RuinedLife Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Thank you so much! I'm not happiness personified by a long shot, but I'm very happy that I can give you any strenght or inspiration! That ladybird in your avatar has become my symbol of hope! And one by one you're eating these aphids of hopelessness that plague me! I only wish they didn't keep multiplying so damn quickly!! (sorry, even I don't really know what I'm talking about now) Link to post Share on other sites
Karala Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Oh, ladybirds, I love them, they're cute. When I was going through my "I'm on a roll, I'm so gonna get my ex back" phase, one of the things I was planning to do was finally getting a tattoo, something I've been thinking about for years and years now. And when I reconnected with my ex, I asked him if he would be willing to draw the sketch for my tattoo. He was very flattered and happy to accept. And then we did not end up happily ever after, and now he's so not doing the sketch for my ladybird tattoo. He probably would still be happy to do it if I asked him, but I won't, because my strict attachment to the NC cult prevents me from doing anything of the sort. Then again, I guess he would be happy that I asked him, but then he would just forget about it and I would have to nag him a thousand times about it in order to get anything done. Just like the ol'times. lol. It's a shame because he's the finest drawer I've ever known and he knows me better than anybody else. But hey, that's the way things are. So I'll finally be getting that tattoo sooner or later, and it will be a small symbol of my new life without him, and of the fact that I would have loved it to have him be the one to do it, but if he's not going to, I'm still going on with my projects and my life :] Link to post Share on other sites
Author geegirl Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 No RL, you'll be making a positive change to LS dumpees if at some point down the line you came back as the RL who is "happy, laid back and positive". You want to be the case study of "how to deal with a break up!" I understand how you feel. I truly do. Maybe not 100% but I "see you". My best friend was diagnosed with cancer when she was 28. She met this guy just before she was diagnosed. She was unhappy with him because he never treated her right. I asked her, one of those many days I would sleep with her when she was afraid, why she stayed with him. She said, "who would want me?" She had only 5 years to live. I asked her if she wanted to suffer the last of her five years because of him or live like she's never lived before. She chose him. Just before she passed, exactly 5 years and one week, she said to me, "I wish I had chosen to live." When you speak of death so callously, it pains me because when you actually stare at death as I saw her during her last hours, it can never be described in words. It can never relayed the same way as posts on a forum. It the most frightening thing to see someone wilt away when they're grasping to live. I know you are ill. I know it feeds into your feelings of hopelessness. I saw it in her and I read your posts and I can sense what you are going through. But you must not give up. Life is not one to play around with and trivialize. You only have one chance. Just one. Live it for someone else or live it for you? I'm a co-dependent. Severly co-dependent. But I am going to therapy and I am treating myself with kid gloves. I've been through a lot and I need to give myself a chance and a break. I used to put myself down all the time. Then I realized I was doing myself a disservice. If I didn't try to lift myself up, no drug, or doctor could do it for me. I had to do it for myself. It's all about making a conscious effort. It will take time. It won't happen overnight. It won't. But until then, if you want to do A, kick the conscious effort into gear and find your inner voice and scream inside youself NO! Start to focus on doing B. Tell yourself you will not remain in that cycle anymore. It's like letting someone drag you. If you want to be dragged, you'll get dragged. But if you say STOP, no more, what happens. You stop being dragged. Saying STOP in your head, is the only way to kill those thoughts and hit the brakes. If you have one bad thought and you keep feeding that one bad thought, others will come to the party. You must try. Maybe a goal would be to consciously stop writing negative comments about yourself. The moment you start typing, STOP, go back and erase and write a good quality you have and expand on that. Try, try, try. Link to post Share on other sites
TheHurtProcess Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I'd go looking for the clown too... So I could beat him senseless In all seriousness, it's correct to assume that love makes even the best of us completely insane. Thanks for the uplifting message, geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
sun_moon Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 I'd go looking for the clown too... So I could beat him senseless In all seriousness, it's correct to assume that love makes even the best of us completely insane. Thanks for the uplifting message, geegirl Yes, at my lowest point, in the month of May, I was actually repulsed by my actions. I felt crazy. We are all better now. We will continue to get stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author geegirl Posted June 21, 2011 Author Share Posted June 21, 2011 I'd go looking for the clown too... So I could beat him senseless In all seriousness, it's correct to assume that love makes even the best of us completely insane. Thanks for the uplifting message, geegirl Sure thing! Anything to help beat him to the punch...no pun intended, hehe! Link to post Share on other sites
RuinedLife Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 No RL, you'll be making a positive change to LS dumpees if at some point down the line you came back as the RL who is "happy, laid back and positive". You want to be the case study of "how to deal with a break up!" I understand how you feel. I truly do. Maybe not 100% but I "see you". My best friend was diagnosed with cancer when she was 28. She met this guy just before she was diagnosed. She was unhappy with him because he never treated her right. I asked her, one of those many days I would sleep with her when she was afraid, why she stayed with him. She said, "who would want me?" She had only 5 years to live. I asked her if she wanted to suffer the last of her five years because of him or live like she's never lived before. She chose him. Just before she passed, exactly 5 years and one week, she said to me, "I wish I had chosen to live." When you speak of death so callously, it pains me because when you actually stare at death as I saw her during her last hours, it can never be described in words. It can never relayed the same way as posts on a forum. It the most frightening thing to see someone wilt away when they're grasping to live. I know you are ill. I know it feeds into your feelings of hopelessness. I saw it in her and I read your posts and I can sense what you are going through. But you must not give up. Life is not one to play around with and trivialize. You only have one chance. Just one. Live it for someone else or live it for you? I'm a co-dependent. Severly co-dependent. But I am going to therapy and I am treating myself with kid gloves. I've been through a lot and I need to give myself a chance and a break. I used to put myself down all the time. Then I realized I was doing myself a disservice. If I didn't try to lift myself up, no drug, or doctor could do it for me. I had to do it for myself. It's all about making a conscious effort. It will take time. It won't happen overnight. It won't. But until then, if you want to do A, kick the conscious effort into gear and find your inner voice and scream inside youself NO! Start to focus on doing B. Tell yourself you will not remain in that cycle anymore. It's like letting someone drag you. If you want to be dragged, you'll get dragged. But if you say STOP, no more, what happens. You stop being dragged. Saying STOP in your head, is the only way to kill those thoughts and hit the brakes. If you have one bad thought and you keep feeding that one bad thought, others will come to the party. You must try. Maybe a goal would be to consciously stop writing negative comments about yourself. The moment you start typing, STOP, go back and erase and write a good quality you have and expand on that. Try, try, try. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend geegirl. That's a truly heartbreaking story. Its horrible knowing that so many innocent young people with so much to offer this world have to be ripped away from it so cruelly. I sincerely apologize got the callous nature of my worlds, it wasn't my intention to trivialize death or anything. But often times these days my thoughts really are that dark. This is why I need help I know, this is why I'm on medication and have therapists checking on me everyday. But still its no excuse for inflicting the darkness of my thoughts on others, so I deeply apologize. I don't want to die, really I don't. My emotional pain just overwhelms me so much at times that death seems the only escape. I know logically thats ridiculous, that the only escape is going to be through the pain to hopefully one day the other side of my heartache, but at times I just despair to scary depths. And its not just about my break up, my illness has always got me down, stopping me doing things, and the physical pain is really intense oftentimes too. I've spent a lot of time in hospital in my life so I know I depressing those places are and how terrifying it is not knowing whats going to happen to you. A lot of my issues are psychological though, fears and self hating beliefs that I'm struggling to defeat so I can recover to be a happier, independent person. I really hope I make it. Its just going to take a lot of time I suppose. So I'm always looking for a quicker fix or a way to repair the damage to my relationship so I can go back. I know I need to accept that I can't go back and that things will never be the same. But at the same time that they can get better and that I can be happy again in the future. And believe that I will one day be well again and able to go out and meet new people, do new things and have new experiences. I keep trying to stay positive and keep negativity at bay. I keep listening to that 'Got To Do It' song that Exit suggested. That helps a little. And watching lots of light-hearted things helps too both on youtube and comedy DVDs etc. Link to post Share on other sites
LjHappyDays Posted June 21, 2011 Share Posted June 21, 2011 This is absolutely fantastic. Definately everytime i want to look for the clown i will be reading this I have also changed the clowns name in my phone book to n*****d, so when i think of textin i see that and realise its the wrong thing to do !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sun_moon Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 bump bump bump :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Mack05 Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 bump bump bump :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny: She is some girl for one girl that geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger Beer Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 I'd go looking for the clown too... So I could beat him senseless In all seriousness, it's correct to assume that love makes even the best of us completely insane. Thanks for the uplifting message, geegirl Thank God for this post. I did so much stupid **** and put up with so many bad things. :mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Author geegirl Posted August 7, 2011 Author Share Posted August 7, 2011 Thank God for this post. I did so much stupid **** and put up with so many bad things. :mad: We've all been there Ginger. But sometimes we need a beating to learn and move on. Good things can come from bad things! Glad it helped it you some. Link to post Share on other sites
lovesickmonkey Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 So ... let me get this straight. The clown could be wearing a very lovely flower on his lapel. So lovely that I'm sure to want to lean over and give it a deep sniff. I should NOT do that because, of course the clown will squeeze the concealed rubber reservoir of mistreatment and give me a face full of the cold water of humiliation . Stop looking for the clown. Close the door and move on! Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 (edited) This is my favorite thread on this forum and I think all the new comers should read this. I even showed it to my roommate because his entire life hes always chased the clown with his ex's. Edited September 5, 2011 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
sun_moon Posted September 5, 2011 Share Posted September 5, 2011 yay this thread is back. I love it. Link to post Share on other sites
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