Rooke Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I love my friends very much and even more so now that I feel so isolated. But I have one friend although trying to be supportive is really not helping, she keeps saying things like "Don't worry he'll be in touch" and that he loves me and he'll make contact when he is overwhelmed by missing me. I realise she is probably just idealistic and romantic and I tried to be diplomatic in telling her she wasn't helping and now I seem to have offended her which I really didnt want to do... I don't understand why she thinks it's helpful to say this stuff? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Not sure why she'd get offended if you politely told her how you feel about him/your situation at this point. If she wanted to be a good friend, she'd try to understand where you're coming from and SUPPORT you rather than try to cheer the "old" situation on. I'd say give her space, let her come back to talk to you, and see what happens from there. Nothing wrong with telling friends when they're not helping...it helps them be better friends! Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 It's hard to say but she might be telling you what she "thinks" you want to hear or she might not understand how affairs really work or she might get satisfaction from her version of trying to be helpful. All you can do is be upfront in telling her what you NEED from her and if she can't comply then put a little distance there until you are feeling stronger. The great thing is YOU have the knowledge. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Misguided love? Maybe she sees you're upset, thinks that false hope will get you over the worst of it, then you'll be a new, stronger you should he ever be in touch. She's not you and can't fully understand. These are tough times. Have a rest from her perhaps, it might well all come right. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 She's your friend and is in a tough situation offering advice on this. I'm sure it's hard and she doesn't know what to say. Talk to her. Tell her thanks for trying to help, that it's not her that nothing is really the right thing to say right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooke Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 I don't know better than anyone else whether he will be in touch or not, and much like anyone else, I don't care. I can see where she's coming from, that he is so unpredictable etc. I think she will see where I'm coming from, perhaps she's only saying it again and again because she bet me a grand he'd be in touch and now she's scared she'll have to pay up!! Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I don't know better than anyone else whether he will be in touch or not, and much like anyone else, I don't care. I can see where she's coming from, that he is so unpredictable etc. I think she will see where I'm coming from, perhaps she's only saying it again and again because she bet me a grand he'd be in touch and now she's scared she'll have to pay up!! damn kiss a grand goodbye. They always come back calling after the dust settles. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooke Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 damn kiss a grand goodbye. They always come back calling after the dust settles. As my Mum keeps telling me! Nah, it ain't over til the fat lady sings and I'll take her on a nice holiday with it when she has to cough up! Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 As my Mum keeps telling me! Nah, it ain't over til the fat lady sings and I'll take her on a nice holiday with it when she has to cough up! LOL did you put a time limit on it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooke Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 Nah but I think I'll make one up! I think 3 months is a reasonable time limit! He's come crawling back twice before so he won't a third, especially considering the circumstances so I think she's fearing for her bank balance! Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Hey, maybe she believes in Unicorns and Rainbows? Who knows... Is she a hopeless romantic? I have a friend like this and I just want to punch her at times! AGH! Like, SHUT UP ALREADY! lol! She probably thinks this would make you feel better? Poor friend and poor you! The last thing that you need is to lose a friend right now. Darn it! I see people giving this kind of advice here all the time though... it's funny to read from someone that doesn't find it realistic or of much support. Let your buddy know how you feel. You guys may even get a good laugh out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :laugh:I take back my previous advice. Everytime she says he will call or be in touch just jokingly call her a bitch since you know the motivation behind it lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 :laugh:I take back my previous advice. Everytime she says he will call or be in touch just jokingly call her a bitch since you know the motivation behind it lol. LMAO! This is funny! Can I side bet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooke Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 :laugh:I take back my previous advice. Everytime she says he will call or be in touch just jokingly call her a bitch since you know the motivation behind it lol. Oh no I'm just kidding! I think she genuinely believes what she says! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooke Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 LMAO! This is funny! Can I side bet? Absolutely! Although I had to cough up to my Mum last time so I'm not parting with cash so easily this time!! Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 IME, friends are not often good advice about affairs situations. They either will tell you what you want to hear (he loves you, he will come back to you... ) or they will be on the other extreme (he is such an A**hole, f*** him" ) Neither of them is in your shoes or in the shoes of your MM. Every A situation is different, believe in your guts and in your own perception of the relationship. Anyway, don't ruin your friendship just because of a bad/stupid advice. Link to post Share on other sites
26pointblue Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I love my friends very much and even more so now that I feel so isolated. But I have one friend although trying to be supportive is really not helping, she keeps saying things like "Don't worry he'll be in touch" and that he loves me and he'll make contact when he is overwhelmed by missing me. I realise she is probably just idealistic and romantic and I tried to be diplomatic in telling her she wasn't helping and now I seem to have offended her which I really didnt want to do... I don't understand why she thinks it's helpful to say this stuff? Idk but I have had the same thing happened, several of my friends have told me to just use my xMM like he was using me. They are sad he's not around to buy them drinks & other perks anymore. I told my best friend that I can't just use him like that- for one thing, I have feelings for him & I also just think it's not in my nature to use people, & for another thing, his personality is all-encompassing & he wouldn't 'let' me just use him even if I could- he demanded all of me & gave me bits of himself & wouldn't have it any other way, & I was just done with that. She then told me I should just remove all feelings/emotions from the situation & just look at him as benefits like money, free drinks, meals & trips, & sex & fun. I felt like she couldn't understand the level of hurt & sadness I was truly feeling. My sister is the only one who truly understands & she got rightfully fed up with me going back to him & pretty much just said 'run away from him' & 'stay away' & 'ewww' every time I talked to her about him. Now that I've broken it off for good she's more supportive in terms of listening & giving advice but it really does all come down to whether I'm fed up with him enough to stay away for good. She also told me that my friends are bad friends if they are encouraging me to stay with him in any way, shape or form knowing what it does to me & how it is unhealthy. It made me feel like she was my only real friend - although I do have good friends I never told about xMM because I don't even want to know their reaction . . . it wouldn't be good for sure. So I guess what I'm trying to say is not to talk to people who don't understand because they just won't get it. Talk to your friends who are truly helpful, or come here & post, but sometimes it does more harm than good to talk to people who don't understand what you're feeling. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Absolutely! Although I had to cough up to my Mum last time so I'm not parting with cash so easily this time!! The trick is setting a time frame! If the bet is open-ended then sorry to tell you buddy, but you may lose. They seem to be like mold! Never really goes away. Now if you say 3 months and he doesn't call, then you win! If he calls 2yrs from now, OH WELL! Link to post Share on other sites
greengoddess Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 The trick is setting a time frame! If the bet is open-ended then sorry to tell you buddy, but you may lose. They seem to be like mold! Never really goes away. Now if you say 3 months and he doesn't call, then you win! If he calls 2yrs from now, OH WELL! I agree but I think you will have a hard time having your friend agree to a time frame now. You're screwed. You're going to have to pay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooke Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 I think it's a safe bet and I think I will definitely be in the money so at least something good came out of it!! Link to post Share on other sites
vweb1218 Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I don't understand what kind of friend you want?? I have tons of girlfriends with all different opinions. Maybe you just need more friends ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooke Posted May 16, 2011 Author Share Posted May 16, 2011 I don't understand what kind of friend you want?? I have tons of girlfriends with all different opinions. Maybe you just need more friends ? It's not about what kind of friend I want, it's about the fact that rather than her telling me she's convinced I'll hear from him and he'll be in touch etc, she should be telling me to move on, because by saying the things she's saying, it's not helping me to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 I love my friends very much and even more so now that I feel so isolated. But I have one friend although trying to be supportive is really not helping, she keeps saying things like "Don't worry he'll be in touch" and that he loves me and he'll make contact when he is overwhelmed by missing me. I realise she is probably just idealistic and romantic and I tried to be diplomatic in telling her she wasn't helping and now I seem to have offended her which I really didnt want to do... I don't understand why she thinks it's helpful to say this stuff? Because she cares about you; because she thinks you want him to contact you and because she wants you to 'feel better'. I get it. I understand that. She sees "hope" in your eyes and wants to see you smile, stop stressing, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 on a side note, the only way I could think of that this was a sure bet that you would win is if you had him tied up in a closet somewhere that he can never get out and see the light of day... But thats just my sick mind at play when wagering a bet with someone Next time the topic comes up , quickly say, ya know..I'm ready to move on...then do it. Talking about it doesn't do anything, but actions do. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 It's not about what kind of friend I want, it's about the fact that rather than her telling me she's convinced I'll hear from him and he'll be in touch etc, she should be telling me to move on, because by saying the things she's saying, it's not helping me to move on. You're in charge of your progress. You know you don't need your friend's permission to move on Link to post Share on other sites
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