cheche Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Hi all, I really need your help and as many opinions as possible. I made so many mistakes with the last guy I dated that it eats me up inside everyday, especially now. Well, basically me and this guy started off as friends and we started dating after a month. I really had a lot of feelings for him and I didn't want to goof this up, so I sought a lot of advice from different people (mistake #1). I also wanted things to happen quickly, eventhough he wasn't ready to be in something serious (mistake #2). Well basically my behavior drove him away, and I fely awlful about it so, I kept calling him and writing him, even though he was upset and wanted space (mistake #3). It got to the point where he said he wanted nothing to do with me. That right there really broke my heart. I wanted so badly to make things right and I ended up screwing things up more than anything. What makes it so hard is that I see him everyday. Well its been a year and there is still tension between us. He speaks to me a little more and even jokes with me a couple of times, but we never speak for more than a couple of minutes (usually only a couple of seconds). I want to apologize so badly for my behavior, but I don't know how. I tried writing a letter, but I haven't sent it yet. I hate that things are still strained between u because I want so badly for things to be back to normal. Please, please help me because my heart is still hurting after this time. I really felt like I lost someone important to me in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
sad & confused Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Wow that is a tough situation. Do you still want to be friends with him or get back together with him or what exactly? First off i dont know the details but you should not feel guilty it takes two to be in a relationship and it takes two to break up. I am sure your ex also did things wrong as well. I am in a somewhat similar situation. My ex and I were friends for about a year and then we started dating. We dated for about a year off and on. We both made a lot of mistakes and tried to work through them. However every time we got into an argument he kept bringing up the past. After a while he just kind og gave up and was sick of fighitng, breaking up and then getting back together. I admit he was much more into the relationship at first, but then my feelings changed and I became so into him. For him it was too little too late. We totally ended things less than a month ago and like you I have to see him everyday. WE go to a samll graduate school, have the same classes and friends. Very difficult. WE tired to be friends but that is all he wants to be and I need more. HE told me he loves me and cares about me but right now we dont understand each other. What the hell that is supposed to mean I am not sure. I decided the other day that I can't hold on to a hope and told him that we need to have no contact with each other. It has been a week and it is driving me nuts. I too wrote him a letter a few weeks ago and felt so much better that I got all my feelings out. But it just sat there and I was debating whehter to send it or not. I did and I think it helped that it was written and well thought out rather than me just babbling to him. I know how hard it must be to see your ex every day and how awkward it is. It has been a long time and since you still have all these feelings for him maybe you should give him the letter. I am not sure of your exact situation but it is just a suggestion. Maybe that way he can see how sorry you are and your feelings and he won't feel pressured. He can respond or not but at least you know that you did what you could. On the other hand it has been a long time and I am not sure if he is dating someone or he might get annoyed that you are still trying to work things out after all this time. I know if it were me I would most likely give him the letter. Sorry this is rambling... Hope it helps Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Cheche, Personally, I would just take it really, really slow. I'm afraid another letter might make him back off. He's slowly coming around, and he might not ever come around completely the way you want him to. This is probably a lame analogy, but it's like when a dog has been struck, it is leery to come to you. He told you he wanted to take things slow, but you came on a little stronger than he wanted-that scared him. That's a very painful thing to accept, and I can understand that. If you want anything with him, you are going to have to try to earn back his trust, and that would be to respect his space. If you want more from him than he can give you, then the best thing to do is to simply try to get over him, period. That's going to be tough since you see him so regularly. It's probably the reason why you are still holding onto the thought of him after a year. Sometimes it's helpful to write letters to people that you never send. It can help you resolve your own issues anyway. YOu can write prolificaly and get it all out. Just don't give him what you write. Sorry to hear you are going through this, it must be very hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheche Posted April 12, 2004 Author Share Posted April 12, 2004 Originally posted by sad + confused Wow that is a tough situation. Do you still want to be friends with him or get back together with him or what exactly? First off i dont know the details but you should not feel guilty it takes two to be in a relationship and it takes two to break up. I am sure your ex also did things wrong as well. To be honest with you, I wouldn't mind getting back together, but if we maintain a friendship, it would be a vast improvement to the situation we are in.... You are right about how it takes two to break up a relationship. The reason it escalated to the point were it is now is because he is very flirtatous. He also wasn't very open with his feelings for me and I was just the opposite. Also it didn't help matters when he denied ever having feelings for me to the fellas at school. He didn't want everyone to know, because he didn't like alot of people in his business. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cheche Posted April 12, 2004 Author Share Posted April 12, 2004 Originally posted by Fedup&givingup This is probably a lame analogy, but it's like when a dog has been struck, it is leery to come to you. He told you he wanted to take things slow, but you came on a little stronger than he wanted-that scared him. That's a very painful thing to accept, and I can understand that. You are right. When he sees me, it like he's scared of me or something. I didn't yell at him or anything, I just told what was on my mind. I have the tendancy to wear my heart on my sleeve and he is the opposite. I wish I could have done things better and wish he cold understand that I regret the trouble that I caused. Link to post Share on other sites
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