KennyD Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 (edited) Hello again everybody... I had a post on here, a No Contact Journal... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t267767/ well....didnt work out for me. Its been almost a year since we broke up, and now officially almost a month since we "stopped contacting each other" (Or should I say, i stopped). I see her at work sometimes (I work there part-time, she works there full-time)....and yesterday I took a shift from a friend...and she worked there as well....I chatted for a little (just being cordial)....and then reality set in. I became extremely depressed the rest of the day, and at night I had a dream with her in it....I woke up at 3am and felt completely empty inside. It carried on throughout the day, making work hard to deal with (My full-time job, not the one where she works at).....and I completely broke down in tears hysterically for a good hour or so. I cant tell if this is just about her, or a combination of everything....but I know this is not normal for me. I tried to end things on good terms, I felt we did.....but I apparently have not moved on and I am still in love with her.... I have a feeling she is playing the field (As her friend has told me)....and I am having a hard time letting go even after a year post-break up. I tried keeping busy with work (I work 50-60 hours a week, and am starting my own business on the side)....but it is just a front...I know in my mind...Im only doing it to distract me...and distractions only last for so long. I long for the day she may come back, I told her I would not contact her again, and if "the time was right", she can contact me....she agreed....I guess the time is not right.... I'd rather post on here before making a pussy out of myself and texting her something... Kenny Edited May 16, 2011 by KennyD Link to post Share on other sites
getsback Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Hello again everybody... I had a post on here, a No Contact Journal... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t267767/ well....didnt work out for me. Its been almost a year since we broke up, and now officially almost a month since we "stopped contacting each other" (Or should I say, i stopped). I see her at work sometimes (I work there part-time, she works there full-time)....and yesterday I took a shift from a friend...and she worked there as well....I chatted for a little (just being cordial)....and then reality set in. I became extremely depressed the rest of the day, and at night I had a dream with her in it....I woke up at 3am and felt completely empty inside. It carried on throughout the day, making work hard to deal with (My full-time job, not the one where she works at).....and I completely broke down in tears hysterically for a good hour or so. I cant tell if this is just about her, or a combination of everything....but I know this is not normal for me. I tried to end things on good terms, I felt we did.....but I apparently have not moved on and I am still in love with her.... I have a feeling she is playing the field (As her friend has told me)....and I am having a hard time letting go even after a year post-break up. I tried keeping busy with work (I work 50-60 hours a week, and am starting my own business on the side)....but it is just a front...I know in my mind...Im only doing it to distract me...and distractions only last for so long. I long for the day she may come back, I told her I would not contact her again, and if "the time was right", she can contact me....she agreed....I guess the time is not right.... I'd rather post on here before making a pussy out of myself and texting her something... Kenny Mate, don't feel bad. Everyone moves on at their own pace. You will probably always love the girl. But if I was you, I would quit the job that you share with her. Because seeing her is not going to help at all. Remember, it may take time, but things will get better. And texting her is just going to make you feel worse. Link to post Share on other sites
giuliano-3 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Agreed, if you can afford it - quit the shared job. Ask yourself the reason for still working there. If the answer doesn't contain the words "money, survival, need" then you probably shouldn't be there. It will only hurt you more. I have a friend who went through this exact scenario, it wasn't until he quit the shared job that he was able to move on after a year of torturing himself. Link to post Share on other sites
