After 4 years, my ex bf says he wants us to stay in touch

[hativelchas]

Maybe it's nothing, but that I didn't expect to hear from him again and don't know how to read it or how I should act about it.

 

So my ex bf found me on FB 2 weeks ago, sent me a friendship request, I accepted, then immediately he left me a message. I answered it after a couple days, then he sent another message after a few more days. We basically talked about how we're doing, he complimented me on my daughter, I congratulated him on his impressive collection of pics from his trips to exotic places, we each wrote and asked each other about our jobs and plans and the usual.

 

What surprised me was the tone that he used in his 2 messages. I would've expected him to sound a bit less personal, like I did (eg I said 'congratulations' for this and that, then went straight to the facts). But he wrote things like that it brought him great joy to see me smiling and looking happy in my pics, then he said 'remember when I was talking about planning to [something]' or 'remember my dream about[...]' or 'remember that guy [...], i met him again' (we just met him once when we were together, he's not even important in our story). And each message he ended saying something like 'I hope we can keep in touch' or 'I hope our husband doesn't mind us talking'.

 

Here's some background info on him: we met 5 years ago when we were both on scholarship at the same university in a european country, hung out just as friends for the first 3 months, then we became more than friends and we were a couple for 1 year, until we had to return to our home countries. He was my first bf (I was not his 1st), we did a lot of a firsts together, we got along great and we have a lot of good memories from that adventurous year. We were very much in love (at least I can say that for my part) and it took me almost a year after him to even start considering dating again. That's when I met my husband.

 

In that year after we returned home, my ex bf regularly sent me e-mails, at first telling me how miserable he felt and how painful it is to be apart and trying to encourage me to see life in a positive light, then he was just informing me about his interesting life (and no more about the feelings part), he suggested that go visit together a mutual friend in his home country in the summer, but I thought better and refused, then the e-mails stopped altogether.

It seemed normal to me, then I started dating my now husband, he proposed to me 1/2 year later, and just around that time, my ex bf found me on skype and we talked once. This time he asked how I was doing, I told him the news, he said 'wow, that's great, I'm happy for you, I hope it's what you want and need'. He also told me that he's going to travel around Europe with his 2nd gf after me.

We wished each other all the best, then I married, had my first child and now, after 2 years since we last spoke, he's contacted me on FB.

 

It's strange that he's always said this thing "I wish that we'll always stay in touch no matter what happens. I think I'll always want to be in touch with you" since we were just friends, then constantly in our relationship, when we said our goodbyes and when we chatted on skype, then now on FB. I didn't think he'd really mean it, a lot of people say that, then you never hear from them again.

 

I'd like to understand how he is seeing this- our relationship and why would he want to keep in touch with an ex gf he hasn't even seen in person for 4 years and that lives 500 miles away and is also married. I'd be thankful for perspectives from the male side (of thinking/feeling), if any available, thank you.

Edited May 10, 2011 by hativelchas