HELP Losing girl of my dreams

[redheadon]

HI.

BACKGROUND I have been reading your posts for about a week now. I am currently going through a break up an i am looking for your perspectives. I an 29yrs old. About t 2-1/2yrs ago I started in a straight commission career that requires a considerable amount of time (60 - 70 hrs a week). About 2 yrs ago I had meet my ex gf while giving support to a friend that was meeting a young lady for a drink that he had meet on the Internet. My friend had asked me to tag along to entertain her friend that was coming with. It was a magical night. As soon as my friend and I got to the establishment I saw my now ex and went immediately to introduce myself(which is very unuasal for me). As it turned out she was the friend that I was ment to entertain. The night progressed with drinks and conversation within the group. At the end of the evening I had gone home with her and participated in sex. After that night we were unseperable. During my work day we would speak at least 3 times and then stay at each others every night.

 

My ex is 23 now was 21 when I had first meet her. She is a very slender attractive blond with a very out going attitude. She is also a mother of a 4yr old now 2yrs old when I meet her. She had gotten married due to an unplanned pregency at 17 to a high school sweet heart. She was about to dump him when she had foun out she was pregent. She remained married to him for 3 yrs and discovered that he was abusive, controlling ( wouldn't let her see friends, further her education, spend money, or make any decisions), he also would not participate in his sons life. After three years she divorced him and took there son. Since the divorce her ex husband has had contact maybe once every 8 months or so with the child. She feels guilty that she has taken a father away from her son.

 

 

THE STORY Through out our relationship I have delt with the fact that she is a very attractive girl, although I have had to point out inappropriate behavior from time to time (dress, letting guys grab her butt, etc) She has curved these actions for me. As I said before we have been inseperatable for the last two years. Initially she had pushed for me to say "I love you" by professing here love and expecting me to say it back. I finally told her that I loved her and then she withdrew her I love you and restated it as I think I am falling in love with. This statement concerned me. The next issue we had was here son. This boy is one of the best children I have ever meet and I now love as a father because I planned to be his father. At first it was slow and cautious around here son. She could not understand how I just didn't love him immeditally with no question. I began to build a relationship with him but always felt pushed to do more from her which kinda ruined it for me. The next issue wan buying a home. Before I meet her I had been searching for my first home to buy. As soon as she came into the picture we looked together speaking of a house we would buy some day. Eventually she asked if the house could be for the three of us. At that point I really did want to live with her. So we proceeded to make plans. After we had gotten use to this idea and made all the finincal plans to do so she indicated to me that we would half to be engaged before we could live together. A stipulation she had not made 4 months ago when we agreed to live together. As you may guess, the pressure was then put on me to purpose. Not a week would go by without being asked when will I purpose. At this time I asked her to to be patient with me and let me purpose because I loved here not because she was expecting it. Which I do love her with all my heart and could not see myself with anyone else. This pressure mounted over the month of November and December. During this time we began to bicker a little bit. In January she got fed up and asked me to marry her. I said yes, but was not to excited because the purposal was very important to me especially after her previous marriage I wanted to do it right for her so she really knew I loved her.

 

As time went on we were getting closer to getting the house. She had been going to nursing school full time and working and being a mom. I had been working my standard 50-70hr work week to get money for the house. During this time we had started to bicker more. The next thing that we fought about was setting the date for the wedding. I wanted to wait until she had gotten done with school and 6 months under belt at a career which would equal a 1-1/2 year engagement. She wanted to be married before we bought the house or the summer after. This was not financially possible or possible to do so in such a time frame. One day we had spoke on the phone several times arguing about the date. We remained upset through out the day at each other. That evening she had planned to go out with her friends to blow off some steam. She had called me at about 2am to give her a ride home. i could not drive due to having had been out with my friend that evening. She then decided to stay at her friend house that was having a party. At the party she talked with a guy for about 3 hours about relationships. As she put it they connected on many topics, goals, kids, being passionate about the careers, etc. The next day she didn't come home until 3 in the afternoon after a few calls from me to come get her which she refused. She had been living with me for about 3 months although she had her own apartment at the same time. Over the next week she started to question our relationship and backed out of buying the home with me. Then she broke the engagment and moved back to her house needing some space. About a week of no contact later I called her to get things figured out. During this hole time she says she loves me and trusts me more than any other person. That evening I ended up going over to her house and asking to be with me. I ended up staying the night and leaving the next morning. She called me that day and told me it was over on the phone. The next day I told her to come get the rest of her stuff. She came over and did so and we talked. She spoke of everything in past tense and told me to date other people to get over it. I told her that I would love her forever and wanted to be married to her and have children. She then stated that her ex-husband said the same things. At the end of the conversation I asked for another chance. She stated that "when we got back together we would not just go and get married we would half to build our relationship back up" I agreed but then she through in there that she planned to date other people and that I should do the same. So i said good by to her son and they left. The next early morning 4am i a woke from a horrible dream and called her, she said nothing had changed and wanted to know if I need anything else. I have not talked to her since.

 

Well what do you all think?

Any comments woul be appreciated.

[Velveteel]

This is a sad story. I'm sorry you're going through this. It seems as if your girlfriend needed someone to take care of her, and to build a life with, and to father her son, and that she grew increasingly frustrated with your inability to give her those things immediately. At 23, she's still young, even if she has the responsibilities of an older person because of her son. Maybe moving in with you for those three months took some of the charm out of the relationship, too. Perhaps she could see incompatibilities that hadn't surfaced when she was just trying to get you to agree to meet her needs.

 

And now it looks as if she met someone else during one of these episodes of frustration with you, and began to consider that she has other options.

 

I think you shouldn't contact her. Wait and see whether her heart moves back toward you after she dates for a while. And by all means: get out and date yourself. You may find a dream girl whose life plans are on a schedule that matches yours.

[redheadon]

Thanks, for the in site I have not contacted her in the past week and a half. I am finding it hard to get back into my work routine and the social scene. But what can I do. I feel like I need to make a big production and per pose to her. Her mother strongly suggested I give her time but supposedly my ex thought I did not want to commit to her so wouldn't this be a big sign of commitment or would it be seen as a last ditch attempt to get her.

[redheadon]

thanks