calilove Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 my girlfriend broke up with me after 4.5 year. I believe I can get her back, but I have to move to california from atlanta. I plan to give her time, and become friends again but how to get out of friend zone in another state? Link to post Share on other sites
Author calilove Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 me and my girlfriend lived together and our lease is up and i graduated. Since she broke up with me I am moving back to california where i am from because she is the only reason i would stay in atlanta. I am giving her time to see that she misses us as a couple and then start out as friends then I would get out of friend zone to get back together and she either could move to california like we previously discussed before the break up. but i need to know how to get out of friend zone in a different state. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 If someone breaks up with you, it's generally taken that it's because they don't want to be with you any more. She doesn't want to be with you any more. Don't be friend-zoned. Read the No Contact guide in my signature, and stick to it 100%. Remember, it is designed to help you get over the end of the relationship. It is NOT in any way shape or form, meant to help you get your ex- back. You're moving away. Perfect opportunity to move on. Take it. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeless Girl Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 You should just work on you. Live your life. Just let it go. Stay friends, but just friends. Dont go to her, let her come to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author calilove Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 i am going to work on me and do what i need to do to reach my goals and will let her come to me if that is what she decides. But if we do become friends how would i get it beyound that point if I live in another state? If that doesnt happen i am willing to accept that. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Listen: The only time - The ONLY time - it's ok for you to be friends, is when she is married, with kids, the family dog and the 4x4 in the drive - and you don't care, but are indifferently happy about it. "Who cares the least, controls the most." Move on, forget her, and think about touching base when you are comfortable, happy, and haven't thought about her for ages.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author calilove Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 what if she contacts me and we are friends and then later wants to get back or says she is second guessing her decision and we are still in seperate states? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Yeah, what if....? So what? If you keep thinking like that, you will never live your life for you - you'll be living it for her, 'just in case'. You'll be forever standing on one foot waiting for the next step. Please get this through your head: Act as if there is nothing left of anything, any more. Leave it. Drop it. Stop with the "what if's" Forget any tactics, strategies or options. It's. Over. Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy1984 Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 Hey My gf broke up with me after 6yrs. She lives across the country. After the break up I told her I dont want to be her friend and went NC and its been over 2 months. Do I want her back? yes but what has NC done for me? -Made me look at the situation clearly - fixed any problems I had in the relationship - work on my goals - be able to heal - be able to really see if I want her or not How would I be with her if shes in another state? I was in a LDR for 2 yrs out of the 6yrs. Im willing to do that again until I see her. Distance is not a problem if 2 people can trust each other and communicate and genuinely love one another, with an end game in sight. Right now there is no trust, no communication and we are broken up. So until she figures herself out and is dedicated to me 200% I cant worry about how I will make it work. Neither should you. How can you have a chance at being more than friends if your in different states and your in NC? wait till she misses you and gets curious about you and contacts you. Take it slow and let her want to make it work then try. During NC if you still feel you want her and she comes around you can do LDR. you can be in touch via phone, skype and see each other during breaks and holidays. That your presence will be savored and not taken for granted. What should you do right now? Use this move and different environment as an opportunity to move on. Treat it as its over. There is hope and its ok to have faith but move on....date others, see others, flirt, have fun till you dont care. When you reach a point where shes a stranger, if she comes around the novelty would be back and you will feel like your dating a new person, with the exception of the history you have with them. If they dont come around well you have moved on and healed. The advice Im giving you is how I am dealing with things now. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author calilove Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 thanks a lot i gave me hope but I am realistic that we might not ever be together again. Link to post Share on other sites
nana841121 Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 This question has been lingering in my head for the past several months. My ex's behavior was really irrational. We were together for 6 months. during that time, he slept with his ex and told me, he didn't take it seriously, which irritated me in a deep way. i dumped him because i didn't think he loved me. He found a new girlfriend one month later. Then he started to call me as a friend. since the breakup was a peace and smooth one which was done through cell phone, I answered his phone call politely. Now we are like friend. He calls me every about every 10 days and we chatted like friends. I will leave this city in three months, and he is a nice person in a general way. I hide my confusion and puzzles. stay friend with him i guess he has never been in love with me and he feels guilty about this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 what if she contacts me and we are friends and then later wants to get back or says she is second guessing her decision and we are still in seperate states? This is your assumption. Don't jump into conclusion because you are not her and she is not you. Both of you are separate entity, two different individuals. When she breaks up with you, the best you can do for yourself is to move on and forward. Besides, ask yourself honestly and truthfully, are you sure you can be her friend without feeling any heartache if she told you she's dating another guy, going out with another guy and/or the worst telling you she got herself a new bf. If all the above you know in your heart you will feel the pain and hurt, don't get friend trapped. You can't switch role so easily from a bf to a friend. You put emotional wellbeing in a risk. Link to post Share on other sites
kaycstamper Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 You can't have hope unless she gives it to you, which she is not. She broke up with you. Period. Move on. Stay NC. If during this NC time she decides she made a horrid mistake and she misses you and can't live without you, trust me, she'll find you. By that time you will have moved on and may not want her back. That's the risk people take when they break up with someone. That's why it shouldn't be done lightly. Link to post Share on other sites
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