Iselia Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 I met this guy in University about 3 months ago. We met in my Japanese class. He always hung around me and invited me over to his place to do our Japanese homework together. A few weeks ago he started asking me to hang out with him with some of our mutual friends as well. Well, I got a bit tipsy one night and spent the night. Nothing happened. Again, I got tipsy again and spent the night. This time I slept in the same bed as him. We fell asleep cuddling together. When I woke up, he tried to erm screw around (we were sober by this point). I stopped him and he seemed a bit hurt. He tried again, and it was really hard to resist him the first time around (I think he noticed this). Well, we started cuddling again. He reached for my hand several times and held it. He was pulling my hair and kneading my stomach. He kissed me on the forehead and I kissed him on the neck. Sexual things happened, although not sex. Later, he told me not to fall in love with him and ask him to be my boyfriend. Then he said "kidding!" Maybe he was kidding, maybe he wasn't, I'm not so sure. The next time I saw him at school, he went to get a chair and sat right next to me. It was a little awkward but ah well. Anyway, I saw him again yesterday and it was like the awkwardness was gone between us. I've had finals this week, so I've been a bit busy. But now that I'm not as busy I've been thinking about that night.... And I think I may have developed feelings for him. I'm not sure what I should do about this. I'm thinking about talking to him, but I'm not sure if this is appropriate or not. I'm not even sure how to bring it up. I'd like to know some other opinions on this and if something substantial could come out of this. Thanks for the input. Also, there is an age gap between us. I'm 19 and he's 28; almost 29. I know this bothers him, as he has mentioned it several times. Just wondering if this plays a role. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Raindrop Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 Always makes me happy to see people interested in Japanese culture. That being said, age is probably exactly what's holding him back. I've recently been seeing this woman who is 29, and I'm 20. I know it's a problem for her, because she simply told me so. She still plays around with me though, even though it makes her feel bad in the end. Granted, I don't care at all, because I don't believe in traditional love and I have very few morals to where it makes me feel guilty. I'd almost guarantee age is whats holding him back, you might remind him of a younger sister or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted May 14, 2011 Share Posted May 14, 2011 There is a user on here who is 29 and likes a young girl in his Japanese class in college. He really wants to start a relationship with her but when they were hanging out he didn’t try any moves like cuddling etc. (just found this funny almost makes me wonder) Any ways the guy in your story could be a good guy or bad guy it is hard to tell. I would advise holding back on sex until you get a better feeling that you guys are on the same level. As a girl you don’t have to do much to show interest. Send him a txt saying you’d enjoy seeing him again. Leave the rest up to him. If he suggest something to uncomfortable like you just coming over to his place, you can counter with “lets go out and do something.” Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iselia Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 (edited) That being said, age is probably exactly what's holding him back.... I'd almost guarantee age is whats holding him back, you might remind him of a younger sister or something. I've thought this too. Nothing I can really do to change this.... I guess it depends if he changes his stance about the age difference or not. There is a user on here who is 29 and likes a young girl in his Japanese class in college. He really wants to start a relationship with her but when they were hanging out he didn’t try any moves like cuddling etc. (just found this funny almost makes me wonder) Any ways the guy in your story could be a good guy or bad guy it is hard to tell. I would advise holding back on sex until you get a better feeling that you guys are on the same level. As a girl you don’t have to do much to show interest. Send him a txt saying you’d enjoy seeing him again. Leave the rest up to him. If he suggest something to uncomfortable like you just coming over to his place, you can counter with “lets go out and do something.” Hope this helps. Well he's 28 right now, almost 29, but that'd be really weird if that were him! I've wondered if he's trying to start a FWB or if this could be something more substantial. We've known each other for ~3 months and I guess in my mind I'd think he would have started FWB a while ago if that's all he wanted. Not to mention he has been cuddly a few times before all that jazz went down. I guess I was sorta wanting some advice about if I should talk to him about that night or not... If I should just let the cards fall where they may or try to see what he has in mind: FWB or dating. Edited May 15, 2011 by Iselia Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Raindrop Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 I don't see any harm in talking to him about that night, to understand what his thoughts are about this. Actually, it's the only way you're going to find out for sure if he wants a FWB or someone to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 I always tell people to live their life the way they want to, and with out fear. It seems like you want to talk to him for personal reasons, but are afraid of getting rejected. First talking to him won’t make him reject you if he likes you. Second if he does reject you putting him on the spot may be more awkward but it seem like you want to talk to him so go ahead. I don’t believe in FWB but I know many people do. If he offers you sex with out commitment I would strongly recommend saying goodbye to this guy. That other guy on here who is in a similar but much different situation then you actually asked the girl out in his Japanese class but she half heartedly turned him down. He has also known her from other classes for over a year. So, not you lol. I think it would be funny if he posted in here though. Good luck, you’re a cool chick if you are learning Japanese. I’m a fan everything Japanese. I really hope to travel there some day soon. Good luck, give us a good update. Either way if you are brave and know you deserve good then you win. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iselia Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 Well I haven't seen him in a few weeks. I texted him a few weeks saying we needed to hang out. He agreed, but said he would be out of town for the next week. Ok. No biggie. He has been back in town for about a week now. Haven't heard from him. Even texted him a few days ago and got no reply. I think he just liked the chase. He got what he wanted and now he's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Well I haven't seen him in a few weeks. I texted him a few weeks saying we needed to hang out. He agreed, but said he would be out of town for the next week. Ok. No biggie. He has been back in town for about a week now. Haven't heard from him. Even texted him a few days ago and got no reply. I think he just liked the chase. He got what he wanted and now he's gone. Yeah he doesn’t seem to care about you anymore. Don’t let it get you down though. Link to post Share on other sites
Maggotface Posted May 27, 2011 Share Posted May 27, 2011 He doesnt seem interested anymore but honestly he seemed pretty flakey to begin with and kind of immature, with the whole "kidding" situation and not backing off when you told him to in bed. Believe me I've dated a guy almost 10 years older than me and neither one of us could even notice the age gap when we were together mostly due to his immaturity, it's not a good thing. You seem like you want more out of a relationship than he does right now so I would move along and find someone who wants the same things you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iselia Posted July 22, 2011 Author Share Posted July 22, 2011 Rant Well what do you know. He showed back up. He noticed I deleted him on Facebook and sent me a message basically asking how I was. We made small talk. Heh. Probably just wants to be on my good side for some unknown reason. Christ, why the heck would he come back after ~1.5 months of not talking. I don't understand. </rant> Link to post Share on other sites
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