Dust Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 You’re confused at a change in her attitude in 24 hours yet this thread has been going on for over a month? Let me explain a few things to you. First, feel lucky that you even got clear signals to the point that you even questioned if this girl might like you. Second, 24 hours or one second don’t matter, when opportunity comes a knocking if you don’t answer that door don’t expect it to be there later. Third, she may feel rejected by you like you just don’t want her or you have a girlfriend so are rejecting her for that reason or one of many others. Fourth, It’s been over a month and if she is cute and willing to be so bold in throwing signals out its no stretch of the imagination she would find a guy to date in any of the many days you didn’t act. Finally, just the act of being so shy you can’t even act is unattractive to women you may have lost her attraction for that reason. My advise is you be bold and talk to her even if there is some stranger sitting next to her and you have to talk over them. Talk to her even if she doesn’t show interest this time because you may have killed the interest but could reignite it by actually overcoming your ridiculous fears. Just do it! By the way sitting behind her when she had an open seat is horrible. I mean when there is a choice of sitting by a cute girl you always take it regardless of if they ever smiled at you. In your case you should have taken it and then said something flirty like “you look familiar, oh yeah I see you on the train a lot.” Then maybe a conversation would have started, and just maybe you would have had the balls to ask her out when it seemed like maybe she was enjoying the conversation.
Author loveshymanc Posted June 21, 2011 Author Posted June 21, 2011 Hi all Thanks for the responses. There is one thing that I do feel that I need to clear up, as its maybe not totally clear from my posts. Although I first saw this girl some two years ago originally, until this February there was a period of at least 12 months where I only saw her once. Even in recent times, I dont see her each day. Granted I saw her yesterday, but not today and then may not see her again for a fortnight. Until last week I hadnt seen her for three weeks which is why there is the gap in posts mentioned by Dust. There is never any guarentee that I will see her on any given day. Denise - maybe I am over analysing, however from what I have seen, she doesnt just smile at every bloke on the train, and when I have smiled previously she has done something similar. Would you smile at a lad then start thinking about your dinner? Thierro - regarding the note, Im not sure. How much detail goes on it? I would think about it, but maybe she deserves more than a note? alethean - points taken. I really want to try as I worry that if I cant talk to her who I like, will I be able to talk to any girl I like in the future? Am I always going to be stuck with this issue? The Coolest - As above there have been large periods where I havent seen her for various reasons - besides if she was just being polite and I had turned her off me, why look at me and smile as she did? If someone did that to me, thats not something I would do Youngskywalker - Im still not sure why you feel I have a chance with her? I think Im missing the point of the whole 80% thing too . Just out of interest, how did you cure your shyness? Dust - as above re timescales. Points taken about not taking the chances and not sitting with her. Do you really feel its possible to reverse anything if she is so switched off to me? My big problem is controlling the nerves. When I saw her last night, I didnt stop shaking for over an hour. I was still so nervous during that time, that my voice kept changing between a whisper and then being high pitched. Its ridiculous really, and in a way Thierro's seems a better suggestion based on this. I guess there are two choices here - everyone seems to think she is no longer interested so I just leave it, and hope I eventually grow out of this shyness or, I give it a go and try and talk to her, at least prove something to me (that I can do it) and get some 'closure'. Neither is easy
Dust Posted June 21, 2011 Posted June 21, 2011 Even though you’re nervous and even though you’ll have problems speaking, you should just go try. If you go over and you stutter out “h..hh…hi how areee youuuu toda?” and she say “what?” and then you blurt “go out with me!” that would be better then nothing. Just do something. It’s just a lame excuse to say your nerves are stopping you. You’re letting them. Learn to enjoy going after the things you like. Learn to answer the door when opportunity knocks. I consider it an opportunity knocking just to see a pretty girl with an open seat next to her… you some how stop yourself when she smiles at you. You’re not crazy she might have liked you at that point in time, but short of her coming over to you and saying “we need to go on a date give me your address and I’ll come pick you up tonight!” you had nothing… So just do it. Not just with her but with all the things you want in life. It really can be rather pleasant to just talk to a pretty girl you like even if she rejects you. Just the same dating a girl and being with her for a while can be the time of your life even if she doesn’t end up marrying you. It’s about living in the moment and not always fearing the past (how you see yourself) and the future (your irrational fear of rejection)
Thierro Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Thierro - regarding the note, Im not sure. How much detail goes on it? I would think about it, but maybe she deserves more than a note? Write whatever you want. It doesn't matter. Don't try too hard. Keep it short, light and fun. I recommend talking to her; it's a win win situation. It only shows her true colours when she rejects you in a disrespectful way.
