gav_ish00 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 (edited) i have been with my gf for 1year4months now. shes 17 and im 21. shes more mature than her age. i love her so much, did everything i could to keep her happy. even took her to mauritius for holidays. since we came back we started having fights. 2 days ago we had another fight and she went home. the next day she sends me an inbox on facebook saying "its not the same anymore, we both changed, and i feel like i love you as a brother not as a boyfriend." i told her how can she just think like this overnight and she said she has been thinking about if for couple of months, but she never showed it, she was still the same towards me. I prevented her from going to some areas where she used to live because it was dangerous and had bad influence on her. she understood me. she had no parents, got adopted, her step mother used to hit her and she lives in the same area i prevented her from going.and she was scared of seeing her step mother. she used to skip school and do nothing,i changed that, made sure she would go to school and achieve someting. I told her give me a chance to change and prove myself, she said nothing will change the way she feels now, its over! im so lost and confused. we thought about marriage and kids already. we also thought about moving back to my home country which is mauritius and she was very happy wih the idea. next year we had plans to go back to mauritius and she told me that she still wants to go there as friends. something tell me that she doesnt want to hurt any of us anymore, i dont believe the "love you as a brother". i know i treated her bad sometimes, had fights but we have our ups and downs. she still wants to stay friends because she told me it will be harder to lose me as a friend. when i asked her about giving me a chance, she said i had 1 year to do this but i didnt. i told her that i really didnt realise that i was acting like a brother and that i need to change for myself first. I just dont know what to do anymore. i feel depressed, mixed emotion and like walls are closing on me. please help me. i want her back in my life :'( what do i do? thank you Edited May 17, 2011 by gav_ish00
Author gav_ish00 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 it's over, let it go. so there is no way of getting her back ?
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 "I see you as a brother/sister" is pretty much the death knell to any relationship. I honestly don't know of anyone who came back from that and usually it ends...ugly, shall we say.
Kari Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 You need to go NC. You can't just "be friends" right off the bat. Take some time apart and focus on yourself. Spend time with friends and family, keep yourself busy. You can do it. If she realizes that she wants to get back after NC then you can, if she (or you) is happier being alone, then you will have started the process of moving on.
Author gav_ish00 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 You need to go NC. You can't just "be friends" right off the bat. Take some time apart and focus on yourself. Spend time with friends and family, keep yourself busy. You can do it. If she realizes that she wants to get back after NC then you can, if she (or you) is happier being alone, then you will have started the process of moving on. thank you and NC means NO CONTACT :s sorry if i didnt understand this. its just weird how she used to talk to me telling me shes mad in love with me, telling me she cant live without me and all of a sudden "i feel like i love you as a brother"
Kari Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 thank you and NC means NO CONTACT :s sorry if i didnt understand this. its just weird how she used to talk to me telling me shes mad in love with me, telling me she cant live without me and all of a sudden "i feel like i love you as a brother" Yes NC means no contact. I understand how you feel, it must have been a shock. Right now all you can do is pickup the pieces and try your best to move on. At 17 I didn't know what I wanted either, she may come around, but don't count on it. You need to just focus on you. LS has a great coping thread, I believe in the coping section, it's worth a look and to post there.
sagetalk Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 thank you and NC means NO CONTACT :s sorry if i didnt understand this. its just weird how she used to talk to me telling me shes mad in love with me, telling me she cant live without me and all of a sudden "i feel like i love you as a brother" Girls say all kinds of stupid positive and negative crap that could or could not mean anything, but when they say something like that you gotta move on. What girl says, "You're like my brother" and wants to have a romantic relationship with you? I'm not aware of any that aren't loony.
Author gav_ish00 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Yes NC means no contact. I understand how you feel, it must have been a shock. Right now all you can do is pickup the pieces and try your best to move on. At 17 I didn't know what I wanted either, she may come around, but don't count on it. You need to just focus on you. LS has a great coping thread, I believe in the coping section, it's worth a look and to post there. thank you so much kari for your help. but im not near my parents im in australia for studies. only my sister is here for me. and another thing i forgot to mention. once we broke up for like a day. it was after we went out for 2 days. her friends were pressuring her not to coz apparently i was too old. then we got back together. another time we had a fight and thought that it would be best for us not to see each other anymore, but after 30 minutes we couldnt think about being apart and got back together.
Kari Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Spend sometime with your sister. Do you have friends where you are? You can always make some and expand your social circle too. Age could have been a factor at first, but seeing as she stayed with you for a long period she overcame it. But as everyone mentioned, being compared to a brother isn't a good thing. Everything will work out in the end, you just need to move on. And no problem.
sanskrit Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 OK, to give a more cynical view, and a different perspective, based on what you type alone, there's a huge chance there is another guy in the picture. Ask her point blank if there is. If there's not, the other advice in the thread is excellent. If there is, the only thing that would keep me from moving on in your shoes is her age and the fact that you have been together over a year. It's natural for the honeymoon period to end, and natural for a 17 y.o. to mistakenly categorize it as "loving you as a brother only," and easy for her to get her head momentarily turned at that age. Explore the possibility of another guy in the picture, and find out who he is and what makes him attractive to her before making the final decision. But know that if you turn this around and things stabilize, you will likely go through this again with her at some time in the future as she has guys chasing her at her age.
