WTF? What makes me sick about all these stupid porn discussions

[Pained]

I have a different sort of problem, I guess. My boyfriend doesn't like porn. I'm not kidding. He doesn't see the point. I tried getting him to watch it with me, but he says he'd rather use his imagination, and that seeing a bimbo he doesn't even know doesn't do it for him. I asked two of his ex-girlfriends for confirmation (he's still friends with two of them, although he hates the third) for confirmation, and they said he doesn't like porn either. Even his male friends have told me that. In fact, when he was the best man for his best friend's wedding, the bachelor party consisted of laser tag and poker. Is this normal? I have a feeling of trust for him that I've never felt for anyone else before, and he has no problems being blunt with me, but I still can't help but feel that it's odd. I mean, you CONSTANTLY hear that EVERY GUY in the world likes porn. Of course, this one doesn't even want to have sex until he's ready.

 

He DOES masturbate like any normal person (although his technique is unusual), but again, he likes to use his imagination or me rather than looking at artificial stimulation. Maybe it's because he's a writer? He doesn't care if anyone else looks at porn, but it doesn't do anything for him. I asked if he'd like it if I videotaped myself, and he said that would be different, because he loves me and knows me. He's far more turned on by intelligence than by someone who looks like a typical model.

[Olivia_19742004]

I certainly hope you're not complaining.. Some men don't like porn. Some men don't like strip clubs. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

[Mr Spock]

What's "unusual?" Inquiring minds want to know.

[Pained]

I guess you just hear constantly that ALL men want it, and that the ones who don't are lying or gay, neither of which I believe he is.

 

I of all people should know not to generalize.

 

Then again, my most recent looked at porn and went to strip clubs all the time (and lied about it, even though I didn't care if he looked), so maybe I'm just used to it.

[moimeme]

However, what some aren't recognizing is that some of us that are experiencing porn in our lives aren't experiencing the normal healthy side of it. We are experiencing the negative affects and it's having quite an impact on our relationships.

 

Okay. As the starter of this topic, I'd like to interject that it has wandered all over hell's half-acre until it is, again, a debate between people whose men use porn as a SUBSTITUTE for sex versus those whose men use it for the odd fun time. To the former, I repeat, yet again, one more time, that this thread is NOT about you. Never was supposed to be. There are roughly 34,522,198 threads on LS about that. This was never intended to be another one.

 

Long ago this started as my rant because women were going on about men looking at other women, including women in porn and the problem with those particular women was that they felt the men preferred the visuals over their living, breathing, selves with personality and all.

 

It was about my frustration with people who can think so little of their partners that they can actually believe their partners could care more for images than for themselves. And, yes, I know, it's about self-esteem but a little reasonableness is warranted, too. Truly, no matter how bad one's self-esteem is, is it reasonable to believe someone you are supposed to care about is shallow enough to prefer 2D pictures to you?

 

And if you insist on continuing that other debate, I insist upon the final word. Porn as substitute for sex with partner = BAD. Porn which negatively impacts couple's sex life = BAD. Porn addiction = BAD. Occasional use of porn for entertainment only = GOOD. Pointe finale!

[HoldOn]

Pained,

 

Hey my bf doesn't use porn either. I don't think it's strange and I don't think it's a problem. I think it's great! I don't think I would be that upset if he did have porn, but it's definitely an extra bonus that he doesn't! He does masturbate, but he just uses his imagination.

 

BTW, I totally believe him because it fits with his personality anyway.