Does it matter if he cheats again with same woman?

[mzdolphin]

I had this debate with a friend about Tiger Woods vs. Prince Charles. I thought as disgusting as Woods was, his affair was actually less emotionally threatening to the marriage because he didn't commit much time or money to any of those women. I argued that an affair in which a man keeps going back to the one same woman is more worrisome because this may mean emotional attachment, like Prince Charles. Yet women wig out more over the multiple affairs. Why? Your thoughts?

 

Full disclosure: I divorced my husband when I found out he had multiple affairs. There were other problems in the marriage.

[PegNosePete]

Any cheater is an a-hole so why worry about who is the bigger a-hole?

[y2k]

I had this debate with a friend about Tiger Woods vs. Prince Charles. I thought as disgusting as Woods was, his affair was actually less emotionally threatening to the marriage because he didn't commit much time or money to any of those women. I argued that an affair in which a man keeps going back to the one same woman is more worrisome because this may mean emotional attachment, like Prince Charles. Yet women wig out more over the multiple affairs. Why? Your thoughts?

 

Full disclosure: I divorced my husband when I found out he had multiple affairs. There were other problems in the marriage.

 

First, BRAVO on you divorcing him. A lot of women don't have the guts to do it. You did. Hopefully more women take your example.

 

Second, you may have a point but any woman with even half a self-esteem wouldn't care as much because she'd be smart enough to leave that husband, as he's not worth the time of day no matter how rich or powerful he is. Though I can imagine it hurts a little more if it's the same woman. Still either way, the woman should divorce and try to find happiness elsewhere.

[Heart On]

What's the real difference between

cheating for love or cheating for sex?

It's cheating either way.

 

I would rather my s/o leave me because he is in love

with someone else,rather than stay and pretend he loves me,

and cheat for sex because he has a sex addiction

thanks to his narcissisim.

 

Tiger Woods has serious entitlement issues

and he uses women for instant gratification

and didn't show an ounce of empathy for his wife

or his Other women.

 

Prince Charles was in love with Camilla long before

his 'arranged marriage' to Princess Di(how Ironic that name is)

and while he was a heel for continuing the affair thru his marriage

at least he had the courage of his convictions and stayed with

her after all was said and done.

 

Would you have more or less respect for man who 'just' uses women for sex or actually loves them?I don't think cheating on one's spouse

and staying with them says anthing about love anyways.

 

Sh*t or get off the pot has always been my motto!

[mzdolphin]

Any cheater is an a-hole so why worry about who is the bigger a-hole?

 

 

That is funny. But sometimes when you have small kids, like I did at the time, you want to make sure you're not making a knee-jerk reaction. The first time I caught my husband cheating, I didn't leave because our son was an infant and I was overwhelmed. My husband agreed to seek therapy. Five years later when I caught him again, I realized it wasn't about me or our marriage. He wanted a whole different lifestyle and I didn't want to live under the stress of being with someone I no longer trusted.

[mzdolphin]

What's the real difference between

cheating for love or cheating for sex?

It's cheating either way.

 

I would rather my s/o leave me because he is in love

with someone else,rather than stay and pretend he loves me,

and cheat for sex because he has a sex addiction

thanks to his narcissisim.

 

Tiger Woods has serious entitlement issues

and he uses women for instant gratification

and didn't show an ounce of empathy for his wife

or his Other women.

 

Prince Charles was in love with Camilla long before

his 'arranged marriage' to Princess Di(how Ironic that name is)

and while he was a heel for continuing the affair thru his marriage

at least he had the courage of his convictions and stayed with

her after all was said and done.

 

Would you have more or less respect for man who 'just' uses women for sex or actually loves them?I don't think cheating on one's spouse

and staying with them says anthing about love anyways.

 

Sh*t or get off the pot has always been my motto!

------------------------

 

I hadn't considered that side of it. But you are right, although wrong, Prince Charles did at least "man up" and fight for the woman he really loved. Tiger is rather sick and probably didn't really love his wife, or anybody.

 

I don't know if the pain I felt after discovering about my husband's cheating would have been any worse than if he was in love with someone else. I tend the think it would. I don't know why, but I do think it might hurt worse.

[TMCM]

They're both slimeball cowards in my book.

[mzdolphin]

They're both slimeball cowards in my book.

 

Of course we all agree that the cheater is a coward. What I'm wondering is from the BS perspective, does it matter or weigh into how they decide to go forward?

 

I do not regret divorcing. But I think I stayed the first time because the woman didn't mean anything to him. He made it clear to her he was married and not going to leave his wife.

