Initiated NC, got hurt

[guitarxkid]

I've mostly posted in the breaking up forum but I was suggested to go here because well I've been broken up for about 9 months and the coping process just got a lot harder.

 

To sum it up, my girlfriend of about a year who I loved very much broke up with me 9 months ago and she recently got a new boyfriend. She has done some bitchy things to me and has basically done her best (or worst) to keep me as a friend the whole time telling me things she would change her mind on the next week etc. I've had enough of it as she is in love with her new boyfriend so I decided to initiate NC by calling her and telling her all my feelings and getting some closure before I don't talk to her anymore. I was pretty confident in myself and I thought I would feel good after it, as I had been in that position before many times but I never went through with the NC as she always ended up breaking it.

 

This time, I told her all about how I'm still in love with her and I cant talk with her anymore and that it kills me to see her with her new boyfriend. She respoded with very little emotions and didn't have much to say, which hurt a lot. I started to get a little desperate as it started to hurt more and more to hear her talk heartlessly and tell me how she is in love with her boyfriend.

 

I hung up, holding back tears and feeling like complete ****.

 

10 mins later, I got a text from her boyfriend whom she had told ALL OF WHAT I HAD JUST TOLD HER to and was now TRYING TO HELP ME MOVE ON?!?!?! are you ****ing kidding me? this was the icing on the cake for me but I tried to remain calm and didnt say much back and stopped saying anything as thats complete bull****.

 

In the moment I texted my ex saying that was a horrible thing for her to do and that those were feelings I had for her, not for her AND her boyfriend.

 

basically **** this, Im so hurt and i dont know what to do besides post here. Please I need something reassuring Im hurting so much right now and I dont know what to do

[giuliano-3]

Hey man, I've gone through some very similar stuff. Recently was the one year mark of our break up, up until a week ago I was kind of an off-and-on wreck. She wronged me, then after awhile we started talking again because I desperately wanted to cling to some hope we'd get back. She was trying to be nice, but also was with a new dude. We talked and talked and talked, she told me how she didn't love her new guy the same way she loved me - and on and on and on for 5 months. I finally decided to initiate NC, blocked her on facebook and haven't done any form of e-stalking for a week. It feels glorious. It is the right thing to do in our case. Hope is a bitch, and some girls don't want to feel worse about themselves so they decide to be nice to us and in the process give us hope. The only hope you have is by going NC, doing something for yourself to get the mind off of her and giving it time. Time and patience. It gets better, honestly it does. There are many wiser people than myself on here, I'm sure you'll get the answers you need.

[Pikachu]

My exe read my begging and pleading to her new boyfriend and I reacted in a similar way as you are atm. But later it actually helped me with my NC cause I was tired of looking like a fool. I was/am convinced that she would show my texts to him in the future so id be damned if id be something they both laughed at or be pitied. Its what I think about when ever i get the urge to contact her.

[guitarxkid]

My exe read my begging and pleading to her new boyfriend and I reacted in a similar way as you are atm. But later it actually helped me with my NC cause I was tired of looking like a fool. I was/am convinced that she would show my texts to him in the future so id be damned if id be something they both laughed at or be pitied. Its what I think about when ever i get the urge to contact her.

 

Yeah that's a better way to look at it. I just feel so embarrassed and stupid that her ****ing boyfriend was trying to help me move on. I don't need that ****...

 

Any tips on how to stay completely NC as I have miserably failed in the past?

[Billie The Puppet]

\............... I've had enough of it as she is in love with her new boyfriend so I decided to initiate NC by calling her and telling her all my feelings and getting some closure before I don't talk to her anymore. I was pretty confident in myself and I thought I would feel good after it, as I had been in that position before many times but I never went through with the NC as she always ended up breaking it.

........................................................

 

initiate NC by calling her:

You can't intiate NC by calling her that instantly breaks NC and you are never supposed to tell them why you are going NC you are just supposed to disappear

 

some closure:

People throw closure out a lot around these parts. However she had moved onto another person what more closure do you need? You can't ask for closure what is an ex going to tell you? They know they hurt you and will try everything to ease your pain. Example: she told me how she didn't love her new guy the same way she loved me - Giuliano-3's ex

 

I never went through with the NC as she always ended up breaking it:

You don't understand No Contact, NC is for you it's not a binding agreement with the ex infact like I said earlier it is something you should do unannounced. Don't give me it's not in your character to just ignore some one etc crap because TBH I was that guy until I actually went NC. NC can not be broken by the ex so she never broke it. Sure she may hae tried contacting you but it is you who ultimately replied it is that reply which broke NC.

