child like and attention seeking behaviour

[perfectlyunique]

Hi everyone

 

im here because im in desperate need of some help in regards to my mum i moved out with my little boy about a year and a half ago. Since then my mum has been pretending to be nuts. she keeps saying she cant breathe and her lungs have collapsed. she cut all her hair off and she keeps ringing ambulances saying she cant breathe, they wont come out to her anymore. Also she been in and out of the mental health ward. She tried to stab a police officer, tried setting fire to her house. started eating chcolate in a shop without paying.also she walks the streets picking up tab ends. She stole a pouch of baccy of a man in the street and ran in her house and locked the door.

 

i have spoken to the mental health place and they said shes displaying child like and attention seeking behaviour. When i lived with her i cooked all her meals and since her mum died shes gotten worse because my nanna pandered to her every need. it doesnt look like shes going to stop anytime soon.I think she wants me or my sister to look after her, but i cant have her move in with me no way. My brother lives with her hes 30. He has mental health problems has all his life. Hes punched her in the eye twice because she got on his nerves. She is making her neighbours life hell, just walking in there houses and eating there food.

 

there is loads more to the story but how can i get her to stop all this? my little boy hasnt seen her for ages because of the way she acts , well actually i did take him rnd the other week and she totally blanked him and went on about how her lungs where frozen.she promised me she wouldnt start infront of him.

 

can someone pls give me some advice im at my wits end

 

thanks

[Datura]

Get her committed.

[perfectlyunique]

Get her committed.

 

i cant shes been in loads before and shes putting it on they want nothing to do with her

[spiderowl]

I'm surprised the mental health authority isn't concerned. It might be attention-seeking behaviour but surely they should be finding out why she has this problem and attempting to do something about it? This must be a nightmare for you and for your brother. It's appalling how relatives suffer when people are abandoned by health authorities. Maybe you need to contact some different mental health experts and get a second opinion. Is there an area authority you can contact? Bypass the ones you have been dealing with, if possible. Are there any helplines you can call? In the UK, there is an organisation called SANE which has a helpline. It sounds like your mother does have a mental health problem as no-one sane would behave like her. I think that's what your argument should be if anyone tries to deny it.

 

Seems to me if you can't get any other help, all you can do is to keep away and keep your child away. Eventually, your mum will get arrested by the police if she is stealing. They won't ignore this for ever.

 

I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I wish you were getting more help and consideration from the people who are, after all, paid to deal with mental health problems. Your mother is clearly out of control and you can't be expected to deal with it alone.

Edited May 15, 2011 by spiderowl

[Tayla]

The Mental Health Act in the UK provides for someone to be admitted to hospital against their wills if it is in their own best interests. Generally, you need two doctors one of whom is a psychiatrist and the other a doctor who knows the patient well. You also need the concurrence of a social worker or a close relative. In an emergency, one doctors recommendation can be sufficient.

 

If it is an emergency case, they will be sectioned under Section 4 for 72 hours. If it is more routine, they can be detained for up to 28 days under section 2. If at the end of the 28 days, further treatment is required they can be detained for a further 6 months under section 3. A patient can be discharged if doctors believe that they are no longer a threat to themselves or to others.

 

The Mental Health Act 1983, is divided into 10 parts - each one covering a specific area. It is a complex piece of legislation

*** The above information comes from the United Kingdom Mental Health site. PLease research and get your mum some help for the familys' sake.

[perfectlyunique]

I'm surprised the mental health authority isn't concerned. It might be attention-seeking behaviour but surely they should be finding out why she has this problem and attempting to do something about it? This must be a nightmare for you and for your brother. It's appalling how relatives suffer when people are abandoned by health authorities. Maybe you need to contact some different mental health experts and get a second opinion. Is there an area authority you can contact? Bypass the ones you have been dealing with, if possible. Are there any helplines you can call? In the UK, there is an organisation called SANE which has a helpline. It sounds like your mother does have a mental health problem as no-one sane would behave like her. I think that's what your argument should be if anyone tries to deny it.

 

Seems to me if you can't get any other help, all you can do is to keep away and keep your child away. Eventually, your mum will get arrested by the police if she is stealing. They won't ignore this for ever.

 

I'm so sorry you are going through all this. I wish you were getting more help and consideration from the people who are, after all, paid to deal with mental health problems. Your mother is clearly out of control and you can't be expected to deal with it alone.

 

hi thanks for replying, tbh my brother isnt bothered , he has major mental health problems and has been imprisoned twice for things he has done and he scares me ,but hes living back with my mum right now and they have argued and he has punched her twice in the eye at different times because of it.I darent say anything to him because hes unstable and im am scared of him. my sister lives round the corner from my mum and where both at our wits ends. At the moment my mum is in the hospital again but there letting her out soon because the nurse said its for attention.I told them she wont stop but there not reallsy doing much.

 

The Mental Health Act in the UK provides for someone to be admitted to hospital against their wills if it is in their own best interests. Generally, you need two doctors one of whom is a psychiatrist and the other a doctor who knows the patient well. You also need the concurrence of a social worker or a close relative. In an emergency, one doctors recommendation can be sufficient.

 

If it is an emergency case, they will be sectioned under Section 4 for 72 hours. If it is more routine, they can be detained for up to 28 days under section 2. If at the end of the 28 days, further treatment is required they can be detained for a further 6 months under section 3. A patient can be discharged if doctors believe that they are no longer a threat to themselves or to others.

 

The Mental Health Act 1983, is divided into 10 parts - each one covering a specific area. It is a complex piece of legislation

*** The above information comes from the United Kingdom Mental Health site. PLease research and get your mum some help for the familys' sake.

 

shes been in and out of the hospital and she is in there now but not for long. When she comes out she will start up again because she always does. shes also been arrested numerous times. Im scared that she will do something out of attention and it go to far or that my brother will get mad and do something. I rang harrison house (the hospital for mental health problems) where shes in right now and asked for advice they only told me what i already knew. I asked what we could do to get her to stop but they didnt tell me anything. It is childish and attention seeking behaviour because she wants to be looked after. I always did and my nanna helped with money all the time etc. now ive moved out she thinks that she cant look after herself. her neighbours always tell me stuff shes doing and its awful

 

also im having an operation soon to have me gallbladder out its not major but im scared i tried talking to my mum about it and she blanked me totally and talked about how she cant breathe. I felt so unloved then. Im her daughter how can she be so unloving?

[Tayla]

My ex is a psychiatrist and he helped immensely in my understanding of the mentally ill and how their illness is no different then someone diagnosed with a disease like MS or MD.

 

You Mom is clearly in need of medical/mental aide. She is basically "not of sound mind", so its common that the lack of outward "Love" can be exhibited.

As an adult its important that you refrain from personalizing her behavior, its part of her illness.

 

Your concerns are legitimate and without you becoming her Moderator, she is primarily at the mercy of the system there for aide. I would suggest you get more clear answers for what can be done as a family member. Negligence by the medical field can be brought up if she does do harm to herself or others.

 

No matter what surgery you are entering into, there is often worries, may they be eased with a speedy recovery.

[perfectlyunique]

My ex is a psychiatrist and he helped immensely in my understanding of the mentally ill and how their illness is no different then someone diagnosed with a disease like MS or MD.

 

You Mom is clearly in need of medical/mental aide. She is basically "not of sound mind", so its common that the lack of outward "Love" can be exhibited.

As an adult its important that you refrain from personalizing her behavior, its part of her illness.

 

Your concerns are legitimate and without you becoming her Moderator, she is primarily at the mercy of the system there for aide. I would suggest you get more clear answers for what can be done as a family member. Negligence by the medical field can be brought up if she does do harm to herself or others.

 

No matter what surgery you are entering into, there is often worries, may they be eased with a speedy recovery.

 

thankyou, im hoping that her health coordinator can help but i cant get hold of her and she never rings me back. My brother in law in getting his daughter to ring them because shes studying things in that field and think they are being neglectful as they wont tell us anything. I agree that my mum must be ill because the things shes doing isnt right. She even made me feel guilty because she asked to move in with me and i said no. I mean if id of let her social services would get involved because i have a little boy and some of the things my mum has done are quite bad.

 

Every medical expert ive spoken to has said shes attention seeking, shes acting like my 6 year old when he doesnt get what he wants. To be honest my mums really getting to me right now. I started to think that she will never be normal because even before she was quite selfish and my nanna and grandad mainly looked after us.

 

Its sad because im never going to have a proper mum. In a way i feel really angry towards her to especially after her blanking my little boy her own grandson. You see she does put this act on because to certain people she will talk normal to, but to me and my family she starts up with the i cant breathe crap. when i lived with her i paid her rent and the rules was i had to make her dinner and tea everyday. i had to come home early from friends to cook her meals or shed slag me off too friends. Because i lost weight she told one of my friends i was taking drugs and everyone was talking about me behind my back. I became anxious and had to take tablets. she caused upset for me because she didnt like my bf and got everyone hating him we split up and i moved bk in with her as i had no where to go , later we got bk together.for dinner she even made me cut her sandwhiches into triangles and stand them up. I got fed up with this and applied for a social house. She begged me not to go even though i was sharing a room with my son. Thinking of herself as usual. I moved out and then this all happens. im happy where i am now and my son and bf are. Im 26 im allowed a life surely

[gaius]

Hi everyone

 

im here because im in desperate need of some help in regards to my mum i moved out with my little boy about a year and a half ago. Since then my mum has been pretending to be nuts. she keeps saying she cant breathe and her lungs have collapsed. she cut all her hair off and she keeps ringing ambulances saying she cant breathe, they wont come out to her anymore. Also she been in and out of the mental health ward. She tried to stab a police officer, tried setting fire to her house. started eating chcolate in a shop without paying.also she walks the streets picking up tab ends. She stole a pouch of baccy of a man in the street and ran in her house and locked the door.

 

i have spoken to the mental health place and they said shes displaying child like and attention seeking behaviour. When i lived with her i cooked all her meals and since her mum died shes gotten worse because my nanna pandered to her every need. it doesnt look like shes going to stop anytime soon.I think she wants me or my sister to look after her, but i cant have her move in with me no way. My brother lives with her hes 30. He has mental health problems has all his life. Hes punched her in the eye twice because she got on his nerves. She is making her neighbours life hell, just walking in there houses and eating there food.

 

there is loads more to the story but how can i get her to stop all this? my little boy hasnt seen her for ages because of the way she acts , well actually i did take him rnd the other week and she totally blanked him and went on about how her lungs where frozen.she promised me she wouldnt start infront of him.

 

can someone pls give me some advice im at my wits end

 

thanks

It's horrible when the child has to be the parent, I feel for you. She is following osama bin ladens example and terrorizing you and your family to try and force you into meeting her emotional needs, which quite frankly are beyond appropriate. I think the only thing you can really do is completely cut her out of your life until she starts demonstrating she will behave herself. Your son should be the #1 priority now and having this woman around stressing you out and providing a horrible example is in no way beneficial for him.

[betterdeal]

I suggest you contact the mental health charity Mind and ask them for advice and assistance. They be able to support you as advocates for your case for getting better support from social services and the NHS, for example.

 

Your mother's breathing problems may be an anxiety response. Shallow breathing and feeling constriction in the chest are signs of anxiety. She's scared. It may be something as simple as given her a brown paper bag to breath into when she feels "her lungs are collapsing" that can help her slow her breathing down and calm down a bit more.

 

http://www.mind.org.uk/

Edited May 16, 2011 by betterdeal

[perfectlyunique]

It's horrible when the child has to be the parent, I feel for you. She is following osama bin ladens example and terrorizing you and your family to try and force you into meeting her emotional needs, which quite frankly are beyond appropriate. I think the only thing you can really do is completely cut her out of your life until she starts demonstrating she will behave herself. Your son should be the #1 priority now and having this woman around stressing you out and providing a horrible example is in no way beneficial for him.

 

thanks, i tried cutting her out of my life but i get phone calls off friends about her or her neighbours tell me things that have happened so naturally i worry.Ive tried to keep my son away from her i only took him round because he hasnt seen her in a year and she promised me she wouldnt start. Tbh i cant believe shes being this cruel. Im worried about having my opearation and naturally i wanted my mum to be there for me. basically she told me how can she worry about me when she has frozen lungs. i walked out practically in tears

 

I suggest you contact the mental health charity Mind and ask them for advice and assistance. They be able to support you as advocates for your case for getting better support from social services and the NHS, for example.

 

Your mother's breathing problems may be an anxiety response. Shallow breathing and feeling constriction in the chest are signs of anxiety. She's scared. It may be something as simple as given her a brown paper bag to breath into when she feels "her lungs are collapsing" that can help her slow her breathing down and calm down a bit more.

 

http://www.mind.org.uk/

 

hi weve contacted mind but he cant do anything because she wont go in to see him

 

as for her lungs she suffers anxiety yes but shes saying her lungs are frozen and have stopped working. and that she cant ever die. They even did a scan to show her but still she carries on with her crap

 

to show you what kind of person she is over xmas a close friends bf got swine flu and had scepticmia he had 2 hours to live and had 2 strokes at the age of 25. Through some miracle he pulled through and is fine now but his lungs werent working at the time and i obviously was upset because we where all scared hed die, my mum carried on with her crap saying she had frozen lungs and couldnt breathe to everyone when this poor lad was dying. I cant believe how nasty she could be. she doesnt care about any1 but herself.

