How we treat cheaters on this board

[John Michael Kane]

That's fine. I get it.

 

But remember...not everyone feels the same way you do. Her H hasn't divorced her...so at this point, he's either waiting or going to try to reconcile...he may well not feel the same way you do...and he may well not have the same amount of "pain" that you did.

 

Its up to him to decide if this is recoverable or not.

 

Sure he feels the same pain we've felt. He's probably hiding it at this point to save the humiliation from a particular person close to him. Just because he didn't leave doesn't mean all is well, and clearly from his wife's posts, she doesn't want to take full responsibility for her actions. If anything, he's biding his time.

[Owl]

Sure he feels the same pain we've felt. He's probably hiding it at this point to save the humiliation from a particular person close to him. Just because he didn't leave doesn't mean all is well, and clearly from his wife's posts, she doesn't want to take full responsibility for her actions. If anything, he's biding his time.

 

Nor am I hearing her say that all is well.

 

What I'm suggesting is that trying to pick her apart and/or convince her that trying to reconcile is a waste of time is probably a pretty useless endeavor. He's not left, so there's still possibility that they could work through things.

 

Rubbing her nose in it isn't going to change anything.

 

What's the point?

[John Michael Kane]

Nor am I hearing her say that all is well.

 

What I'm suggesting is that trying to pick her apart and/or convince her that trying to reconcile is a waste of time is probably a pretty useless endeavor.

 

It's not useless if one is not willing to take responsibility for their actions.

 

He's not left, so there's still possibility that they could work through things.

 

There's also a possibility that they could simply separate and divorce.

 

Rubbing her nose in it isn't going to change anything.

 

Nobody is "rubbing her nose" in anything.

 

What's the point?

 

What's the point of cheating? What's the point of saying "go to biased counseling" after great damage has been done?

[Owl]

It's not useless if one is not willing to take responsibility for their actions.

 

You can't MAKE anyone do anything...so I don't get it.

 

There's also a possibility that they could simply separate and divorce.

 

You're right, but that doesn't seem to be their current goal. Why are you trying to force them down YOUR path rather than let them continue on or choose another one?

 

Nobody is "rubbing her nose" in anything.

 

Clearly you don't read your own posts.

 

What's the point of cheating? What's the point of saying "go to biased counseling" after great damage has been done?

 

How about answering the question, rather than evading? What IS your point for posting here? How are you trying to help? Are you seeking to help someone else, or are you seeking answers to your own situation?

[reboot]

What IS your point for posting here? How are you trying to help? Are you seeking to help someone else, or are you seeking answers to your own situation?

 

But we already know the answer to that don't we, and it's neither of the above.

 

It's the revenge he never got, played out with strangers.

[John Michael Kane]

You can't MAKE anyone do anything...so I don't get it.

 

Neither can you so I don't get it.

 

 

 

You're right, but that doesn't seem to be their current goal.

 

You don't know that.

 

Why are you trying to force them down YOUR path rather than let them continue on or choose another one?

 

I could ask you the same question.

 

 

 

Clearly you don't read your own posts.

 

Clearly you don't either.

 

 

 

How about answering the question, rather than evading?

 

Exactly! Answer the question!

 

What IS your point for posting here?

 

What is the point of you posting here?

 

How are you trying to help?

 

How are you trying to help?

 

Are you seeking to help someone else, or are you seeking answers to your own situation?

 

Are YOU seeking to help someone else, or are you seeking answers to your own situation?

 

I have already helped quite a few folks on here. And no I'm not seeking the answers to my own situation, which has been recently concluded.

 

The question I have for you Owl, is are you going to face your own fears.

 

That is, if you want to.

[John Michael Kane]

But we already know the answer to that don't we, and it's neither of the above.

 

You only know what you assume.

 

It's the revenge he never got,

 

Oh I got my revenge.

 

played out with strangers.

 

Yea your argument is played out, I'll give you that.

[silktricks]

There is nothing physically preventing my husband from having sex. The lack of sex had been going on years before any of the affairs. It began AFTER he quit drinking. He has told me that since I used to always be the agressor, he tends to expect it, and I frankly don't feel much like begging for it. In recent times when we have had sex, it was quick and just plain bad. Sorry, but it is true.

I'm so sorry. Sex is supposed to be fun and games IMO, certainly not bad.

 

 

We were in couples therapy (although not sex therapy per se) both before and after the affairs. Sex came up more than once. The last time we paid 140 euros for an hour of therapy, he and our therapist discussed my mother the whole time. Hey, I know my mom is a handful, but she can hardly be the reason my husband won't have sex with me.

