uplatethinking Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I've been with my girlfriend for over 8 months now and everything has been pretty much great ever since. A few weekends ago, she went out drinking with some friends and ended up giving her number to a guy she met at the bar... a mutual friend of one her girl friends. That night we had plans of meeting up and she suddenly became adamant that she wanted to see me the next day because she was real drunk. Anyhow, the guy called her and I was there when she got the call, she ignored it, then checked the vm in the bathroom and confessed to giving him her number etc. She said it was a big mistake and she was pisdrunk and yatayatayata. She cried, and said it was a huge mistake. Told me she loved me and she only wanted to be with me. She is a really great girl for as long as I've known her, but, she does get flirtatious when she is really drunk. I''m just wondering if I should chalk this up to drunk bad decision making, blackout bad behavior, or if it is something to be really concerned over and possibly split because of. I really care about her and i love spending time with her, but I am worried this is a red flag for a "she f*cked me over" scenario in the future. She said she called the guy and told him to never call her again and that it was a big mistake. What should i do? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) Well it is a bit of a bad thing to do. Why would she give her number to someone if she is not interested? Why did she not tell him that she had a BF? This was not a "mistake", it was a choice she made. Ask her these questions and see her response. Drunk is no excuse. She did it for a reason. She disrespected you and your relationship. It's also a bad sign that she did not take the call, and checked her VM in private. If she had nothing to hide then why did she not answer the call and put him straight, there and then, in front of you? And why did she not want you to hear the voicemail, could he have said something that she doesn't want you to hear? And breaking your date, why would she do that? Have you not seen her drunk before? Seems like she's trying to cover something up. Seems like you haven't got the whole story dude. Sorry to say I think it's likely that more happened than she is letting on. I would send her to ditchedville. Edited May 10, 2011 by PegNosePete Link to post Share on other sites
Author uplatethinking Posted May 10, 2011 Author Share Posted May 10, 2011 i should add that we did, with some reluctance, meet up that night and she was real drunk... I asked her if she told him she had a bf and she said yes. Could this be a turning point for the better that now she has realized she really does want to be with me? or is that a pipe dream... Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 No, she is most likely still lying to you. If she told him that she had a BF then why did he still think he had a chance? Did he want to be "friends" with her? Why did she not answer his call and listen to the VM in private? It doesn't add up. The red flags are flying, sorry dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 If the roles were reversed do you think she would buy such a story from you? I think you are in denial. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 She is a really great girl for as long as I've known her, but, she does get flirtatious when she is really drunk. unless she forsakes partying, expect more of the same. all drinking does is lower the inhibitions and brings out a person's true character. in your gf's case, it brings out that she wants to hook up with other guys, just doesn't have the guts to do it when sober. so unless partying comes to a halt, you WILL be dealing with this again in the future. I''m just wondering if I should chalk this up to drunk bad decision making, blackout bad behavior blackout? how woudl she give her number out, much less speak it or write it down if she blacked out? don't make excuses for her. or if it is something to be really concerned over and possibly split because of. I'll tell you from experience, that this is the answer. I really care about her and i love spending time with her, but I am worried this is a red flag for a "she f*cked me over" scenario in the future. it is, your instincts aren't failing you here. She said she called the guy and told him to never call her again and that it was a big mistake. What should i do? thats up to you. if you decide to stay with her and she wants a 2nd chance, then some rules need to be established. and I know she probably won't want to forsake partying and drinking, but its up to you what you are willing to put up with. but I can tell you that if she continues to party, then expect her to keep flirting with guys and doing things she wouldn't do when sober, but wants to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 Apparently, this wasn't blackout behavior. She knew she gave out that number that night. SHe knew who it was when the phone was ringing and she didn't answer it. SHe went to the bathroom to listen to the VM message. Did you hear what it said? What would have happened if you weren't there when the call came? You got a lot to think about my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
perfectlyunique Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 peopple do do silly things when there drunk but maybe you should suggest to her that she doesnt drink so much and then things like this wouldnt happen Link to post Share on other sites
