3 months out - Progress thus far

[Call Me Al]

Yo!

 

I dont much check the boards anymore, but I figured I would stop by and give feedback on where I am. I dont post a lot...but I figured it might help someone in their 1st or 2nd week of a breakup.

 

I'll be the first to admit that the past 3 months of my life have been rough and coping has been hard. There have been a lot of days where I question if I am even moving along...but then I realize that instead of me questioning that daily, it happens a few times a week. I still think about her every morning when I wake up, and I expect that to taper off in time.

 

If you had a strong emotional bond...dont expect that it will magically heal, and dont assign yourself a specific timeline on when to recover. It may take weeks, it may take months...it may take a year or more. Be patient and understanding with yourself rather than beating yourself up for still pining. Treat yourself like you would treat someone else you care for when they are hurting.

 

Provided you have access, see a therapist for coping skills and ways to work through the breakup. It has been very helpful for me because its kept me from beating a dead horse with friends. Obviously you should be able to turn to them....but after a few months I found myself being redundant around them and it made me feel worse that we were focusing on my breakup rather than fun stuff.

 

Dont rush into dating. I signed up for a dating website a while back and I chatted up some girls which was a bit of an ego boost....but really it just reinforced how mentally unprepared I am for getting back into a relationship, regardless of how casual it may be.

 

Focus your energy on making other changes in your life. In the past few months Ive droppped about 20 lbs, Im moving at the end of this month, got a new truck, and Im doing a lot better at work.

 

If the positive memories flood your headspace, acknowledge and focus on the negatives. Maybe this sounds counterproductive, but trust me....really allow yourself to dwell on the bad things about your partner. My ex had MAJOR red flags that I chose to ignore...and when I look back on them I realize I should have proceeded with caution. I found before I really focused on those things I was too quick to focus just on when it was fun. Make a list of bad things if it helps and remind yourself of those.

 

Write letters to your ex, but never send them. Maybe you never got closure or said what you wanted. When the thought is in your head...type it out and get it off your chest. Save it and re-read it later. Maybe you'll feel completely different a few weeks down the line. I had the notion earlier this winter that at the 90 day mark I would check in with my ex. Well, Im just about there and I can tell you now there is no way Im contacting her.

 

Dont dwell on 'what ifs'...it wont change anything. Also, dont spend too much time on this board. It helps, but it can be counterproductive if your every move is seeking out a similar situation to yours or reading the second chances board and hoping you'll get back together.

 

All in all, the past 3 months have been difficult...but I recognize I will emerge a better person through this experience...and I also know she wont be the last girl Im with.

 

This wont be your last relationship, either.

[Sassygirl2]

Thanks Al! It helps to hear that you are doing well. Sounds like it's been a rough road but you've managed to navigate it wisely.