girl i love gone!! my fault what can i do

[got]

ok here is my situation,

ive been with this girl a little over 3 1/2 yrs and would be engaged 4 months at the end of this month, now let me get down to the nitty gritty, we have resently broke up ( 3 days ago), now i didnt realize it entell she broke up with me but i have been taking her forgranted thinking she will never leave me but she did, now the main reason she wanted to brake up was because we have been argueing here lately alot, she said she tried and talk with me about this but i got upset and started arugueing at her and as bad as i hate to say it i did, now alot of our argueing was because i am hard headed and when she would fuss at me over something enstead of trying to listen to her and hear her out i would just start argueing with her about that or something else, considering i cant sleep, eat, or do the things i love to do such as playing basketball with out thinking of her and about how the dreams that i never told her about are now gone.

now we are a young couple with me being only getting ready to turn 20 and her at 18, now some will think yeah this is puppy love or that your young and u will find somebody else, well that isnt the case, neither of us really had parents growing up for my dad is a alcholic that has never worked and still lives with his parents, and my mom and i never got along, so i lived with my grandparents since i was about 10 or 11 yrs old and i pretty much did what i wanted, now dont get me wrong but they tried but u know how kids r at that age, but they did let me do what i wanted almost all the time, and she lived with her mom up tell we got together and her mom was the same way what ever she wanted to do she could, but in turn wasnt that bad like me, even though we could pretty much do what we wanted we wasnt that bad we never got into trouble went to parties or anything like that, now me being i guy i did experiment with things that was wrong but since i been with her i havent done anything, and we still dont party or anything like that, but in turn we are some of the most respected ppl they are around here, we always say think you and are respectful to everybody

ok enough background info,

since weve split up all i have done is think, and here is what i think, i could have avoided most of the argueing if i hadnt been so hard headed and wanted things my way and just listened to her, our plans of marrage and a family was to wait entell she graduated college (which would be in 2 yrs) i will be graduating college this May and she will start in the fall to be a nurse, well during my thinking ive come to this, this is the person i want to mother my children i dont think there is anybody else that can provide for them the way she could, is this wrong to think that even if its true, as u can tell i love this girl more than anything in the world and would do anything for her, if it requires to me to have to quit some of the things i love so be it i will drop it in the blink of a eye with no regrets. i mentioned dreams earlier so ill take this time to clarify that, what i say b dreams that i never told her is this, like when i/we drive by a house or see a family out in a yard playing that is things i have only dreamed of the day for when i have a house and family with her i can see us together playing with our kids and things like that and have only imagined the day, but i havent told her this, there has being times she mentioned kids but i have always said that i dont want kids now, but the only reason i said that is because i wanted to starte on the right foot and be able to support a family, well i am ready to get my shoes on and prepair for this for i have found the person i want to lye with for the rest of my life, but she isnt around and wont talk with me so i can tell her these things

i know this was long and probaly hard to read but i gave info that i thought would help some of u that could help me on what to do, i really feel strange comeing here and writing this but it is my last choice and i dont know what to do please help, all advise welcome i am here with open ears for ive talked with afew friends all day about this but i just wanted more help

if you need any more info just let me know

[ThisGirlNameKD]

I really don't know what you're looking for us to tell you. Everything that you said in your post, you should go back and tell her. If it was your fault, admit it to her, and if you're willing to change and listen to her more, let her know. If she's not talking to you, there's very little we can do. But if you do get a chance to talk with her, let her know what you told us. Hopefully it works out for the best.

[got]

right now she isnt talking to me, and ppl i have talked to said she will come around, but that is what i am afraid of, her not comeing back around and letting me say these things

 

honestly i dont know what i am looking for u to tell me, i just found this place when searching and started typing, i am just so confused and dont know what to do for ive never thought this day would come

[hurtingandconfused]

Do you want me to tell you what you want to hear or do you want my advice?

[reasontosigh]

Patience, my friend. It's only been 3 days.

 

Had you said 3 months, or maybe even 3 weeks, it might be another story. Give her a chance.

[got]

hurtingandconfused

as bad as i want u to tell me what i want to here, tell me your advise

[hurtingandconfused]

Well...

Sometimes in life we only get 1 chance. 1 chance to live 1 chances to love the person you truely love.

 

She may not come around, but you cannot do anything to make her come back. Lay low and let her be by herself.

 

ive never thought this day would come

 

I know how you feel. It happened to me. I do regret some of the things that I did to make her think negatively towards me. But there is nothing that we can do other than live our life as we are suppose to. Live your life as if she will never come back that way you can heal quicker. And trust me you will never forget her(vise versa) so don't think that by living by yourself without her means that she will be gone from your memory. This will only help you live your life better.

[hurtingandconfused]

Just think for a minute....

 

You guys broke up because of arguing....

What makes you think that if you guys got back together tomorrow that you guys would be fine....

You guys really need some time apart...and maybe this time out will bring you guys closer...

But don't expect that she will return..and don't hope that she does...if she does she does...

 

I'm sorry for how you are feeling right now. I went through a couple of weeks of hell myself. The never ending cycle of memories swarming through your eyes and tears.

 

Hang in there...cry if you need to...think about the past if you have to...but in the end move on and do not contact her.

