Golfwithme Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 Im 40, she is 27. I have been seperated for 6 months or so. We started hanging out thru other friends. It was all of us hanging to begin with then just her and I. It just seemed like we were always on the same page, i would txt her and she was in the process of txting me, etc etc. She knew i was looking to try and get back w/ my wife. But after not much success or answers of any sort from my wife and hangin w/ her I began to get feelings for her. We crossed the line one night and kissed which led to serious making out. She would always come to house, sit in my lap, cuddle, etc. It just felt "right". She told me everytime she was getting ready to leave that she didnt want to go and one night when i left her place she felt really "alone", not wanting me to go. Anyhow, she still was thinking of me and my wife's situation and I knew she was enjoying the single life, going out w/ all her friends, etc on the weekend. I also knew she was probably doing dinner, etc with other guys. She went to dinner one evening w/ "someone" and then was at my house by 8. The next day I found out it was someone that i knew, not someone I hangout with, but yes i knew him and it didnt seem right for us to be making out and then her going out w/ him so I told her that and she said, I dont even know why i went out w/ him, im not interested, etc. So that all started the downward spiral to our "make out sessions". But we talked and she said that if she was interested in a steady dating relationship she would give us a shot because of the connection that we do have. I jsut found it hard to step back and reel in my feelings in the situation. She admits the connection, obvioulsy is attracted in some way, told me her feelings about us leaving one another after the make out sessions and she just not wanting to move forward. So we take a break, she calls and txts randomly asking how i am, etc. After a few weeks i send her a txt telling her that I have truly missed her in every aspect and 2 days later she is back hanging at my house. So of course i think she may be thinking a little more than just friends now, so after us hanging out for couple weeks I ask her and once again, she says I just want us to be friends right now. She missed being able to talk to me about anything, the good times we had hanging out, etc is what she said. So I decide to tell her one night that we can not hangout anymore. That it is just to hard for me to step back and just be her buddy. I give her a card that tells her how much I enjoy her company and that I think she is the best. She sends me txt and tells me she is speechless at what just happened but respects my decision, etc. Next day sends another txt thanking me for card again and tells me she had read it several times and keeps it with her in her day planner. We txt here and there for a few days and I find out she is having issues with her car. So of course I help her out with that and meet her to drop off car and take her back to work one day. That evening she txt me asking if I want to come to her place and go get ice cream or something. So of course I do, afterwards we are watching tv and this show was on about a guy really into this girl and they really click, and i made comment that dont worry dude, in a month you two will just be friends and she rolls away from me off the sofa and gives me that look. She is a really emotional lady and tries to please everyone. Something that day thru email happened between her and her ex from 9 months ago and she felt he was putting blame on her about something not related to their relationship and she was upset about that. Then she proceeds to mention our situation bothers her because she cant please me right now because I would like a lil more than just friends and she isnt willing to give that so she feels she is disappointing me. So we talk about us again and the same thing, maybe needing to step back, etc. And I tell her that truly care for her and would never want to hurt her in anyway, so if our situation really bothers her like that, then I would do everything I could not to bring it up anymore. The day before I heard a new song on radio that made me think of her and I. I sent her a txt and included that song title and said I hate the radio and LOL. The day after I left her place from the talk once again I was riding down road and heard the song, right after song was over she sent txt saying just heard. I replied me too, was just thinking about you, hmmmm. She replies Craaazzzzyyy, hmmmm. Stuff like that is what I was referring to the crazy connection we have in the way things happen on a day to day basis. Anyhow, if just wanting to be friends, etc why in the world would she even send me that txt. I absolutely love spending time w/ her and obvioulsy care deeply for her but with her saying I can only offer friendship, but with some of the other things she does, etc... what am I to do??? Link to post Share on other sites
princess xena Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 It sounds to me like you are her rock, the one she feels comfortable with, her fallback guy. If Im right, she will continue this back and forth type of behavior because she feels that if she goes into a 'real' relationship with you, she risks getting hurt AND losing you. You are important to her because she can count on you to be there when she wants to feel better about herself, or when she needs help. You have to realize that in a way shes using you, but she may not even realize it. Have you tried dating other ladies? How does she react to it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Golfwithme Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 I have not dated others, I was not looking to date anyone until my divorce went through. She just happened to come into my life and things happened between us. I guess neither one of us were looking for anything at the time. Im 40, she is 27. I have been seperated for 6 months or so. We started hanging out thru other friends. It was all of us hanging to begin with then just her and I. It just seemed like we were always on the same page, i would txt her and she was in the process of txting me, etc etc. She knew i was looking to try and get back w/ my wife. But after not much success or answers of any sort from my wife and hangin w/ her I began to get feelings for her. We crossed the line one night and kissed which led to serious making out. She would always come to house, sit in my lap, cuddle, etc. It just felt "right". She told me everytime she was getting ready to leave that she didnt want to go and one night when i left her place she felt really "alone", not wanting me to go. Anyhow, she still was thinking of me and my wife's situation and I knew she was enjoying the single life, going out w/ all her friends, etc on the weekend. I also knew she was probably doing dinner, etc with other guys. She went to dinner one evening w/ "someone" and then was at my house by 8. The next day I found out it was someone that i knew, not someone I hangout with, but yes i knew him and it didnt seem right for us to be making out and then her going out w/ him so I told her that and she said, I dont even