mo mo Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 peopple do do silly things when there drunk but maybe you should suggest to her that she doesnt drink so much and then things like this wouldnt happen I don't buy this and nobody should. People may feel a little looser while under the influence, but they are fully aware of their behavior. People blame their mistakes on alcohol too often. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I kinda of agree with Unique...People do make bad choices when they drink. Every sober person KNOWS that it's wrong and against the law to drive when you've been driking, but they do it anyway. Why? Because they made a bad and an impaired choice. Link to post Share on other sites
mo mo Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 I kinda of agree with Unique...People do make bad choices when they drink. Every sober person KNOWS that it's wrong and against the law to drive when you've been driking, but they do it anyway. Why? Because they made a bad and an impaired choice. I don't think it's the same thing at all. If someone drives somewhere and gets drunk, it's a bit of an inconvenience to leave your car where it is and catch a cab or a ride home. So people often try to sober up and take that risk to drive home. If you are in a relationship and you're drunk somewhere, it really isn't an inconvenience to turn a guy (or girl) down. If you think that's an inconvenience then you shouldn't be in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 lol really have to laugh at the psychoanalysis of the love lorn People make mistakes and regret it, that's human nature and we're not perfect. Red flags, blue and yellow pffft.. Trust your gut, if apologized and looked genuine then let it slide, you know her best. It's very easy to represent something on paper and have everybody jump all over it. Just tell her you're uncomfortable with her giving numbers to other guys, being drunk is not an excuse, giving someone a number takes cognitive reasoning and suppression of boyfriend Just let her know what the boundaries are and if she crosses them or acts shady then do what you need to do. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 giving someone a number takes cognitive reasoning and suppression of boyfriend Just let her know what the boundaries are and if she crosses them or acts shady then do what you need to do. So what does it take to ignore a phone call from said guy because your BF is present? What does it take to retrieve her VM in the bathroom in private? I'll tell you what: scheming, manipulation, lying, cheating. The boundaries have already been crossed. So the time to "do what you need to do" is already upon the OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Flgirl44 Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 I have been the girl in this. I valued the attention of others over the comfort of my partner. She's kinda selfish and doesn't seem to respect you very much. Especially since it wasn't a random, it was a mutual friend of friends. Pretty much did that in front of her friends is really crappy. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted May 11, 2011 Share Posted May 11, 2011 I have been the girl in this. I valued the attention of others over the comfort of my partner. She's kinda selfish and doesn't seem to respect you very much. Especially since it wasn't a random, it was a mutual friend of friends. Pretty much did that in front of her friends is really crappy. Listen to this. this is someone like your gf who is at least telling the truth about these situations. and your gf is trying to blame being drunk. Again, alcohol simply brings out in someone that is already there, just refrains from their desires when sober. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 If you are bound and determined to stay with her, and I am not sure why you want to after she dissed you by inviting some stranger into your lives, you need to layout some strict boundaries with dealbreaker consequences, where you will take action, and not just throw out words If you guys are serious, why, is she even going out to bars and getting drunk with her friends If you stay, then she needs to stop going out to bars as if she were single, if she wants to be with her GF's, she can meet them for lunch, go shopping, go to a movie, do hobbies with them----NO MORE GOING OUT WITH THEM AS IF SHE WAS SINGLE. The drinking needs to stop when she is not with you. she doesn't know, not only how to hold her alcohol, but how to control her inhibitions If she wants alcohol, it is with you, one or 2 glasses, and that is it Make sure that you see she has deleted this guy from whatever electronic equipment she has him on She needs to be transparent, so you can check her electronic equipment, to make sure she is not in contact with him anymore Stress to her, you are giving her the greatest gift you could ever give her, A 2ND CHANCE---also let her know if you catch her looking cross eyed at another guy---YOU ARE GONE THEN AND THERE Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 peopple do do silly things when there drunk drinking brings out one's true character or intensifies their character or personality. I think I'm going to use it as a litmus test for future dating. go out, get some woman drunk, and if she starts flirting her ass off, I'll give her cab fare home. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 drinking brings out one's true character or intensifies their character or personality. ^^^^^^ VERY TRUE I think I'm going to use it as a litmus test for future dating. go out, get some woman drunk, and if she starts flirting her ass off, I'll give her cab fare home. Been there, done that. Didn't give her cab fare, left her azz there and bailed. Link to post Share on other sites
Memphis Raines Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Been there, done that. Didn't give her cab fare, left her azz there and bailed. ya, this sounds much better. let the sexual predators at the bar have her. Link to post Share on other sites
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