J200 Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I wouldn't even call him a friend, more like a "F Buddy", except we don't really F a lot but we do other things most of the time like oral and mess around a lot, and yes I do realize that's pretty much the same thing as sex. We are not friends or acquaintances; we just hook up and we don't even talk really, like on the phone or whatever. We actually met on Craigslist around 3 years ago; I was the one who put out the ad on Casual Encounters. We've been meeting up for a long time now. It's the best sex I've ever had. I don't ever plan to get married, have kids or have a bf anymore. I am 33 now so I've made up my mind. I'm not traditional and don't believe in marriage and all that nonsense. I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone because I don't trust anyone and I don't think anyone could ever truly like me, and if they did, they would probably end up cheating on me. I developed a crush on the guy, like big time. I've liked him for years now and think about him all day long non-stop. He is a lot younger than me; he's 23 and I'm 33. Maybe I like the fact that he doesn't like me; it seems to be a safe outlet for me to have a harmless crush on without having to be in a relationship. Well, I told him I had feelings for him and he said that he doesn't feel the same way. However I think if I wanted to meet up with him again; I'm sure he would say yes again just because he's horny and I'm attractive. I don't think he will stop seeing me just because I told him I had feelings. My reasoning for still wanting to see him is this; I am not ever going to have a bf (I don't WANT one) and I am not interested in dating or meeting men. I am just a really anti social person. Even though it's probably a bit humiliating, I want to keep seeing him because this way I will get something and that to me is better than nothing. At least I will still get to touch the guy that I like and get to have amazing make out sessions and lots of action. If I don't meet up with him I have no one to get it from. I'm not a friendly person so I don't meet anyone. And besides, I don't WANT to meet anyone. I don't want a relationship with anyone. I am not big on relationships. I just want to continue obsessing over him and meeting up with him once ever 2-3 weeks (we both have busy schedules I guess). It is still better than nothing and when we are together it feels amazing, even if doesn't mean anything to him. It does mean something to me but that doesn't matter; beggars can't be choosers. I know people will say "oh but you deserve to meet a guy who cared about you etc", but the thing is I don't want to meet someone now. I think I kind of like pining and obsessing over someone who doesn't want me because I feel safer that way. Link to post Share on other sites
orangelady Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 why does your story sound so familiar....... Link to post Share on other sites
princess xena Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I am in almost the exact same situation. I have no interest in dating, or meeting new people. My friends say its a phase, but Im happy just the way I am. My fwb of 2 years really is my friend though, we talk about everything. I completely understand what your feeling. We are using these guys for sex, and just basic human contact. It saves us from going out and having to meet new people. Unhealthy? Probably. But you are not alone. Btw, my fwb is 21, im 36. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J200 Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 I am in almost the exact same situation. I have no interest in dating, or meeting new people. My friends say its a phase, but Im happy just the way I am. My fwb of 2 years really is my friend though, we talk about everything. I completely understand what your feeling. We are using these guys for sex, and just basic human contact. It saves us from going out and having to meet new people. Unhealthy? Probably. But you are not alone. Btw, my fwb is 21, im 36. Well, at least yours talks to you; mine doesn't. I guess I am using him a lot for human contact since I don't have much of that. It would be nice if mine talked to me more but he doesn't at all and that does make me a bit sad to be honest. I still have no interest in dating or meeting anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 How about building up a social life? Finding hobbies and interests, night school, exercise classes, that sort of thing? You can do that as well as continue to have fun with your playmate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J200 Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 How about building up a social life? Finding hobbies and interests, night school, exercise classes, that sort of thing? You can do that as well as continue to have fun with your playmate. I'm not really sociable and don't relate to other people very well. I have opportunities to make friends but I just can't relate to people. I do exercise; I take a bikram class like 3-4x a week but I don't talk to anyone there. Classes and such are not going to help me meet people either. I don't really know what I'm passionate about; pretty much nothing I guess. I work 40 hours a week so there's no time to do anything. After work I just want to get on the pc or watch tv. I guess in a way I am using him to fill a void. I don't see him often actually; it's just like once every 2 or 3 weeks and he doesn't seem to like me a lot; ignores my texts a lot or takes a long time to respond. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 It sounds pretty stable. I'm not sure what's concerning you. Lack of interaction, affection, emotion in your life? This guy seems to be very clear in what is on offer and delivering what he has offered to deliver. Wishing him to change is the approach you're taking, but you might as well wish Brad Pitt changes whilst you're at it. If you want a relationship (or relationships) with more dimensions, you may do better by changing something about you rather than wishing the world changes for you. Maybe dance classes would be useful in this sense? It would force you to interact with people, men especially, in a sensual (note, not the same as sexual) way. You might enjoy it once you get over any anxiety you have about it. Just take baby steps, instead of trying to leap head-long into something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J200 Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 It sounds pretty stable. I'm not sure what's concerning you. Lack of interaction, affection, emotion in your life? This guy seems to be very clear in what is on offer and delivering what he has offered to deliver. Wishing him to change is the approach you're taking, but you might as well wish Brad Pitt changes whilst you're at it. If you want a relationship (or relationships) with more dimensions, you may do better by changing something about you rather than wishing the world changes for you. Maybe dance classes would be useful in this sense? It would force you to interact with people, men especially, in a sensual (note, not the same as sexual) way. You might enjoy it once you get over any anxiety you have about it. Just take baby steps, instead of trying to leap head-long into something. I don't want him to change his mind. I am fine with him not liking me. I just meant that it would be nice if we had more but I won't die over it; I accept it. I don't want to take dancing lessons or meet any men. I like to be alone... I am just wondering if he will think I have no respect if I continue to see him after he texted me that he doesn't feel the same way. I told him that I tried hard not to like him but that I do etc. and he wrote that he doesn't feel the same and that it takes a lot more to truly like someone than what we did. Then he said if that's the case we probably shouldn't meet up anymore because it's not probably not healthy for both of us... Even though he said that we shouldn't meet up I am sure that he would meet up again anyways if he got horny enough... so it's not a final thing. I texted him back that even though it's not healthy for me, I still want to meet up because I'm not going to meet anyone new or get a bf and this way I will at least get something (being with a guy I like for a brief time) which is better than getting nothing at all... It's true though; it's how I feel. It really is better than nothing at all... Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Makes sense. If you feel this is what is best for you right now, go with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J200 Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 I agree, although I am a bit concerned it will be hard for you in the long run if your feelings are stronger than his. I totally understand about the antisocial bit. I'm like that myself. I don't really like people. It makes you vulnerable to the relationships you do have. You don't want to lose them because without them your life would be empty. So it's better than nothing, although that is sad really. Hugs to you. Hope everything works out for you just like you want it. Actually it has been hard for me for the past two years. I've been obsessed with him for that long and I don't think he even likes me a person. I found out a lot about him by stalking his facebook and online. I get depressed all the time and I cry from missing him every day. I still think it is better than nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Raindrop Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I am just wondering if he will think I have no respect if I continue to see him after he texted me that he doesn't feel the same way. Of course he won't, but it doesn't matter. He will still gladly use you for sex if you let him, whether he respects you or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J200 Posted May 13, 2011 Author Share Posted May 13, 2011 Of course he won't, but it doesn't matter. He will still gladly use you for sex if you let him, whether he respects you or not. That's ok with me. I'd rather have sex with a guy that I like the a guy I don't like. If I don't then I am afraid I will forget what its like to touch or feel a guy again. So I guess I'm using him so I don't forget what its like to be with a guy. In a way it keeps me sane but makes me insane at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Raindrop Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 I won't tell you it's healthy, because it isn't. I was in a similar situation before, and it literally started to make me lose myself. In the end, I snapped out of it, and told myself I will never allow myself to "need" someone that much. You don't need other people to make yourself happy. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Actually it has been hard for me for the past two years. I've been obsessed with him for that long and I don't think he even likes me a person. I found out a lot about him by stalking his facebook and online. I get depressed all the time and I cry from missing him every day. I still think it is better than nothing. I think you're depressed and the way you have dealt with it for the past two years has not improved things for you. In fact, I think you're depressed because of your lifestyle. Depression is so exhausting, I know, but I also know that by changing the way I thought, what I did, and who I hung out with, I came out of depression. It's okay to ask for help. Your doctor might be able to give you advice on treatment. This site might also be helpful, and it's free: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome I hope the clouds pass and the sun starts to shine for you soon. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
orangelady Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 That's ok with me. I'd rather have sex with a guy that I like the a guy I don't like. If I don't then I am afraid I will forget what its like to touch or feel a guy again. So I guess I'm using him so I don't forget what its like to be with a guy. In a way it keeps me sane but makes me insane at the same time. Why do you need to have sex with men you don't like to feel good about yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 13, 2011 Share Posted May 13, 2011 Why do you need to have sex with men you don't like to feel good about yourself? Some people like to f*ck the pain away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J200 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Share Posted May 14, 2011 I think you're depressed and the way you have dealt with it for the past two years has not improved things for you. In fact, I think you're depressed because of your lifestyle. Depression is so exhausting, I know, but I also know that by changing the way I thought, what I did, and who I hung out with, I came out of depression. It's okay to ask for help. Your doctor might be able to give you advice on treatment. This site might also be helpful, and it's free: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome I hope the clouds pass and the sun starts to shine for you soon. Take care. I am honestly not depressed because of my lifestyle. I just like to crush on a guy but I don't want to be in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J200 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Share Posted May 14, 2011 Why do you need to have sex with men you don't like to feel good about yourself? I am just saying if I am going to have sex, I would rather do it with someone I like. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 I am honestly not depressed because of my lifestyle. I just like to crush on a guy but I don't want to be in a relationship. Okay, but you are depressed, so I recommend you find ways to deal with that separately from your unrequited love predilection. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Raindrop Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 If you do decide to treat your depression, do so with therapy. Using medication to fight depression is a silly idea, and often times the medicine itself will give you depression for taking it! Everyone gets depressed at times, and it usually goes away with time or having a decent person to talk to about it. It makes me sick how pharmaceutical companies and doctors will so easily hand out those meds when they aren't necessary 90% of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Each to their own. I suggest contacting safe people, people you can trust, such as doctors and therapists, and discussing your options with them. If you like feeling happy and energetic, finding a way to lift the depression will help you be happy and energetic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J200 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Share Posted May 14, 2011 Each to their own. I suggest contacting safe people, people you can trust, such as doctors and therapists, and discussing your options with them. If you like feeling happy and energetic, finding a way to lift the depression will help you be happy and energetic. No, I mean in general; i am not depressed in general. It's true, I have NEVER been a super happy bubbly person, not even as a child. I was always introvert; it's my personality. I don't think I am depressed though. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Very true, it is your personality, and it's not my place to decide how you cultivate it! I'm a bit confused, do you want advice on anything in particular, or are you just expressing your feelings here? Nothing wrong in either of those choices. Link to post Share on other sites
Author J200 Posted May 14, 2011 Author Share Posted May 14, 2011 Very true, it is your personality, and it's not my place to decide how you cultivate it! I'm a bit confused, do you want advice on anything in particular, or are you just expressing your feelings here? Nothing wrong in either of those choices. I posted my question here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3396916&postcount=8 I am not asking for guidance on how to deal with the situation but whether he will think that I have no respect for wanting to continue like this. I guess I forgot to post it in my first post. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Does it matter what he thinks? Do you think you have no respect? Link to post Share on other sites
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