Wedding planning dilemma

[heartcore]

I've been engaged for 8 weeks now and getting married on our anniversary in 6 months. the first month was exciting. Telling our families and closest friends that we're getting married. I was looking for venues and I got to try on wedding dresses for the first time, trying to picking out bridesmaid dresses, gathering wedding theme ideas.

 

A month ago my fiance told me that his best man's wife is secretly announced that she's pregnant and the baby is due the day before the wedding. Since they haven't announce it publicly... I can't talk to anybody about it. Therefore I ask all of you for advice.

 

They live out of the state and I know he will not leave his pregnant wife or his new born and his wife to attend our wedding. I offered to move wedding in the state they live in which is a big deal for me. That would mean a chunk of my family and friends will not be able to attend if I do it out of state but he was so bothered that his best friend can't attend that I was willing to change the locations. He didn't want that... he said it wouldn't solve the problem. I asked him if he is wanting to change the date and he said "I don't know." (which pretty much means he's considering it) Later on he said "it's okay I'm gonna get over it" (but it has a bit of making me feel guilty tone to it)

 

This conversation took place right when I was trying to finalize our save the date cards. We never ordered them. As a matter of fact we never talked about save the date cards after that.

 

To add things up, my fiance's line of work doesn't allow him to keep too much friends. He doesn't feel like he has real friends to be his groomsmen. I have 4 bridesmaids and personally I would have had 6-7 if it permits. I even consider cutting it to 3 bridesmaid to make it easier for him.

 

I've continued looking up for things I'll need for the wedding but I have not finalized a single thing because in the back of my mind I feel like he wants to change the date. I dont really know what to do. I feel like since we had that conversation we can't be fully excited about wedding planning anymore. It's become harder to plan.

 

I dont want to move the wedding date because it is set on our anniversary. I also think that if roles are reverse they wouldn't change their wedding date. When they, his best friend and his wife, got married he had someone else stand as a best man since my fiance wasn't sure he could attend the wedding since he was out of the country. However my fiance was able to fly in the states for the weekend of their wedding and was able to be an additional grooms men. He even wore a vest that was too short for him since he was never able to do any fitting for his suit. He looked really cute and silly wearing that next to the guys who had everything fitted for them. Anyway now I'm just rambling... any advice?

[TokyoG33kyGal]

i think the best thing to do is discuss it with him again. if he wants to move the wedding date and have his best friend attend your wedding.

 

i can feel the stress you are going through right now as we are also planning our wedding. to tell you we were set to get married also on our anniversary but due to unexpected things (that we have no control of), we have to move our wedding date. my fiance and i would sometimes argue on small things that we don't agree about our wedding. but i don't want the wedding planning to take over and ruin our great relationship so i always try to be open-minded, always clarifying things with him and make sure we compromise and agree...because we might resent each other.

[mathewjackson]

Planning a wedding is not easy! When you first begin planning a wedding, there are so many forks in the road, a multitude of decisions to make, and so many ways to go astray. At this amazing and crazy time in your life, take a minute to step back, relax and organize your thoughts. Get a grip on the project you have just undertaken, follow some seemingly simple steps, and planning a wedding can be a wonderful and memorable experience.

[heartcore]

really? it actually bothers me that we'll always go according to other people's schedule. alot of things we do when it comes to his friends and family is accommodate them. A part of me feels like he is choosing his friend over me.

 

I hate that feeling because being a bride, I've become intensely emotional about things. If I didn't have to plan my wedding I would show up anytime, anywhere, wear anything, eat, listen to whatever music. As long as he is my groom.

 

Since I'm the one planning the wedding, I've imagined my wedding a certain ambiance for the day. The more people fight me to what I envision. The more I feel like no one is being supportive. In the back of my mind I know they all care. I try to be more flexible with it. I was set on a certain venue but it wasn't within the ideal budget so I'm again searching for a venue that would still give me the same ambiance. Goodness I tend to ramble when it comes to wedding stuff. Sorry.

[Star Gazer]

I would move your wedding date.

 

I'm nowhere near being engaged, but I know of 4 girls that absolutely must be in my wedding - including the MOH, my oldest BFF. You better believe that I will be consulting with them about their availability (i.e., are they preggo and delivering then, or already committed to other weddings/major events) before I set the date.

 

I think that's what your FH was trying to do here. Seeing as he doesn't have many friends, his BFF's attendance is a pretty big deal. I'd move the date for HIM, if I was in your shoes.

[Star Gazer]

really? it actually bothers me that we'll always go according to other people's schedule. alot of things we do when it comes to his friends and family is accommodate them.

 

You're not accommodating his friends and family. You're accommodating your future husband in helping him meet his dream of having his best friend stand up with him when he commits his life to you.