LadyBug_04 Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Hi everyone! Well I am new to all this but I am Savannah from New Mexico and I would like advice on what to do in a serious situation. Well when I was growing up my father passed away when I was six and then I lived with my mom and one of her brothers molested me and my sister. Then we were taken away from her and put with my grandparents who later became our legal gardians because obvisously my mother didn't care for us. So life was going great and then at the age of eleven my grandfather started to molest me until I was a senior in high shool. I never told a soul and no one knew in my family. I was embarrassed and ashamed and didn't think I should tell because I thought it was all my fault. Well it turns out that my family started hating me because I told the state police of what happened.....they ended up not charging him or doing anything. Instead they all took my grandfathers side and started hating me...it has been 3 years going on 4 since this all happened. Should I forgive him and move on or what should I do? Because I have been living with all this pain my whole life and I don'tknow what to do. I have been taking it all my anger and stress out on my fiance and we are on the edge of spilting up and I don't want that. I love him to much for him to leave me and I seriously need him. This is something that I have went to counceling for but it doesn't go away. It is always there and I constantly think about it. I think the reason why all this is happening is because I never told a soul when it happened until I moved out and it went on for so long and, telling the police was a waste of time because they didn't do anything about it. I do contact my family now but I don't talk to my grandfather. I seriously hate him and he is suffering right now, we all are. And it is hard to deal with but I have to. I just want someone to talk to and listen to what I have to say. So what do you all think I should do? Please I need some advice before I loose the only person I have and I don't want that. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 You need to be more clear as to what you really want from your grandfather. Do you really love or hate him?. I can understand that you hate him but what you need him for?. That I simply couldn't understand. More details please for us to help. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 This is serious stuff and you need professional help to get over it. The first counsellor must not have known how to treat you properly. Call your local rape crisis line and ask for a referral to one of their therapists. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyBug_04 Posted April 12, 2004 Author Share Posted April 12, 2004 Well I hate him....do you think it is ok to face him and ask him why he did this to me and what he was thinking? I would like to go see someone for professional help but I am afraid. I am afraid of what might happen to me.....I just want to talk to someone about this...I think it will help! But just tell me what you think? I have no idea....?? Link to post Share on other sites
pav186 Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 I agree with moimeme, i think you should take to a professional about this because this sounds serious. Personally I dont think I could ever to to my grandfather again simply because I would want nothing to do with him, but never having gone through it I dont know what emotions you are dealing with. There must be some resources in your area, I would contact them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadyBug_04 Posted April 12, 2004 Author Share Posted April 12, 2004 Thanks so much for you advice and I will let you know how everything goes.............in the meantime I will try to stay strong! Thanks AGAIN!! Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 I understand the 'love / hate ' thing. part of you wants to love the man that you want your grandfather to be. the other part is disgusted that someone who is supposed to love and protect you, betrayed that innocent need for love and acceptance.. now you are futher abused by the family that is supposed to support you. you are quite a survivor. you should be commended, your ability to not be a total nutcase is incrediable. see a therapist, so when you need to fall apart, you will have a safe place. you have a safe place here....too...with us. Link to post Share on other sites
spencer Posted April 22, 2004 Share Posted April 22, 2004 Originally posted by LadyBug_04 Well I hate him....do you think it is ok to face him and ask him why he did this to me and what he was thinking? only do this if you think it would make you feel better. he doesnt matter anymore, his wants and feelings should not be catered too. ask yourself "what is the outcome i desire?" and "how will i feel if the outcome is not what i want to hear?" consider it when you can honestly answer both of these questions. Link to post Share on other sites
JonC Posted May 1, 2004 Share Posted May 1, 2004 Sounds like your counsellor wasn't up to par. Look into proper psychotherapy. there are lots of very good psychotherapists out there, just need to find one you feeli comfortable with. I know what you mean about the love/hate thing. Just remember not to let yourself create two grandfathers in your head - the nice one you love and a different one who hurt you. They are the same, you need to work to come to terms with that. If you want to confront him, then do, but make sure you're ready when you do, because it will be probably the most emotionally draining time of your life. Be strong, we all support you. Link to post Share on other sites
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