Dissatisfied with things

[fortyninethousand322]

I graduate college on Friday. I’m happy to finally be done with my undergrad career and I feel a sense of accomplishment in finally having a college degree.

 

But I can’t help but feel dissatisfied with where I am right now. I’m unemployed (just left my part time gig but that’s another story), living at home, and I’ve never been in a relationship (never even kissed a girl for that matter). I have a decent amount of friends and we do stuff but I think I’d like to actually date. I’m fairly confident that I can get a job but moving out is not going to happen for another 6-12 months at the earliest. In the meantime I have no idea where to meet women.

 

My hobbies right now consist of working out, basketball, reading, writing, and hanging out with friends. Those have pretty much been my hobbies for the past 5 years or so, and I’ve never met a woman while doing any of them. I’d like to do other hobbies but all the cool hobbies where I’m likely to meet someone take place 45+ minutes from where I live. Eventually I plan on moving closer to the city (where many of these activities are) when I finally do move out.

 

I’ve tried online dating but in the year that I’ve had my Okcupid account I’ve gone on two dates with one girl (who then bailed after the second date), and I’ve sent a bunch of messages and rarely gotten a response (I’m on a 0/14 streak and 4 for my last 40). So, that’s a crapshoot.

 

I feel like maybe I should just wait until I’ve got a decent job and my own place to even bother with trying to date and meet women, but at the same time I really want to experience what it’s actually like to date someone, kiss, and yeah have sex. If I’m already feeling bad about it as it is, how much worse am I going to feel a year from now? If I don’t wait until I move, I have absolutely no idea how or where to meet women. I don’t drink nor do most of my friends so going to a bar would feel awkward, and after that there’s really not much going on around here (I live in the suburbs…more like the exurbs). And I feel too self-conscious to cold approach (maybe I need to learn how to do this?) so meeting someone in a grocery store or in line at the bank is unlikely to happen either. I mean, I was at school for five years surrounded by cute girls and only managed a handful of dates, so it’s pretty clear I’m not all that good at this sort of thing.

 

So…what’s the verdict? Do I wait it out until I move? Or is there some secret place women flock to in the suburbs where I’d be likely to meet them?

[Wang101]

Since you just got out of college, it is better to focus in getting a job first. I dunno about you, I feel more confident having a girlfriend when I got a steady job. At least you got money to pay for movie tickets or dinner bills. You don't expect your girlfriend to pay bills all the times do you? It's a different story if you're rich.

[fortyninethousand322]

Since you just got out of college, it is better to focus in getting a job first. I dunno about you, I feel more confident having a girlfriend when I got a steady job. At least you got money to pay for movie tickets or dinner bills. You don't expect your girlfriend to pay bills all the times do you? It's a different story if you're rich.

 

Yeah I'm definitely focusing on getting a job. I don't think that's going to be a problem. I've got several applications already sent out and more on the way.

 

I have enough money to last for several months (saved up from when my part time job) so if I were to get a date I could pay for things that's not a problem.

 

I highly doubt getting a job is going to magically make me get dates. Having a part time job while going to school didn't help me so how would a job?

[Dust]

I’m in a hurry so I’ll come back and post more later. What I wanted to tell you is I graduated college never having kissed a girl (so did lot’s of guys I knew) and I decided to move in with family for financial reasons. I didn’t have a job for months and when I did get a job it was doing manual labor for $12/hr. Things worked out for me though with women first, and then getting a job I was proud of. I was worried just like you. That doesn’t help though. Be positive, trust in yourself and try. Enjoy trying.

 

That summer I graduated I started my first relationship with a beautiful girl, because for the first time I actually tried hard. (I had always been afraid of rejection if I showed and acted with interest)

[Wang101]

Yeah I'm definitely focusing on getting a job. I don't think that's going to be a problem. I've got several applications already sent out and more on the way.

 

I have enough money to last for several months (saved up from when my part time job) so if I were to get a date I could pay for things that's not a problem.

 

I highly doubt getting a job is going to magically make me get dates. Having a part time job while going to school didn't help me so how would a job?

 

No, getting a job or moving out from your parents house to the city won't guarantee you can get a girl. In my case, getting a job raises my self-esteem as a man and this contributes to my self-confidence around girls. At least I don't have this fear that girls around me would think I'm a jobless bum. I can't claim this works with other people though.

[fortyninethousand322]

No, getting a job or moving out from your parents house to the city won't guarantee you can get a girl. In my case, getting a job raises my self-esteem as a man and this contributes to my self-confidence around girls. At least I don't have this fear that girls around me would think I'm a jobless bum. I can't claim this works with other people though.

 

Well I've never had self confidence with girls. This is more about me not meeting women, and having no idea how to change this without waiting until I move out. Dust's posts in this and another thread have changed my mindset a little bit. Not about how miserable the suburbs are, but more about how to get dates.