During your affair, did the MM/MW tell you they were not having S**

[LilyBart]

Why the defensiveness?? I've got a good imagination. I'm just wondering if these claims of taboo sex acts are really just an attempt at manipulation.

 

Come on people. Just because you don't get the answer you want - it's called "being defensive"?

 

Whatever VWeb considers "adventurous" probably is - to her (and her man).

 

Think about it - there are millions of VANILLA people out there who consider oral/anal sex "taboo". *rolls eyes* So nevermind what other amazing sexual things exist......

[LilyBart]

Yup. "My wife never allows me anal."

 

"Oh you poor thing, I'm here for you. I enjoy it"

 

Manipulation at it's best

 

Only if you're doing it to "please" someone and not because you derive pleasure out of the act itself.

 

Then I agree - it's manipulation.

 

Of course there is this little issue about W's having sex when they're not that into it.......shall we call that manipulation as well?

[BB07]

Oh sorry. Didn't realize having an OPINION regarding a post would be considered violating TOS?

 

After all, this is a PUBLIC FORUM, no?

 

 

I never said anything about the tos, I also never said anything about it not being a public forum.

 

All I did was ask you a question.......and you are directing that defensiveness toward me.

 

Just forget it....lily.........walk away, cool off before you get spanked by the mod. BTDT........moderations sucks.

[skylarblue]

MM tells me he hasn’t had sex with his W in over a year. I absolutely believe him. We’ve always talked about it. He continued to have sex with her most of our R, which became less frequent and now isn’t happening. But even when they were intimate he was there physically, but not mentally. I’ve heard conversations of her saying things like “well, we don’t have sex…”, “you’re not getting it from me, so who are you getting it from’, and “I can count on one hand how many times we’ve fooled around in 3yrs”. So, I’m pretty confident that it’s just him and me.

[greengoddess]

MM tells me he hasn’t had sex with his W in over a year. I absolutely believe him. We’ve always talked about it. He continued to have sex with her most of our R, which became less frequent and now isn’t happening. But even when they were intimate he was there physically, but not mentally. I’ve heard conversations of her saying things like “well, we don’t have sex…”, “you’re not getting it from me, so who are you getting it from’, and “I can count on one hand how many times we’ve fooled around in 3yrs”. So, I’m pretty confident that it’s just him and me.

 

So you're "friends" with her?

[skylarblue]

So you're "friends" with her?

No, but I've heard phone conversations she's had with her H on his end.

[bloppy]

No, but I've heard phone conversations she's had with her H on his end.

 

That's real nice. You eavesdrop on their conversations.

[vweb1218]

Me and my MM are just involved emotionally right now. Although do have a very sexually charged connection. Try not to hang out because it will for sure go there if we are alone together. Kinda weird because we uses to sit next together for a long time, dumb me didn't notice the attraction...

 

I am 100% more adventurous than she is. I know he can tell from the way I am and the things we talk about, I doubt he thinks I am lying. The forbidden act that I mentioned is absolutely no big deal. Nothing, I would do it on first sexual encounter.

[greengoddess]

Me and my MM are just involved emotionally right now. Although do have a very sexually charged connection. Try not to hang out because it will for sure go there if we are alone together. Kinda weird because we uses to sit next together for a long time, dumb me didn't notice the attraction...

 

I am 100% more adventurous than she is. I know he can tell from the way I am and the things we talk about, I doubt he thinks I am lying. The forbidden act that I mentioned is absolutely no big deal. Nothing, I would do it on first sexual encounter.

 

so you are actively persuing him and making it well known you will sexually go there. i hope you live in an alienation of affection state.

[Anna101]

When we were in the affair he told me he was physically faithful to me, but did admit that after a party once he got really drunk and did it.

 

During a conversation with his wife, she confirmed they had only done it once in the 2.5 years, and that he'd rebuffed her when she'd asked for it.

 

So yes, he told me the truth and he was physically faithful to me.