angielove Posted June 22, 2011 Posted June 22, 2011 Dear god loveshymanc please DO SOMETHING. Reading this thread has really frustrated me. You'll never know if she likes you unless you make some kind of action!!! If you really are too nervous to talk, then just go sit next to her. As soon as you get on the train, look for her and if she is there GO SIT IN THE SEAT NEXT TO HER. Once you are there, look at her. Look right into her eyes and give her a big smile. Try to squeeze out just one tiny word "hi!!!" Then if you can manage, ask her things. Get her talking about herself. What does she do? Does she study or work or both? What is she studying? Where does she work? What is she doing this weekend? Has she ever been to France? Does she enjoy the train? What is her favourite type of chocolate bar? DO SOMETHING!!!
Author loveshymanc Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 It only shows her true colours when she rejects you in a disrespectful way. Im not sure thats something I want to happen angie - I really do want to talk to her, Im just not sure how It was the first time I saw her since the previous week when she paid me no attention at all. She looked totally amazing. I panicked a little when I first saw her and I thought she was going to sit next to me. I went to move my jacket off the seat but she carried on and sat just a little further down the carriage facing me. It seemed as though she was smiling to herself as she walked down the carriage. She looked up and in my direction a couple of times, I tried to smile but it felt really forced and probably made me look odd. Each time I was a little too slow as she looked away each time. After that there was a short while, where as my nerves grew she just kept looking down, rubbing her lips with her finger and smoothing one of her eyebrows and her hair. I'm not sure if she was reading something but I did also notice her shake her head slightly. As it got near my stop and when my station was announced her head popped up and she glanced around again. I just want to overcome my shyness and speak to her, but how can I make my smile instinctive and fast enough for her to see it, and also so it doesnt look forced and odd? If she glances in my direction its often only a short time so I dont have a huge amount of time to react. If Im already on the train should I just simply approach her if she sits else where or would that seem too forward? I have a feeling its all probably too late, but I need to try and do this To top it all off with my nerves, I think I left my mp3 player on the train
Cracker Jack Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 You just have to calm down, make yourself feel comfortable, and approach her. Really, looking for the perfect moment, perfect way to smile when she glances at you, and all of that other stuff will do nothing but make the approach that much more difficult. Next time you see her, whether she's sitting next to you, across from you, wherever, just walk up to her, say hi and introduce yourself. The only way to truly overcome the shyness is to attack it. You can't keep putting off these golden opportunities that are within your reach. One day, you just might not see her again--and then the pain of regret will really sting you pretty bad.
Author loveshymanc Posted June 28, 2011 Author Posted June 28, 2011 I know exactly what you mean. I think I am just going to have to go ahead and try and do it. I just get so nervous it becomes so difficult. Is it normal to feel this nervous about approaching someone?
Dust Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 I know exactly what you mean. I think I am just going to have to go ahead and try and do it. I just get so nervous it becomes so difficult. Is it normal to feel this nervous about approaching someone? Doing a poor job of smiling and talking to her is likely to work. Being afraid of not being perfect and never trying is likely to fail. Just do it!
Cracker Jack Posted June 28, 2011 Posted June 28, 2011 Yes, it's perfectly normal for some men to feel overly nervous approaching a woman. I'm probably just as shy as you. No one wants to face rejection or risk looking odd approaching a woman. Thing is, if we do nothing in the situation, how would we know where we stood with the woman? Think of it like this: the woman could be your future girlfriend, potential mother of your kids, wife, best friend, etc. Might seem like an exaggeration, but all of those things are very possible if you approach her and talk to her. Don't be scared, man. The worse she can do is say no--and, while it'll surely sting, you'll still be alive afterwards, and will likely feel better that you put up an effort in the situation. I'm really hoping you're serious about breaking your cycle. No one deserves to go through life being too scared to take risks that could change your life for the better. I've done it a lot, and I'd hate to see you do the same.
