jlfc71 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Hi guys.. Its now been 2 1/2 years since my ex of 6 years left one morning and never came back. A totally devastating time initially. She was with someone within days who had obviously been in the picture a while. Looking back now, the last year wasn't good, I took things for granted and didnt pay her enough attention but to leave in that manner without talking about things was a complete shock. It took me a long time to get over and even today, i still get days when i still get down.. thats partially due to the fact that after the first few months she has been in contact even though she is with someone... i dont think ive ever got how she can leave to be with someone then every so often get in touch with the miss you's etc etc... At xmas I bumped into her after not seeing her for 2 years and no contact for 6 months. It brought a lot of feelings back for both i guess.. she got back in touch again and we spoke for about a month very frequently. She said she had always loved me, had screwed up and was going to sort things at her hand, take some time on her own then maybe we could try.. i left the door open for it albeit with reservations and made sure she knew i wasnt going to be her rebound or back up plan... I then didnt hear anything apart from an irrelevant email until this week.. i know she is still with this guy but she sent me a message saying she missed me , loves me etc etc etc... this really does drive me crazy... I've told her many time before words are cheap and its actions that counts.. if she does feel like this then she would do something about it but as usual as soon as i question her on this she gets all emotional, ends the conversation and i probably wont hear off her for a while. I just dont know how to play this. Yes i know what she did etc etc but in truth although ive moved on with my life, enjoying it again, in my heart i know a big part of me still loves her, or the person she used to be before that last year anyway. I feel just so frustrated at the moment. Your thoughts are welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Iselia Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Hi guys.. Its now been 2 1/2 years since my ex of 6 years left one morning and never came back. A totally devastating time initially. She was with someone within days who had obviously been in the picture a while. Looking back now, the last year wasn't good, I took things for granted and didnt pay her enough attention but to leave in that manner without talking about things was a complete shock. It took me a long time to get over and even today, i still get days when i still get down.. thats partially due to the fact that after the first few months she has been in contact even though she is with someone... i dont think ive ever got how she can leave to be with someone then every so often get in touch with the miss you's etc etc... At xmas I bumped into her after not seeing her for 2 years and no contact for 6 months. It brought a lot of feelings back for both i guess.. she got back in touch again and we spoke for about a month very frequently. She said she had always loved me, had screwed up and was going to sort things at her hand, take some time on her own then maybe we could try.. i left the door open for it albeit with reservations and made sure she knew i wasnt going to be her rebound or back up plan... I then didnt hear anything apart from an irrelevant email until this week.. i know she is still with this guy but she sent me a message saying she missed me , loves me etc etc etc... this really does drive me crazy... I've told her many time before words are cheap and its actions that counts.. if she does feel like this then she would do something about it but as usual as soon as i question her on this she gets all emotional, ends the conversation and i probably wont hear off her for a while. I just dont know how to play this. Yes i know what she did etc etc but in truth although ive moved on with my life, enjoying it again, in my heart i know a big part of me still loves her, or the person she used to be before that last year anyway. I feel just so frustrated at the moment. Your thoughts are welcome. My ex of 4 years left me a little bit over a year ago. There was someone else in the picture and she basically left me for her. I know you aren't going to like my advice, but I sure hope you take it. I didn't want to let go of my ex either; but I knew I had to. I finally did it one day. And by letting go, I mean truly accepting that this person is no longer apart of your life, and no longer welcome to be apart of it. You need to cut her out completely. Block her on your e-mail accounts. Change your phone number. Etc. Leave no trace of her in your life. It's going to hurt. I had to do it myself at one point. But I can say that getting my ex out of my life immensely helped with my moving on process. You have to take this step or you're never going to get over her. Are you ready to heal and eventually open yourself up to new love? Please give some heavy consideration to my advice. Love and hugs, Iselia Link to post Share on other sites
Author jlfc71 Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Thanks for the reply Iselia.. i pretty much have cut her out my life but i cant change my number as its for business too and i have too many clients who use it.. apart from that though i did all you suggested initially after the break up. i guess what makes it difficult is the nature of her messages. Its tough to let go fully when someone you were with for so long sends u misses u etc etc.. i guess i just dont get it.. I've told her before she cant send me stuff like this..its pretty frustrating as she wont do anything about it and it sets me back a while... as i say, i just dont understand it but back to moving forward Link to post Share on other sites
