How Interested Is She?

[mrnotsosure]

I have the age-old dilemma. There is a co-worker who I have a mad, mad crush on. She is very attractive, completely my type, funny, smart, sexy and everything I find interesting. I cannot tell if she is interested in me beyond being just a friend. I would consider us good friends at work. There is a group of us who go to work often, but I am the only straight guy among a group of mainly woment and a few gay guys.

 

Here is what I want to know. I cannot tell if she is just really cool and friendly, or interested in me in more ways than one. Here is what I often am confronted with:

 

1) She usually has the brightest smile when I first see her in the day.

2) If we are out among a group, she will usually single me out during our group time to talk to me personally, rather than the group at large. Her demeanor is also different when she does this, much more friendly or personal (often referring to things the two of us have discussed earlier).

3) She will give me a friendly nudge with her elbow from time to time. She did it today when she entered a lunch meeting, while I was talking to someone else.

4) She calls me by a nickname that no one else calls me.

5) She laughs at almost all of my jokes.

6) She remembers virtually everything I tell her.

7) She will email me at random during the day.

 

To further complicate matters, she is divorced. Her ex is a jerk (which she tells everyone). He cheated on her, which led to the divorce. She has an off/on again boyfriend (which she really only discusses with me, saying "well, I'm not going to be remarried for a while"). I am married (fairly happily); She knows this and we relate stories about our kids. She does not ask about my spouse too often.

 

She makes me feel conflicted and excited. She is a wonderful fantasy that I think about now all of the time. I know what I should and should not be doing. However, I cannot help but think "what if". I have never felt this way before about someone outside of my marriage. Do you think she is into me and what is the likelyhood that she would want to take things further, based upon her previously bad experience in marriage?

 

Thanks!

[CrestfallenNoMore]

So are your actions going to be dependent on what you believe her feelings to be?

 

In other words, if you believe that she is interested, you'll risk your marriage to pursue a relationship with her?

 

I'm asking because perhaps this is a wake up call to evaluate your current commitment, rather than trying to pursue a new one. And if your answer would be "stay where I'm at if she's not interested" that could also be very telling.

 

But that's not what you asked. So I'll say, having been in her situation, I did not take seriously or respect any married man who pursued me and who knew of the circumstances of my divorce. But that's just one datapoint, as I know that others who have been cheated on respond by participating in an affair themselves. Usually the motivation is to feel desirable again, and it doesn't have much to do with the actual partner chosen.

 

No matter how you slice it, I would not predict a rosy future at this time.

Edited May 13, 2011 by CrestfallenNoMore
clarity

[crazyd]

Oh boy...this can only end in one word if this goes further - badly. It does seem like she's making advances towards you, but you are in a marriage. You even stated it yourself "She is a wonderful fantasy". Consider the damage you'll be doing not only to yourself, but also to your wife if you let this fantasy become a reality.

 

Focus on your reality, put up boundaries with your coworker, and kick the question of "what if" to the curb.