Author loveshymanc Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Dust - are you meaning that she will at least notice that I am trying to smile or express some kind of interest in her and that will intrigue her more? I always worry that as she glances away do quickly it looks like there is no reaction from me. However I guess its possible she could be more subtle at noticing these things. Cracker Jack - I am serious to try and do it. I need some sort of closure and cant keep seeing her and then feeling rubbish after as I didnt do anything. I saw her again today on the evening train - Im sure she saw me through the train window and glanced in my direction as she got on, and then as soon as she had glanced away, she went and sat further down the carriage. As above I tried to smile she seemed to look away too quickly. When I was waiting to get off the train she glanced up from her book, and again I tried to smile but she was too quick again.I have a feeling that maybe she isnt interested though , as I dont understand the whole glancing away so quickly
Dust Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 I mean you just need to go through the motions. You fill in blanks as best you can. Step 1 approach her. Step 2 talk to her, anything you say including “what’s your name” “some weather we’ve been having” will be better then nothing. (and flirting if you have fun with it) Step 3 Ask her out on a date, you don’t have to say “will you date me” just say “Lets get dinner sometime, how about tonight?” Say what ever you want the point is to get her to do something with you so you can get to know each other. Finally, make a move, if all else fails just kiss her (on the lips) before you’re going to say goodbye and be sure to try to set up another date, just say something like “I want to see you again, how about Friday night we have dinner.” There ya go. I wrote instructions for you. It doesn’t matter if you are sloppy, or scared, or mutter, you just need to go through the steps. The more of yourself you put into it the better. Remember don’t over think this stuff. Just have fun.
Cracker Jack Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 That's just your feeling, tho. You have no way of verifying this without action. You can't just keep allowing these chances to slip by. Nothing's guaranteed. What if she just stops riding this train during the same hrs as you and you never see her again? You'll be replaying this in your mind for yrs to come. Dust basically said everything that needs to be said. If you see her tomorrow evening, don't think--don't look for the perfect moment, perfect smile, glance, gaze, whatever. Just man up and talk to her. The approach anxiety is all in your mind. Remember that. For all you know, she might be just as shy as you.
Author loveshymanc Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Ok I am defo going to try and give it a go. I just hope she is interested - Id be the happiest guy ever if she was
Cracker Jack Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 That's the spirit! Just know that we're really rooting for you. Life is about taking risks, and I'm sure it'll work out for the best. Be sure to let us know everything. Good luck, dude!
Author loveshymanc Posted June 29, 2011 Author Posted June 29, 2011 Thanks Cracker Jack I guess it all is in my mind, and I have to overcome it. As mentioned previously its something that Ive never done before. On top of that I really do like this girl. I know that I cant turn the clock back, but if I would do it in a heart beat. I would be devastated if she said no though
Dust Posted June 29, 2011 Posted June 29, 2011 Ok I am defo going to try and give it a go. I just hope she is interested - Id be the happiest guy ever if she was Bad attitude. Who cares if she is interested, its about enjoying the chase. In the end you should happy whether or not she is interested. It was your entire attitude of needing a sure thing and worrying about not being happy if you were rejected that got you here in the first place. A long time ago a girl who I thought was pretty started asking me all these personal questions like if I was dating anyone? When she found out I was single she asked if I used dating sites. Well I figured I wouldn’t just go ask a girl if she dating and other awkward questions unless I liked her so I figured wow this girl who I find attractive must like me. So, I asked her out. She acted shocked and claimed she had only asked because of some singles charity run or something. She even told her girl friends who later came to me and was like “not cool asking _______ out.” Well the friend agreed with me when I told the story, and we agree with you logically when you tell your story. So, who cares what happens you have to take the chance. I mean I can keep telling you stories about how I thought a girl liked me. Like the time a pretty girl at my school waived at me at the mall. I walked over all excited and was all “hey how’s going?” she looked confused and then from behind a guy walks over and like I’m not even there they start talking. She had been waiving to a guy behind me and I thought it was to me. The thing is these stories are funny if anything. I didn’t self destruct. Nothing bad happened to my reputation. My family didn’t question my sexuality or what ever. Life went on. I’ve date many beautiful women, and I’m currently in serious relationship with a girl I consider the most beautiful. You don’t always get a sign, but when you do you shouldn’t ignore it. I also urge you to feel free to approach women who you like regardless of if they give you some obvious wink, smile, or nod. Some times they don’t notice you till you make them notice. Don’t try to change the rules of the game. For the most part women do the rejecting, and men do the approaching. So yeah just do it. Even if she is talking to some guy when you see her. Don’t make any excuse you talk to her, and you ask her out. And don’t make it all about the result. Whether she says yes or no you tried. In fact if she says no its almost better because then you will finally learn you can handle rejection. Come on here and we will all laugh about it, maybe she’ll say “If only you had asked me out sooner like I had wanted, but now I’m moving to China so no” So ask sooner. This isn’t big deal, don’t over think it, just do it. Your mind will come up with excuses like she’s on the phone, or she’s talking to that guy, or people will hear… You want to hear, just do it.
