SLYRONE Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 MY WIFE AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS AND HAVE BEEN MARRIED ALMOST 1 YEAR. WE HAVE HAD OUR FAIR SHARE OF BUMPS AND BRUISES. 2 MONTHS AGO, I BROKE A PROMISE TO HER BY GOING TO A STRIP CLUB WITH MY FRIENDS ON MY BIRTHDAY. I HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN FOR BREAKING THAT PROMISE, AND SHE FORGAVE ME. SINCE THEN, THINGS HAVE BEEN TOUGHER, I KNOW SHE STILL THINKS ABOUT WHAT I DID. LAST WEEK, MY WIFE WENT TO LAS VEGAS WITH A FRIEND. I HAD ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEMS WITH HER GOING, I TRUST HER COMPLETELY. SHE WAS THERE FOR 3 NIGHTS. MY WIFE AND HER FRIEND (ALSO, NEWLY MARRIED) HAVE BEEN BEST FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME. FROM WHAT MY WIFE TELLS ME, HER FRIEND WAS TRYING TO GET HER DRUNK AND DANCE WITH GUYS THE WHOLE TIME, BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT SHE WAS DOING. THE LAST NIGHT THEY WERE THERE, THEY WERE HANGING OUT WITH TWO GUYS AT A CLUB. AT, 4 AM, THEY WENT UPSTAIRS TO THE HOTEL ROOMS. MY WIFES BEST FRIEND, WENT INTO THE ROOM THEY WERE STAYING IN WITH THE GUY SHE WAS APPARENTLY HANGING ALL OVER ALL NIGHT. OBVIOUSLY, MY WIFE DID NOT WANT TO BE IN THERE, SO SHE AND THIS OTHER GUY ARE TOGETHER. FROM WHAT MY WIFE TELLS ME, AND I BELIEVE HER, SHE WAS PLASTERED.....COMPLETELY DRUNK AND GONE. THE GUY TELLS HER THAT SHE CAN COME TO HIS ROOM AND CRASH FOR THE NIGHT, AND THAT SHE WOULDNT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING. SHE AGREED. THEY GO INTO THE ROOM, AND LAY DOWN, SAME BED. EVIDENTLY AFTER LAYING THERE FOR SOME TIME, THE GUY REACHED OVER AND TOUCHED MY WIFES LEG. THIS SPARKED SOMETHING IN HER THAT MADE HER GET CAUGHT UP IN THE MOMENT. THEY STARTED TO HAVE SEX, AND SHE SAID ABOUT TEN MINUTES INTO IT, SHE SCREAMED AND RAN OUT OF THE ROOM, THEN PROCEEDED TO CRY AND REGRET IT. NOW, SHE TOLD ME ALL THIS THE DAY AFTER SHE GOT BACK. I COULD SENSE SOMETHING WASNT QUITE RIGHT, BUT DIDNT EVER THINK THAT THIS WAS THE PROBLEM. SHE COULD HAVE NOT TOLD ME AND MAYBE I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN (NOBODY ELSE KNOWS, NOT EVEN HER FRIEND). SO, SHE TOOK THE CHANCE OF TELLING ME AND LOSING ME (AND OUR DAUGHTER - 7 MONTHS). SHE HAS SAID THAT SHE IS VERY SORRY AND THAT SHE NEVER COULD LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN. SHE KNOWS THAT SHE MADE A TERRIBLE DECISION, PUT HERSELF IN A VERY BAD SITUATION (UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL - TO THE EXTREME), AND RISKED EVERYTHING WE HAVE FOR SOME STRANGER. SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE GOT CAUGHT UP IN THE SPONTANIOUS MOMENT TO BE DESIRED (THAT NEW FEELING). NOW, I AM HURT, BAAAAAD. I NEVER EVER THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE SOMETHING I HAD TO OVERCOME OR DEAL WITH. THE THINGS THAT BOTHER ME THE MOST ABOUT THE WHOLE DEAL, MY WIFE PERFORMED ORAL SEX ON THE GUY, AND THE FACT THAT SHE ALLOWED HERSELF INTO THAT SITUATION IN THE FIRST PLACE. SHE TOLD ME SHE DIDNT KISS HIM, AND THAT HER PANTS ONLY CAME DOWN FAR ENOUGH TO "MAKE IT HAPPEN". NEITHER OF THEM CLIMAXED, BUT WITH THAT SAID, ANOTHER BOTHER OF MINE.....NO CONDOM WAS INVOLVED...ARRRRRRGH! THAT DISGUSTS ME, AND THE THOUGHT AND SIGHT IN MY HEAD OF HER GOING DOWN ON HIM. I REALLY DO WANT TO FORGIVE HER FOR THIS. I LOVE HER LIKE CRAZY, AND I THINK SHE FEELS THE SAME WAY. SHE HAS TOLD ME SHE WILL GO TO THERAPY TO FIND OUT WHY SHE DID THIS AND FIX IT. I AM HAVING THE WORST TIME, REPLAYING EVERYTHING IN MY HEAD - THINKING ABOUT WHAT MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED THAT SHE DIDNT TELL ME. I AM CRUSHED BY THIS, AND EVEN THOUGH I THINK THERE IS A WAY THROUGH IT, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO GET MY THOUGHTS PAST IT. THIS WAS A FLUKE IN MY OPINION. I DONT THINK IT WAS PRE-MEDITATED IN ANYWAY. IT WASNT A RELATIONSHIP, AN AFFAIR, OR ANYBODY SHE EVER MET BEFORE. I GUESS THOSE THINGS ARE A PLUS, ALTHOUGH IT DOESNT FEEL LIKE ANY PART OF IT IS REALLY A PLUS. ANY IDEAS ON HOW TO HANDLE THIS?? Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Hey man, I'm sorry, but I can't even read your post when it's in all caps like that....it's just hurts my head. Can you re-post using upper and lower case, and perhaps some line breaks to divide up your thoughts? Take care, WA Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 First of all, you're a father of a newborn and you're going to a strip club. She's the mother of said newborn and she's partying out in Vegas. I'm not saying you're being bad parents, but just the appearances of that alone make me feel as though you both might want to re-think some of your recent decisions. As for your situation... My take on it is that she got revenge. At least she told you. If it were me, though, I'd be having a very difficult time dealing with it. I can understand how going to a strip club would piss her off, especially after you'd already told her you weren't going to go. But if you two had a meeting of the minds and hearts about it, she should have left it at that. Heck, if she wanted to pay you back, she could have stopped at flirtation. But no, she had to go the whole nine yards. We all make mistakes, and we should be held accountable for them; but being held accountable isn't a green light for someone to strike back even harder. As for whether to stay or leave, that's not a decision anyone but you can make. Weigh all the factors. No, it wasn't a fluke. It was revenge. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Originally posted by wideawake Hey man, I'm sorry, but I can't even read your post when it's in all caps like that....it's just hurts my head. Can you re-post using upper and lower case, and perhaps some line breaks to divide up your thoughts? Take care, WA That goes for me, too. Infidelity is where my curiosity is piqued, and where I feel I can yield good advice. I'm afraid I can't read through all the shouting.... Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyinMN Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Man I tell you if I was you she would be getting the boot. And not because she will do it again but it would eat at me forever. The problem will be when you two get into a fight you (or I would) bring it up again and you will never get over it. It would bother me for the rest of my life!! Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Honestly man, I think you deserved it Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Exactly why did he deserve it? You think revenge is a way to build a healthy relationship? He went to a strip club, which violated their agreement. That does not give her the green light to "one-up" him and actually do the deed. What they need now is a cease fire and negotiations. This is going to get out of hand otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
skeet Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 "Man I tell you if I was you she would be getting the boot. And not because she will do it again but it would eat at me forever. The problem will be when you two get into a fight you (or I would) bring it up again and you will never get over it. It would bother me for the rest of my life!!" Duh!!!! Which is why she did it. Deep down she was harboring resentment over HIS indiscretion. Now it's done. They can both start over, and they better get it right this time, or they will be on this one-upsmanship rollercoaster forever. Let this be a lesson to the poster.... don't violate the wife's trust.... it will never be over... unless you're willing to get over her RE-actions to your actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Velveteel Posted April 13, 2004 Share Posted April 13, 2004 Angry posts today! I think you two need counselling. You shouldn't break up a family with a young baby over her stupid, selfish mistake--which she freely admitted to you--any more than you should allow your friends to entice you into doing anything your wife doesn't really want you to do, like going to strip clubs. It's very hard to rebuild trust after an episode like this, but it sounds like you two really love each other and can be strong enough to go ahead. Try <URL removed> and also find a counselor right away. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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