Lady on dating site "don't have time for games."

[Sabali]

So I have a co-worker who is really into online dating. Every now and then he likes to show me some hot woman who responded to his profile. Today, he showed me the profile of this lady with a profile title that reads "I don't have time for games."

 

So my co-worker is all excited about her and he asked me what do I think of her looks. It is too late for me to think much about her looks because my mind is more focused on the title of the profile. I told him that I think I would be more concern about all of the time that she might have for games. He looked confused for a few seconds before I went on.

 

I said, well, in my experience, those who make it a point to let you know right away that they "don't have time for games" are usually the biggest game players. He responded by saying that almost everyone plays games when it comes to dating. I didn't disagree but I told him that I believe that there is a game playing threshold of severity. That confused look grew on his face again.

 

I went on to explain that many people do play harmless little games like not answering the phone when you call to pretend like they are busy. This is fine, as long as they call you back within a reasonable amount of time and this behavior can cease as time goes on (this is usually not "pathological"). On the other hand, there are those who will play mind games in order to make you jealous. These people are much more troublesome in the long run.

 

In any event, my whole point is:

 

Why write anything that has a negative connotation in your profile?

 

I think it is much more attractive to write nothing but positive material in your profile. If you are tired of the players, tired of dishonest dates and don't have time for games just show it by avoiding those situations.

 

A player will not look at your profile and say "damn, she doesn't have time for games so I guess I shouldn't reply." They will still respond just like shorter people will reply to your profile even though you explicitly state that you only like partners who are 7 feet tall. On the other hand, if someone gets the sense that you have run into nothing but people who play games or bad boys, they will assume that you just do not make good choices when it comes to choosing a partner which is a negative reflection on you, not the unnamed game players...at least that is the way I see it.

[sanskrit]

Why write anything that has a negative connotation in your profile?

 

Yet a majority of women do because they can, NBD it's just profile fodder, the test is how she acts in person and what she reveals then.

[Sabali]

Yet a majority of women do because they can, NBD it's just profile fodder, the test is how she acts in person and what she reveals then.

 

I am not sure that it is wise since first impressions go a long way. The profile serves as a first impression. It is just somethinh to think about if you are not getting the amount of replies that you would like.

[sanskrit]

I am not sure that it is wise since first impressions go a long way. The profile serves as a first impression. It is just somethinh to think about if you are not getting the amount of replies that you would like.

 

Let's call a spade a spade, on dating sites, her -pictures- are the only first impression that a vast supermajority of men care about, not anything stated in the profile. The average male online dater is not the thoughtful male LS poster.

 

Thank goodness for this, as it allows clever male online daters to distinguish ourselves by reading the profile carefully and tailoring our approaches with the language of the profile in mind.

[CrestfallenNoMore]

As a female online dater, I've wondered this myself. It's not uncommon at all to see negative remarks in the profiles I've viewed. Some of my favorites:

• "Aren't there any honest/loyal/good women out there anymore"?
  
• "No drama, no baggage, no games"
  

See, I just naturally assume the most guys are looking for someone who doesn't bring drama, baggage or lie and cheat. But the fact that you feel the need to point it out simply tells me two things about you:

• You suck at picking out partners, which makes you unattractive
  
• You're now bitter and distrustful, which makes you unattractive
  

An online dating profile is the time to sell yourself. It's like going to a job interview and saying "I'm assigning this job the role of proving me wrong about all of my previously crappy work experiences. Lucky it! So when can I start?"

[phineas]

I've given up on online dating for now. It seems at my age there are two extreme's. women who want a man that just doesn't exist or women who want any man, to move in with them & help raise her kids. LOL!

[Disillusioned]

They did it to themselves.

 

The flipside is, you can go to their meetups in person, and you can call me a congenital liar if they're any better IRL than they are online.

[irc333]

Oh man, I've seen so much HATE in some of these ladies' profiles, it's scarey.

 

Take this excerpt:

 

To begin, I have a very comfortable, content, happy life. There is little if anything a man can offer me except ONE thing. Most do not know what it is. I will pose this ?, do you know? If you contact me, please tell me what that ONE thing is you think I seek most. Hint: it is the foundation for any relationship and It is the same for most women. TO make it clear, This is not a game or a challenge. It is one of the deal breakers among several. You only get one chance.