know why i went out w/ him, im not interested, etc. So that all started the downward spiral to our "make out sessions". But we talked and she said that if she was interested in a steady dating relationship she would give us a shot because of the connection that we do have. I jsut found it hard to step back and reel in my feelings in the situation. She admits the connection, obvioulsy is attracted in some way, told me her feelings about us leaving one another after the make out sessions and she just not wanting to move forward. So we take a break, she calls and txts randomly asking how i am, etc. After a few weeks i send her a txt telling her that I have truly missed her in every aspect and 2 days later she is back hanging at my house. So of course i think she may be thinking a little more than just friends now, so after us hanging out for couple weeks I ask her and once again, she says I just want us to be friends right now. She missed being able to talk to me about anything, the good times we had hanging out, etc is what she said. So I decide to tell her one night that we can not hangout anymore. That it is just to hard for me to step back and just be her buddy. I give her a card that tells her how much I enjoy her company and that I think she is the best. She sends me txt and tells me she is speechless at what just happened but respects my decision, etc. Next day sends another txt thanking me for card again and tells me she had read it several times and keeps it with her in her day planner. We txt here and there for a few days and I find out she is having issues with her car. So of course I help her out with that and meet her to drop off car and take her back to work one day. That evening she txt me asking if I want to come to her place and go get ice cream or something. So of course I do, afterwards we are watching tv and this show was on about a guy really into this girl and they really click, and i made comment that dont worry dude, in a month you two will just be friends and she rolls away from me off the sofa and gives me that look. She is a really emotional lady and tries to please everyone. Something that day thru email happened between her and her ex from 9 months ago and she felt he was putting blame on her about something not related to their relationship and she was upset about that. Then she proceeds to mention our situation bothers her because she cant please me right now because I would like a lil more than just friends and she isnt willing to give that so she feels she is disappointing me. So we talk about us again and the same thing, maybe needing to step back, etc. And I tell her that truly care for her and would never want to hurt her in anyway, so if our situation really bothers her like that, then I would do everything I could not to bring it up anymore. The day before I heard a new song on radio that made me think of her and I. I sent her a txt and included that song title and said I hate the radio and LOL. The day after I left her place from the talk once again I was riding down road and heard the song, right after song was over she sent txt saying just heard. I replied me too, was just thinking about you, hmmmm. She replies Craaazzzzyyy, hmmmm. Stuff like that is what I was referring to the crazy connection we have in the way things happen on a day to day basis. Anyhow, if just wanting to be friends, etc why in the world would she even send me that txt. I absolutely love spending time w/ her and obvioulsy care deeply for her but with her saying I can only offer friendship, but with some of the other things she does, etc... what am I to do??? It sounds to me like you are her rock, the one she feels comfortable with, her fallback guy. If Im right, she will continue this back and forth type of behavior because she feels that if she goes into a 'real' relationship with you, she risks getting hurt AND losing you. You are important to her because she can count on you to be there when she wants to feel better about herself, or when she needs help. You have to realize that in a way shes using you, but she may not even realize it. Have you tried dating other ladies? How does she react to it? Link to post Share on other sites
princess xena Posted May 17, 2011 Share Posted May 17, 2011 I went through a similiar situation, from the girls perspective. During a nasty divorce, I went back to school. I was pulling my life together and was ready to start meeting new people. I met a great guy at school, and we started to hang out, usually studying at my house. I really enjoyed his company, we could talk for hours. I also liked the fact that he liked to cuddle up and watch movies when we had time. I am a touchy feely person and am known to cuddle with all my friends(m&f). Needless to say, he took all of this to mean that I was interested in a sexual relationship, which had never crossed my mind. I just didnt have those feelings for him, although I really cared for him as a friend. When he pushed for more and I explained how I felt, he was hurt and cut all contact. I realize now that I should have told him from the beginning where I was emotionally. I regret that I hurt him with my mixed signals, and truly miss the friendship we had. Hope this gives you some insight, keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Golfwithme Posted May 17, 2011 Author Share Posted May 17, 2011 Any suggestions for me princess..... I have told her one time that we could no longer hang out because it was just to hard for me being just her buddy when I have the feelings that I do for her, but that bright idea didnt last to long. If I could somehow keep the emotions out of it, I felt if we began hanging out again like originally then maybe she may eventually come around. When we talk she gets upset when I have the i dont care or whatever attitude toward her.... as my title says, she confuses me. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
princess xena Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 She MAY eventually come around, but probably not. She counts on you to make her feel good about herself, without having to give anything back. If you enjoy spending time with her....go for it. As long as you realize her feelings are what they are, and may not be the same as yours. I worry that this friendship will end up hurting you in the long run, but honesty can go a long way to prevent that. May I suggest that you try meeting other ladies too, dont get too hung up on one person so soon. Link to post Share on other sites
thehead Posted May 20, 2011 Share Posted May 20, 2011 It's a good idea to break up the text into paragraphs for easier readability. I read until the lines blurred which was unfortunately only line 2. Link to post Share on other sites
princess xena Posted May 23, 2011 Share Posted May 23, 2011 Sorry Head, I only have internet on my phone. It wont allow me to break into paragraphs, I tried. Link to post Share on other sites
Itscomplicated27 Posted May 24, 2011 Share Posted May 24, 2011 I'm going through something similar with a guy, can't go into detail as i'm just about to leave work, but will comment more in detail tmrw x Link to post Share on other sites
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