monamacy Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 just registered into this board today, pretty new. would like to find out if anyone has experienced relationship with guys who are non-marrying (NM) type, or if any guys out there you yourself is/was the NM type? i just broke up with my bf of 2 years becouse he's the NM type where he doesnt see the value of marriage like i do. everything else in our relationship is perfect, but as a lady, i think all of us would like to go through marriage at least once in our lifetime. well, i may be wrong and marriage may just be the myth, as marriage itself doenst guarantee happiness and love, i admit that. but i need to experience it in order to understand if marriage really means anything. to him, as long as we are committed to each other and love each other, why the papers? conversely, to me, marriage is the confidence he gives me to carry on the commitment with him. he's 10 yrs my senior and in his 40's, he has been through alot in life, but never been married. but what he gathers from friends of his age and other marriages that he's seen, nothing compares a good relationship that is bonded by being able to co-exist with each other. what you think, guys and gals? has anyone ever come across people who are NM type? has anyone of them changed their thinking over time and becouse of what? anyway, its a sad case for us becouse we cant see eye to eye over the piece of paper. your views are appreciated, thx! Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Monamacy, I am friends with two men who don't have any plans on getting married. They are both great guys, but to be honest, they place other things such as their work or interests above any serious relationships or thoughts of marriage. It may be selfish, but then a lot of selfish people get married and make their spouse's life miserable. I've been involved with the same (great) guy for several years, but I have never been interested in getting married or having children. I may change my mind about marriage in the future, but I have no problem with being single the rest of my life. I was honest with my bf from the start about my lack of interest in marriage or children, he was and is still fine with that. We have separate residences, and see each other every couple of days. I have heard of people "changing their mind" about marriage, often after meeting someone they felt was worth the commitment, or they just started to have a desire to settle down. Some people get married because they want to start having children, or they feel pressured by a gf/bf or family members. But to be honest, no matter what reasons a person has to not want to get married, if they tell you this, you should accept it as their view of life and not think that someday you can persuade them differently. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monamacy Posted April 13, 2004 Author Share Posted April 13, 2004 hei, just the follow up. i bump into him this afternoon and he sounded not very friendly. then we talked over the phone and he admitted that he was mad at me for calling the relationship quit becouse i chose the bloody certificate over the good life that we have. he said that we are having good life anad if i have faith in him, he'll bring me more good life ahead. pls advise me on what should i do or where should i go from here. Link to post Share on other sites
Qicah Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 He may change his views about marriage in due time when he'll be financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually ready. As long as he loves you and cares for you, there's nothing to be afraid of. But it's your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 quote -- "He admitted that he was mad at me for calling the relationship quit becouse i chose the bloody certificate over the good life that we have. he said that we are having good life anad if i have faith in him, he'll bring me more good life ahead. " You need to ask your (ex) boyfriend right out if he has future plans of marriage with you or not. He needs to be honest with you and let you make the decision on whether to stay with him or not. From what he is saying, while he is promising a good life and great relationship should you come back to him, he is not promising a marriage of any kind. If he still considers a marriage license a "bloody certificate" and that you somehow were choosing this over him, he still is not open to the thought of marriage. Some people have no problems being in a non marital relationship, other people want a good relationship, but also want the commitment and the legal validation that a marriage brings. Some people are content to wait and pray for the day the other person relents or changes their mind about marriage. But in your case, if that ever does occur, it's going to be a very long time. Link to post Share on other sites
fredrolin Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 I am a 40 year old married man. I never wanted to get married. But it just happened. I have several friends that are in there 50's and never been married. They are slowly becoming bitter old men. I would probably be the same way but having a child helps me stay young and active. My advice is to stay away from non marrying men, if you are marriage minded. These guys fear commitment and are usually very self centered. Link to post Share on other sites
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