happiness0421 Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Kenny - Rough situation; I absolutely feel for you. But I think you are doing the right thing; the least amount of contact you can have with her, the better. I think the reason you are breaking down recently - even though you broke up almost a year ago - is because you JUST cut off contact a month ago. You are now just starting the process of healing, which is rough. My ex broke up with me almost two months ago but it's only been 2 weeks NC from his end, and that makes it much harder for me to cope/move on since he was constantly contacting me. If you have to think about her/cry about her/bitch about her to yourself, get it out now. Better to do it and go through a period of hell than to distract yourself and have it all come crashing down on you later. It is NOT going to be easy, but you will be better off in the long run. GOod luck with everything, this forum is very helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KennyD Posted May 20, 2011 Author Share Posted May 20, 2011 (edited) Im not quiting my second job. I am thinking of going back 4 days now, and work 60+ hours total, plus get my business going on the side (saturdays). Its something I will have to just man up and deal with. I havent smoked a cigarette since the first of the year, and I think this also has a HUGE effect on me every day (I use an e-cig but its still tough after 11 years smoking). I texted her yesterday, it was a month since we stopped. All I said was "Hey I just want you to know, I'm thinking of you. I miss you", and quickly (within a minute) responded "I miss you too". I left it at that...will send another in a month or so. Planting seeds, even if they don't grow I know at least I attempted. And if I want to "get over this", I think I have to convince myself I did my absolute best. I feel its worth it, I was extremely happy with her-- there was too much on the plate....give her time while I work on my business and other two jobs. Still interested in her, perhaps the time was not right. Will just work to forget it some more.. lol.... masochistic at heart unfortunately. But I do feel this can be reconciled....otherwise I would have given up a year ago. I get many responses from friends, some tell me forget about her, and some tell me "DONT GIVE UP Kenny....follow your heart"...so hey, I will follow what I think is needed- TIME. If it means we cant be together, thats fine....then I will use the TIME to build up my business and become extremely successful....and that is the "best revenge" (I dont believe in wishing bad things, I believe in karma and if you do someone wrong...you will get yours one day...leave it up to fate) Edited May 20, 2011 by KennyD Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I know my reply is going to sound harsh but after all this time you need a reality check. I had a post on here, a No Contact Journal... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t267767/ well....didnt work out for me. Its been almost a year since we broke up, and now officially almost a month since we "stopped contacting each other" (Or should I say, i stopped). I see her at work sometimes (I work there part-time, she works there full-time)....and yesterday I took a shift from a friend...and she worked there as well....I chatted for a little (just being cordial)....and then reality set in. I became extremely depressed the rest of the day, What do you mean NC didn't work out for you? You never did it. Your NC Journal is filled with entries where you broke NC. Chatting (just to be cordial) isn't NC. Nor is taking orders for and delivering weed to her. You didn't give it enoiugh time. I long for the day she may come back, I told her I would not contact her again, and if "the time was right", she can contact me....she agreed....I guess the time is not right.... But you keep contacting her. Go back and read your NC Journal, specifically this - If all that is said and done, do you see a future with me? "No". I just said "Ok", walked away, and that is the last time I will ever talk to her. AT LEAST I KNOW NOW guys....what the hell is the point of talking anymore. So, yeah it sucks, but I got what I wanted- my answer. Thank you for stringing me along, but I cant blame anybody but myself for enabling it. Have a great life, I will respect your decision. If you dont see a future with me, there is no reason to even try. Yet here you are again contacting her and saying you long for her to come back. Then to top it off you told her you will always be waiting for her to contact you "when the time is right". Or how about this - I showed you a door, and I will leave it open....but that's all I can do. Hell, I would play the field and do anything I wanted with whomever I wanted if I knew someone was going to wait around forever for me. Why should she settle for you now when she can do whatever she wants for as long as she wants knowing you are her backup plan that will always be there? With no fear of losing you she has no reason to make a decision. What would make you decide on buying a new car? If it was 50% off, but for two days only, or if it was 50% off forever? That's why a good salesman offers a limited time sale. It forces you to decide or miss the opportunity. I'd rather post on here before making a pussy out of myself and texting her something... But you will. I can tell you what the problem is, She has no respect for you. People can not love someone that they don't respect. She keeps abusing you and you keep coming back for more. For example - I asked her if she could go to the beach with me tomorrow night, she said "ill see"....I asked "is that a yes, or a no, because i will make plans if not", she says "ill see". And you just left it like that. What you should have said was "Well I take that as a no so will make other plans" or "I am not going to wait around if you can't make up your mind, so will make other plans". Instead you left it like you are her puppet on a string. And here is my favorite - Its disgusting, people seem to have no morals...girls I talk to tell me just to blow her off and ignore her, that "she will come running back to you!"....I dont want to play games. And what has not playing games got you? Stalking someone who has told you "No"? That's what you appear to be doing to me while she has been the one playing games and stringing you along. You are very young and very inexperienced. Many years from now you will have learned from this experience that what you are doing doesn't work. What you should be doing is the opposite of what you think. If she looks sad and you think you should talk to her to comfort her, ignore her. Let her long for your comfort instead of you giving it so freely. She tells you "she'll see about going to the beach", tell her to go waste someone else's time. Then when she calls to say she wants to go, tell her you made other plans. Let her feel the pain of a missed opportunity with you. Again, sorry to be harsh but this has been going on too long and I think you need real advice rather than sympathy. At this point NC is the only thing to do. You have pretty much blown any chance with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KennyD Posted May 30, 2011 Author Share Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) Point taken....thanks I quit the job, as much as I know I may need it....it's not worth the emotional pain. I will never see her again, anytime I sit here and wallow I just tell myself "Someone that loves you, would never have done this" and that pretty much hits it on the f*ckin head. Because they wouldn't. Thanks for the kick in the ass former poster, you are as right as it comes. It's her loss you are absolutely right, thanks Edited May 30, 2011 by KennyD Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Point taken....thanks I quit the job, as much as I know I may need it....it's not worth the emotional pain. I will never see her again, anytime I sit here and wallow I just tell myself "Someone that loves you, would never have done this" and that pretty much hits it on the f*ckin head. Because they wouldn't. Thanks for the kick in the ass former poster, you are as right as it comes. It's her loss you are absolutely right, thanks You are welcome kenny. It did pain me to have to write it. It is easy to give tough love advice when you aren't the one in the situation and hard to follow it if you are so, I am damn proud of you! There really was no choice to make. You had to get away from her. I have referred someone in a similar situation to this thread. Thank you for all your postings as I am sure it will help others. Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
Rose T Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Kenny, aiming for 60 days NC did it for me. It's a kind of magic number which I know has helped other people. Once you get past that, you will probably stop counting and keep soaring. Please believe in yourself. A bit of distance will do you the world of good. By the way, she'll notice too, and if that's the fuel you need to go for it the first place, so be it. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Beeotch Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 (edited) You broke up a year ago but have only stopped speaking a month ago...so basically, call it a month since you broke up, as you have not severed the emotional ties. Saying you're "broken up" doesn't sever the emotional cords, having time apart from that person to gain perspective and grow away from them and have other experiences and see things more objectively is what helps you to move on.....still contacting this person all the time and working together and so on makes sense as to why you're still "inlove" and not healed. It took me a year and 10 months or so to get over my ex. We had periods of NC and then he would show up in my life after a few months and my hope to reunite would be reignited, and I always expected him to return as he bounced around like a yo-yo, so my life seemed to be on hold for the periods where he was bouncing away. It is a ridiculous existence! I haven't spoken to him AT ALL in a year and I am healed and over it. I suggest that you employ STRICT NC and only speak to her for business reasons. It's been a year...if she wanted to be with you, you guys would have probably been back together. You deserve a woman who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with her and not resort to "hoping and praying" someone who doesn't want you that much to "wise up" and "come back". It's so crazy how we believe our exes to be our "last hope for love" and that they just need to "see the truth" and we therefore hold on for so much longer than necessary, wasting our lives "waiting" for someone who IS NOT the greatest creation. Leave her alone completely and start seeing things for what they are.....overtime you will begin to realize that other women exist and you can be happy with someone else and overtime things won't be a distraction but you will really begin to move on for real. Edited May 31, 2011 by Beeotch Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Very well said Beeotch!! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts