Feel so down

[Superfish]

I'm seriously depressed. I miss him so much and I don't want a life without him. I'm normally a strong person that can deal with lots, but this I can't. I invested so much in our relationship. I put everything into it and now I've suddenly lost it all.

 

I'm looking at a whole year from now that will be pretty much friendless. It's hard to make new, real friends when everybody already has so established groups of friends (I'm doing my 5th and final year at university and because my ex and I took a year off our studies to travel, all my old classmates and friends are now leaving the city to work other places). I'm looking at a summer all alone in a city far away from both family and friends. We were supposed to do this together, me and my ex. Now I'm suddenly all alone.

 

He will be here though. I will have to see him everyday at work in the summer, and everyday at school when fall comes, knowing he doesn't want me. That I'm not what he wants and needs. I'm not good enough for the one person I love.

 

I find very few people interesting. I have a hard time finding friends because there are very few people that I feel comfortable with. And I never fall in love or find guys attractive. I feel like my ex is the only one that fits me. He met every need in me. We had such a great time. But I screwed it up and now he's lost his feelings for me. Totally gone. Nothing left. Maybe there are other people out there that could be a good match for me, but I never find them. I've lost all hope. I don't even want to have hope, I just want him to come back. I want to turn back time and do things differently so that he wouldn't lose his feelings for me. I hate myself for not taking better care of our relationship.

 

I'll be seeing a therapist next Monday. I can't keep talking to my mum about how I feel, because she breaks down and cry when she hears how low I feel, that I've given up and have lost my drive... I need some advice on how to cope with this. Do you have any?

 

Also... Just because I can't let it go... Has anyone of you experienced that you or your partner lost their feelings for the other, and then after maybe a month or two apart, the feelings rekindled? I still hope that he will fall in love with me again sometime. But I guess I need to get happy on my own before that could ever happen. Sigh.

[giuliano-3]

Okay, first off you are not the only one who has felt this way. Many on here also believed that their ex was the only one who fit them (myself included), that they were the reason the ex left/broke up, or if they'd done things differently the break up wouldn't have happened.

 

Sometimes the ex does initiate contact, depending on where you're living that means there is a chance of getting back together. It seems, however, as though about 90 percent of these "getting back" scenarios fail rather quickly. There are usually too many old issues that creep into the present relationship and slowly crack the foundation until it crumbles. Actually the foundation is already cracked when you get back together, its just pasted together cheaply and easily damaged.

 

The best way to get the ex back (and I know you've heard this) is to work on yourself, make yourself into the most irresistable person you can. Have confidence, do some project. As for making friends in a far off place, dunno. If possible, maybe change your summer plans? If that isn't possible I think your summer will be a trying time. If you did something to wrong him and this is the reason for the break up then you will have to come to terms with this action of yours. If it is "normal" break up stuff then you shouldn't worry about what you've done. Coming to terms doesn't mean beating yourself up, it means taking a good hard look at yourself and the reason behind the action. If it was a subconscious reason then your therapist should be able to help in finding it.

 

Through this process of learning from the past and working on yourself in the present most people actually end up forgetting about getting their ex back. I made the mistake of wasting a year of my life before starting this process in earnest. The only thing I regret at this point is not starting sooner, not actively working on myself so that my life and my future were the focus of every day. Regrets about the ex and what could have been? Meh, not really. Not worth it.

[hendersondave]

I can understand how you feel.

 

Me and my gf split on my terms, I was happy in the relationship and could have seen myself spending the rest of my life with her. I broke it off because I knew that I would end up doing it a couple of years down the line as I don't really know who I am yet and I plan on travelling around the world to find out. This was not part of her life plan and as much as we both love and miss each other, it is the best option.

 

I've been feeling very down lately about my decision, I had to move out and start over on my own. My gf was my whole life and I am not in my home town either so don't know many people. Feel very lonely a lot of the time.

 

I have joined the local gym and plan on going there quite a few nights a week to swim and do some classes and play soccer and tennis. Hopefully I will make some other friends there that are not my work aquaintances.

 

It is very hard to go from having one person be your main focus and spending all free time with them, but if you try and get out there and do some stuff, join some classes, go to the gym. Then you will find some friends and the exercise will do your mental health a great deal of good too.

 

Take Care