[greengoddess]

vweb he probably gets all steamy from your convos and has a great tme with his wife or he goes home and relays to his wife all the things you say to him for attention and they get a good laugh out of it.

 

Anyone hear the words playing in the background the the kind of girl you don't bring home to momma? I love that song. Who sings that?

[LilyBart]

vweb he probably gets all steamy from your convos and has a great tme with his wife or he goes home and relays to his wife all the things you say to him for attention and they get a good laugh out of it.

 

Anyone hear the words playing in the background the the kind of girl you don't bring home to momma? I love that song. Who sings that?

 

Tsk, tsk, tsk. You wish this is what's happening. NOT.

 

Of course, no one REALLY knows what REALLY goes on. Whether it's between the MPs or the APs, except for the two people involved.

[LilyBart]

I never said anything about the tos, I also never said anything about it not being a public forum.

 

All I did was ask you a question.......and you are directing that defensiveness toward me.

 

Just forget it....lily.........walk away, cool off before you get spanked by the mod. BTDT........moderations sucks.

 

Funny you should think I'm all riled up.

 

On the contrary, I feel that having an OPINION is nothing to be moderated for. Considering I'm not calling people names or some of the other hideous things I've seen posters say on here......

[fooled once]

Did any of you believe it?

 

Arran

 

Yes he told me that; and no I didn't.

 

Quite frankly, I would not believe any MM that stated that. Just my belief.

[bentnotbroken]

I have always wondered if people morphed into a bed, pillow(floor, table or whatever means are utilized) or fly on the wall in order to know if sex is occurring between two people in their private lives. Just as a BS shouldn't believe the lack of sex tales about AP, AP should take what is said about sex and the BS with a grain of salt.

[fooled once]

Not to thread jack but I just saw it here and I see it so many times where the mistress implies how the 2 married people never talk or discuss things.

 

Why do so many OW believe this? Is it because MM told you? So you really don't think that during their dating days, their engagement days and their married years, they haven't discussed everything possible under the sun? What makes you think he only shares with YOU any sexual desires, past trauma or any other deep feeling?

[vweb1218]

My MM pleases himself and finishes when we chat. My MM has turned down sex with her and self played on the phone with me instead... Not all MM's are alike.. SHE IS NOT INTO SEX, and only gives it up out of obligation !!

[greengoddess]

My MM pleases himself and finishes when we chat. My MM has turned down sex with her and self played on the phone with me instead... Not all MM's are alike.. SHE IS NOT INTO SEX, and only gives it up out of obligation !!

 

um you are contradicting yourself. She's not into sex and does it out of obligation. That means she only has sex when he persues and yet you also say he has turned down sex with her for his hand.

 

Hey if you want to be his porn fair enough. Enjoy!! I don't think men who use porn for their masturbation actually plan on being with the porn stars though. It's a fantasy, you know. Many men even watch porn with their wives and they watch them self pleasure.

[vweb1218]

I watch porn with him, i know about porn..silly !!

 

He pursues a lot and gets turned down even more.

 

She was giving in for a while, but once again he is deep in the doghouse.. (no or VERY little sex)

 

Did you not read that he DOES tell me when she gives in... He has always been open about this. Yes, sometimes he does get sex from the wife. 100% not nearly as often as he wants or desires. I don't even get mad when she gives in she should be, I would never wish him lack of pleasure..

 

To bad she seems to give him even less emotional attention than sex !!

 

People do require attention you know. If they don't get it yes, they will find someone else to give it !! That's human nature !

 

And NO !! She does not watch porn with him.. She is far to conservative for that !!

Edited May 17, 2011 by vweb1218
adding more

[Heather1]

Nope, always assumed he was & I never asked.

[IzzyB]

No, he would tell me when they had sex, which wasnt often (hence his reason for seeking an affair, mine too) but it didnt matter either way. I wasnt in competition with anyone.

 

Lily, your posts are right on and you dont sound riled at all to me.

[Spark1111]

It's so sad that so many of the mistresses who are posting here, have a psychological need to "one up" the Betrayed Spouse of their MM, by imagining that they (the mistress that is) is their cheater's "one and only" when it comes to sex.

 

You ladies should learn to enjoy your affair sex for its own sake, and because it's enjoyable, not because it gives you schaudenfraude when you imagine that someone else, the betrayed spouse, is not having it.

 

And please, don't claim that you "don't care" whether or not your cheater is having sex with his betrayed spouse. You seem to care very deeply--that's why you're so focused on it.

 

If you are seeing your cheater at least every couple of days and fully meeting his sexual needs like clockwork, then he might not have sex with his wife in between, but under any other circumstances (and most likely even if you are having frequent sex with him) he is most definitely having sex with his spouse.

 

I agree FOF!

 

My H's xOW asked him if we ever had sex. He told her rarely to never.

 

We had sex twice a week during the affair.

 

She was soooooo disappointed to hear that. He then ammended it to we never had sex. I guess that made her happier.

 

She then tried to convince him that I must have a boyfriend on the side then!

 

He started to believe HER!

 

If that isn't the height of delusional thinking, I have no idea what is.

 

Whatever works, I guess. Whatever works.

[LilyBart]

I have always wondered if people morphed into a bed, pillow(floor, table or whatever means are utilized) or fly on the wall in order to know if sex is occurring between two people in their private lives. Just as a BS shouldn't believe the lack of sex tales about AP, AP should take what is said about sex and the BS with a grain of salt.

 

 

Agreed.

 

And the BS should also keep in mind (and take with a grain of salt) when told that the A was "only" about sex. Sometimes it is. A LOT of times it's a heck of a lot more than *just* sex.

 

Which is why it continues.

 

Sex, even good sex, can be bought without any strings attached. There's some line about hookers not being paid for the sex but being paid to leave. Lol.

 

What people really want is a "connection" and when they find it, most loathe giving it up.

[bentnotbroken]

Agreed.

 

And the BS should also keep in mind (and take with a grain of salt) when told that the A was "only" about sex. Sometimes it is. A LOT of times it's a heck of a lot more than *just* sex.

 

Which is why it continues.

 

Sex, even good sex, can be bought without any strings attached. There's some line about hookers not being paid for the sex but being paid to leave. Lol.

 

What people really want is a "connection" and when they find it, most loathe giving it up.

 

Since most of the BS I know acknowledge there was an emotional connection(if in fact there was), I assume you are talking about the BS's you know. I think emotional affairs while devastating, provide less of a opportunity for someone to contract and die of an STD. For me that would have been preferable, though I cannot speak for others.

[Silly_Girl]

Not to thread jack but I just saw it here and I see it so many times where the mistress implies how the 2 married people never talk or discuss things.

 

Why do so many OW believe this? Is it because MM told you? So you really don't think that during their dating days, their engagement days and their married years, they haven't discussed everything possible under the sun? What makes you think he only shares with YOU any sexual desires, past trauma or any other deep feeling?

 

He never gave me reason to doubt him. Lots of factual things about the two of them as individuals I was able to validate through... info openly available. His friends and family had wanted him to break free for a long time and he had confided in different people at different times LONG before there was even a whiff of a Silly_Girl in his life, so no need for him to make this stuff up. In fact bloody hard and embarrassing for him to do so. He once told his mum just how bad things were, a few years back and she barely spoke to her daughter-in-law from that day to this. Plus I've seen written reactions from his wife in respect of certain things. All fits. Their marriage was EXTREMELT unusual, and extremely stiff-upper-lip British.

 

They both acknowledged they talked more during the period leading to him leaving than they had the prior ten years. Yet neither one was prepared to get counselling or work on things when they had the chance. They had a real good chance too.

 

There's nowt so queer as folk.... I don't expect others to believe what I know but just because we haven't come across a scenario in our own lives doesn't make it impossible that it happened.