[got]

thank you all for your words, it has only been a few days so ill try and keep to myself and hopefully she will come around and at least here me out

[hurtingandconfused]

it has only been a few days so ill try and keep to myself and hopefully she will come around

 

Maybe you are right and I am wrong. But, I too thought the same way as you. And I call it denial.

[got]

what makes me think it will be fine.. nothing becuase i know that will always be there, but b4 now ive always thought of the argueing as mostly her fault and never thought of it to be something i had to worry about, well now i look at it the other way and see most is my fault and i now realize what i need to do to stop most of it, now i know there will always be some arguements ina relationship but entell now ive never thought of it as my fault and there for just kept on with the same stuff, i need to lighten my ego and loose some of the hard headness i got, and realize that everything cant be the way i want it, and i need to show her how i feel about her at all times, which i havent been the best at

[amerikajin]

Ah, the poker game called love...you thought you held the stronger hand, but you were wrong. She was able to walk away from you after all and now you're left scrambling.

 

Here's something you need to remember: she didn't just get up and walk away. She had been planning this for a while. The moment she told you it was over was probably long, long after she had said "it's over" in her own mind. The problems in your relationship had been ongoing for a long time, so you can't expect to just go back and fix it with a conversation.

 

You said you were arguing...about what? What was the nature of the arguments and what was said? You're being a little too vague, only saying you're being bull headed about things. I deduced that perhaps you feel in retrospect that you were being a little selfish?

 

Before I move on, I just want to make sure that you feel it's your fault. Is that so? Do you really feel that way or are you just trying to convince yourself that you want to get back with her because you're lonely or you miss her company?

 

If you want to get her back you're going to have to give her some kind of evidence that you're somehow a little different than the guy she broke up with recently. You're going to have to show her that you have been thinking about your behavior and that you realize you're putting her in a bad position. You're also going to have to be a listener, and prove to her that you're listening to what she's telling you. I would calmly talk to her, and whatever you do - no matter how frustrated you are - don't do the stupid thing and start arguing with her. If you disagree, simply tell her "I understand what you're saying. I'm not sure I agree with that, but I want to hear your point of view." After your conversation with her, it's up to her to make the next move. Give it a month and see what happens, but you shouldn't be contacting her after that point for any reason. Give her a month and see if she comes around. If she does, great; if not, you have to move on.

 

Hope that helps.

[mont13]

I feel your pain, im going through the same thing myself. Guys like us are hard headed and we tend to run over the people we care about without realizing! Having something like this happen to us sometimes is the only way we learn and realize whats important! You must see that at somepoint in your relationship she has probaly felt just as bad as you do right now maybe becasue of an argument you had with her or something! My advice is to ask her if you can sit down with her one night just to get somethings off your chest for ClOSURE not to convince her to get back together with you! if she accepts tell her all the things that you posted here and how much you want to work on the way you handle things for you! so YOU can be a better person not just to convince her to come back to you! after all is said and done let her go, Leave her with something to think about! dont contact her(TRUST ME I KNOW EASIER SAID THEN DONE!!) work on bettering yourself and getting your confidence back. Give her time to take care of the things she needs to and to miss you. If it was meant to be it will be! The most important things is just respect her decision not to be with you or you will just push her away even more.Be strong, I know it sucks, if it dosent work out there WILL be somebody else out there in the future that will benifit from the changes you make! i know thats not what you want to hear but its something you need to hear! Good luck!! keep us updated.

[Kate]

I am going through a similar issue right now. The guy who had a crush on me for a few years and now I am dating takes me for granted. Although he is sweet, sensitive and caring, I give him more affection in terms of time and all the little things. Today is Easter and I invited him to lunch with my family. When we were done, he asked me to drop him off at his cousin's house -- and then asked me what I was doing. This makes me feel like he is embarrassed or ashamed of me, and I'm really hurt. I don't know if he was too shy to ask his aunt or what -- but it's the little things like this that hurt us. I don't know how I'm going to address this, but what's done is done -- the point is, he didn't think. That seems to be a pattern in my relationships...

 

So I guess my point is ( sorry I digressed, I'm pissed off at the moment ) that you can't take people for granted. Look to the future on this one. You have zero control over whether or not she wants you back. You can't change the way you USED to make her feel, and honestly, if she can't let go of it, it will just create more problems. Guy always wonder why women leave them, and it's not just one thing....it's a build-up over time of little things that hurt and guys don't want to listen to.

[got]

well she finally gave me a chance to talk with her, i didnt get the answer i wanted but i know that she knows how i feel and that i am truely sorry for everything i did, i didnt realize it but she was giving me tell tell signs for the last 2 weeks and i didnt take none of them, i guess she needs time and maybe test the sea, and i guess i am going to have to give her that, i know in my heart that this is the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with and i can only hope and pray that someday she will forgive me and give me a second chance, i will drop anything to do anything for this girl and she knows it, so i am going to have to give her time and maybe one day she will come around. thank all u guys/ gals here for trying to help me with all your words of wisdom i cant think u enough, so think all that have replyed your words have been greatly appreicated, now that i found this place and it gave me advice and a place to come and express my fillings i will have to stop by and give my thoughts and so forth to other ppl that may need it.

once again think all of you here