bl22 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Hi guys.. Its now been 2 1/2 years since my ex of 6 years left one morning and never came back. A totally devastating time initially. She was with someone within days who had obviously been in the picture a while. Looking back now, the last year wasn't good, I took things for granted and didnt pay her enough attention but to leave in that manner without talking about things was a complete shock. It took me a long time to get over and even today, i still get days when i still get down.. thats partially due to the fact that after the first few months she has been in contact even though she is with someone... i dont think ive ever got how she can leave to be with someone then every so often get in touch with the miss you's etc etc... At xmas I bumped into her after not seeing her for 2 years and no contact for 6 months. It brought a lot of feelings back for both i guess.. she got back in touch again and we spoke for about a month very frequently. She said she had always loved me, had screwed up and was going to sort things at her hand, take some time on her own then maybe we could try.. i left the door open for it albeit with reservations and made sure she knew i wasnt going to be her rebound or back up plan... I then didnt hear anything apart from an irrelevant email until this week.. i know she is still with this guy but she sent me a message saying she missed me , loves me etc etc etc... this really does drive me crazy... I've told her many time before words are cheap and its actions that counts.. if she does feel like this then she would do something about it but as usual as soon as i question her on this she gets all emotional, ends the conversation and i probably wont hear off her for a while. I just dont know how to play this. Yes i know what she did etc etc but in truth although ive moved on with my life, enjoying it again, in my heart i know a big part of me still loves her, or the person she used to be before that last year anyway. I feel just so frustrated at the moment. Your thoughts are welcome. I know this is very hard for you but you got to look at the facts here. She is untrustworthy. Simple as. She betrayed you leaving you for someone else. Now she is going behind the other guys back telling you she misses you, loves you etc. Think about it for a second, she was probably pulling that same stuff when she was WITH you. Sounds like an attention seeker to me, and she sounds insecure and using attention from you and the new guy to make herself feel good. This is why you feel like this stil. Don't take the bait, don't reply, she may have her good qualities and im sure the relationship you shared was amazing for the most part...but shes untrustworthy right now...and you deserve someone who you can trust. Link to post Share on other sites
oldguy Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 She cheated on you, left you for someone else & now she's seems to be setting you up to do the same thing to him she did to you. That speaks volumes about her and the fact that you would want someone like this in your life speaks volumes about you; why do you think so little of yourself? Move on, plenty of fish. Break ups suck but after 2 1/2 years if your still stuck on someone who left you for someone else & is now leading you on while still another relationship, is that what you want, to be the OG? It sounds like you haven't moved on. Sometimes that doesn't happen unless you go through the stages & put some effort into it. Link to post Share on other sites
timchambo Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I am in the earlier stages (4 1/2 months out of a 7 1/2 year RL) of what you have going on. In my case I don't answer or respond to any messages with the exception of one time to get my property back...which of course still hasn't gotten me my property. I completely understand the desire to have what you had back. But do you honestly think that is possible? I agree with others in here who say she is continuing to show character flaws by talking to you behind other dudes back. We all loved our ex's for a reason, so of course there are good traits as well. But personally I value trust and integrity too highly to re-ignite the last RL. Link to post Share on other sites
Iselia Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Thanks for the reply Iselia.. i pretty much have cut her out my life but i cant change my number as its for business too and i have too many clients who use it.. apart from that though i did all you suggested initially after the break up. i guess what makes it difficult is the nature of her messages. Its tough to let go fully when someone you were with for so long sends u misses u etc etc.. i guess i just dont get it.. I've told her before she cant send me stuff like this..its pretty frustrating as she wont do anything about it and it sets me back a while... as i say, i just dont understand it but back to moving forward You need to block her from sending you messages. You haven't cut her out 100% yet. You have to take this step. You have to! If you somehow can't block her messages then don't listen/read them. If you get an e-mail from her, delete it instantly without reading it. If you get a voicemail from her, as soon as you recognize her voice hit delete. If anything you should be annoyed at her for not respecting your wishes to stop with the petty messages! She cheated on you, left you for someone else & now she's seems to be setting you up to do the same thing to him she did to you. That speaks volumes about her and the fact that you would want someone like this in your life speaks volumes about you; why do you think so little of yourself? Move on, plenty of fish. Break ups suck but after 2 1/2 years if your still stuck on someone who left you for someone else & is now leading you on while still another relationship, is that what you want, to be the OG? It sounds like you haven't moved on. Sometimes that doesn't happen unless you go through the stages & put some effort into it. You should consider what oldguy has to say. I agree with him completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts