Alright, Sunday it is

[Star Gazer]

WLIC... That's all great news. And I think it's perfectly normal for a man to still find other women sexually attractive. Just give it more time.

 

I am curious welike, in what way is her body not your ideal? Is she a bit chubby? Wrong proportions? Too small/big boobs?

 

I thought you were taking a break from LS. Has it been 2 weeks already?

[Mme. Chaucer]

My friend, please try to stop feeling bad and worrying about the body thing. I believe the best thing for now is to just accept that you find certain other women very attractive. Noticing them is one thing - please don't be ogling them. I know you wouldn't. Every woman HATES to be out with a guy and to observe him staring at others ... panting a little with his tongue protruding.

 

I do think it's important that you consciously stop comparing her with these anonymous beauties, though. That is a negative little seed that could develop into something that would be bad for both of you. Basically, I feel like comparing people is bad. Especially if you're comparing them with perfection.

 

 

Just enjoy her as she is. Totally revel in all the ways you enjoy her, physically and other ways.

 

I don't think finding other women verrrry appealing is so bad, really. You ARE attracted to this girl. It would be a big problem if you did not find her attractive. THEN you'd be up poop creek.

 

Keep having a good good time. I'm happy for you.

[Imajerk17]

She's moving in with you already? Man.... Boundaries dude, boundaries.

 

I know the (crazy) women of LS feel this is the most amazing and beautiful story. This all seems like a bit much to me, including how melodramatic the writing is. Bathos.

Edited July 4, 2011 by Imajerk17

[Eternal Sunshine]

She's moving in with you already? Man.... Boundaries dude, boundaries.

 

I know the (crazy) women of LS feel this is the most amazing and beautiful story. This all seems like a bit much to me, including how melodramatic the writing is. Bathos.

 

Lolz I actually agree with you.

[Kamille]

2 clarifications

 

1: ES said she was taking a 2 week break from turning to LS to discuss issues that arose in her relationship. She, at the time, mentioned she was going to stick around and participate in other's threads.

 

2: I don't think the girl in Welike's thread has moved in with him. He offered she could stay with him until she found a place. Apparently, this arrangement works for him, as he sounds like rather enjoys her company.

 

Welike, I'm left wondering this: have you ever been in a relationship where you stopped noticing other attractive women? It sounds like quite the romantic goal - but I'm wondering how realistic a goal it is.

[tigressA]

Welike, I'm left wondering this: have you ever been in a relationship where you stopped noticing other attractive women? It sounds like quite the romantic goal - but I'm wondering how realistic a goal it is.

 

Good question. I happen to think meeting a guy who's capable of not noticing other attractive women while in a relationship is like finding a needle in a haystack.

[Eternal Sunshine]

2 clarifications

 

1: ES said she was taking a 2 week break from turning to LS to discuss issues that arose in her relationship. She, at the time, mentioned she was going to stick around and participate in other's threads.

 

2: I don't think the girl in Welike's thread has moved in with him. He offered she could stay with him until she found a place. Apparently, this arrangement works for him, as he sounds like rather enjoys her company.

 

Welike, I'm left wondering this: have you ever been in a relationship where you stopped noticing other attractive women? It sounds like quite the romantic goal - but I'm wondering how realistic a goal it is.

 

Thanks Kamille

 

My goal is to reduce over-thinking and anxiety about my relationship. Posting in other people's threads doesn't hinder that.

[Kamille]

Good question. I happen to think meeting a guy who's capable of not noticing other attractive women while in a relationship is like finding a needle in a haystack.

 

I happen to think it's not possible. I mean, bf and I are lucky in that we are absolutely each other's type, so while I may find other men attractive, I never find them more attractive than bf. And, by now, the relationship is worth so much more than a fleeting attraction that it would take a greek god to come between me and my man. And even then, the god might lose.

Edited July 4, 2011 by Kamille

[Imajerk17]

2 clarifications

 

1: ES said she was taking a 2 week break from turning to LS to discuss issues that arose in her relationship. She, at the time, mentioned she was going to stick around and participate in other's threads.

 

2: I don't think the girl in Welike's thread has moved in with him. He offered she could stay with him until she found a place. Apparently, this arrangement works for him, as he sounds like rather enjoys her company.

 

Welike, I'm left wondering this: have you ever been in a relationship where you stopped noticing other attractive women? It sounds like quite the romantic goal - but I'm wondering how realistic a goal it is.

 

How long could it take to find a job and save up to make a deposit for her own place though? It could be months!

 

Also, WLIC just seems awfully indulgent with his feelings. Paragraphs upon paragraphs--this is crazy! WTF. It's just hard for me to imagine a straight man writing like that.

Edited July 4, 2011 by Imajerk17

[welikeincrowds]

Also, WLIC just seems awfully indulgent with his feelings. WTF. Paragraphs upon paragraphs--this is crazy! It's just hard for me to imagine a straight man writing like that.

 

Take it easy bro. I'm just a florid writer.

 

We're getting ready to take a day trip to the beach. I've read all your thoughts and will post more later.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

Also, WLIC just seems awfully indulgent with his feelings. Paragraphs upon paragraphs--this is crazy! WTF. It's just hard for me to imagine a straight man writing like that.