 

even thinking about whats she doing makes me so angry but its upsetting at the same time.

[betterdeal]

I don't know anything else that can help her, sorry. Take care of yourself and your child. You may need to cut her off for some time to get stability in your life for you and your child.

[perfectlyunique]

I don't know anything else that can help her, sorry. Take care of yourself and your child. You may need to cut her off for some time to get stability in your life for you and your child.

 

thanks anyway, tbh if shes not careful she will lose everyone anyway and she only has herself to blame .shes already lost friends because of the way she is.

[betterdeal]

thanks anyway, tbh if shes not careful she will lose everyone anyway and she only has herself to blame .shes already lost friends because of the way she is.

 

Often the best way to treat a temper tantrum is to wait for the child to run out of steam, then talk to them afterwards. If your mother ever calms down, then you can talk to her.

[perfectlyunique]

Often the best way to treat a temper tantrum is to wait for the child to run out of steam, then talk to them afterwards. If your mother ever calms down, then you can talk to her.

 

yes true thanks although i wonder how long that will take shes been like this a year or more now. im really stuck what to do. i know im 26 but i want a mum in my life i think most people do.

[betterdeal]

yes true thanks although i wonder how long that will take shes been like this a year or more now. im really stuck what to do. i know im 26 but i want a mum in my life i think most people do.

 

I'm 37 and I want my mum in my life! Okay, your mum appears to be behaving like a child so you're going to have to treat her like a child, to a degree. Tell her you will not engage with her when she is being childlike and that you will engage when she is well behaved.

 

Encourage her to let other people help her, such as mental health professionals. They can't make her do anything and may be able to help her feel better. She may calm down after a while and she's got used to you not being there.

 

How old is she?

[betterdeal]

Also, I just thought, have you been to your local Citizen's Advice Bureau? They may be able to help you.

[perfectlyunique]

I'm 37 and I want my mum in my life! Okay, your mum appears to be behaving like a child so you're going to have to treat her like a child, to a degree. Tell her you will not engage with her when she is being childlike and that you will engage when she is well behaved.

 

Encourage her to let other people help her, such as mental health professionals. They can't make her do anything and may be able to help her feel better. She may calm down after a while and she's got used to you not being there.

 

How old is she?

 

hi thankyou for commenting, shes 54 ...ive ignored her for months and shes still the same i even had to change my home phone number and mobile because she kept ringing saying she had no lungs, i know i sound nasty but she would not stop. You see what she wants is for health professionals to be there , when i rang them a few days ago because shes in there, they said she acting normal. was watching the football match and hasnt mentioned her lungs . i spoke to her on the phone and she said the reason she hadnt mentioned it is because they wouldnt believe her anyway.Its funnny how she can stop being "crazy" when she wants to. i Know she will act up again when shes out she always does.

 

i went to see my bfs mum last month because she lives in a different town we dont see her lots and we had a nice night had a few drinks then went to bed then the next day went to a pub and had a pub lunch it was lovely, my bfs sis was there and her kids had a right laugh... id love that.. i dont understand why she is carrying this on..she has my little boy (her grandson) and my sisters lil girl who doesnt know her anymore..she has so much to be happy about but shes not

 

Also, I just thought, have you been to your local Citizen's Advice Bureau? They may be able to help you.

 

actually no i havent been there i thought it was for more legal advice

[buddhistgirl]

you're mom is definitely not a stable person. I would maybe research the behavior to find a name for any type of sickness that may apply. Having that kind of information can make hospitals reconsider because you know what you're talking about.

I worked with mentally disabled adults and their prime behaviors were for attention. There was one fellow in particular that did this everyday; except his was his leg was hurting or that everyone hated him. I was one of the most successful people to work with him.

I would ask him if we could talk in private. He thought this was great because it was personal and he was getting "attention"; I thought it was great because it didn't cause a scene. Very important: ALWAYS REMAIN CALM. Hard I know, but it works great. When someone is yelling at you and you don't yell back, they start to feel stupid about yelling in the first place.

I would sit him down and ask him to explain to me calmly what was wrong.

If he started to raise his voice, I would tell him I would not talk to him if he was going to yell. I would let him tell his whole side of the story before I made any comment. He liked this because I wasn't cutting him off telling him he was wrong or whatnot.

Then I would suggest one solution or fact. In this case, you could tell your mother, "They've looked at your lungs closely and they seem to be fine." Then she will probably start yelling again. Then just stay calm and repeat, when you get a chance, "I'm not going to talk to you unless you calm down." I never raise my voice and never speak over them.