[2sure]

I have thought about this. My H was a serial cheater. I divorced him after almost 5 years of D-Days. Because of the number of OW...I knew his infidelity had nothing to do with them Personally. They could have been, and basically were, anyone. When someone is a serial cheater , in my opinion, the problem is never about something lacking in the BS or the marriage. It is always about something lacking in the WS...sad thing is, cheating , OW, never fill up the hole.

 

Also, before I married him, I was an OW at various time to MM. Long term affairs. And I will tell you something...these men were happily married - the type of man that has it ALL, but simply wants MORE. As attached to me they liked to think they were...I know I could have been anyone.

 

Which is worse? Who knows, it all depends on which one happens to you.

[mzdolphin]

I have thought about this. My H was a serial cheater. I divorced him after almost 5 years of D-Days. Because of the number of OW...I knew his infidelity had nothing to do with them Personally. They could have been, and basically were, anyone. When someone is a serial cheater , in my opinion, the problem is never about something lacking in the BS or the marriage. It is always about something lacking in the WS...sad thing is, cheating , OW, never fill up the hole.

 

Also, before I married him, I was an OW at various time to MM. Long term affairs. And I will tell you something...these men were happily married - the type of man that has it ALL, but simply wants MORE. As attached to me they liked to think they were...I know I could have been anyone.

 

Which is worse? Who knows, it all depends on which one happens to you.

 

 

Thanks for being candid and honest. So often I read on these boards, people who act like they everything figured out and the truth is we really don't know what drives people to do things. You can only decide for yourself what you will or will not put up with.

[Flgirl44]

Id rather him have feelings for the person he is cheating with because stuff happens and most relationships overlap, that's just reality. But in my opinion it is worse when they are the type to just sleep with people they don't care about, throw the relationship away, then argue that this same "not caring about the person attitude" is what should make you trust that they are still able to love you.

 

The first type are selfish and pursuing their own happiness. The second type are doing the same but are usually more manipulative and life monopolizers (if you let them)

[mzdolphin]

Id rather him have feelings for the person he is cheating with because stuff happens and most relationships overlap, that's just reality. But in my opinion it is worse when they are the type to just sleep with people they don't care about, throw the relationship away, then argue that this same "not caring about the person attitude" is what should make you trust that they are still able to love you.

 

The first type are selfish and pursuing their own happiness. The second type are doing the same but are usually more manipulative and life monopolizers (if you let them)

 

 

I've always thought the second type, like my ex husband or Tiger Woods, were more destructive, meaning they were careless and dangerous and much easier to catch cheating. My ex husband certainly got sloppy.

[HalfAlive22]

First, BRAVO on you divorcing him. A lot of women don't have the guts to do it. You did. Hopefully more women take your example.

 

Second, you may have a point but any woman with even half a self-esteem wouldn't care as much because she'd be smart enough to leave that husband, as he's not worth the time of day no matter how rich or powerful he is. Though I can imagine it hurts a little more if it's the same woman. Still either way, the woman should divorce and try to find happiness elsewhere.

 

please correct me if I'm wrong, but are you not married, and in your 20's, really what is all your advice about leaving husbands and self esteem based on? just curious.

[Mimolicious]

Did everyone forget that someone like Tiger Woods has some serious psychological issues?

[Flgirl44]

I've always thought the second type, like my ex husband or Tiger Woods, were more destructive, meaning they were careless and dangerous and much easier to catch cheating. My ex husband certainly got sloppy.

 

 

Yes they are more dangerous. Hold themselves in no moral standing what-so-ever.

[surrender]

I had this debate with a friend about Tiger Woods vs. Prince Charles. I thought as disgusting as Woods was, his affair was actually less emotionally threatening to the marriage because he didn't commit much time or money to any of those women. I argued that an affair in which a man keeps going back to the one same woman is more worrisome because this may mean emotional attachment, like Prince Charles. Yet women wig out more over the multiple affairs. Why? Your thoughts?

 

Full disclosure: I divorced my husband when I found out he had multiple affairs. There were other problems in the marriage.

 

Would you rather have a sh*t sandwich or a vomit sandwich?

[NoIDidn't]

Yes they are more dangerous. Hold themselves in no moral standing what-so-ever.

 

This is actually not true. Their morals are just different from yours. My dad was a serial cheat when he was married. And I would never consider him dangerous, but definitely controlling. There is a difference.

 

But 2Sure gave a great post. It really doesn't matter which is worst. It really only matters which one happens to you and whether you want to put up with it or not.

 

I do have a question for the OP though.....what does serial cheating have to do with the title of this thread? Its a little misleading unless its considered serial cheating just because he keeps cheating with the same woman over and over again after being caught. I wouldn't consider that serial cheating. I would consider that major disrespect and a clue that it would likely continue for the duration of the marriage and would have to decide if I wanted to share my H's time and love with this woman he wouldn't give up or if I wanted a man all to myself.