 

Wooooo....only ONE shot guy!

 

 

Also, another excerpt

 

 

” I am not here looking for fun, funny, for laughs or here to laugh, humorous, adventure, hangout, friends, a date, socialize, etc. If you are, you have the wrong lady.”

 

Huh? A woman that does NOT "Love To Laugh" as most people state in their profiles? That's scary.

 

I wonder if this was just a parody. She sounds like a warden at a prison.

 

I knew of a woman that actually put SCREEN NAMES of the individuals that she claimed hassled her IN her profile.

 

 

 

 

As a female online dater, I've wondered this myself. It's not uncommon at all to see negative remarks in the profiles I've viewed. Some of my favorites:

• "Aren't there any honest/loyal/good women out there anymore"?
  
• "No drama, no baggage, no games"
  

See, I just naturally assume the most guys are looking for someone who doesn't bring drama, baggage or lie and cheat. But the fact that you feel the need to point it out simply tells me two things about you:

• You suck at picking out partners, which makes you unattractive
  
• You're now bitter and distrustful, which makes you unattractive
  

An online dating profile is the time to sell yourself. It's like going to a job interview and saying "I'm assigning this job the role of proving me wrong about all of my previously crappy work experiences. Lucky it! So when can I start?"

Edited May 14, 2011 by irc333

[irc333]

Another one , I saw a headliner that stated "I smile to hide my pain"

 

Oooookay.

 

Also, if I hear "I love to live life to the fullest"

 

I'm going to scream! lol

[Rinnix]

 

I knew of a woman that actually put SCREEN NAMES of the individuals that she claimed hassled her IN her profile.

 

I have seen this too. I have seen it numerous times actually. I believe it depends on what dating site you use as well..

 

I had a previous thread that mentioned how my friend put up a profile (no picture yet) and she received numerous harassing messages from men who were looking for a "good time."

 

There are people who will harass the women on dating sites, making them want to quit all together. There is likely some women harassing men too.

[curlygirl40]

 

A player will not look at your profile and say "damn, she doesn't have time for games so I guess I shouldn't reply." They will still respond just like shorter people will reply to your profile even though you explicitly state that you only like partners who are 7 feet tall. On the other hand, if someone gets the sense that you have run into nothing but people who play games or bad boys, they will assume that you just do not make good choices when it comes to choosing a partner which is a negative reflection on you, not the unnamed game players...at least that is the way I see it.

 

So true!

 

That's the whole problem. That people who have these personality flaws do not know they have them. Therefore if you tell them not to respond, they won't know you're actually talking about them!

 

One of my favorites is 'laid back and easy going'. I dated a guy who was so high strung he couldn't even sit and watch a movie. But he had that in his profile and really would believe that about himself.

 

My ex has a huge anger management problem. His profile says he's 'laid back, down to earth and has a lot of patience'. On what planet I wonder.

 

The other is 'loves to laugh'. Who doesn't? Show me a person who hates to laugh.

 

And lastly I came across this little gem recently, from a guy in his low 40's.

 

'Attraction will only get you so far. I think attraction comes from within. I'm tired of finding myself in bed with a girl just because she's hot'

 

Ya, I hate when that happens. Thank you may I have another. There's some funny stuff out there.

[chuckles11]

Oh man, I've seen so much HATE in some of these ladies' profiles, it's scarey.

 

Take this excerpt:

 

To begin, I have a very comfortable, content, happy life. There is little if anything a man can offer me except ONE thing. Most do not know what it is. I will pose this ?, do you know? If you contact me, please tell me what that ONE thing is you think I seek most. Hint: it is the foundation for any relationship and It is the same for most women. TO make it clear, This is not a game or a challenge. It is one of the deal breakers among several. You only get one chance.

 

Wooooo....only ONE shot guy!

 

 

Also, another excerpt

 

 

” I am not here looking for fun, funny, for laughs or here to laugh, humorous, adventure, hangout, friends, a date, socialize, etc. If you are, you have the wrong lady.”