Author loveshymanc Posted July 1, 2011 Author Posted July 1, 2011 Bad attitude. Who cares if she is interested, its about enjoying the chase. . Im not sure that I totally agree with this. Ok for many the 'thrill of the chase' might be what its all about, but not for everyone. I dont really want to go after loads of women before finding someone, I would rather be successful with one girl than fail with many
Dust Posted July 1, 2011 Posted July 1, 2011 Im not sure that I totally agree with this. Ok for many the 'thrill of the chase' might be what its all about, but not for everyone. I dont really want to go after loads of women before finding someone, I would rather be successful with one girl than fail with many Sorry not your decision. If you ever get the balls to talk to her it will be in her hands whether to accept you or reject you. We’re only talking about this one girl. So, enjoy approaching and asking out this one girl regardless of what happens. Doe the smiles she gave you mean any less if in the end you don’t get married? Just have fun and stop worrying so much. That’s all I’m trying to motivate in you.
Author loveshymanc Posted July 3, 2011 Author Posted July 3, 2011 Granted its not my decision as to whether she says yes or no, however in answer in answer to your question, yes her smiles do mean less if she doesnt want to be with me
Dust Posted July 3, 2011 Posted July 3, 2011 Granted its not my decision as to whether she says yes or no, however in answer in answer to your question, yes her smiles do mean less if she doesnt want to be with me But you don’t know and you never will. You can marry a girl only to have her leave you and say I never liked the way you smelled and you are a terrible kisser. Do you spend your life fearing the future? You can, but the way I see it you need to just enjoy yourself in the now. The facts are you like this girl. You’ve been thinking about her to the point of making this post on the internet. You just need to do something. You’re doing this for yourself not her. You can’t know what she thinks. So while you sit here and say you don’t want to go around chasing girls. By not chasing this girl you’ve obviously done yourself a disservice. Your internal dialogue on this matter has hurt you. If a basket ball player put so much emphasis on every shot he took making it he wouldn’t ever shoot. If he never shot he’d never score baskets and help his team win. A professional basket ball player will make more shots then most people ever will, but he will also miss more shots then most people ever will. Wouldn’t it be great if you just met the perfect girl and you knew for sure she liked you. If that were your situation you wouldn’t be here. So go ahead take a shot and if she does like you great. All we really know is that you like her. We also know the reason you like her so much is that you think she may of at least at one point liked you. Right now you’re doing this for yourself as it should be. Really I think you should take a chance with any girl that catches your eye as a single man. That goes with other things in life to.
Author loveshymanc Posted July 4, 2011 Author Posted July 4, 2011 Im sure you would be pretty miffed if a girl you had married did that to you!! Things like that would be sorted out well before marriage surely? Although I cant now for certain, surely it makes a little sense to build up some sort of idea beforehand though? After all do we not always look to see if a girl is married/engaged before approaching her, as we know it wouldnt be possible to be with her if she was already taken. The problem is that currently Im going to experience these issues with any girl that I like, so I know that I have to break the cycle somehow, but knowing how is the hard part. Take this weekend when I was at a house party, all the girls there were girlfriends of the lads that were there and, I was more then happy to talk with and initiate conversation. However with any girl that Ive ever liked, more so with this girl, I just become a nervous wreck around them
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