How do you forget?

[fnouri]

I have been reading stories in these forums. And I posted mine as well. The advise I get is let it go or forget about it. How do you do that? My finace wants to leave, because all of a sudden she is not attracted to me anymore. After 6 years, I am not good enough, funny enough, good in bed, or even good in what I do. She is in love with someone else (a married man, with a 7 months old baby). I am insanely in love with her. My heart is tearing apart, my mind is all but gone, and my sanity is in question. I have gone through 6 months of torture with her. She dates him, then tell me about it. She goes to bed with me and have sex, then tells me that she gets hot by thinking about this other guy. And many other things. She never left, just stayed and wounded me, while I continued loving her.

 

Well, we are finally breaking up. But how do you get over the feelings? I get so filled up with sorrow that I can't function. How do I let her go? You know, I am afraid for the next girl that walks into my life; I may hurt her and I don't want that.

 

Thanks;

[dazedandconfused]

I don't want to keep repeating what others are saying but it is absolutely "startling" to me that you can be with someone for over a year and then at the snap of a finger (because they need space) feel like they don't even know you after everything you have shared together. My girlfriend and I were in a long distance relationship in which we talked daily and saw each other once to twice a week usually. Things were always fine but we didn't rush into anything and even though she started coming on stronger about her feelings, I took it for granted and didn't realize what it would be like to lose her.

 

She told me all the time that i was the greatest man she had ever met and then 3 weeks ago out of the clear blue, she stopped calling and when i went to find out was going on, she said she needed space and some time. I was really hurt and made attempts to call (no answer) , sent flowers and roses to her work with sweet messages telling her how much i missed talking to her and this went on for about 2 weeks. I got so frustrated that i just went up there to confront her and it's so strange how a house you have been to so many times and been so welcome, you feel like a stranger and an "outcast". We talked it out and i told her how much i realized that in the time away from her that i loved her and wanted so much for the opportunity to show her my feelings for her. I left that night with "hope".. Talked on the phone the next day once or twice and then the next day went back up to see her, and she didn't answer the door after repeated attempts and called the cops to have them tell me she didn't want me to call her or come by.

 

I have been devastated that once i found my feelings and that i realized what i wanted with her, that i don't get the opportunity to show her. I feel totally depressed and try so hard to not think about it but it seems impossible. I have only been on here a few days but love reading how the rest of you all approach your situations. I am going to meet her wishes and I sent one more letter through a friend to her stating that i will not bother her anymore and i hope her "space" leads her back to giving me the chance i want to have. Is this right thing to do? I thought by fighting for her and letting her know how much i wanted her was a good thing but didn't get me anywhere.

[reasontosigh]

She is in love with someone else (a married man, with a 7 months old baby). .... and my sanity is in question.

 

I'm thinking it isn't your sanity that should be questioned here, but I digress.

 

It will take time. And a lot of TLC - for yourself. Just make that break final, and have nothing more to do with her.

 

There are an awful lot of people going through what you are right now, in various stages. You are certainly welcome to share here.

 

From what I can see rereading your post you've really been run through the wringer - and the rinse cycle too. Consider counseling to help get you back on track.

 

You know, I am afraid for the next girl that walks into my life; I may hurt her and I don't want that.

 

I understand how you feel, and it is considerate of you to think that, but it really is the last thing you need to be thinking about right now. First things first.