 

I think you might notice how the women here respond to it, though ... Welike is a popular fellow. There might be something worth looking at here for you.

 

Anyway, he writes like a writer. Writers write. Evidently there are not very many guy writers spending their time writing on LS.

 

OP - have fun at the beach, and wear your darkest shades ... so you don't get caught ... looking!

[Star Gazer]

Thanks Kamille

 

My goal is to reduce over-thinking and anxiety about my relationship. Posting in other people's threads doesn't hinder that.

 

Seeing as you posted about your relationship in this very thread, I disagree.

 

The question you posed to WLIC is also demonstrative of your own insecurities about your body. Questioning him about why she's not ideal is bound to stir up your insecurities about your body.

 

A FULL BREAK from LS would do you a world of good, really.

[thehead]

Get ready to call me Mr. Sensitive imajerk---but some part of me doesn't want you (OP) to detail what you find less appealing about her physically.

I don't know why, since this is a place of anonymity, but it feels kind of disrespectful to her.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Get ready to call me Mr. Sensitive imajerk---but some part of me doesn't want you (OP) to detail what you find less appealing about her physically.

I don't know why, since this is a place of anonymity, but it feels kind of disrespectful to her.

 

Me too, and I am immensely gratified that you're evidently a guy ... or else you'd have to be Ms. Sensitive. I mean, I'm happy that a guy feels this way.

 

This sharing on LS is weird ... I think it's good, to an extent, and I enjoy it. And I partake. But even though it's anonymous, I truly believe that certain things between two people need to be preserved in privacy to help keep the magic, or the sanctity, or something. When I see people sharing many texts/ emails here or telling verbatim what someone did or said, basically just to display it for whatever reason (it's not absolutely pertinent to getting guidance), I experience that as a big broach of boundaries and as chipping away at the bond of the relationship.

 

Also, if WLIC were to categorize all of his love interest's features and how they "stack up" to those of his "ideal," it could NOT possibly be good for him or for their relationship.

 

Comparing people is not good, IMO. Each has to be taken on his or her own merits. Or deficits.

 

As I see it, WLIC idealistically wants to be with the woman who physically embodies the girl of his fantasies. Or, for his fantasy to adjust itself to encompass the girl he is with, if he really likes her. Or, for the ideal fantasy to just disintegrate and stop bugging him.

 

I don't know whether he has ever got to be with his physical dream type sexually.

 

We'll see if his yearning for that supersedes his emotional bond that he evidently is developing with a beautiful girl who he IS sexually attracted to, but who is NOT the embodiment of his dream type ... which is evidently strolling past him on the street, on the beach, in the subway, and just messing with his mind.

 

We will see!

[GildedLily]

Take it easy bro. I'm just a florid writer.

 

We're getting ready to take a day trip to the beach. I've read all your thoughts and will post more later.

 

Welikeincrowds: Many Many people have read your LONG ASS post, in addition at least three posters have asked you to answer "what exactly you don't like about her body?" I specifically asked "compare her body to one you like as in a celebrity." ---If you compare 2 celebrities bodies to each other it will paint us a picture without any negativity, so don't say what you don't like, instead compare 2 celebs with one frame similar to your girls' and one frame that makes you salivate.

Now this is my second attempt at addressing you with the question and my third return to this thread to see if you have answered it. Not to be rude but I'm busy. ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Edited July 5, 2011 by GildedLily

[Eternal Sunshine]

Seeing as you posted about your relationship in this very thread, I disagree.

 

The question you posed to WLIC is also demonstrative of your own insecurities about your body. Questioning him about why she's not ideal is bound to stir up your insecurities about your body.

 

A FULL BREAK from LS would do you a world of good, really.

 

No - I have made a decision to end my relationship. He has violated yet another boundary and I simply can not take anymore. I didn't even post about it and have reached this decision all on my own. So my body questions are not related to my (former) relationship.

 

FULL BREAK from LS would do you a world of good too but that is not likely to happen

[welikeincrowds]

Not to be rude but I'm busy. ANSWER THE QUESTION!

 

So am I? Neither of us are beholden to this forum. Yesterday I left my house in the morning (as of the post you quoted), and didn't return until after midnight, having celebrated our national holiday. I simply haven't had a chance to reply.

 

Although I do appreciate your eagerness to help, and I too know the feeling of being frustrated by a lack of response after writing a reply.

 

All that said, I don't think I'd feel comfortable answering your question. Thus far I have been careful not to go into this aspect in detail.

 

I do think it's more about "what I'm used to" than anything. I'm just not used to her look. For what it's worth, I think she's more in shape than me. She can probably outrun me, for example, and she knows a lot more about food and preparation than I do. In fact, we're going to to the gym together today...

 

...which brings me to my next point. I think the bigger issue is that this is "moving faster" than I'm used to, so any minor doubts that I might have feel heavier or scarier than normal.

 

She's staying at her friend's place tonight, and maybe I should encourage that. Nothing drastic, just a little breathing room for the both of us, since this is a pretty sudden transition.

 

The bottom line is that, building on how Mme. Chaucer (elegantly) described it all, I feel my head being ****ed with, and I'd like to be able to let that go. Feeling like "it's okay to be attracted to other women" helps take the pressure off, so I appreciate that feedback.

 

To answer one question that I missed: I have been in relationships where I didn't even notice other women, because I was so focused on "her". But I realize that's also fatuous and a silly thing to expect or require. I'm not sure that it's even possible for me now. All I really want is to do the right thing.

 

So my body questions are not related to my (former) relationship.

I felt her point had some merit. It's one of the reasons I'm choosing not to directly answer your question.

 

Another is that this thread has been my private corner, and I'd like to keep the discussion focused on the most important person (guess who that is ). I'm sure you and SG (and I) could have a wonderful time politely discussing your decision and body image in a new thread of your own.

Edited July 5, 2011 by welikeincrowds

[Eternal Sunshine]

So am I? Neither of us are beholden to this forum. Yesterday I left my house in the morning (as of the post you quoted), and didn't return until after midnight, having celebrated our national holiday. I simply haven't had a chance to reply.

 

Although I do appreciate your eagerness to help, and I too know the feeling of being frustrated by a lack of response after writing a reply.

 

All that said, I don't think I'd feel comfortable answering your question. Thus far I have been careful not to go into this aspect in detail.

 

I do think it's more about "what I'm used to" than anything. I'm just not used to her look. For what it's worth, I think she's more in shape than me. She can probably outrun me, for example, and she knows a lot more about food and preparation than I do. In fact, we're going to to the gym together today...

 

...which brings me to my next point. I think the bigger issue is that this is "moving faster" than I'm used to, so any minor doubts that I might have feel heavier or scarier than normal.

 

She's staying at her friend's place tonight, and maybe I should encourage that. Nothing drastic, just a little breathing room for the both of us, since this is a pretty sudden transition.

 

The bottom line is that, as Mme. Chaucer (elegantly) put the question, I feel my head being ****ed with, and I'd like to be able to let that go. Feeling like "it's okay to be attracted to other women" helps take the pressure off, so I appreciate that feedback.

 

To answer one question that I missed: I have been in relationships where I didn't even notice other women, because I was so focused on "her". But I realize that's also fatuous and a silly thing to expect or require. I'm not sure that it's even possible for me now. All I really want is to do the right thing.

 

I felt her point had some merit. It's one of the reasons I'm choosing not to directly answer your question.

 

Another is that this thread has been my private corner, and I'd like to keep the discussion focused on the most important person (guess who that is ). I'm sure you and SG (and I) could have a wonderful time politely discussing your decision and body image in a new thread of your own.

 

Welike, I simply asked a question related to your thread (as have other posters). It was your friend SG that chose to go on a personal tangent.

[welikeincrowds]

Welike, I simply asked a question related to your thread (as have other posters). It was your friend SG that chose to go on a personal tangent.

 

As I noted. I'm not taking sides. I'm encouraging you to engage her somewhere other than this noble and holy thread.

[Hot Chick]

I think maybe you extended yourself too much by offering your apartment when she decided in the end to return to NYC.

Do you think it could be possible that she 1. cancelled her plans to work abroad because she met you 2. made up the whole story about moving to another country to work with children, because she wanted just a one nighter with you, but then changed her mind and now wants an instant relationship she can latch on to.

I enjoy the romantic vibes, but honestly the whole thing is fishy to me. You now have a live-in girlfriend when you should be at the stage of seeing each other a couple times a week and getting to know each other and starting to fall in love. You bipassed all that, and now you are feeling the results...not 100% attracted and committed to your girlfriend.

[Mme. Chaucer]

:

 

 

Although I do appreciate your eagerness to help, and I too know the feeling of being frustrated by a lack of response after writing a reply.

 

All that said, I don't think I'd feel comfortable answering your question. Thus far I have been careful not to go into this aspect in detail.

 

If it were Facebook, I'd "like."

 

I hope you're having a good time. I'll like that too.

[daphne]

So am I? Neither of us are beholden to this forum. Yesterday I left my house in the morning (as of the post you quoted), and didn't return until after midnight, having celebrated our national holiday. I simply haven't had a chance to reply.

 

To answer one question that I missed: I have been in relationships where I didn't even notice other women, because I was so focused on "her". But I realize that's also fatuous and a silly thing to expect or require. I'm not sure that it's even possible for me now.

 

I think the previous poster was just interested in your story and impatient to get to the bottom of it. It's a fun story.

 

As far as whether it's possible for you now. Sigh. You're over the age of innocence and purity in a male. It probably isn't possible now. I miss that about being younger. The guys still had eyes for just their girl.

[daphne]

Welike, I simply asked a question related to your thread (as have other posters). It was your friend SG that chose to go on a personal tangent.

 

And you keep updating us on your status ad nauseum as a result...

 

Shame on you Star Gazer!

[Eternal Sunshine]

welike, I just want to give you a hug. That is all.

[Star Gazer]

FULL BREAK from LS would do you a world of good too but that is not likely to happen

 

Why do you think I need a break from LS?