the same men having the Best Sex Ever! with the OW.

 

I'm confused

 

But about sexual chemistry.....That's real (I know firsthand! ), but it isn't necessarily the mark of a great partnership. Many wonderful relationships have great sexual chemistry, but so do some destructive, rollercoaster-type relationships.