:lmao:

 

 

 

Thanks. I believe we are all just works in progress. I do want a fulfilling, monogamous relationship. I know I am capable of it. I'm just not sure I can make it work in this one. Best friend or not, I need this part of my relationship to work, and it has been broken for some time.

It doesn't sound hopeful, which is a shame since you like each other. But, no sex really doesn't work for most people. It wouldn't for me. Rather than having any more affairs, though, it's best (probably) to simply call this one a night, and find a new relationship that fits better for you.

 

Best of luck to you.

[John Michael Kane]

I'm so sorry. Sex is supposed to be fun and games IMO, certainly not bad.

 

 

:lmao: Not even funny.

 

 

 

It doesn't sound hopeful, which is a shame since you like each other. But, no sex really doesn't work for most people. It just doesn't work for you. There are a lot of people out there that can live life without sex. It wouldn't for me. Rather than having any more affairs, though, it's best (probably) to simply call this one a night, and find a new relationship that fits better for you.

 

Best of luck to you. Should've thought of that before having multiple affairs.

 

Yuppers......

[What_Next]

But we already know the answer to that don't we, and it's neither of the above.

 

It's the revenge he never got, played out with strangers.

 

He's no different that many others that happen by LS. They come into the forum, usually this specific area, spout the same venom in every single post, argue, nitpick posters, and just look to stir up trouble. They add no value to the forum at large. The easiest solution, add them to your ignore list, it is REALLY easy and then you can go about reading the threads without his nonsense.

[John Michael Kane]

He's no different that many others that happen by LS. They come into the forum, usually this specific area, spout the same venom in every single post, argue, nitpick posters, and just look to stir up trouble. They add no value to the forum at large. The easiest solution, add them to your ignore list, it is REALLY easy and then you can go about reading the threads without his nonsense.

 

If I am a ghost to you then why the need to constantly address me when someone mentions my name? You say I keep spitting venom and look at what you're posting now. Obviously my posts are touching speaking some truth and I think you're forgetting this is a public forum, not a counseling therapy session.

[John Michael Kane]

It's ironic that here we are posting about adulterers, and yet there is a near consensus that the biggest c*nt on this thread is not an adulterer. Food for thought.

 

Yea someone's a ------- on an internet board because of his point of view.

[reboot]

It's not your POV. I happen to agree with you quite a bit. It's the way you treat people that rubs everyone the wrong way. Most people, despite their shortcomings, are not evil, and you shouldn't treat them like they are.

 

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, and all that.

[Memphis Raines]

That's fine. I get it.

 

But remember...not everyone feels the same way you do. Her H hasn't divorced her...so at this point, he's either waiting or going to try to reconcile...he may well not feel the same way you do...and he may well not have the same amount of "pain" that you did.

 

Its up to him to decide if this is recoverable or not.

 

problem is, I highly doubt he knows what she is saying on here, putting her excuses out here for her cheating, and telling us about refusing to live with bad sex.

 

I think he'd feel quite differently if she told him the truth as she is telling us. But the truth isn't something cheaters hold as an ideal.

 

What do you think he would do if she said, "look, I'm not going to put up with bad sex and won't live my life with it".

 

Thats basically saying, "if you aren't going to be better sexually, I'll find it good somewhere else, or I'm outta here".

 

Either way, there is a lack of love in that line of thinking. Again, so much for stand by your man, even after he's been f****d over by his wife.

[John Michael Kane]

It's not your POV. I happen to agree with you quite a bit. It's the way you treat people that rubs everyone the wrong way. Most people, despite their shortcomings, are not evil, and you shouldn't treat them like they are.

 

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, and all that.

 

Nobody's treating anyone wrong on an internet site. This is a public board and opinions vary. If one honestly can't take a different opinion than another person who lives 800000 miles away then I don't know what to say.

[Owl]

Nobody's treating anyone wrong on an internet site. This is a public board and opinions vary. If one honestly can't take a different opinion than another person who lives 800000 miles away then I don't know what to say.

 

Saying nothing would probably be the most popular recommendation. :)

 

I'm trying to figure out how you live 800,000 miles away?

 

Somewhere between here and the moon is the only answer I can come up with...given that the Earth is only about 25,000 miles in circumference at the equator.

[John Michael Kane]

Saying nothing would probably be the most popular recommendation. :)

 

To you it would and maybe a few others who don't like to confront their own fears. To me? Nah I like to go straight to the source.

 

I'm trying to figure out how you live 800,000 miles away?

 

Somewhere between here and the moon is the only answer I can come up with...given that the Earth is only about 25,000 miles in circumference at the equator.

 

Thanks for the science lesson.

[What_Next]

It's not your POV. I happen to agree with you quite a bit. It's the way you treat people that rubs everyone the wrong way. Most people, despite their shortcomings, are not evil, and you shouldn't treat them like they are.

 

Well said, reboot well said. I have actually agreed with some of his posts as well, but his rude tone and abrupt nature have gotten to a point whereby it often detracts from the thread as a whole. I have NEVER added anyone to my ignore list in my tenure here and I have clashed with many like him. However, in all those cases the poster would at least usually be civil about it, not in this case.

 

In my experience Owl is one of the most even tempered, compassionate posters on here, yet he constantly feels the needs to jump all over him, for some unknown reason.

 

I really wish Tony would moderate a little more diligently.

[John Michael Kane]

Well said, reboot well said. I have actually agreed with some of his posts as well, but his rude tone and abrupt nature have gotten to a point whereby it often detracts from the thread as a whole. I have NEVER added anyone to my ignore list in my tenure here and I have clashed with many like him. However, in all those cases the poster would at least usually be civil about it, not in this case.

 

"Rude tone?" If anything was classified as "rude," it was your responses to YGG and me over in your recent thread.

 

In my experience Owl is one of the most even tempered, compassionate posters on here, yet he constantly feels the needs to jump all over him, for some unknown reason.

Actually I didn't "jump" on him. He "jumped" on me. Look at the posts earlier in this thread.

[confusedinkansas]

Actually I didn't "jump" on him. He "jumped" on me. Look at the posts earlier in this thread

 

Silly JMK - You'll get into an altercation with anyone & everyone that will give you the time of day here. Not really sure how that's 'helped' anyone here - Hmm?

Your tone is SO rude & YES, I agree What Next..... Why isn't Tony doing something about this.

[Owl]

To you it would and maybe a few others who don't like to confront their own fears. To me? Nah I like to go straight to the source.

 

Thanks for the science lesson.

 

You're most welcome...anytime!

 

And while I'm sure it doesn't matter to you...I actually agree with what Reboot said earlier.

 

I don't always have an issue with the content of your posts...sometimes, I can agree with what you've got to say.

 

It's the fact that the presentation tends to be so insulting/angry/etc... that it tends to overshadow and negate the value of the content.

 

How you say something has a lot of impact on what you're trying to say.

 

So...FWIW...that's my view. I'm sure it matters little, but there it is.

[John Michael Kane]

Silly JMK - You'll get into an altercation with anyone & everyone that will give you the time of day here.

 

Yea okay.....

 

Not really sure how that's 'helped' anyone here - Hmm?

Your tone is SO rude & YES, I agree What Next..... Why isn't Tony doing something about this.

Well I don't honestly see how you're helping either by saying BSs are partially at fault for getting cheated on, when you know that's not true.

[anne1707]

Well I don't honestly see how you're helping either by saying BSs are partially at fault for getting cheated on, when you know that's not true.

 

But they may be partially at fault for problems in the marriage leading up to the affair.

[Owl]

But they may be partially at fault for problems in the marriage leading up to the affair.

 

But does that make them in anyway responsible for the affair?

 

See...this is one of those times when I can almost agree with JMK.

 

They MAY (or they well may not have) contributed to the state of the marriage...but that isn't the same thing as making the choice to address (or avoid) those issues by having an affair.

 

In my case...I had been fighting the whole time to try to fix the "state of my marriage". The issues were HERS to address...and until she did...there wasn't anything I could do to improve the situation.

 

Her EA was her way to avoid the situation...but it brought everything to a head, to a point where it could be addressed.

 

THEN I could take action.

[John Michael Kane]

You're most welcome...anytime!

 

And while I'm sure it doesn't matter to you...I actually agree with what Reboot said earlier.

 

Okay.

 

I don't always have an issue with the content of your posts...sometimes, I can agree with what you've got to say.

 

Okay.

 

It's the fact that the presentation tends to be so insulting/angry/etc... that it tends to overshadow and negate the value of the content.

 

How you say something has a lot of impact on what you're trying to say.

 

So...FWIW...that's my view. I'm sure it matters little, but there it is.

 

Well then we're at a disagreement again, my fellow Owl. I don't like your posts either but I don't go into an internet seizure about it like some posters do. I could type a whole page about some of these posters and their flawed viewpoints and biases against the cold, brutal truth. I say what I say, why I say it, then I leave it alone, until someone tries to challenge the facts. It's plain and simple physics Owl, not rocket science.