He's just like me and I'm happy no matter how it turns out !!

[fooled once]

Hi everyone, First off I hope people get to understand me and I have better luck in here than the other couple of forums I have tried:p

 

Here is my story: I will try to make it short and sweet. Met my MM in college, both of us a little older than the average student. I knew him for about two years always thought he was cute, but really was in another world and relationship.

 

Fall semester 2010/11 we became friends and what I like to call semester bud's. Last day of last semester we studied alone together and this is when it was obvious that we were totally attracted to each other.. At this time he had only been married 2 months, and it was also obvious on observation that he wasn't quite the same as before he got married you could tell by his demenor in class.. ..

 

From that day on we stayed in constant contact mostly via technology. We just keep getting closer and closer and have realized that we are scarily similar. We usually chat over 20 hours a week. Our relationship is just emotionally with the exception of cybersex, hahaha.. We haven't meet up due to a lot of things. One scared, I think on both our parts. We are both extremely sexual and if we take it there honestly doubt we can stop it. But also he was working two full time jobs/then I was having a hard time in school so cancelled all fun for about a month. Then he got in trouble with the wife and was well (grounded).. Then our schedules didn't match up and then I was on vacation and blah blah blah..

 

So this whole thing has been going on 4-5 months hard to say when it became unappropriate exactly. Recently he has been expressing more and more unhappiness in the marriage and I never know what to say so usually change the subject.

 

I am not upset about your relationship, but of course want him to myself. I am very happy I meet someone SO CRAZY similar to me. Should I surprise him at his job and go visit him ??? I miss him in person and honestly right now just want a hug.

 

Also he is kinda in a self destructive mode of over drinking and I know he was not doing this prior. It's obvious he's not happy.. poor man And Yes, I love my MM very much and am happy to ride it out to see what happens !

 

2 jobs and school and he spends hours and hours texting you a week? Why oh why do people think that talking on the phone or texting is "a relationship". Customer Service reps talk to people all day; doesn't mean they are soul mates.

 

Enjoy what little you have.

 

He goes home and sleeps with his wife every night. I know, I know, he is miserable which is why he married her even when he was having all this great chemistry with you. Yay.

 

Please do not insult other Christians by saying his guilt is because of being a Christian. Christians understand sin and repent. Christians don't continue to have cybersex with someone who isn't their committed partner. Christians make mistakes, but not the daily planned activity you are discussing.

 

If he's so "unhappy" then it's simple. Either he can separate or get a divorce. Why is it that people think that they can fix other's problems or bring happiness to someone that doesn't even get it for themselves? It's his problem to fix his issue. You getting involve will just make you get into not-so-needed drama. Unless you are up for some.

 

BTW, how is this a "relationship" again?

 

That term is used so losely nowadays.

 

Yep

 

BB07: I am sure he would be happy Just nervous. I have tried to push his buttons before. I think I would have to stab him in the head for him to be mad at me, and still think he might say it was his fault.. I think I will go visit soon !!

 

jwi71: Yes, I know it is his decision and I it is not my job to make him happy. It would be simple if he just left. Too bad he has a 101 deep seated christian morals that makes him feel guilty about all of things. And happy or not the only person who is getting miss treated is himself.

 

Mimolicious: How is this a relationship ? are you serious.. We were friends before the attraction was noticed. Always relied on each other for school stuff, sat next to each other ever day and still texted all through class. It is a "relationship" because we both share tons and tons of stuff with each other, even a lot of stuff W doesn't know about him. I know his good side and his bad side. I know his dreams and fantasies likes and dislikes. I know if something happen to me he would come running. It's a relationship because he cares about me, my son, my friends, my wellbeing and my overall happiness. It's a relationship because we BOTH alway talk about how much fun we did have when we did hang out (too much ..thats why it is so dangerous to hang out) and how Crazy similar we are. I could go on and on !!

 

I cannot believe you are 37. NO way. More like 17. Why isn't he with you since you claim he cares so much about you? He knows you want him fulltime and he knows you aren't happy he is married - so why hasn't he fixed that? Why hasn't he told his wife about you and told her he cannot carry on the pretend marriage they have? Why?

 

How do you know his WIFE doesn't know his dreams, his fantasies? How do you know if they act out their sexual fantasies each night? How do you know what she does and doesn't know about him? Call her - ask her how well she knows her husband. I am betting she knows him better than you want to believe.

 

If you are serious about this guy - tell his wife you are putting her on notice that she has a fight on her hands for him. Tell him he needs to come running NOW and you want him to stay with you - forever. I mean, you are soul mates/twins/the same person. He should KNOW it hurts you for him to go home to his wife every night. He should KNOW you want him all to yourself and he should be ACTING to make that happen.

 

How are you going to feel when his wife is pregnant? How are you going to handle it when you are confronted with the fact that he is actively engaged in sex with his wife? He has the best excuse right now to end the affair...yet he doesn't. Why?

 

I personally prefer having a guy IN PERSON who wants me and only me. I prefer to have instant access to my man; not a text, a phone call or cyber sex. I love having him in my bed every night. But if you are content with a technology relationship, go for it.

 

When his wife finds out, and she will, and he tells her how you have stalked him, how he has tried to be a friend to you but you won't leave him alone, etc (when he throws you under the bus and runs over you) then what? I mean, dday is the BEST time to be open and honest....but I am going to bet he does everything in his power to ensure his wife doesn't toss him to the curb.

 

Does your son know your twin is married? Do your parents know your soulmate is married?

 

So let me get this straight. He's been married for less than a year, he's working two full-time jobs and going to school, and you spend 20 hours a week on chat together? Sounds like a great guy. Seriously, you're going to get into a relationship with someone who clearly spends no time working on his marriage and decided to pursue you two months into it? And he's not leaving because of his "Christian" views (ummm...okay...he started breaking his "Christian" vows as a newlywed)??? Oh...and the clincher. He's "over drinking" because he's unhappy and feels stuck. Yikes.

 

Seriously, why would you want to get involved with someone who emotionally jumped into bed with you before he started paying off the wedding bills? I'm really sorry to be both sarcastic and frank about this, but this guy is a disaster, and regardless of whatever connection you feel with him, you're simply an escape from the mistake he made by getting married. Even if you would have been perfect for eachother in any other scenario, he's proving to you right now that he's a complete jerk and has no concept of what commitment means.

 

Go ahead, let him string you along while you prove to him how much you love and want him. He'll either string you along and keep you on the side, string you along until you prove that you love him and keep you as a back-up plan, or actually leave her for you. Even if he leaves her for you, what has he done (not said) to instill any sense of trust in his character?

 

I'm sorry to be sarcastic or come across as harsh, but you really seem to be deluding yourself into thinking this man would be a good partner. And it's one thing to risk your heart with someone like this, but you have a son? What example are you setting for him? By the way, I'm not a BS and never have been. I'm on this forum as an OW, so I'm not saying this because I'm on a moral high ground, or because I resent what you're doing due to my own experience. I'm just expressing that it seems obvious that this whole thing is a very, very bad idea. Think about it very carefully. All the previous posters made excellent points. Listen to them.

 

Great post Carrie!

[vweb1218]

We rely on each other, it is very mutual.... He has never lost a friend in his entire life and I can tell that the people he choose to be close to are VERY important to him. We talk about his best friend a lot and I completely admire how close there are and how important I know he is to him, most guys don't have this.

 

I know this is a advice forum but right now I need little advice just to express myself. He honestly and truly is a sweetie and sometime even the best of people get involved in affairs !!

 

I feel honored that I am his best friend all though college, this really shocked me because he is so outgoing !! But it turns out he is outwardly friendly but quite choosy on who he really opens up too..

 

Once again all MM's are not bad or evil, just like not all OW are homewreaking whores. Everyone needs to be evaluated as an individual.

 

Of course you could be very right, but I highly doubt it.... !!

 

I have done my dirt research and couldn't find a single bad thing....

[Lucky_One]

I can't figure out why he won't sleep with you, if you are so sexually free and if he wants you so badly?

 

EMA or no EMA, if I had to beg any man to have sex with me and he didn't jump on the offer within 4.87 seconds, then he would be history.

 

Have you posted here before? I know I have read this story before, complete with breathless acknowledgment of your sexual prowess and your incredibly passionate bond with this guy?

[PhoenixRise]

So you have researched his wife's medical condition and decided she won't be able to have children even though MM (based on what the wife and her doctors say??) think she will be able to have children.

 

AND

 

You have decided based on you observation on her social networking page that they are having problems at home because she expressed a desire to have a full time job.

 

OP you are taking bits and pieces of information about this man and about his wife and you are creating the reality you want to see.

 

You don't know a thing really about her health or fertility. You don't know why she wants a full time job or that it has anything to do with him being home during the day.

 

You don't know anything (really) about their sex life. If he is attracted to you he has no incentive to be honest about their sex life.

 

If he is so miserable and you two are so obviously perfect for each other and they have only been married for 2 years and there are no children....then why isn't he riding off into the sunset with you? Why is he still married?

[PhoenixRise]

No way any of this reads like a 37 year old woman

[fooled once]

And he in not getting real sex from his wife hardly ever and when he does he does mention that he actually got some. He told me of her non-sexualness way before we noticed our attraction

 

**I have this bridge I want to sell you.....

 

Plus I don't think his wife can have kids..I don't think he realizes the seriousness of her medical condition but I looked it up and it doesn't seem very safe or likely she can even have children although he thinks she can.

 

**How dare you imply YOU know more about HIS WIFE's medical condition than he does. How truly cruel to think that you know what she can and can't do or what her doctor tells THEM.

 

And about me hanging on for years, yeah right !! I am moving to the other side of the country in August and he knows that !!

 

**And I bet you will be still talking to him, calling him, texting him, etc.

 

Please don't lump all MM's into the same cateogory. It has been observed by a dear instructor that as it got close to the wedding time that she thinks he wanted to get out and just got to involved in the event.

 

** Well geez, an instructor who knows inside a person's mind and heart. Wonderful. And I am sure this instructor knows you are infatuated with this guy and will tell you exactly what you want to hear.

 

By reading his wife's post on a popular social network, it is obvious that she is not so happy herself. Taking her married last name off the site over a month ago and whinning how she can't wait to get a full-time job because she can't stand staying at home during the day. (that's mostly when he's home)

 

**Why are you stalking this woman????

 

And FYI - many women have NO DESIRE to sit on their butt at home all day. Many women do not use their married name for various reasons. SO WHAT? He still goes home to her every night. How is he home during the day if he is working 2 jobs and going to school? Are they 2 part time jobs, like 10 hours a week? Sounds like she is a working/career woman who wants to be independent, and not dependent and needy on a man.

 

Trust me they have problems. And he is not just making all this up. And we are super similar even classmates noticed and said so.

 

**LOL. Of course he isn't making anything up. Super similar? Wow. That's wonderful! When is he leaving again???

 

Is he a drinker for sure.. He is not an alcoholic but could become one if he doesn't find a better way to deal with his emotions...

 

It doesn't really matter because he is in my life for a reason !! And there is no way I'm going to break the contact until I discover why and what our connection really means.

 

**So call his wife and tell her you are going to fight for her husband. Let her know you two are twins/soulmates and everyone, just EVERYONE knows how great your connection is. Let him know you are going to go see his wife and have a chat with her.

 

And about being similar: it is usually something he mentions first that I am like OMG me too, not usually the other way around !!

 

And by the way I am grown, 37 to be exact !!

 

Wow..... just wow.......

[BB07]

AFter the op told us her age.......that sorta cements the troll factor. I don't know any 30 something women who would be that naive/silly to blindly have faith like that in anyone or anything. I dunno........perhaps there really are people like that out there but not in my dealings with others. Reminds me a bit of Daisy but she was more simple minded.

