Author LilyBart Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 Think big because that's what makes people grow. Don't censor your heart and gut - be open to what it's telling you. This part smacks of "leave for your AP," at least to me. Sorry if I misread the intent. Really? Because "thinking big" could ALSO mean having the ultimate fulfilling MARRIAGE. And if one partner is engaged in an A, they (at that point) are NOT. So why can't the WS use that image - of the "ultimate marriage" - and make that the goal to strive for? Obviously this would be the impetus to stop the A and focus on the M, no? Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Sorry TC...I'm not projecting fear at all. I'm good. I'm happy with my life, and there's no fear involved in it. Go read all of the other posts by the OP. There's a reason that we came to the conclusion that we did, and it has nothing to do with fear. As far as me or DM leading this thread south...not at all. Sorry if you feel that way. That's the problem Owl, you are supposed to respond to each particular post independent of other posts....I think that is in the TOS. Stay on topic. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Really? Because "thinking big" could ALSO mean having the ultimate fulfilling MARRIAGE. And if one partner is engaged in an A, they (at that point) are NOT. So why can't the WS use that image - of the "ultimate marriage" - and make that the goal to strive for? Obviously this would be the impetus to stop the A and focus on the M, no? Making ANY decision would be good for all concerned. That's for certain. I guess it was the "Don't censor your gut and heart" phrase. Why would someone considering remaining with their family need to censor their gut and heart to do so? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 If you feel I've infringed on LB's rights under the TOS, please report me and let Tony deal with me as needed. I AM on topic, until you started down this particular rabbit hole. Why don't we BOTH opt to steer this thread back on the path it was originally on, shall we? Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Really? Because "thinking big" could ALSO mean having the ultimate fulfilling MARRIAGE. And if one partner is engaged in an A, they (at that point) are NOT. So why can't the WS use that image - of the "ultimate marriage" - and make that the goal to strive for? Obviously this would be the impetus to stop the A and focus on the M, no? I'd be very surprised if a person who is already cheating (but choosing his or her marriage, not the person on the side) is going to be visualizing the "ultimate fulfilling marriage" and working towards that, in that particular moment. Probably, the first step in that scenario would be more like "oh my god, what have I wrought, how can I make it right, how am I going to get rid of this EMA, how is he/she going to react, will there be bunny boiling, what is my husband / wife going to say and do when I come clean about this, can I reclaim my marriage at all" rather than grandiose visualization of the "ultimate marriage" at that particular point in time ... no? Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Making ANY decision would be good for all concerned. That's for certain. I guess it was the "Don't censor your gut and heart" phrase. Why would someone considering remaining with their family need to censor their gut and heart to do so? Many times the gut tells the BS it is a huge mistake to break up the family. Many times the "heart" says, despite the lull in the marriage I still profoundly love my spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Many times the gut tells the BS it is a huge mistake to break up the family. Many times the "heart" says, despite the lull in the marriage I still profoundly love my spouse. True. IDK. It was just the "feeling" I got when I first read the opening post. It could also have been, as Owl said, other posts I've read recently by the OP. We all agree, though, that ANY DECISION to choose one way or the other is a GOOD thing! Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 That's the problem Owl, you are supposed to respond to each particular post independent of other posts....I think that is in the TOS. Stay on topic. Are you the thread police? Do they issue you a badge for that? Whoops, sorry. I veered WAY off topic. I'm spanking myself now, and I promise to stay completely focussed from here on out. Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Are you the thread police? Do they issue you a badge for that? Whoops, sorry. I veered WAY off topic. I'm spanking myself now, and I promise to stay completely focussed from here on out. :rolleyes::lmao::lmao: funny!!!!! not much to say eh? Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 We all agree, though, that ANY DECISION to choose one way or the other is a GOOD thing! Exactly! We all came to the conclusion that since this is what LB meant...there was no real problem with her view...she's right, the situation should be used to create change...a choice needs to be made, and movement in the right direction (whichever direction the WS feels this is) is what should happen. So who is being contrary here? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Are you the thread police? Do they issue you a badge for that? Whoops, sorry. I veered WAY off topic. I'm spanking myself now, and I promise to stay completely focussed from here on out. There goes the morning coffee. :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 If you feel I've infringed on LB's rights under the TOS, please report me and let Tony deal with me as needed. I AM on topic, until you started down this particular rabbit hole. Why don't we BOTH opt to steer this thread back on the path it was originally on, shall we? No, the topic is that she encouraged introspection and making a decision and standing by it. You defended your statement about something that is NOT on the OP-saying you are basing it on her other posts. I am just reminding you what the TOS said. If you have the integrity like I think you do , you know I am right and acknowledge it. The above statement is very childish, but I am sure you know that Link to post Share on other sites
tami-chan Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 True. IDK. It was just the "feeling" I got when I first read the opening post. It could also have been, as Owl said, other posts I've read recently by the OP. We all agree, though, that ANY DECISION to choose one way or the other is a GOOD thing! I understand that and thanks, DM! I agree with the last statement. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 No, the topic is that she encouraged introspection and making a decision and standing by it. You defended your statement about something that is NOT on the OP-saying you are basing it on her other posts. I am just reminding you what the TOS said. If you have the integrity like I think you do , you know I am right and acknowledge it. The above statement is very childish, but I am sure you know that I acknowledge your right to (and encourage you to) report me if you feel I've violated TOS. Please let's get this thread back on topic now. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Does anyone else find it interesting that the people defending the OP are either WS, actively in an affair with a WS or with a WS that left for them? Human nature is quite fascinating. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Admonishments about being off topic are ... off topic. No? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Admonishments about being off topic are ... off topic. No? :lmao::lmao:Too funny! Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 So much is written on this board about how you "shouldn't" have an A. That one needs to "stop and think" about what you're about to do before you engage in it. Back onto the topic: Yes, much is written on this board like that, just as you say. In such cases, clearly, it's in response to the plethora of posts that basically say stuff like "hot girl / guy chasing after me, haggish farting old spouse pays no attention to me, I want to go for this; I deserve this." That results in a storm of "no, don't do it, at least leave your wife / husband first" posts ... and then, a couple (some of them from you) that encourage the OP to "go for the chance for true happiness." Well, sometimes THE HORSE IS ALREADY OUT OF THE GATE. Yip. And those posts usually have a completely different type of response. Normally, the poster is encouraged to make a choice and to stop lying and cheating. Not much different from the way you are here, except usually the responses are not couched in such positive, congratulatory language "celebrating" the betrayer's big chance at grabbing for their chance at "happiness." Link to post Share on other sites
Audacia Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 I agree about making a decision. But whatever the decision is, all parties should know the truth so they can make their own knowledgable decision. This goes for the AP as well. They have usually been lied to as well by the MM/MW. Oh the webs we weave.... People f$ck up. Affairs happen. If you have really decided to make things right and feel that this is something you regret then correct it the right way. If you realize that the A was a mistake don't fix a lie with more lies. And whatever you decide stick to it. I don't agree with making a "knee jerk" decision while in an A though. If you honestly dont know what you want then take a step back from the AP and the Spouse and decide. Disclose to both the AP and the spouse because they might remove themselves from your choice. But honestly, what WS doesn't know what they truly want to do? It's not really about deciding but about having the cajones to actually follow thru with the decision. Just my 2cents... Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 I agree about making a decision. But whatever the decision is, all parties should know the truth so they can make their own knowledgable decision. This goes for the AP as well. They have usually been lied to as well by the MM/MW. Oh the webs we weave.... People f$ck up. Affairs happen. If you have really decided to make things right and feel that this is something you regret then correct it the right way. If you realize that the A was a mistake don't fix a lie with more lies. And whatever you decide stick to it. I don't agree with making a "knee jerk" decision while in an A though. If you honestly dont know what you want then take a step back from the AP and the Spouse and decide. Disclose to both the AP and the spouse because they might remove themselves from your choice. But honestly, what WS doesn't know what they truly want to do? It's not really about deciding but about having the cajones to actually follow thru with the decision. Just my 2cents... Agree with every word here. Link to post Share on other sites
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