This will go on and on. I would go hours. But he came to appreciate my advice and trust it because I never said he was wrong. I let him find that out by himself. Don't say too much during the conversation. Just one piece of advice at a time, then let her work out the rest while you listen. This may sound tedious but it worked wonders with my client.

Then, instead of yelling about things, he would come up to me and ask to speak to me privately. Let her have attention, but only when appropriate. If he started yelling at me, I wouldn't speak until he calmed down. But I wouldn't leave, just wait. When there's no one to argue with, the steam runs out quick.

Hope this helps

[perfectlyunique]

you're mom is definitely not a stable person. I would maybe research the behavior to find a name for any type of sickness that may apply. Having that kind of information can make hospitals reconsider because you know what you're talking about.

I worked with mentally disabled adults and their prime behaviors were for attention. There was one fellow in particular that did this everyday; except his was his leg was hurting or that everyone hated him. I was one of the most successful people to work with him.

I would ask him if we could talk in private. He thought this was great because it was personal and he was getting "attention"; I thought it was great because it didn't cause a scene. Very important: ALWAYS REMAIN CALM. Hard I know, but it works great. When someone is yelling at you and you don't yell back, they start to feel stupid about yelling in the first place.

I would sit him down and ask him to explain to me calmly what was wrong.

If he started to raise his voice, I would tell him I would not talk to him if he was going to yell. I would let him tell his whole side of the story before I made any comment. He liked this because I wasn't cutting him off telling him he was wrong or whatnot.

Then I would suggest one solution or fact. In this case, you could tell your mother, "They've looked at your lungs closely and they seem to be fine." Then she will probably start yelling again. Then just stay calm and repeat, when you get a chance, "I'm not going to talk to you unless you calm down." I never raise my voice and never speak over them.

This will go on and on. I would go hours. But he came to appreciate my advice and trust it because I never said he was wrong. I let him find that out by himself. Don't say too much during the conversation. Just one piece of advice at a time, then let her work out the rest while you listen. This may sound tedious but it worked wonders with my client.

Then, instead of yelling about things, he would come up to me and ask to speak to me privately. Let her have attention, but only when appropriate. If he started yelling at me, I wouldn't speak until he calmed down. But I wouldn't leave, just wait. When there's no one to argue with, the steam runs out quick.

Hope this helps

 

hi thankyou , i have tried to remain calm but to be honest when she starts i end up shouting at her, im just so angry with her because she has so much to be happy about and shes not. i think because im so involved its harder whereas someone who isnt would be able to cope with the situation better. im starting to hate her. she has 2 grandchildren who she could see at any time she wanted if she was normal. thats not good enough for her she wants her children to be there 24/7 and look after her, cook her meals, do her shopping. i used to do this and thought it was okay now i realise i only helped make her this way.

 

with me having an operation soon i thought if i told her because shes my mum shed turn around and be concerned about me...i mean thats what mums do but no she doesnt even ask if im okay and actually i feel really poorly all the time. id love for my mum to be there for me.

[betterdeal]

Unfortunately, she's very unwell too. The best you can do, I think, is love her from afar.

 

I hope your op goes well.

[perfectlyunique]

Unfortunately, she's very unwell too. The best you can do, I think, is love her from afar.

 

I hope your op goes well.

 

thanks, i love her to bits , i mean shes my mum i just dont like how shes behaving, my little boy misses her. she promised him that when i moved out he could sleep there once a week and theyd have a chinese together and things. He remembers it , i know it sounds petty but those sort of things to a child are a big deal. I would of even paid for them to have a takeaway and get a dvd or something. when i was young my nanna and grandad meant everything to me they still do even though they have passed away. its sad because my little boy wont have that.

 

she has loads of reasons to be happy but she isnt i suppose some people dont know what theyve got till its gone

[betterdeal]

That must be very upsetting for you. I guess you can tell your boy that his nanna is not very well, and just play it by ear for now. As others have said, stay calm and be consistent and clear in what you say to her.

[perfectlyunique]

That must be very upsetting for you. I guess you can tell your boy that his nanna is not very well, and just play it by ear for now. As others have said, stay calm and be consistent and clear in what you say to her.

 

i have told him shes poorly but walking past her house abit back he asked to see her and said that i shouldnt worry cos he promised he wouldnt catch anything. he thinks shes poorly as in a cold or flu bless

[betterdeal]

Bless his cotton socks. Fill his life with joy. Is he at school yet? They may be able to help you too, with helping him in this period of his life.

Edited May 17, 2011 by betterdeal