is there something wrong with me? need advice desperately, please!

[darla]

when ever my b'f of two years gets mad at me the first thing i want to do is run away. i want to leave him cause i think he is being a jerk, then we make up and i don't want to leave him until next time it happens. fortunately it don't happen often but when it does i want to get far far away from him. is this normal behavior? then when things go good for a few weeks or so in a row i wait and wonder when the shoe is going to drop again. sometimes i just want to leave him and not put up with the ups and downs of this relationship but there are some in every relationship and that is just part of love and i know that, but it don't stop me from wanting to leave him or who ever i am with so it must be something wrong with me, right? what should i do? sometimes i feel so stressed in this relationship like i am just waiting for an excuse to leave and when none comes i get frustrated and don't know what to do, what is wrong with me? i love him and he treats me great, he is not alcoholic, abusive or has problems, he just gets moody like the rest of us, still i feel this urge to always leave him or who ever it is that i am with at that time. but when i think of leaving him when i'm not mad at him, i think how much i'd miss him and being with him and i feel so torn in two. is this normal at all? i don't know i hate to say this but i am in my thirties, you'd think i'd have it together by now. any advice? thank you, darla.

[darla]

p.s. i just wanted to add that when he does get mad at me or when we get into a fight aside from it being minor most of the time but then he calls later and acts like nothing happened and nothing was said, while i am still upset and if i show it then it starts all over again. i am more then willing to let it blow over like that but at times things get said and they are hurtful. that's all.

when ever my b'f of two years gets mad at me the first thing i want to do is run away. i want to leave him cause i think he is being a jerk, then we make up and i don't want to leave him until next time it happens. fortunately it don't happen often but when it does i want to get far far away from him. is this normal behavior? then when things go good for a few weeks or so in a row i wait and wonder when the shoe is going to drop again. sometimes i just want to leave him and not put up with the ups and downs of this relationship but there are some in every relationship and that is just part of love and i know that, but it don't stop me from wanting to leave him or who ever i am with so it must be something wrong with me, right? what should i do? sometimes i feel so stressed in this relationship like i am just waiting for an excuse to leave and when none comes i get frustrated and don't know what to do, what is wrong with me? i love him and he treats me great, he is not alcoholic, abusive or has problems, he just gets moody like the rest of us, still i feel this urge to always leave him or who ever it is that i am with at that time. but when i think of leaving him when i'm not mad at him, i think how much i'd miss him and being with him and i feel so torn in two. is this normal at all? i don't know i hate to say this but i am in my thirties, you'd think i'd have it together by now. any advice? thank you, darla.

[Tony T]

I think it is normal to want to be treated with kindness, consideration and respect. When that doesn't happen, it is normal to wonder if you are in the right place.

 

If you really love this guy, if you can live with these occasional tantrums, if you can forgive quickly you may have a relationship that can actually be better than some where the people hold all their stuff inside.

 

There needs to be some communication between the two of you concerning these situations...communication at a time when the relationship is going nicely. You need to set some ground rules.

 

Frankly, I don't engage in arguments myself. I keep them at the discussion level and I don't get personally hurtful to the other person. But that's me. I learned a long time ago that it's not at all important to be right, there is no special prize for that, and I also learned that I control whether or not someone else angers or irritates me, not them. So being able to make wise choices about how I feel, I rarely get to a truly angry stage.

 

I think when you start analyzing this whole situation...when you and your boyfriend talk about it in detail and when you understand that this is just the way he is, you will no longer want to split from the relationship each time he gets weird. Maybe you can set up a tape recorder and turn it on when these arguments occur so he can hear just how dumb they sound.

 

Perhaps the two of you can agree that each time he becomes irrationally upset, he has to give you a $10 fine...maybe that could help. Or you could decide that each time it happens, instead of wanting to split, you get dressed up and go see a real good movie...WITHOUT HIM!!! And don't forget to take money for Milk Duds.