[Lucky_One]

t/j Why are so many posters suspected of being trolls here? Until you KNOW that she's one, why not give the benefit of the doubt? I think her story sounds plausible, even if I believe that the OP is seriously deluded and lacks adult relationship skills.

[donnamaybe]

t/j Why are so many posters suspected of being trolls here? Until you KNOW that she's one, why not give the benefit of the doubt? I think her story sounds plausible, even if I believe that the OP is seriously deluded and lacks adult relationship skills.

There are several previously banned posters who have come back time and time again to take pokes at people, particularly in the OW/OM and infidelity forums.

[vweb1218]

Whats a troll ?? besides the thing that lives under the bridge.

 

I decided I don't want to sleep with him yet. Not ready, like the build up..

 

And NO I have never posted on here before !!!

 

He never did the research on her condition obviously... It is 100% not advised for her to get pregnant !!!!!!!!!! very, very dangerous and could cause her to die early on in the pregnancy. I know what condition she has because he told me. I am actually not the one who did the research orginally my older male best friend did. He was a med student but did not complete his studies and looked it up out of curiousity and then sent me links about the condition on which time I did a little of my own research as well

 

Seem's like most of you are all angry woman.. I will probably have to start my own forum of people who are more like minded and optimistic...

 

I said that is mostly when he is home. And Yes he is still working two job but is done with school.

 

I would never talk to or approach her, that's his job and I am confident that not before long he will do what needs to be done.

 

He admits the worst part of his life right now is "trying to be someone he's not".. He is also so happy when he gets to be by himself, it is insane. Last Saturday he got a much need sabatical and I was totally happy for him. He got to enjoy nature and be by himself all day and he seemed the happiest I have noticed in a long time !!

 

If that doesn't say something what else does...

 

When the time is right, he will leave !! And hopefully I will still be single

No worries !!

[vweb1218]

Who's Daisy ?? And once again why are you bashing her.. What did she do to you ??

 

Bashing me for being native is not going to hurt my feelings.. So if that's what you were going for, I suggest you come harder..

[Carrot2000]

No, He has not said anything about getting a divorce. He has just been expressing more and more unhappiness.. I'm sure it will be some time, doubt he wants to look like he didn't try at all...

 

He can't try to make his marriage work if he's having this inappropriate friendship with you. If he's truly unhappy, he would be considering divorce.

 

Why would he marry a woman who wasn't interested in sex in the first place?

[PhoenixRise]

So you know enough about the internet to say you want to start your own forum but you don't know what a troll is?

 

AND your older male best friend decided to investigate the medical condition of the wife of the MM you are having an emotional affair with.

 

AND your MM that you are having a text/email/cybersex/ emotional affair with has never expressed a desire to divorce or leave his wife.

 

AND even though you have told us that you are oh so very sexual, you don't want to have sex yet with this man who is so perfect for you.

 

 

But you just know he is going to leave.

 

BTW I don't think anyone posting here is angry. I know I am not. I'm rather amused.

[vweb1218]

I do think he is considering divorce. I have NO idea why he got married to someone so non-sexual. I asked him this a way long time ago when we were just friendly. At that time he said she was always like that and he would be happy just holding her hand but then he said but then again I think about it sometimes and feel I am just with my sister.... So Idk !! especially for someone who has such a high sex drive, I really don't understand this at all. I know he has tried to talk to her early on about why she is not very interest but says the conversation really didn't go anywhere.

 

As far as working on his marriage. Yeah I guess it would be hard considering he's alway chatting with me and worried about what I'm doing. I really don't think he's all that interested in working on it to be honest. Just seems to want to distance himself more and more in anyway he can find.

[vweb1218]

Yep that is what I said..

 

He has expresses some desire to want to leave.. just hasn't used the term divorce as of yet !!

[BB07]

What is it you want from LS VW?

 

So far you discredit anything that's been posted and you seem so very immature and unrealistic for a woman who says she is 37, so hence people wonder if you are trolling.

 

Oh that anger thing you threw out........I'm still laughing on that one.

[26pointblue]

Who's Daisy ?? And once again why are you bashing her.. What did she do to you ??

 

Bashing me for being native is not going to hurt my feelings.. So if that's what you were going for, I suggest you come harder..

 

Okay yeah I think this is Daisy 2.0. Same writing style, same [lack of] maturity, same defensiveness [over hwy we didn't like Daisy! Ha ha], & same blind naivity & not listening to anything she doesn't want to hear.

 

Wow I sure do get sucked in by these trolls. :-(

[vsmini]

I refuse to be negative about this relationship or any other in my life.

 

 

 

It's not about being negative- it's about being realistic and looking at the situation for what it is. Being stupidly optimistic is only going to hurt you.

[phillyfan]

Last Saturday he got a much need sabatical and I was totally happy for him. He got to enjoy nature and be by himself all day and he seemed the happiest I have noticed in a long time !!

 

If that doesn't say something what else does...

 

LOL dude that made me laugh. I agree wit u, it does say sumthin loud n clear. It says pretty clear 'girl(s)-step off stop buggin me, i want 2 b on my own'. LOL.

 

Dude the guy is just playin wit u, if u look back n b honest with urself, I bet he was pretty keen for the first 2 or 3 weeks when u 2 fooled around then hes been coolin off. Hes had his fun. U already had cyber sex, rite there is a guy is lust thats all.

[bloppy]

It does sound a lot like Daisy.

 

As far as the sex goes who would want to have sex with their twin?! Cyber or otherwise.

[bentnotbroken]

It does sound a lot like Daisy.

 

As far as the sex goes who would want to have sex with their twin?! Cyber or otherwise.

 

:lmao::lmao:I wanted to say that every since I first read it.

[daisy love]

WOW!! I'm only ME!! I don't have time and I don't need to be any 1 else. You guys are really proving what I've said is true! This place is only for ppl who are ashamed to be OW!!

 

I'm happy if the OP is happy!! I hope EVERY ONE is happy!! Even mean ppl.

I'm thinking of starting my own forum too. We should be able to share joy without being made to feel bad.

[vweb1218]

Dude.... I tried to leave him alone all day. But he decided what he really wanted to do on his day to himself was chat with me for 11 hours... So of course we did .. And No nothing has cooled off. We talk more now than ever.. Maybe you MM uses you, but mine is a true friend.. Sorry !!

[RecordProducer]

I decided I don't want to sleep with him yet.

But you will sleep with him while he is still married? What if you fall in love and he refuses to divorce his wife? What if wife finds out? What if you get pregnant? You should think about the answers to these questions before you get involved with a MM. You're not yet too invested, but you will be. Even long distance hasn't stopped affairs. I personally have no experience with it at all, but from reading other women's posts, the love life of the OW is not a rosy one. It always starts as casual sex or fun or close friendship, the OW believing she wouldn't get too invested. A few years down the road, the MM are still with their wives, promising after each holiday that they'll leave. They rarely do. Despite what you think that we all are angry women (we may very well be), we're trying to dissuade you from doing something that will bring you nothing but pain.

 

When the time is right, he will leave !! And hopefully I will still be single

No worries !!

I guarantee you he won't leave ever. He married his wife knowing she wasn't sexual, knowing she had a medical condition (be sure she knows ALL about her condition from her own doctors and has told him about it) - and he was happy to just hold her hand. Wow, this sounds like he loves the sh*t out of this woman. And problems exist in every marriage; you should never predict a divorce because people have marital problems. On top of all, he seems to have strong Christian values. By the way, are you Christian as well? I am asking because if you're not but his wife is, that would be an additional factor against you.

 

By the way, the cybersex is nothing. Men don't consider it cheating. I even think he wouldn't sleep with you if you initiated it. Maybe he'll cheat eventually, and it might not even be with you or only with you.

 

How old is this guy?

[bentnotbroken]

Dude.... I tried to leave him alone all day. But he decided what he really wanted to do on his day to himself was chat with me for 11 hours... So of course we did .. And No nothing has cooled off. We talk more now than ever.. Maybe you MM uses you, but mine is a true friend.. Sorry !!

 

 

Yup, I see this daily...with my HS kid.