Broke NC...

[JasonRules]

So I broke NC today after just over 2 months. I asked for my stuff back (CDs, scarf which was a gift from my father) and the money she had borrowed from me last year (almost 1K). My tone in the text was pretty unemotional and cold.

 

She replied with "Yes of course".

 

That's it. No "How are you doing?", "How have you been?", "What's new?" etc. Absolutely nothing, not that I was expecting that anyway.

 

I just wanted to post this so people see that our exes aren't in pain or "struggling" to find themselves etc etc. They simply don't care, which is why we shouldn't either.

[confused_blondie]

I did too. Exactly the same but I sent message on facebookas I deleted his number. Its been exactly 2 months for me too. I think I was hoping for more than the message i got.

 

He did ask if i was ok. So i replied and I've had nothing back. Feel so deflated.

 

Back to NC

[geegirl]

Yep, most times we project our feelings onto them thinking they feel the way we feel, hence we keep going back trying to resurrect what's already dead to them. They checked out way before the break up.

 

Do you think though that she only responded that way because of your tone? I wonder if she kept your stuff/money using it to keep the door slightly open for the possibility of contact. My ex played games like that. Still holds my stuff ransom.

 

Well, what matters is that you have moved on and that you are unaffected. That's great!

[JasonRules]

I did too. Exactly the same but I sent message on facebookas I deleted his number. Its been exactly 2 months for me too. I think I was hoping for more than the message i got.

 

He did ask if i was ok. So i replied and I've had nothing back. Feel so deflated.

 

Back to NC

 

 

I wasn't expecting anything to be honest with you and I didn't reply either after she text me. She can make all the arrangements etc.

 

I showed the text message I sent to a friend and he was surprised at how cold, apathetic, and borderline rude it seemed.

 

Anyway, once I get my stuff and the money she owes me back, the cord will be cut entirely.

[plasma]

im black and cheap so id ask for my crap back too, thats what makes this so hard:eek: this semester of school is taxing so i need all i can get maybe pawn it, she loves her jewelry though and never leaves home without most of it on !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[loverboy1984]

Wow I was surprised when I saw that you broke NC. But when she has your stuff and owes you that much money I would have done the same after 2 months. Maybe its too soon to judge her response but I wouldnt doubt that you put a thought in her head and that she is now thinking of you in some way. Im sure when you get your stuff there may be some sort of exchange on her part. Keep us posted on that.

 

But judging from response now it sounds like shes in a safe comfortable place with another guy.

[vsmini]

I wasn't expecting anything to be honest with you and I didn't reply either after she text me. She can make all the arrangements etc.

 

I showed the text message I sent to a friend and he was surprised at how cold, apathetic, and borderline rude it seemed.

 

Anyway, once I get my stuff and the money she owes me back, the cord will be cut entirely.

 

 

Not to be harsh or take her side but...it's a text message. And she's your ex...how much emotion is she going to express via a text message. Move on. Hope you get your stuff back.

[JasonRules]

Yep, most times we project our feelings onto them thinking they feel the way we feel, hence we keep going back trying to resurrect what's already dead to them. They checked out way before the break up.

 

Do you think though that she only responded that way because of your tone? I wonder if she kept your stuff/money using it to keep the door slightly open for the possibility of contact. My ex played games like that. Still holds my stuff ransom.

 

Well, what matters is that you have moved on and that you are unaffected. That's great!

 

 

Perhaps she may have been taken by surprise by my very cold tone. Let me remind you I never bothered to wish her happy bday either or Happy Easter. I have not contacted her at all for any reason these past 2 months.

 

However, my gut feeling tells me her affections lie with another guy (which is why she ended it with me indirectly) even though she never admitted to it nor had the courage to ever give me a specific reason.

 

I don't believe she kept the money or my things to keep the door slightly open. This is just wishful thinking. Probably she was thinking if she kept silent about it maybe I'll let her off the hook about the money and my stuff she'll just toss in the garbage.

 

As for being affected, I cannot say that it does not affect me at all. Unfortunately, I still have feelings for her, but it's best to get this out of the way and go back to NC and healing.

[JasonRules]

Not to be harsh or take her side but...it's a text message. And she's your ex...how much emotion is she going to express via a text message. Move on. Hope you get your stuff back.

 

 

Indeed, but you'd think that after not seeing or hearing from someone in over 2 months, you'd say "Hi, how are you?" rather than "Yes of course". In any case, this is a moot point. I'm not going to sit here and parse/analyze every letter.

 

What matters is that I show respect for myself and if you take something from me, I'm coming to take it back.

[JasonRules]

Wow I was surprised when I saw that you broke NC. But when she has your stuff and owes you that much money I would have done the same after 2 months. Maybe its too soon to judge her response but I wouldnt doubt that you put a thought in her head and that she is now thinking of you in some way. Im sure when you get your stuff there may be some sort of exchange on her part. Keep us posted on that.

 

But judging from response now it sounds like shes in a safe comfortable place with another guy.

 

I am not sure or certain there is another guy in the picture as I have refrained from obtaining information because I am maintaining true NC, but logic dictates that if there was no one in the picture she would have been more forthcoming. Doesn't matter though; as I mentioned this is just the final chapter in our short story. Once I get my stuff back, its back to NC. I am disciplined enough to keep it even though there are days that you struggle. Time though heals all.

[geegirl]

I'm sorry. I'm sure you are still affected. It's only been two months. It was callous of me to say otherwise.

 

At least you have this "stuff" issue is over and done with. Keep moving forward. You're definitely well on your way!

[JasonRules]

I'm sorry. I'm sure you are still affected. It's only been two months. It was callous of me to say otherwise.

 

At least you have this "stuff" issue is over and done with. Keep moving forward. You're definitely well on your way!

 

 

Don't worry

 

I'm a very tough cookie!

[vsmini]

Indeed, but you'd think that after not seeing or hearing from someone in over 2 months, you'd say "Hi, how are you?" rather than "Yes of course". In any case, this is a moot point. I'm not going to sit here and parse/analyze every letter.

 

What matters is that I show respect for myself and if you take something from me, I'm coming to take it back.

 

Sounds good - I've seen some of the support you've given people and it's excellent advice - I'd hate to think one of my favorite fellow LS'er is falling prey to an ex's stupid text response. Eff her.

[JasonRules]

Sounds good - I've seen some of the support you've given people and it's excellent advice - I'd hate to think one of my favorite fellow LS'er is falling prey to an ex's stupid text response. Eff her.

 

Actually if you would have read my text message to her the underlying message/tone to it was Eff you. My friend said:

 

"You actually sent that?!...wow"

[confused2134]

Dude you lead this whole exes are evil rebellion thing you got going on. Chances are she's hurting too and just doing the same thing that you're doing. You don't just leave a couple years of your life and forget about the person, they're people too. Sure it seems ****ed up that she dumped you for whatever reason she did but that's life and I'm sure you have and will do it to people in the future.

 

Exes are people too and as much as you can be mad at them, if it's not meant to be it's not. And if they're making a mistake all you can do is hope they realize that mistake. They definately hurt for us at some point or another.

[Gisele]

She may have picked up on your tone and realised you weren't there to mess about and have idle chitchat: not a bad thing.

 

Still a bit rude on her part though.

 

Are you going to have to meet her to get your things back?

[JasonRules]

Dude you lead this whole exes are evil rebellion thing you got going on. Chances are she's hurting too and just doing the same thing that you're doing. You don't just leave a couple years of your life and forget about the person, they're people too. Sure it seems ****ed up that she dumped you for whatever reason she did but that's life and I'm sure you have and will do it to people in the future.

 

Exes are people too and as much as you can be mad at them, if it's not meant to be it's not. And if they're making a mistake all you can do is hope they realize that mistake. They definately hurt for us at some point or another.

 

 

@Confused

 

 

I understand your point that exes are humans too, but to say that she is "hurting" is just too far fetched. I think we too easily fall prey to emotional projection. By that, I mean that we project our own emotions on others thinking they are probably feeling the same or are in the same state of mind. I don't believe this to be true.

 

Women are emotional by nature. If she was hurting, miserable, etc over ending it with me she would have made that known by any means (text, email, phone call, carrier pidgeon etc).

 

As for my tone, I'm not trying to be a mean a-hole. In fact, I'm a very warm and polite person. I'm just affording her the same coldness, apathy, distance I was given from Dec-Mar. Remember...you reap what you sow.

 

Basically, it's all business. No need for pretenses and niceties. And honestly the fact that I lend her this money back in September and she has yet to many any mention of paying me back bother's me because it shows that she either has no regard or no respect for me.

 

I am a man and I will not allow my kindness to be taken advantage of by anyone, ex or not.

[JasonRules]

She may have picked up on your tone and realised you weren't there to mess about and have idle chitchat: not a bad thing.

 

Still a bit rude on her part though.

 

Are you going to have to meet her to get your things back?

 

Yes, probably she did. My friend couldn't believe I sent that text. He said I was borderline rude, but definitely ice cold.

 

I am not sure. I never replied to her text to make any kind of arrangement. I'm going to let her decide how and when she gives me my things back.

 

For me it's all business from now on. The warm, sweet, nice, and caring guy she knew is done. With me, I can turn from warm to cold chilling hard steel in a blink of an eye. Not that it matters though. I just want this resolved and that's it.

[confused2134]

But you're her ex. You're not the person she's going to project those emotions on anymore. She has friends for that. She'll deal with it other ways, rebounds, talking to old flings, etc. She wouldn't be not talking to you if she didn't care about you if that makes any sense. At least that's the way my ex and friend's exes are.

[ShoeGurl1973]

JasonRules -

 

I love your advice and I read what you say religiously, agreeing with almost everything.

 

I find it a little odd though that you seem to be surprised by your exe's reaction giving everything you tell others on here NOT to do. Going by your usual advice, by acting catty and like an ******* showing emotion, isn't that basically conveying to your ex that you AREN'T over her? Of course she is going to respond cold and apathetically if you text her after 2 months of NC acting like an a**.

 

If you were to follow your own advice, you should have been as indifferent as possible WITHOUT being an a**hole. That would have conveyed that you moved on and were doing fine without her much better than a message with an EFF you tone.

[JasonRules]

But you're her ex. You're not the person she's going to project those emotions on anymore. She has friends for that. She'll deal with it other ways, rebounds, talking to old flings, etc. She wouldn't be not talking to you if she didn't care about you if that makes any sense. At least that's the way my ex and friend's exes are.

 

Perhaps you may have a point; my friend believed she would not reply to my text at all, but she did within 5 min. Whatever the case may be, I didn't choose to take this path. If she's hurting now, too bad. It was her choice and her decision, not mine. You make your bed, now you have to sleep in it.

 

I was fighting tooth and nail even though the things which she stated bothered her bordered on the trivial to the childish. For me my conscious is clear. I have nothing to feel bad about.

 

Although my gut feeling still is telling me that her text has nothing to do with me and everything to do with another guy in the picture. I will never find out though as I have not cared (nor will I ever) inquire about her personal life to her or anyone else.

[Gisele]

Jason i think that's important to do as the person on the receiving end of a break-up: just don't cross the line and BE rude, it'll look like you're hurting rather than the indifference she deserves

 

I don't know why but I feel like if she suggests you coming round to pick it up, or even meeting up to get it: don't.

 

Have her make the effort. She ended things, she should have had the decency to return your things promptly and politely. Inviting the person you ended things with to come and take back their things is a lot of power to have in a way.

 

I might be way off, but i wouldnt leave things to her discretion. Don't text her again, you've made it clear you want it back, but make sure when she suggests something, make sure it suits you. Don't be the guy clearing his stuff out of her flat like she just fired you.

 

Ideally id get them to drop it off at my place when i wasn't there, and write me a cheque.

[betterdeal]

So I broke NC today after just over 2 months. I asked for my stuff back (CDs, scarf which was a gift from my father) and the money she had borrowed from me last year (almost 1K). My tone in the text was pretty unemotional and cold.

 

She replied with "Yes of course".

 

That's it. No "How are you doing?", "How have you been?", "What's new?" etc. Absolutely nothing, not that I was expecting that anyway.

 

I just wanted to post this so people see that our exes aren't in pain or "struggling" to find themselves etc etc. They simply don't care, which is why we shouldn't either.

 

Er, I think you're reading too much into it. I also think you are very upset still. I have no idea how she feels. Get your stuff, build a bridge and get over this obstacle in your life journey.

[JasonRules]

JasonRules -

 

I love your advice and I read what you say religiously, agreeing with almost everything.

 

I find it a little odd though that you seem to be surprised by your exe's reaction giving everything you tell others on here NOT to do. Going by your usual advice, by acting catty and like an ******* showing emotion, isn't that basically conveying to your ex that you AREN'T over her? Of course she is going to respond cold and apathetically if you text her after 2 months of NC acting like an a**.

 

If you were to follow your own advice, you should have been as indifferent as possible WITHOUT being an a**hole. That would have conveyed that you moved on and were doing fine without her much better than a message with an EFF you tone.

 

Actually the message is apathetic in that I am not being overly happy or overly sad or displaying any kind of emotion. The eff you part I think was conveyed by the fact that I asked her for the money back whereas I could have just said "nevermind".

 

It's strictly business and to the point. No need for any "How have you been?" etc.

[JasonRules]

Jason i think that's important to do as the person on the receiving end of a break-up: just don't cross the line and BE rude, it'll look like you're hurting rather than the indifference she deserves

 

I don't know why but I feel like if she suggests you coming round to pick it up, or even meeting up to get it: don't.

 

Have her make the effort. She ended things, she should have had the decency to return your things promptly and politely. Inviting the person you ended things with to come and take back their things is a lot of power to have in a way.

 

I might be way off, but i wouldnt leave things to her discretion. Don't text her again, you've made it clear you want it back, but make sure when she suggests something, make sure it suits you. Don't be the guy clearing his stuff out of her flat like she just fired you.

 

Ideally id get them to drop it off at my place when i wasn't there, and write me a cheque.

 

 

Gisele,

 

I just text her once requesting my items back. She said "Yes of course" and I left it at that. I'm not texting her back with suggestions etc. There is no need for me to text her again. She needs to figure out the when and how.

 

In fact, I was considering telling her to simply mail me everything so I don't have to see her at all.