 

Huh? A woman that does NOT "Love To Laugh" as most people state in their profiles? That's scary.

 

I wonder if this was just a parody. She sounds like a warden at a prison.

 

I knew of a woman that actually put SCREEN NAMES of the individuals that she claimed hassled her IN her profile.

 

Well look at the bright side, if online dating didn't exist, it might have taken someone she was dating weeks to figure out how crazy she was. I've never used online dating, but I get the feeling from threads like this that a lot of people approach it like someone trying to hit a game winning home run with 2 outs and a full count in the bottom of the ninth inning. If someone gets that little joy out of dating, they should probably just take a time out.

[Eddie Edirol]

 

Why write anything that has a negative connotation in your profile?

 

 

Many people actually cannot imagine how people will percieve their profiles. They put that negative stuff out there shooting from the hip, but dont actually think that people could think "Damn, shes miserable, NEXT!".

[vsmini]

I think that woman is doing herself a disservice. You don't have to put that on a profile to read - show that you don't put up with games in your actions. Plus- any guy who does go out on that first date with her will probably be thinking she's on the defense the entire time.

[irc333]

Well look at the bright side, if online dating didn't exist, it might have taken someone she was dating weeks to figure out how crazy she was. I've never used online dating, but I get the feeling from threads like this that a lot of people approach it like someone trying to hit a game winning home run with 2 outs and a full count in the bottom of the ninth inning. If someone gets that little joy out of dating, they should probably just take a time out.

 

 

Yeah, like also, some of these women that are so bitter , typically of which are local to me....when they first sign up, they have the typical profile....there was this one woman, a 35 year old waistress (it's a small town, only kind of jobs there are retail, admin asst, or being a middle aged waitress).

 

Apparently, she started to "update" her profile, she had a whole list of men she did NOT wanting contacting her.

 

She was a rather attractive woman.

 

About 3 or 4 of her criteria, would pretty much eliminate most men living in her area

 

1. They must be local

2. Must have all their teeth, not into huntin (she listed most of the male population of her small community

 

She had other crap, too that eliminated most of the backwater candidates in her region.

 

This leaves her on a deserted island of singledom, granted there are good looking men where she lives, but they're all pretty much married.

 

I contacted her telling her that she eliminated pretty much ever man in the area.

 

She's been on the site on and off for years...even started her 2nd attempt at, "Yeah, I'm back again, apparently most men in my area taht ARE single are 20 years old and I'm 35"

 

Oh, to note, if there are single men in her area, they fall just shy of the legal drinking age, and chances are the only reason she's bumping into men this young, is to check out the only 35 year old waitress hottie that's in the chain restaurant, while they flirts with the cute waitresses their own age. lol

 

Her profile sounded more like a blog than a traditional, nice ad.

 

When I initally emailed her, it was at the standard ad, and I said to myself, "Hey, listen, I already emailed you, chances are you're passing up on some good men based off of some superficial criteria.

 

If she's in small town like that, she's pretty much screwed.

 

She either needs to

 

1. Stop online dating.

2. RELOCATE

3. Reconsider her criteria.

[Sabali]

As a female online dater, I've wondered this myself. It's not uncommon at all to see negative remarks in the profiles I've viewed. Some of my favorites:

• "Aren't there any honest/loyal/good women out there anymore"?
  
• "No drama, no baggage, no games"
  

See, I just naturally assume the most guys are looking for someone who doesn't bring drama, baggage or lie and cheat. But the fact that you feel the need to point it out simply tells me two things about you:

• You suck at picking out partners, which makes you unattractive
  
• You're now bitter and distrustful, which makes you unattractive
  

An online dating profile is the time to sell yourself. It's like going to a job interview and saying "I'm assigning this job the role of proving me wrong about all of my previously crappy work experiences. Lucky it! So when can I start?"

 

This is so well said. It's actually beautiful.

 

You have a point, sankrit. I realize that many guys are not very thoughful when it comes to searching for women online. I have stated before that I actually know a couple of women who had nothing but pictures on their profile and received an avalanche of response. Matter-of-fact, the co-worker I spoke of above actually showed me a "profile" of a woman he responded to who actually had no profile at all.

 

When my co-worker showed me that profile, I just couldn't help but to think of the people who wonder why they are not getting many responses. The least you can do is make your profile positive. Just like approaching someone in real life, a person should walk away from reading your profile with good feelings and want to follow-up on those good feelings.

 

I recall even the "looking for an honest man" titles as well. "What, you are running into nothing but dishonest men" is the question that immediately comes to my mind. Stop hanging out in prisons!

 

 

I don't got time for no games!

[Sabali]

I think that woman is doing herself a disservice. You don't have to put that on a profile to read - show that you don't put up with games in your actions. Plus- any guy who does go out on that first date with her will probably be thinking she's on the defense the entire time.

 

 

Yes. If I sit down with someone on a first date or any thing and they talk about baggage, playing games, past men being dishonest or the notorious "I don't let my guards down easily," I begin to see a very defensive person.

 

 

 

 

"I don't let my guards down easily!"

[sanskrit]

A couple years back, I changed my profile to a satirical profile where I attempted to fit as many red flags in as possible. I said that "I didn't want no uppity women who had to always be going somewhere and doing something," that sort of thing. My profile views surged up astronomically, and heard from women I'd dated or talked to on the site that it was being sent all over the area. Had many more inbound Emails from women than I usually had, apparently lots got the joke and thought it funny. Changed it back because already had enough trouble with women showing up to dates thinking I was the "zany" type, but if any of you guys are having trouble out there, might be worth a go.

[irc333]

A couple years back, I changed my profile to a satirical profile where I attempted to fit as many red flags in as possible. I said that "I didn't want no uppity women who had to always be going somewhere and doing something," that sort of thing. My profile views surged up astronomically, and heard from women I'd dated or talked to on the site that it was being sent all over the area. Had many more inbound Emails from women than I usually had, apparently lots got the joke and thought it funny. Changed it back because already had enough trouble with women showing up to dates thinking I was the "zany" type, but if any of you guys are having trouble out there, might be worth a go.

 

I saw one woman, that had in her "First date" section of her POF profile state something like how she didn't want the guy asking her 100's of questions trying to get to know her, that she's not looking to get married and to stop asking personal questions.

 

DUH....that's the whole point. LOL

 

Oh, and she must've said 2 or 3 times in her profile, that do NOT email her if you're less than 5'9" (and she's 5'4").

[orangelady]

Well, I wouldn't say its negative but it's more like a threat/warning to her readers saying "I have no time for games" or "Don't mess with me."

 

Guys do it ALL the time. The first thing they write in their profile is, "I don't want to play games."

[Red Arremer]

"I don't have time for games" = "I don't have time for YOUR games. MY games, on the other hand...."

[sanskrit]

I LOVE playing games, Soduki, Scrapple, Monotony, Rochambeau, hell I'm always up for a good game! No idea what all these internet dating folks have against playing games.

[Sabali]

Well, I wouldn't say its negative but it's more like a threat/warning to her readers saying "I have no time for games" or "Don't mess with me."

 

Guys do it ALL the time. The first thing they write in their profile is, "I don't want to play games."

 

 

This goes for men and women. I just used the profile the guy showed me as an example. I am sure that the same things goes on with men but I wouldn't know. The brief taste of online dating experience that I had dealt with 100% women profile reviews.

 

My point is that radiating a positive attitude should be the goal versus getting someone's spidey sense tingling. This really has an effect on the subconscious level as well of those you are seeking to attract as well as the conscious level.

 

 

"I hate liars."

[Disillusioned]

Also, if I hear "I love to live life to the fullest"

 

I'm going to scream! lol

 

In plain English, that means she enjoys so many dangerous pastimes (i.e., stunt flying, luge racing, skydiving, etc) no one will sell her a life insurance policy.

[sanskrit]

Yep, "love to live life to the fullest" generally means "love to go to expensive places on your dime" or "I have a cluster personality disorder and self-medicate through varieties of risk taking to try and escape the pain."