[Pikachu]

For 2 months I kept my exes stuff around. I felt like having her things surrounding me kept me close to her. Its sick but its true. After the 2 months I stumbled upon her on facebook with the man she cheated on me with and I finally decided to purge her from my life. The hardest was taking of the ring that ive worn for 12 years. It was very hard, especially since it was Easter and my first holiday away from her in 12 years. But during the worst day since our breakup I realized that what everyone online was saying was true. Out of sight out of mind. My urge to contact her drasticly reduced after I got rid of her stuff and stopped looking at her online. I still have bad days but over the weeks its gotten alot better. Take my advice, if you keep her away from you itll get easier overtime.

[guitarxkid]

initiate NC by calling her:

You can't intiate NC by calling her that instantly breaks NC and you are never supposed to tell them why you are going NC you are just supposed to disappear

 

some closure:

People throw closure out a lot around these parts. However she had moved onto another person what more closure do you need? You can't ask for closure what is an ex going to tell you? They know they hurt you and will try everything to ease your pain. Example: she told me how she didn't love her new guy the same way she loved me - Giuliano-3's ex

 

I never went through with the NC as she always ended up breaking it:

You don't understand No Contact, NC is for you it's not a binding agreement with the ex infact like I said earlier it is something you should do unannounced. Don't give me it's not in your character to just ignore some one etc crap because TBH I was that guy until I actually went NC. NC can not be broken by the ex so she never broke it. Sure she may hae tried contacting you but it is you who ultimately replied it is that reply which broke NC.

 

I was told in my last thread that it would be a good idea to not respond to anything for a couple days and when asked what's wrong to open up and then initiate NC. This is basically what I did, for I didn't talk to her much for few days before I talked to her. It might have been a good idea to not say anything at all, but I feel like that would have ended up with me giving into it. Now that I called her and got that out, I have a strong baseline to keep and the fact that it ended somewhat disastrously gives me more space.

 

Closure might not have been the right word. It was more of something I needed to get out and get my last words in, to let her know how I feel. I was NOT aware that she was going to tell her boyfriend everything I said though.....

 

And yeah, I get what you're saying about the NC. I didn't really mean that she broke it but that she texted me, I missed her and I wanted to reply more than I wanted to not reply. What I'm saying is, I've always started off with strong intentions to keep NC and good reasons too for she has been pretty bitchy to me in the past few months and then slowly I end up missing her more and more until when she finally does talk to me I reply.

 

I don't plan on letting that happen this time. I dislike her enough as it is right now and theres no way I'm going to let her get what she wants

[guitarxkid]

For 2 months I kept my exes stuff around. I felt like having her things surrounding me kept me close to her. Its sick but its true. After the 2 months I stumbled upon her on facebook with the man she cheated on me with and I finally decided to purge her from my life. The hardest was taking of the ring that ive worn for 12 years. It was very hard, especially since it was Easter and my first holiday away from her in 12 years. But during the worst day since our breakup I realized that what everyone online was saying was true. Out of sight out of mind. My urge to contact her drasticly reduced after I got rid of her stuff and stopped looking at her online. I still have bad days but over the weeks its gotten alot better. Take my advice, if you keep her away from you itll get easier overtime.

 

At first after the breakup I was a lot like that. I kept everything- pictures, cards and little gifts. I would often read the cards which would make me feel like **** and miss her.

 

Within the last month or two, I've gotten so fed up and mad that I've ripped up the cards and thrown the pictures away and gifts away. I don't regret this and I guess it does help a little.

[Sugarkane]

When my ex callously dumped me I ripped up everything pictures, card etc soon after. I was so angry and it felt good to destroy it all. There was no way I was going to keep any mememtos of my ex around!

[guitarxkid]

When my ex callously dumped me I ripped up everything pictures, card etc soon after. I was so angry and it felt good to destroy it all. There was no way I was going to keep any mememtos of my ex around!

 

Exactly. The worst thing was when I got so mad I threw a framed picture and the glass shattered and behind the picture she had written "I love you so much. I could never live without you" that gave me one of the ****tiest feelings ever and made me miss her so much.