Tony, Yeah, but.....

[RON]

I value your opinion, greatly. OK, what bothers me is you're probably hitting the nail right on the head, so let me give you some more info and see if maybe you can give me some hope because I REALLY like this girl. First of all, I'm not chopped liver. I make good money, am very attractive,..etc. Dating and finding women is no problem for me. I do not want a woman first of all who puts $$$ in her priority slot, but I think maybe this girl is just confused, or possibly afraid of this guy. He is very intimidating to her, and even though worth alot of money, he doesn't do crap for her. I'm a car salesman and this is how I met her. She drives this hunk of crap truck without a front fender, tags expires 2 months, while this sorry excuse for a man drives a brand new Lincoln Navigator. He'll call her and demand she clean his house, talks down to her, When he snaps his fingers she'd better come running or she is in trouble (literally). She appears to be under a ton of stress do to this relationship, and I honestly do not believe she is happy. We have had some pretty deep conversations (when she wasn't drunk) and she has told me she doesn't care about the money, and some other things and I have a tnedency to trust her. She has shed alot of tears and I think that maybe she knows it's over with him. Do you still think I'm crazy? I LIKE this girl, I just think maybe she is in a bad situation and doesn't know how to get out. COME ON, Tony, Give me something good because I don't want to hear the bad. (if its still hopeless let me know and I'll go sulk, and go on). Thanks Tony...and by the way, if anyone else has any insight let me know.

[Tony T]

I don't give people good or bad things. I just give my opinion, for what it's worth.

 

I still think there is an element of hope on the part of this girl that things will change with this guy. That was the reason she went back to him.

 

I never said you were crazy. I would have no way of knowing that without you going through a complete evaluation. But I DO think this girl is crazy. Anyone who stays with an abusive chump, no matter how much money he has or how good looking he is, is certifiably insane. There are many people out there, men and women, who seem to gravitate to and be happiest in relationships where they are treated like crap.

 

I don't sense any earthshattering motivation on her part to get out of this. She is doing a great job of keeping you on reserve and certainly taking her time splitting with him, if that is truly her desire.

 

NOW, I HOPE I'M WRONG. I know you want to hear that his lady is the woman of your dreams. Human beings are the only animal on the planet capable of self deception and deluding itself. Other animals do not imagine situations that do not exist. I just don't see this lady as being healthy enough emotionally to be a satisfactory mate. My guess is that she comes from an abusive childhood and she is used to chaos. Hopefully, in her growth process she will begin to enjoy nice guys and a peaceful mode of living but that will take a lot of time and patience on your part.

 

It really doesn't matter what I think. You will keep reposting until someone responds to tell you she is the love of your life. I would LOVE to say that but my fingers just won't hit the keys.

 

The most positive thing I can say is to keep in touch with her, pray that she will leave this guy, enjoy her company, pray that he won't entice her back with whatever it is that keeps her around him, and pray that she will eventually get the stability in her life to enjoy healthy relationships. This may just be her time. If she starts becoming disinterested in being around you, you can always start treating her like crap, as her boyfriend is doing now, and perhaps that will keep her with you.

 

As a practical matter, relationships that are formed during or right after a breakup, normally called transitional or healing relationships, do not have a lot of chance. However, in today's world many, especially females, will not leave a relationship or a marriage unless there is someone else to go to...so I guess you may be a bit OK there.

 

I really do hope this works out for you, I really do. But everything I write is in the spirit of looking out for YOU. You have a very positive attitude about life and love and that may just help you pull this off.

 

Now my opinion and two cents won't even pay the sales tax on a dollar's worth of manure. I hope you will get other opinions from people who have a far more positive take on this than I do. But I have been around the pike too many times and seen this kind of situation too many times...and I guess I have just seen the outcomes...too many times.

 

I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY...I REALLY REALLY DO. Work on this as hard as you can, if it is really what you want.

[Deejette]

I think this woman is not very assertive and needs to get drunk and spill her guts to you about how badly she is being treated, but doesn't havea the guts to get out of it, only to complain about it and act like a victim. If she had any guts, she would leave the chump and not cry in her beer over him. Sometimes gluttons for punishment only move on to another relationship just like the one they left, because it is the ony way they know how to be. One of my girlfriends, actually prods her men into being abusive because that is the only pattern she can relate to. Expecting someone to save her, she will cry on some guys shoulder and he will feel sorry for her, but she continualliy recreates one bad affair after the other because that is her personality.

I don't give people good or bad things. I just give my opinion, for what it's worth. I still think there is an element of hope on the part of this girl that things will change with this guy. That was the reason she went back to him. I never said you were crazy. I would have no way of knowing that without you going through a complete evaluation. But I DO think this girl is crazy. Anyone who stays with an abusive chump, no matter how much money he has or how good looking he is, is certifiably insane. There are many people out there, men and women, who seem to gravitate to and be happiest in relationships where they are treated like crap. I don't sense any earthshattering motivation on her part to get out of this. She is doing a great job of keeping you on reserve and certainly taking her time splitting with him, if that is truly her desire. NOW, I HOPE I'M WRONG. I know you want to hear that his lady is the woman of your dreams. Human beings are the only animal on the planet capable of self deception and deluding itself. Other animals do not imagine situations that do not exist. I just don't see this lady as being healthy enough emotionally to be a satisfactory mate. My guess is that she comes from an abusive childhood and she is used to chaos. Hopefully, in her growth process she will begin to enjoy nice guys and a peaceful mode of living but that will take a lot of time and patience on your part.

 

It really doesn't matter what I think. You will keep reposting until someone responds to tell you she is the love of your life. I would LOVE to say that but my fingers just won't hit the keys. The most positive thing I can say is to keep in touch with her, pray that she will leave this guy, enjoy her company, pray that he won't entice her back with whatever it is that keeps her around him, and pray that she will eventually get the stability in her life to enjoy healthy relationships. This may just be her time. If she starts becoming disinterested in being around you, you can always start treating her like crap, as her boyfriend is doing now, and perhaps that will keep her with you. As a practical matter, relationships that are formed during or right after a breakup, normally called transitional or healing relationships, do not have a lot of chance. However, in today's world many, especially females, will not leave a relationship or a marriage unless there is someone else to go to...so I guess you may be a bit OK there. I really do hope this works out for you, I really do. But everything I write is in the spirit of looking out for YOU. You have a very positive attitude about life and love and that may just help you pull this off. Now my opinion and two cents won't even pay the sales tax on a dollar's worth of manure. I hope you will get other opinions from people who have a far more positive take on this than I do. But I have been around the pike too many times and seen this kind of situation too many times...and I guess I have just seen the outcomes...too many times. I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY...I REALLY REALLY DO. Work on this as hard as you can, if it is really what you want.