yes Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 i've heard this 'rule' many times: don't talk to a man about other men. while i agree that revealing excessive info about ex-bfs or other guys you're currently dating is just wrong (cuz of the consequences), i'm in doubt as to whether or not mentioning other people in general is a bad idea. this also applies to people of your own gender. i suppose when you're talking to someone, they'll feel more like you're focused on them if you don't bring up other people. i suppose they may also think u'r bragging if you keep on mentioning your friends. i don't mean juicy gossip... i mean stuff like 'oh i have a friend who did this(e.g. bought a sword) and this is what happened', or 'oh, this place is familiar, i came here w/ such and such once', or 'a friend of mine told me X - do you think it's true?'. i dunna - i'm thinking not mentioning your friends at all sounds unnatural. i guess the trick is not to overdo it?... last night i spent the evening w/ someone and mentioned 5 or 6 of my friends - all relevant to the conversation, but it wasn't _necessary_ to bring 'em all up. at some point i thought 'i wonder if it sounds like i'm bragging; like i have no friends hence fiercely trying to create the impression that i do'... hm. what dya guys think? -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 I don't think you ought to worry about this. If a guy is so insecure that he can't handle you talking about your male friends, you don't need him. On the other hand, if you're bringing up these names just to get a rise out of him, he doesn't need you. It all works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted April 11, 2004 Author Share Posted April 11, 2004 No, Tony, surely not to get a rise out of him (there're better rises to get out of men!! jk). And I don't think he was bothered by it, either thnx, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 Well, I sure hope not. I quite often bring up people in my life because they are part of the anecdotes I'm telling. When I mention past partners, I certainly don't talk about those fellows because I still pine for them; in fact thinking of them reminds me how lucky I've been to be extricated from the situations! I think it was Dyer who lately used a good phrase for this sort of reminiscing; it's reminiscing experientially, not emotionally. As for friends in general, I doubt anybody would think 'this person is bragging that she has a lot of friends'. That would be wierd. Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 You can talk to men about men, as long as they re not crushing on you, i hate when a crush talk to me about other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted April 11, 2004 Author Share Posted April 11, 2004 thanks, Moi. i think it's all good, but for my own peace, i'll try to mention others a tad less, and ask abt the person in front of me a bit more. DA-ism - insecurity, huh? Isn't it OK, if they're guy-friends? -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 Depends, if the girl doesnt tell me how much she wants them to bone her, yeah its fine, i have had a lot of girls pick my friends over me b4. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted April 11, 2004 Author Share Posted April 11, 2004 but that's completely different if she LIKES someone else, as a man. when i mention friends, they really are only friends, or an ex, and i talk abt smth they said or did cuz it illustrated smth i was saying, or cuz i want the opinion of the person in front of me. (note: if it's abt an ex, i only reveal very superficial details) -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 oh, just as friends is no problem, i get gossipy anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
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