my dads moved to thailand and left me and my younger brother for a new family :(

[kaylz94]

Hi my names kayleigh I am 17 years old I need a bit of advice,so any advice will be appreciated!

My mam and dad split up when I was very young my dad didn't take it well and stopped seeing me and my younger brother he started drinking a lot,he lived in a small room in my nanas house everyone tryed to get him back on track but it took years for him to pick himself up and get a job he finally got on the oilrigs and started seeing me and my brother everytime he was home for a month he got his own house and he got us our own rooms we used to love him coming home and seeing him, as I grew up I knew my dad wasn't happy he used to drink early in the morning and all day, then when I was 15 he stopped coming to see us as much and he told us it was because of work my brother did not take it well at all and I knew deep down it wasn't work and that something was going on but I didn't want to worry anyone I seen my dads a few month later and he showed me pictures of an apparent holiday he went on with the boys to 'thailand' there was a lot of pictures of a women I asked who she was and my dad said she was just a women who worked in the hotel I obviously didn't believe it but I let him get on with it then last year he randomly paid for me my brother my grandad and my cousin to go to thailand with him for a month on the second week he introduced us to a women his new girlfriend she was a little bit to nice, she didn't drink alcohol and I caught one of her friends stroking her belly that's when I new, when I came home I cryed to my mam about it I new what was coming next, I never seen my dad since and I got a phonecall saying I had a new brother, I don't have my dad anymore and I miss him so much

[spiderowl]

I'm so sorry to hear this Kayleigh. It sounds like your dad had a lot of problems with coping with life and has dropped out previously. He has drinking problems and stuff. It sounds like he was getting it together a lot better more recently by working and sorting out his house for you and your brother. I can imagine it all seemed like things were actually looking up for you with your dad when he dropped out again, this time to go elsewhere with a woman. I'm really sorry you're having to cope with losing him abroad when you've obviously had to cope with a lot of unhappiness with him. Looking at his track record, as you've described it, it seemed more out of character that he was being responsible and functioning better. It's not altogether surprising he's thrown a spanner in the works again. The awful thing is that he's hurt you.

 

If your dad is a decent guy, he will be in touch with you and make an effort to say in touch. In fact, I would say he should have thought of you before taking off to be with this woman. Perhaps you are idolising your dad somewhat because he hasn't been much of a dad to you for most of your life. Maybe it's best not to have any expectations of him at all, rather than find your hopes are dashed once again by his behaviour. Fundamentally, your dad has made a decision and he does not appear to have considered you enough. This says a lot about what kind of person he is. He may never be the reliable, solid, supportive character that a daughter needs in her life and you may have to grow up understanding that he is weak in that respect. Just remember that his flaws are not your fault, though you are affected by them.

 

All you can do is to keep in touch by phone and emails/letters and see what happens. Please don't expect too much. I get the feeling your dad is not very self-directed and is easily swayed by what is around him. This might make him unreliable. I know you miss him very much but I would advise you to focus on making a life for yourself with good friends, who are nearby and who are more reliable. Also, see if there is a counsellor at school or college that you can talk to about this. It's hard dealing with a loss that you can't really make sense of easily. You sound like a daughter any decent guy would be proud of, so please don't think this is in any way your fault.

Edited May 14, 2011 by spiderowl