Arrangrl Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Did any of you believe it? Arran Link to post Share on other sites
myname Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 xMM told me he wasn't having sex with his wife, for almost two years. I feel very naive now but in the main I did believe him at the time. Yes there were times when I thought, hang on, they're still together, they must be having sex, but whenever I asked him about it he managed to convince me they weren't. What was convincing about it? Well the rows he described because of them not having sex, the uncomfortableness physically he described them experiencing together, the things he said she said about it. Oh, and he promised that he wouldn't do that to me, have sex with me if he was having sex with her too. He said that our 'relationship' was different to how he was with his wife! When she phoned me last weekend I wish I'd asked her how true it was what he'd told me. But I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He told me they had never managed penetrative sex. I believed him, I still believe him. I have no reason not to, and everything does - and always has - point towards that being the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Did any of you believe it? Arran Yes. And yes, I believed it, mainly because there wasn't any reason for him to lie. I didn't ask about it and had he not said anything, I still would not have asked. I just assumed they had sex, until he told me otherwise. Later, his W told me they had sex and he then admitted it. I was relatively young (~20) and it was a learning experience for me how someone who claims honesty is important in a R and appears honest in most ways, can lie for no obvious reason, except his own preconceived ideas of how I might react and how it might affect him getting what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Gosh he must have really loved her to stay married that long without ever having penetrative sex. Poor guy. He has you now though. You'd think so, huh?.... Such a sad way for them both to live. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He told me they had never managed penetrative sex. I believed him, I still believe him. I have no reason not to, and everything does - and always has - point towards that being the truth. Doesn't that seem like he is splitting hairs though? Have you thought about what he was actually doing with his wife then if not actual "penetrative sex?" (please don't answer that here--TMI probably) Does that bother you? I don't know, if I was a BS who was told by my WH that he hadn't had "penetrative sex" with his OW...I would have really been wondering what they were actually doing. It would have made me feel worse instead of better about the whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Doesn't that seem like he is splitting hairs though? Have you thought about what he was actually doing with his wife then if not actual "penetrative sex?" (please don't answer that here--TMI probably) Does that bother you? I don't know, if I was a BS who was told by my WH that he hadn't had "penetrative sex" with his OW...I would have really been wondering what they were actually doing. It would have made me feel worse instead of better about the whole thing. No sex. No french kissing. No anything. They TRIED penetrative sex, but aborted it. She had one session with a sex therapist, never went back. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 No sex. No french kissing. No anything. They TRIED penetrative sex, but aborted it. She had one session with a sex therapist, never went back. Okay thanks for answering. Boy, it seems like it was all her fault. Why didn't they both go to the sex therapist? Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Okay thanks for answering. Boy, it seems like it was all her fault. Why didn't they both go to the sex therapist? Ah, I didn't say it was all her fault. He took the decision to respect her wish for no sex before marriage. Then, he COULD have been more assertive but wasn't. She went alone to the therapist because he wanted sex and she would not tolerate anything physical by this time and didn't want to discuss it in front of him, and he thought he was being supportive by encouraging her to do it that way. Everything else was buried under the carpet... Link to post Share on other sites
Rose1977 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I know my BF told his OW we did not have sex. I never even thought about whether he had discussed the topic with her until during one of her harassing phone calls to my job she told me he would have never had sex with her if I weren't so frigid. I was shocked, we were having sex a lot more than most couples I think. He must have been convincing though, she believed him. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Is she possibly gay? Blimey. In all this time it's never crossed my mind. Unbelievable. It would answer a lot. I didn't rule out the possibility of a traumatic sexual experience either. It feels as though there must be something. But she was adamant she could never discuss it with him, I'm told. Though she did suggest they attempt a sex life when he said he was leaving, but he said he never took it seriously. I know after 13 years he wasn't prepared to go that route in any case. Thing is, her OM left his wife for her. My bf was sure THEY were intimate. But that might have been assumptions I guess, she never spoke of it. Messy. And really sad for them to meet in their twenties and live like that until 40, never having the courage to really make a change. Link to post Share on other sites
jsb58 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 never having the courage to really make a change.Yeah I wouldn't find a wimp like that attractive either. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Yeah I wouldn't find a wimp like that attractive either. Well, the status quo clearly suited them both for a time. I wouldn't call either of them wimps, given what I know of them in a wider context. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Yes, I heard that story from a couple MW's. The most significant of them later (many years later) shared that she was instead f*cking her boss. In some ways, very pragmatic. Hubby to support the household and father the children, boss to f*ck and provide income and carhill to be the tampon. Some people have it all worked out. I most recently heard it a number of months ago from a MW who, lamenting her dearth at home, said she 'needed sex'. I suggested marriage counseling. A few weeks ago, speaking with her, she opined that I 'deserved sex', though it generally appeared things were going better with her H. Normally, I'd disconnect such a person simply because of my new boundaries since my affair and divorce, but she's my best friend's daughter and, well, I think that would be inappropriate. Such experiences give me insight into reality, or at least other's perception of it. In the past, with MW's, yes I did believe their words. In retrospect, upon reflection, that belief was an ignorant one. Link to post Share on other sites
So Very Confused Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He never specifically said and I've never asked. There are some questions I just don't want answers to. Link to post Share on other sites
vweb1218 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He told me of her low sex drive way before we were involved in any way. He said he has talked to her about it and she won't say much. He said when they do have sex it is such a production. Candles, wine etc. Also that she in not very adventurous at all ! For a while she was giving it up quite a lot and he told me about it. He was surprised and wondered why she was suddenly more into it. And even did something he had been asking her to do for 2 years. Then things got Super rocky and he was not getting any at all ! She might be giving him some now, but I bet it is rare because he usually tells me. Of course I believe him, he is way to specific and open about the subject !! Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He told me of her low sex drive way before we were involved in any way. He said he has talked to her about it and she won't say much. He said when they do have sex it is such a production. Candles, wine etc. Also that she in not very adventurous at all ! For a while she was giving it up quite a lot and he told me about it. He was surprised and wondered why she was suddenly more into it. And even did something he had been asking her to do for 2 years. Then things got Super rocky and he was not getting any at all ! She might be giving him some now, but I bet it is rare because he usually tells me. Of course I believe him, he is way to specific and open about the subject !! Does he say you're more sexually adventurous than his wife? I'm just curious if the two of you performed the "off limits" act he described was provided by you. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He told me of her low sex drive way before we were involved in any way. He said he has talked to her about it and she won't say much. He said when they do have sex it is such a production. Candles, wine etc. Also that she in not very adventurous at all ! For a while she was giving it up quite a lot and he told me about it. He was surprised and wondered why she was suddenly more into it. And even did something he had been asking her to do for 2 years. Then things got Super rocky and he was not getting any at all ! She might be giving him some now, but I bet it is rare because he usually tells me. Of course I believe him, he is way to specific and open about the subject !! He tells you all about his sex life with his wife? Do you know how disrespectful that is to both you and his wife? Are you really acting like something is wrong with his wife wanting romance before sex? Link to post Share on other sites
LilyBart Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 He tells you all about his sex life with his wife? Do you know how disrespectful that is to both you and his wife? Are you really acting like something is wrong with his wife wanting romance before sex? VWeb - don't even bother answering. This is like trying to explain to someone why "scheduled sex" is uninspiring and boring! Bleh. Link to post Share on other sites
LilyBart Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Does he say you're more sexually adventurous than his wife? I'm just curious if the two of you performed the "off limits" act he described was provided by you. VWeb - once again, don't bother answering. Seriously? If you don't have the imagination to figure this one out.....you don't deserve to know. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Why are you so defensive lilybart? You are even taking it so far as to defend other posters. Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 VWeb - once again, don't bother answering. Seriously? If you don't have the imagination to figure this one out.....you don't deserve to know. Why the defensiveness?? I've got a good imagination. I'm just wondering if these claims of taboo sex acts are really just an attempt at manipulation. Link to post Share on other sites
LilyBart Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Why are you so defensive lilybart? You are even taking it so far as to defend other posters. Oh sorry. Didn't realize having an OPINION regarding a post would be considered violating TOS? After all, this is a PUBLIC FORUM, no? Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Why the defensiveness?? I've got a good imagination. I'm just wondering if these claims of taboo sex acts are really just an attempt at manipulation. Yup. "My wife never allows me anal." "Oh you poor thing, I'm here for you. I enjoy it" Manipulation at it's best Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Oh sorry. Didn't realize having an OPINION regarding a post would be considered violating TOS? After all, this is a PUBLIC FORUM, no? Who said anything about violating TOS? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts