During your affair, did the MM/MW tell you they were not having S**

[erica01]

There have been a few threads on the subject of affair sex lately. I am always a bit puzzled when I read these threads because many OW insist that their relationship with their MM is more than just about sex.

 

But then in the next post there is another OW post talking about the amazing connection during sex and how awesome the sex is, etc. etc.

 

I don't understand the dichotomy. Just how important is the affair sex then?

 

Read this whole long thread from beginning to end. And wanted to chime in. Since it started as emotional when we eventually had sex and it had its ups and downs until he brought some other "skills" into the mix. But eventually the sex grew to be really really good. I think the importance of it depends on how/why the A starts. Sometimes its physical and sometimes emotional or sometimes a little of both.

[TurningTables]

Im new here and have been lurking for some time..but I have to ask: So wait a minute..Is everyone saying that alot of affairs feel like they are real(for example: feelings of being in love, friendship, etc) and really these feeling are in fact: lies?

Can someone explain that one to me?

[carhill]

To the extent that a person's words and actions are a mask of their true selves and intentions and perspective, they can be construed to be lying, either overtly or by omission. If those words and actions create within another feelings of love and attachment, that love and attachment, though valid within its own dynamics, is based upon deception/untruth/lies/deceit/masking/sociopathy.

 

It happens a lot. The usual key for myself is the 'light switch', where one moment there is the appearance of amazing intimacy and the next, nothing. It, literally, is like a light being turned off, into abject darkness.

 

Hope that helps...

[love4me2c]

OM told me he and his wife would have sex, just not often.

[John Who]

I told OW my W and I no longer had sex she believed it,but of course I was lying to her.

[ladydesigner]

Neither I or the OM asked each other if sex was happening on the homefront. I assumed he was still intimate with his gf and he had to have known I was still being intimate with my H. It was never discussed.

[waytogo]

MM told me that. Sometimes it is true. Whether or not it was true in this case, I no longer care. Over time the more I had sex with him, the more I could understand if she would rather not.

[waytogo]

I think it's as reasonable for the OW to believe her MM is not having sex with his W as it is for his W to believe that her H isn't having sex with an OW.

 

Sometimes one is true, and other times they're both untrue. I think it's human nature to want to believe that the people we love won't hurt us.

 

Great point. Many OW become OW because they believe this part of what MM tells them. I know it's possible for it to be true. Even still, it's not a good reason to be an OW.

[waytogo]

I wasn't saying it's a good reason. I was just saying it's a reasonable thing to think that your MM is faithful to you.

 

We all want to believe that the person we love most in the world loves us just as much.

 

That's why it hurts so much when our loved ones lie or betray us.

 

And some situations it is true and others it's a complete lie. No one can really ever prove it.

 

And do you REALLY want to know the truth?

 

Some do and some don't...

 

I wasn't sugeesting you were saying it was a good reason. I only stated it wasn't a good reason. And yes, I always want to know the truth, even if it sucks some I do want to know the truth that I am making decisions about.

[Heart On]

It never occurs to them that perhaps it is there own lack of romance that leads her to not want them.

 

Married men make married women easy targets for guys who are looking for an affair.

 

Whoa.You just told my side of the story with this post!

Difference being,I wasn't having sex with my xMM at the time

I was just thinking about it WAY too much,feeling in LOVE with

the xMM and knew that outting myself and my feelings was

my only option.So was separating before I acted on those feelings.

 

xMM didn't see any need to come clean,let alone stop pity ploying me with

his "asexual marriage".

 

xH couldn't understand that HIS verbal abuses and alcoholism and were what lead me so easily into another man's arms.

 

And the xMM used my misery to hook me in with false promises of a better life and seduction as a way to get his instant gratification needs met.

 

They were BOTH f*ckng liars who used me up and made me PAY for loving them.

 

God....when I think back,I just wish I had NEVER needed a massage,nor married a man who "needed me" but couldn't give back.

 

I think it's sort of delusional now to think I believe a WORD either man said to me.

 

But I am not the FOOL I was back then.

 

I know all I was good for to that SOB was oral sex.

 

Afterall..."she" never wanted to s*ck his d*ck.

 

Poor baby!

 

I don't think he loved EITHER of us.

But he got sex from us BOTH until I wised up and pulled out.

 

I hope she BITES is off.

[Holding-On]

My MM told me his wife's libido had dropped due to medication she was taking (that was working for whatever mystery ailment and improving sleep).

 

So he told me that he wasn't getting anywhere near as much as he would desire. I believed that and I still believe that. Anywhere near as much as he would desire is after all pretty subjective.

 

Having a different libido to your partner at any given point in a marriage strikes me as simply normal. I had no imagining of failure on her part. Rather it made me sympathetic to the pair of them.

 

What his wife has to say on the whole subject I will never know. According to him she nixed the idea of an open relationship on any level. Whether he really told her or not (and what on earth did he say?) is what I cannot verify and will always wonder.