Star Gazer Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 If that was directed at me, I am definitely not from the UK. Not sure where OP's girl is from though. I meant NZ. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 I am not native NZ. =/ Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 As an example, I got a couple hugs from my best friend's wife tonight as well as a friendly kiss on the lips. This is normal for us. He and I hug as well and tell each other we love each other. I can't imagine not hugging/kissing close female friends, single or married. To me, it's non-sexual physical affection and what close friendships are all about. I will say things are a bit more reserved with my friends in Japan, but my Aussie and Kiwi friends are quite warm and friendly. I actually found the men a lot more open and affectionate than some of my male friends here in the U.S. No help to the OP obviously I just can't get my head around the potential of a woman who would be reserved about hugs but still sexually attracted. I'd walk the other way. It doesn't compute. I need further programming. Probably need that anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 I know I said I wouldn't post until I had an update. I don't have anything new but this thread has been active so I might as well. She is not the first girl I met who is uncomfortable getting hugs. I did a bit of searching on the net and it seems to be caused by being raised in a family where affectionate touching isn't done. That's also what she said to me, but I don't know if she is lying or not since I've never seen her with her family except for the one time I went to her house. She is definitely not one to initiate a hug, but she seems to accept them from certain female friends. I've never seen her talking to another guy so I don't know how she acts with other male friends. For all I know, hugging a guy that likes her may just make her feel too uncomfortable at this point. If so, what are some things I can do that are still physical, but less intimate than a hug? I just can't get my head around the potential of a woman who would be reserved about hugs but still sexually attracted.Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's not sexually attracted to me. I thought that was pretty obvious. Women are never attracted to me so I need to find some way to create attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Not sure if you did this, but....did you ever try to hold her hand? I'm guessing you probably tried this at some point. That's really the only other physical move I can think of that's less intimate than a hug. There are probably others I'm not thinking of, tho. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Not sure if you did this, but....did you ever try to hold her hand? I'm guessing you probably tried this at some point. That's really the only other physical move I can think of that's less intimate than a hug. There are probably others I'm not thinking of, tho. He could try asking her for a lot of High-Fives. They say when you reach a certain number High-Fives the girls panties drop. Just for measure I recommend mixing in a few fist bumps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 Not sure if you did this, but....did you ever try to hold her hand? I'm guessing you probably tried this at some point. That's really the only other physical move I can think of that's less intimate than a hug. There are probably others I'm not thinking of, tho. Hand holding actually seems to be more intimate. I see it as something that couples do. I don't think I'd try it till after I kissed a girl. As for updates, I just talked to her and her grandmother is in town so she'll be busy for a while. If we do hang out again, it won't be till next Saturday. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Hand holding actually seems to be more intimate. I see it as something that couples do. I don't think I'd try it till after I kissed a girl. As for updates, I just talked to her and her grandmother is in town so she'll be busy for a while. If we do hang out again, it won't be till next Saturday. You haven’t even tried to hold her hand in over a year of liking her? Look your updates are non updates. Stop obsessing over this girl and go after some one new. You’re almost 30 you don’t need to wait for school to start. If I knew you in person I’d probably want to kick your ass for all the crap you put yourself through. Link to post Share on other sites
welikeincrowds Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 What the hell, am I in some kind of bizarro world? Why are you talking about the nuances of hand-holding when you've just admitted that you're suicidal? Somedude, please, acknowledge that this is a problem and that you're going to do something about it today! Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 Thinking about suicide and being suicidal are not the same thing. The only reason I even have these thoughts is because I'm sick of being alone. There's also the fear of being alone for the rest of my life. That's not something that a drug or therapy can fix. Link to post Share on other sites
heartshaped Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Thinking about suicide and being suicidal are not the same thing. The only reason I even have these thoughts is because I'm sick of being alone. There's also the fear of being alone for the rest of my life. That's not something that a drug or therapy can fix. I don't think you want to get 'fixed' somedude. No, no amount of drugs or therapy are going to help you if you aren't committed to getting well and you aren't. In a way you have a bit of woe is me attitude. What if you are alone for the rest of your life? You have to find a way to be okay with that, to be happy with that, and it doesn't seem like you are able to do so on your own so anyone in their right mind would recommend therapy, but you aren't willing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author somedude81 Posted June 7, 2011 Author Share Posted June 7, 2011 What if you are alone for the rest of your life? You have to find a way to be okay with that, to be happy with that No. I don't. Anyways, this thread isn't the place for this kind of talk. I have a thread in the self-improvement section that is a far better place. Link to post Share on other sites
welikeincrowds Posted June 7, 2011 Share Posted June 7, 2011 Thinking about suicide and being suicidal are not the same thing. In fact, that is the definition of suicidal. Perhaps you have not made real plans, but even simply flirting with the possibility of ending your own life is a symptom that you should not dismiss. This is just not something one says flippantly. If you are willing to think it and furthermore to say it, it is indicative of a problem that you need to take seriously -- especially if this is something you suffer from daily. I don't think I'm being alarmist or naive or patronizing. I am stupefied by the idea that you are not recognizing this as a hard-and-fast sign of an emergency, like having trouble breathing or a deep ache in your abdomen or burning when you pee. You have to get this checked out. Link to post Share on other sites
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