 

My younger self would have said "no sharing" pretty quickly. My older self with children and a life built around my marriage would be willing to consider my options in addition to the "no sharing".

[mzdolphin]

Originally Posted by Flgirl44

Yes they are more dangerous. Hold themselves in no moral standing what-so-ever.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(not Flgirl44) This is actually not true. Their morals are just different from yours. My dad was a serial cheat when he was marrired. And I would never consider him dangerous, but definitely controlling. There is a difference.---------------------------------------------------

 

I can't imagine a serial cheat not being dangerous, and I'm not just talking about spreading disease. You have more people involved. One of the reasons I divorced my ex was because he was seeing women and those women knew he had a wife and that he has money and I worried they might target me and my son (who was 5 at the time). I mean you don't' know what kind of crazy woman thinks, hey if they were out of the picture?

[NoIDidn't]

Originally Posted by Flgirl44

Yes they are more dangerous. Hold themselves in no moral standing what-so-ever.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(not Flgirl44) This is actually not true. Their morals are just different from yours. My dad was a serial cheat when he was marrired. And I would never consider him dangerous, but definitely controlling. There is a difference.---------------------------------------------------

 

I can't imagine a serial cheat not being dangerous, and I'm not just talking about spreading disease. You have more people involved. One of the reasons I divorced my ex was because he was seeing women and those women knew he had a wife and that he has money and I worried they might target me and my son (who was 5 at the time). I mean you don't' know what kind of crazy woman thinks, hey if they were out of the picture?

 

But this means that its not the serial cheating man that is dangerous, but the crazy women that they might cheat with.

 

Again, there is difference.

[Mary-Jane]

Originally Posted by Flgirl44

Yes they are more dangerous. Hold themselves in no moral standing what-so-ever.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(not Flgirl44) This is actually not true. Their morals are just different from yours. My dad was a serial cheat when he was marrired. And I would never consider him dangerous, but definitely controlling. There is a difference.---------------------------------------------------

 

I can't imagine a serial cheat not being dangerous, and I'm not just talking about spreading disease. You have more people involved. One of the reasons I divorced my ex was because he was seeing women and those women knew he had a wife and that he has money and I worried they might target me and my son (who was 5 at the time). I mean you don't' know what kind of crazy woman thinks, hey if they were out of the picture?

 

So true... somebody I know has been having an affair with their Au-pair. As he described her she's not bright not really a looker, just available for him and when they got involved closer, she openly suggested to him to get rid of the wife who in her view clearly stands in the way of their happiness. What's more shocking he laughs about with friends. It flatters his ego.

[Tayla]

Ohh Puhleese! People defending Prince Charles? THere is zero Integrity to this man for his wayward habits with Camela. He and she "knowingly" carried on their liason when Lady Di did sincerely think she had found a loving husband. She sincerely loved him at the beginning. They had two heirs and in her mind wanted a good marriage, the reality though set in and she was put thru heck in a hand basket by the "royal" ways that a gent is allowed a mistress.....How well Charles and Tiger ( both thinking they are entitled to another lady) managed it matters not. Bottom line, they carried on inappropriate relations when in marital arrangements. I do think Tiger "Loved" his wife unlike Charles. The difference with Tiger was that he loved his "extra" priveledges more....

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

please correct me if I'm wrong, but are you not married, and in your 20's, really what is all your advice about leaving husbands and self esteem based on? just curious.

FYI, check y2ks posting history...he's a 15-year-old child pretending to be in his 20s...aka troll. Don't take anything he says to heart.

 

I definitely think Tiger > Charles in terms of dirtbags. Random meaningless affairs because you have psychological issues vs. actually having strong feelings for one particular person you keep going back to.

[waytogo]

This post brought to mind a question I've had for a long time. Is it worse for a BS for a WS to risk a marraige over a cheap thrill, or over developed feelings (whether love, thought it was love...)? Or does it even matter which?

[mzdolphin]

This post brought to mind a question I've had for a long time. Is it worse for a BS for a WS to risk a marraige over a cheap thrill, or over developed feelings (whether love, thought it was love...)? Or does it even matter which?

 

 

 

Well I can tell you that I was more angry with my ex husband because of what he put the family through. He had a bunch of meaningless affairs. Didn't even know half the women. I don't know for sure, but perhaps I would have felt more hurt than anger if it was someone he had deep feelings for. Because in that case he not only is betraying you, he's also admitting he may have never loved you. Then you start thinking the whole marriage was a lie.