Ici Ixi Posted April 11, 2004 Share Posted April 11, 2004 It's so hard... every day I find I don't know how many or who my actual friends are. My "best friend" now has a boy frind that she absolutely "loves". Her and this lover boy have been dating for like... 2 weeks and going way farther then I'd do after a couple months. The main problem is, though, that since she has this new guy, I'm not number one. It use to be I'd call her and we'd talk for a long time. Now, it's I call her and she "has to go" because she's on the other line with "him". The terrible part is... even when I'm in tears. She's getting a bit better... but I'm not sure how much, or how long it'll last. But she's not my only problem, very few of my other friends seem to be there for me or what ever constantly as well. Most of them tend to be fairweather friends... friends when it's convenient to THEM. I have a few friends that are pretty good... but they got this other best friend, so... once again... I'm out. I'm still a friend of theirs, but you know... friends and best friends are completely different stories. I tend to be the kind of friend people can go to when they're down and need compfort or advice... not the kind of friend people love and respect 24/7. I fell like such a loser. It also doesn't help that most of my friends have boy friends they like to spend alot of time with, and when they're doing that... where am I to go? what am I to do? I live far away from everyone else and I don't have a boy friend so even if I'm invited to tag along at the movies or what ever... I don't fit in. I don't know what my problem is... partially it's because none of my friends seem to ACTUALLY be friends... just when it's convenient to them... and that sucks. And partially because since I don't have a boy friend I'm completely left out of everything. But I don't think it's that I want one... because maybe I kind of do... but mostly I think I just wish I wasn't the only person single... being single with a bunch of gals is fun! but all alone... NO FUN! Actually, what I need is real friends, how can I get friends to stop walking all over me? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Your friends aren't walking all over you. You are just demanding more from them than they are willing to give. If you were a true friend to them, you would understand that right now they are heavily invested in new relationships and seeing fireworks, etc. (somewhat akin to being in lala land) and that's all they have time for. Back off and give them time to bask in their new found happiness. They'll come back around. Meanwhile, understand that true friends don't grow on trees. If you find just a few in your lifetime, you will be very lucky. What you have now are situational friends, friends who are around when they need something or when it's convenient and not available when they have other things going on. That's OK. But if you are seeking real, true friends you need to be patient and taken the time to cultivate them. It doesn't happen every day...or even every year. Link to post Share on other sites
dreaming4ever Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 You sound like a really great person and I think it's awful that your friends are not treating you right. I had the same kind of thing happen to me in high school sometimes. My suggestion would be to either try to make some NEW friends who have similar interests to you at some kind of club or extracurricular activity or sit down alone with your friends and tell them this is how you really feel and tell them how much it hurts to be treated like a doormat. Unfortunately, a lot of people walk all over other people in life, part of the solution I think is that you have to be determined to NOT accept that from others. You have to let it be known that you're worth MORE than that and that you deserve better. As for boyfriends, I know it sucks that your friends have them but seriously, high school relationships don't usually last very long so I don't think it'll be long before you and your single girlfriends are having fun again. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 This is a normal part of growing up. When you do get a boyfriend you to we be in less need of your friends and have a strong desire just to be with your new love. All through life friends come and friends go. As we mature in age we tend to drift in different directions, even if we think that we are totally alike now. As Tony said if you find 2 or 3 true friends in your lifetime you are lucky. Unfortunatly there are many people in life that are friends because it benefits them, these people are not true friends and I don't think they know what true friendship means. Try to hangout with your friends that aren't in a bf/gf relationship. Believe me you to will soon be putting them in the backseat over some good looking guy who will be gaining all of your attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Qicah Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 I'm sure your friends are happy with their bfs and you should be happy knowing that they have found their happiness. You would only understand why are your friends behaving this way if you would experience being in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ici Ixi Posted April 12, 2004 Author Share Posted April 12, 2004 I HAVE experienced being in a relationship... but I DIDN'T go around acting like I didn't need my friends. I realize they're happy now, and I AM happy for them! Really happy for them! I love seeing them so happy and gitty... but they don't seem to realize: guys come and go, but friends are forever! I realize they want some HIM time, but they don't realize that them pushing me away now is going to result in the end boyfriend 0, friend 0. Who wants that? If they didn't push me away like this then in the end the score would be more: boyfriend 0. friend plentiful!!! It's not that I just expect people to walk up to me and be an awesome friend without me doing anything... that's NOT how it works, and I realize that! But when I work really hard at keeping my friends and helping them out whenever necessary, I'd expect them to at least do the same for me OCCASIONALLY. What's the point no backing off and letting them "come around to [me]" that just shows them that they CAN walk all over me! Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 When I was single I had a ton of friends and we all had fun all the time. As soon as I met my wife and when her and I spent more time together, some friends stayed away. After I got married most friends stayed away. Today I rarely see anybody anymore. My point, if there isn't a common interest to bring people together most friendships don't work. The favorite topic among most people is themselves. Alot of times there are strings attached; people hang with you because of something you own, a talent you have or a favor they want. You will only find a few people in your lifetime that truly will be your friend for just being you. Link to post Share on other sites
sienna Posted April 14, 2004 Share Posted April 14, 2004 Find someone with similar interests. Sometimes life takes them away. So get new ones lol good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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