Author gav_ish00 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 (edited) OK, to give a more cynical view, and a different perspective, based on what you type alone, there's a huge chance there is another guy in the picture. Ask her point blank if there is. If there's not, the other advice in the thread is excellent. If there is, the only thing that would keep me from moving on in your shoes is her age and the fact that you have been together over a year. It's natural for the honeymoon period to end, and natural for a 17 y.o. to mistakenly categorize it as "loving you as a brother only," and easy for her to get her head momentarily turned at that age. Explore the possibility of another guy in the picture, and find out who he is and what makes him attractive to her before making the final decision. But know that if you turn this around and things stabilize, you will likely go through this again with her at some time in the future as she has guys chasing her at her age. i asked her yesterday, she replied "i would love to lie to you and tell you yes i have someone else just to make you hate me" and she said its for the best for both of us. she doesnt wanna hurt me. and i know her, she would never lie to me about something like this. guys chase her, told her bad things about me when we started going out. but she worked though it. when i went out with her we took i easy and she had sex only once in her life before she met me. though she had 3-4 boyfriends. she has mixed emotion. she told me one thing she regret is losing her virginity to someone else. she would have preferred to lose it to me. we didnt have sex straight after we started going out. ill give her time and see. i cant think living without her. she felt the same too. thank you guys, this helps me a lot Edited May 17, 2011 by gav_ish00
sanskrit Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 i asked her yesterday, she replied "i would love to lie to you and tell you yes i have someone else just to make you hate me" and she said its for the best for both of us. She's lying, and had rehearsed that answer. Truth tellers do not reply to such questions in that way. Would bet that she doesn't actually have someone else... yet, but the smell of greener grass is in the air. In any event, she's not telling you the whole truth provided that is pretty much verbatim what she said. I could be completely wrong of course because all we have of the details is the small amount posted. I'm usually not wrong in these things though. Good luck whatever happens.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 She's lying, and had rehearsed that answer. Truth tellers do not reply to such questions in that way. Would bet that she doesn't actually have someone else... yet, but the smell of greener grass is in the air. In any event, she's not telling you the whole truth provided that is pretty much verbatim what she said. I could be completely wrong of course because all we have of the details is the small amount posted. I'm usually not wrong in these things though. Good luck whatever happens. I have to agree with sanskrit here, and this situation is what I was alluding to in my earlier post. I realize fully that I'm looking at this through my own filter as, when I heard these words, my husband was having an affair, so take it for what you will but regardless of whether or not we're right here, I do strongly urge you to begin working towards moving on alone and doing whatever you need to do to heal in a healthy way.
Author gav_ish00 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 She's lying, and had rehearsed that answer. Truth tellers do not reply to such questions in that way. Would bet that she doesn't actually have someone else... yet, but the smell of greener grass is in the air. In any event, she's not telling you the whole truth provided that is pretty much verbatim what she said. I could be completely wrong of course because all we have of the details is the small amount posted. I'm usually not wrong in these things though. Good luck whatever happens. i really appreciate your help, but truthfully knowing her, she would have told me that straight. i know she would never do this. she had a very bad childhood and teenage years. she is the kind of girl that is straight in those situation(seeing someone else) and i see u everyday.
Author gav_ish00 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 She's lying, and had rehearsed that answer. Truth tellers do not reply to such questions in that way. Would bet that she doesn't actually have someone else... yet, but the smell of greener grass is in the air. In any event, she's not telling you the whole truth provided that is pretty much verbatim what she said. I could be completely wrong of course because all we have of the details is the small amount posted. I'm usually not wrong in these things though. Good luck whatever happens. but before she gave me that answer, she laughed sarcastically(its like she was like: what you dont even trust me? i cant believe it) it was in that way
Author gav_ish00 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 thank you guys. i will keep you posted. thank you so much again
sanskrit Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 Once more, I don't know your girl, but I do know that people who are going to tell you the truth generally don't do it with a "windup" (the sarcastic laugh), and when asked a very serious question such as "is there someone else," will, unlike in the movies, make a declarative statement, such as "No, there is no one else" as opposed to launching into what I call a TMI (too much information) spin. Again, take it for what it's worth, just some guy on the internet
Author gav_ish00 Posted May 17, 2011 Author Posted May 17, 2011 Once more, I don't know your girl, but I do know that people who are going to tell you the truth generally don't do it with a "windup" (the sarcastic laugh), and when asked a very serious question such as "is there someone else," will, unlike in the movies, make a declarative statement, such as "No, there is no one else" as opposed to launching into what I call a TMI (too much information) spin. Again, take it for what it's worth, just some guy on the internet ur not just some guy!! youre a guy that cares enough to help other people. thank you
Pfiend101 Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 It is my experience that women do not leave men unless there is another one waiting for them. Right around the corner. Yes it is very painful to go through. Whether this is the case in your situation for sure I don't know. But I would just about bet money on it unfortunately.
Pianiste Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 I've left men because I started seeing them as a brother and there was no other guy in the picture at those moments. I don't know if she has any brothers, and if she does whether she is on good terms with them, but if she doesn't that might be the place where the problem lies. Sadly I've found out that once the change from boyfriend to brother has been made it's (almost) impossible to turn it around. That she seems more mature to you than her age is probably the result of her tumultuous youth and born out of a suvival instinct. She is still 17 deep down inside and if she honestly sees you as a brother it doesn't really matter whether there is another guy or not, your relationship wont make it.
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