UGH, stupid DREAMS

[DontWorryBHappy]

I kinda just woke up, and i seriously dreamed about my ex all night. The theme of the dreams was that my ex would have a change of heart and get back together with me, but then I could tell his heart just wasn't in it, so it didn't last. One striking aspect of the dream was that in some parts, my ex was very sweet, kind and comforting in the way that he acted and talked. But each time I woke up (which was several times) I remember thinking to myself "wait a minute, he's definitely not usually sweet and comforting." My ex has issues showing emotion and dealing with serious subjects or other people's emotions. So he would be way more likely to make a joke rather than tell me how much he loved me or something. If I ever tried to be even a little bit mushy with describing my feeling he couldnt really reciprocate that. So I found it interesting that in my dream, I was actually imagining my ex in the way that I probably would have LIKED for him to be, instead of how he actually was (save for the part where his heart wasnt in it, that part was the same). It's been a little over 3 weeks since the break up and looks like about day 18 of NC... Still struggling sometimes. But actually, maybe I can't truly say Day 18 of NC, because although my ex was off my facebook friends list since day 1 of the break up, I didnt take the step to block him until yesterday. So I was still seeing his profile pictures, and comments on mutual friend's walls.

Edited May 15, 2011 by DontWorryBHappy

[smudge21]

So I found it interesting that in my dream, I was actually imagining my ex in the way that I probably would have LIKED for him to be, instead of how he actually was

 

Often when we split, we look back at how are ex's were but we don't truly remember them because we're still seeing them with those rose tinted glasses on; we're still in love with them. It's only when those feelings fade do we start to see them as the person they really were/are. I really like the line "I don't miss her, I miss the person I thought she was", that rings true for me.

 

Oh and don't worry about following NC strictly. It's guidance, not a rule. I haven't blocked my ex either, so still see her pic occasionally (profile only) and each time it gets easier to just look at her and then move on. I guess it's like getting off an addiction, having those little moments that get less and less each time, until the feelings have finally gone for good.

[wistful]

I unfortunately have dreams like that too, I even had a few where my ex and I actually got back together. I think it's your subconscious processing all the crap you're trying to deal with.

[mickleb]

Hi DWBH.

 

It's good you can recognise that he wasn't all that.

 

Now, take some time for yourself to figure out why you keep picking these duds, before looking CAREFULLY for some guy who really is the bees knees. Hold onto yourself until he's proved he is.

 

x

[melenkurion]

It's actually very rare that I remember my dreams, but I did dream about my ex last night.

 

I think the dream was about arranging to meet him for coffee and catch up, and being unable to actually go through with it when I saw him waiting. I doubt it really means much more than that I have missed him a little bit recently. I've caught myself thinking I'd like to catch-up --- even though I know that would help him, not me. I think I have got a little bit "stuck" again, but I'll unstick soon enough and make some more progress.

 

What is frustrating was that the dream put me in a slightly blue mood that I am struggling to shake off. But it is down to me to shake off the mood.

[NicoleM]

I had a dream about my ex last night and in the dream he was pretty much the person he was in real life. I had the rose-colored glasses on and was so infatuated I never saw him for who he really was. In the beginning we would text back all the time and then it slowly died and he would play the hot/cold game and then he would come back and it would start over and finally it just died all together

[DontWorryBHappy]

Nicole, oddly enough that sounds strikingly similar to my situation too. My ex thought he "loved" me at first and was really excited and sure of me, then it started to fade really gradually, then there were moments where he'd seem really sure of me again, then it would die off again... until he apparently realized he didnt love me. Personally, I dont think he ever really knew what love was.

 

But today my newest realization is that it actually doesn't matter what caused the break up. My friend just broke up with her boyfriend because he was going to be leaving for graduate school, and they were going to have to endure a distance relationship, which she wasnt ready for. But she also said that when she was with him, she would constantly think about what he was doing, and whether he would send her a message, and always wanted to see him, and just got to a point where she realized she was hardly focusing on herself. And I realized I was doing the EXACT same thing when I was in a relationship. I think I tend to become so absorbed in the other person that I use them as a way to distract from my feelings and even my priorities. So, now it's time to bring the focus back to me.

[giuliano-3]

Dreams are a fairly important part of the coping process, I think. Possibly also an indication of other things. While together I had a few dreams where we'd be on some touristy beach walking hand and hand then suddenly she'd be gone without a trace. This is how she left me eventually - without a trace!

 

After the break-up (if you can call it that) I had several more dreams. The common denominator in all was that we were back together and happy. Then her new guy (faceless) would drive up on my street in an expensive car. The next thing I knew she ran off the front porch and to him. Although I couldn't see his face through tinted windows I could make out his flipping me off. Then he sped off and I'd wake up scudded. Other times she'd simply run down the stairs and into his arms then walk out of the house with him.

 

These dreams sporadically happened for 6 months, but I don't have them anymore. She isn't a part of my conscious thought and therefore, I believe, not really a part of my subconscious thought either. I'm back to dreaming about flying and having grand adventures. My life is back, and my dreams are a reflection of that.

[happiness0421]

Nicole, oddly enough that sounds strikingly similar to my situation too. My ex thought he "loved" me at first and was really excited and sure of me, then it started to fade really gradually, then there were moments where he'd seem really sure of me again, then it would die off again... until he apparently realized he didnt love me. Personally, I dont think he ever really knew what love was.

 

Wow - same situation. I think it was more fear than love, in his mind. Either way, he screwed me over!!

 

I get very frustrated when I dream about my ex. It hasn't happened recently (I am probably jinxing myself by saying that), but when I do, I wake up and it seems to f*** up my entire day. It makes me quite angry! But, I try to have a concious stream of thoughts right before I go to bed that do NOT involve him, so that has seemed to help. Yawn...I hope someday it has completely faded from my head.